(Some Guy)		NBC cancels "American Top Gear" before it even has a chance to suck the chrome off a trailer hitch	(37)
		Shania Twain and Mutt Lange separate after 14 years of not being seen together. That don't impress me much	(47)
(ET Online)		Mel Gibson takes Britney Spears and her father on vacation to Costa Rica with him. Either they're all coming back as Catholics, or drunker than David Hasselhoff in a vodka warehouse	(34)
		Fox geeks out like a gibbering Comic Con fanboy by annoucing a new fall schedule that includes Joss Whedon and J.J. Abrams sci fi thrillers and the return of "Terminator"	(91)
		Eliot Spitzer's hooker surfaces on a bus in New Jersey. You stay classy, Ashley. Also, lots of photos of her, in a Fendi belt with Vuitton clutch, which she obviously earned	(103)
		Canadian town gives hero's welcome to local girl who made Playboy Playmate of the Year. (With "thank you, God" pic of her embracing a 12-year-old boy.)	(145)
(Some Guy)		Pick Christina Aguilera from a line up of transvestites	(101)
		From the attention-whore sculptor who brought you Britney Spears giving birth: An Egyptian-inspired Oprah and her dogs (pic)	(15)
		Amy Winehouse has all charges dropped for smoking crack on video because video analysts can't confirm she was using a glass pipe to smoke crack. That's some fine detective work there, Nigel	(16)
		Mike Judge claims he's ready to make a live-action Beavis and Butt-Head film, expected to suck more than anything that has ever sucked before	(248)
		R. Kelly trial shows best ways to avoid getting picked for jury. "R. Kelly may have led the Taliban in attacking us on 9/11, but you can't prove it"	(59)
		Steven Spielberg and Harrison Ford: "How we brought Indiana Jones back to life"	(51)
		What do you think of when you think of American treasures? The Declaration of Independence, the Liberty Bell, the Statue of Liberty, Michael Jackson's "Thriller"... wait, huh?	(30)
		Step 1) Have a major studio create a 3D movie with cute robots. Step 2) Have them model one of the main characters after one of your products. Step 3) Profit?	(44)
		Dolly Parton "hurt and humiliated" over Howard Stern stunt; mulls lawsuit, back brace	(118)

		Hollywood star Jodie Foster may have ended her fourteen-year lesbian relationship with film producer Cydney Bernard lickety-split after acknowledging they were a couple	(51)
		Angelina Jolie announces she has twins. Yeah, we noticed. A very nice healthy set of twins	(55)
		Dennis Quaid urges Congress to preserve victims' right to sue. No word if this right covers those who have seen his movies	(104)
		Video of Britney Spears rear-ending another vehicle. No, it is not a repeat and can't these people afford chauffeurs?	(45)
		TV sitcoms make you dumb. Findings also show that "According to Jim" can make you so stupid you actually die from forgetting to breathe	(202)
		Actress Drew Barrymore chases attempted hit-and-run driver after being rear-ended	(67)
		CBS experimental phase is officially over, announces fall schedule stuffed with cop shows and sitcoms	(51)
		Shia LaBeouf explains his arrest at a Chicago Walgreens. Surprisingly, the explanation wasn't "because I was in Transformers, biatch"	(45)
(Some Guy)		Just so he can be a rock in the shoe of the left-wingers yet again, Michael Moore is preparing a direct sequel to his blockbuster documentary "Fahrenheit 9/11"	(210)
		FOX cancels Kelsey Grammer's new sitcom, so naturally the headline reads, "Seinfeld curse strikes again"	(65)
		Lexus to Paul McCartney: Here's your eco-friendly hybrid car. We're sending it to you 7,000 miles by aircraft	(47)
(Some Guy)		Ashlee Simpson calls Britney Spears trashy during live radio interview	(45)
(AJC.COM)		James Garner in hospital after suffering minor stroke. Angel Martin arrested after looting trailer at 29 Cove Road, Malibu	(57)
		Erection of porn tax could cause turgid industry to go limp, need cuddling	(58)
		Not news: Hollywood plans another remake of a classic. News: it's "Bad Lieutenant." Fark: Nicolas Cage is the bad lieutenant. Scary tag is for full frontal Nic	(31)
		Michelle Malkin's latest target? Beyonce	(123)

		Point Break 2	(145)
		Mariah Carey was late to her own wedding. Her friends call her "Mary Poppins", presumably because she'll take her top off to reinvigorate a dormant career by the age of 46, tops	(32)
		Ginger Spice Geri Halliwell overestimates her writing skills as she tries to rewrite passages from the Bible	(70)
		Denise Richards says she only wants to date passionate men. Based upon John Stamos, Richie Sambora and Charlie Sheen, apparently having good hair and a dong the size of a Thermos probably helps too	(54)
		Shatner says he hated sleeping with "Star Trek" fans because they'd pretend he was beaming them up in bed	(138)
		Anne Hathaway's boyfriend won't face charges of fraud and embezzlement. Missed him by *that* much	(45)
		Slash says he's enjoying sobriety. Unlikely tag asplodes	(30)
		New Spike TV special "1,000 Ways To Die" sounds pretty cool until you realize they figured out how to get all 1,000 ways into two half-hour specials airing a week apart	(29)
		Female rapper Remy Ma sentenced to 8 years in prison, should have enough time to think of an original stage name. Bud Weis, Jack Dan and Crown Roy unavailable for comment	(50)
		Rodrigo Santoro to play Raul Castro in Steven Soderbergh's Che Guevara biopic. In related news, number of kids wearing Che Guevara t-shirts and still not having a clue he was a murdering communist expected to skyrocket	(54)
		Angelina Jolie says she feels "much more" for her adopted kids than for her own little Piloh Shi… I mean Shilot Pitt. Thanks, Mommy Dearest	(79)
		Newsflash: Indiana Jones is not real	(64)
		Funky Bunch reunites without Marky Mark. That's like the Banana Splits getting back together without Fleegle	(44)
		The Weinsteins and Ammet Zappa are going down to Fraggle Rock * clap clap * Down to Fraggle Rock	(45)
(Ireland Online)		Of all of the films he's been in, Ben Affleck picks the J Lo music video as the one which nearly ruined his career. Here comes the science	(77)
		New Fox reality series to disguise sheltered multi-millionaires as homeless and send them undercover to live in ghettos	(66)
		"Witchblade" becomes the next comic series to make the leap to the big screen	(38)
		Evolution of science fiction and scantily clad women	(28)
		Don't fear the Reaper... going away, that is. CW picks up "Reaper" for 13-episode, mid-season return	(45)
		Judicial circuit explains why Hulk Hogan did not have to remove his bandana while testifying on behalf of his son. "It would have caused a big scene to have him take it off"	(110)
		Flight of the Conchords stars accept an offer from a Scottish lesbian to a "spit roast," thinking they are going to a BBQ	(55)
		There are stupid tattoos, there are ridiculously stupid tattoos and then there's Brad Pitt, who now has a map of the New Orleans levee system tattooed on his back (with pics)	(68)
(First Showing)		"The X-Files: I Want to Believe" trailer. You may commence fapping now	(51)
(Some Guy)		Ex-star Isaiah Washington sues ABC for showing image of him during last week's "Grey's Anatomy." That's so gay	(13)
(Some Guy)		Jennifer Aniston suffering from a severe case of nipple-itis bikini pokie	(11)
		New "Star Trek" movie to finally reveal whatever happened to Spock after he flew off to Romulan space	(52)

(TV Week)		The raping of our childhood continues as CBS brings back The Electric Company	(87)
		Mayor Bloomberg announces the "Ugly Betty" movie being shot in New York will create 200 jobs -- which is the exact number of stylists it takes to make hottie America Ferrera appear unattractive	(167)
		Nick Hogan Bollea not being held with other inmates in the jail, which they say has nothing to do with his celebrity status	(279)
		Sarah Jessica Parker wants you to stop with the horseface jokes or she'll throttle you with her 90-year-old woman hands (pic)	(139)
		Kim Basinger's law firm addresses Alec Baldwin's comment of Judy Bogen looking like "a 300 pound homunculus..." as being "inaccurate". She only looked to be 200 pounds worth of homunculus, apparently. Homunculus	(43)
(Geektyrant.com)		Is that Captain America's shield in "Iron Man"?	(186)
		"Saved By The Bell" actor Mario Lopez blames break-up rumours on Britney Spears. Star says press are bored because Britney's behaving	(45)
		And you may ask yourself, what is that music coming from the Great Hall of the Battery Maritime Building?	(30)
		The "Sex And The City" girls are reportedly threatening to boycott tonight's London premiere because it's not taking place in New York. Seems like somebody's trying to squeeze out a salary bonus	(30)
		Jennie Garth will return as Kelly on "90210" spinoff, working as a guidance counselor at the high school. Student sex scandal plotline in three... two... one...	(41)
(Some Guy)		Best Bill O'Reilly video ever. (Not safe for work language)	(154)
		Usher shouts "Hello Manchester!" to audience, is only wrong by 250 miles	(49)
		Emmy Rossum is hotter than your average actress	(88)

		Dennis Farina arrested going through LAX security with a loaded weapon. In related news did you know that the f*****g smog is the f*****g reason that Miami gets such f*****g beautiful sunsets?	(73)
		The best and worst cinematic moms. Here's to you, Mrs. Robinson	(33)
		The Dorian Gray gallery of "Then and Now" teen stars	(74)
		Collectors scrambling as Mattel pulls new Heath Ledger "Joker" action figure because it's too freaky	(50)
		Shatner... interview... full of... win	(37)
		Only one of the four "Sex And The City" stars gets naked for the cameras in the upcoming movie	(84)
		Broadway performance of "The Little Mermaid" flounders after actor is injured in long fall just before show. Crowd steamed by 60-minnow delay; actor looking for a good sturgeon	(23)
(Some Guy)		Apprentice contestant told to expose his sausage to prove he is really Jewish after trying to purchase kosher chicken from a Muslim butcher	(35)
		A little present from the Schadenfreude Fairy: Tom Cruise's Nazi movie is Razzie-bait	(77)

		The Chicago Tribune takes a long, hard look at why seeing a flaccid penis in a movie make us laugh	(29)
		Speed Racer an even bigger bomb than predicted. He's a demon, and he's gonna be chasin' after... What Happens In Vegas??	(99)
		Five science fiction movies that get the science right. So they do pop out of the chest like that	(143)
		"Kids in the Hall" cast touring America for first time in six years with some new material. Excellent	(92)
(Some Guy)		Scientists say Paula Abdul trapped in parallel universe	(18)
		If the congregation will now turn to page 22, in the book of Sneeches, verse 2-4... author says Dr. Seuss infused Christian doctrine in his books	(22)
(FMQB)		Ten years after his death, lawsuit alleging L.A. Police involved in murder of Biggie Smalls can once again proceed. This should clear things right up	(26)
		Fans of "American Idol" cutie David Archuleta can relax now on news that his Svengalish father has been banned from rehearsals for being an overbearing control-freak asshat	(17)
		Forrest Gump's army tour of duty ends, and he's going to go back to acting	(23)
(Some Guy)		Comparison of upcoming Marvel vs. DC big-screen Hollywood adaptations. Ant-Man kicks sand in Green Lantern's face	(63)
(People Magazine)		Alanis Morissette opens up about hitting "rock bottom" after breaking up with fiance Ryan Reynolds, finally finding out what irony means	(31)
(Some Guy)		Hugh Hefner welcomes Miley Cyrus to Playboy when she's legal. Creepy half-naked bathrobe-wearing old man living down by the river approves	(37)
		Lucy Lawless Q&A on "Battlestar Galactica"	(30)