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Fri July 03, 2009
Source     Fark Headline Comments
(The Wrap) Strange David Lynch's daughter explains her 16-year hiatus after "Boxing Helena"; "three spine surgeries, I'm not fully fused with cadaver bones and titanium bolts"  (thewrap.com) (9)
(Celebslam) Cool The hottest thing you'll see all day: Jessica Alba testing out mattresses yesterday in L.A  (celebslam.celebuzz.com) (41)
(Aint-It-Cool-News) Stupid "Viewmaster, the Movie" to team up with "Asteroids, the Movie" to make the worst double feature known to man  (aintitcool.com) (30)
(Dlisted) Weird When crazy-ass worlds collide: Debbie Rowe wearing the Three Wolf Shirt. Really  (dlisted.com) (30)
(Reuters) Obvious New Harry Potter film promises Riddikulus Boxofficus Totalus  (uk.reuters.com) (47)
(Contact Music) Fail Amy Winehouse has been banned from swimming while drunk amdist fears she'll drown. Obviously, someone didn't get the memo  (contactmusic.com) (24)
(Starpulse) Stupid Lindsay Lohan's on again, off again, on again, off again relationship with Sam Ronson, that was back on again a couple weeks ago but really wasn't, is on again again  (starpulse.com) (27)
(LA Times) Followup Staples: you've got questions, we've got Michael Jackson's corpse on display next Tuesday  (latimes.com) (100)
(YouTube) Video Obamabot debuts at Disney's Hall of Presidents  (youtube.com) (59)
(Kansas City) Interesting Robert Rodriguez hires Nimrod to direct new Predator movie. Dildo and Douchebag will get writing credit  (kansascity.com) (23)
(Boston Herald) Misc Was it wrong to wish I'd nailed Farrah on her deathbed? Should I not have done that?  (bostonherald.com) (61)
(YAY TELEVISION) Cool Your handy guide to 4th of July TV marathons. 'Twilight Zone' marathon is now airing on Scyfy, but it's the craptacular remakes until 8 AM Friday  (charlierb3.blogspot.com) (49)
(Google) Obvious Gordon Ramsay's British restaurants get slammed by recession, forcing him to pump in $8 million of his own money to keep them afloat. What a nightmare - he oughta hire an adviser to help him turn business around  (google.com) (20)
(Now Magazine) Stupid Shia LaBeouf: "It makes sense for me to date Megan Fox." Gee, you think, Shia?  (nowmagazine.co.uk) (54)
(Huffington Post) Dumbass Daryl Hannah: Why did I fly to West Virginia? To protest MTR mining, "which is criminal, yet legal." Why was she arrested? Because stupidity should be painful  (huffingtonpost.com) (80)
(WSIL-TV) Weird ♫ 99 Stooges tattoos ♫ / ♫ Lamebrain, whatsamatter you? ♫  (wsiltv.com) (14)
(Examiner) Cool Discovery Channel to air global catastrophe reality show  (examiner.com) (32)
(Fox News) Followup 911 operator: "We can still try to help him. Put him on the floor and I'll tell you how to administer CPR." Billy May's wife: "Nah, forget it. He's freakin dead"  (foxnews.com) (78)

Thu July 02, 2009
(I-Mockery) Amusing I-Mockery has started a campaign to get Mattel to produce the transforming skyscraper toy from the movie "Big". Zoltar currently pondering whether or not to grant this wish  (i-mockery.com) (26)
(Sun Sentinel) Misc Jay Leno wins the right for a Web address using the name for his new show. The squatters did not show why "The Jay Leno Show" was needed for a real estate business  (sun-sentinel.com) (27)
(Some Guy) Asinine More from the media-fabricated Jolie/Aniston cat fight that will last the rest of their lives  (accesshollywood.com) (15)
(New York Daily News) Interesting SyFy channel to the critics of its rebranding: You'll get over it  (nydailynews.com) (102)
(NJ.com) Stupid Michael Bay goes nuts after Megan Fox says "Transformers 2" isn't very good, claims he discovered Nicolas Cage and Ben Affleck (after they won Oscars)...and don't forget about making Will Smith a star in "Bad Boys II"  (nj.com) (124)
(Contact Music) Obvious Jermaine Jackson says that he wishes it had been he who died instead of Michael. Well, at least that would have prevented what is now one of the biggest media circuses of all time  (contactmusic.com) (23)
(Contact Music) Stupid Tori Spelling pens children's book. Look for "Your Nose is Too Big and Your Boobs are Too Small" to hit stores this fall  (contactmusic.com) (15)
(Celebslam) Fail Gwenyth Paltrow to the US: You suck  (celebslam.celebuzz.com) (152)
(Atom) Fail MJ: I copped a Feel. Or in his case, never copped a feel  (atom.com) (19)
(Daily Mail) Unlikely Face it, Kevin, you're fooling nobody. Complete with "Please believe I'm not gay" pic  (dailymail.co.uk) (128)
(Aint-It-Cool-News) Stupid Hollywood scrapes the bottom of the barrel and comes away with "Asteroids: The Movie." PEW, PEW, PEW  (aintitcool.com) (229)
(Slate) Spiffy Want to strip then write a book? Here are common themes: You're someone we'd least suspect. But stripping feels strangely natural. And you're not like the ones doing it for meth  (doublex.com) (91)
(Contact Music) Followup Hayden Panettiere says that her misspelled tattoo is "no big deal," because she doesn't have to look at it. But the rest of us do, Hayden. The rest of us do  (contactmusic.com) (161)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Local Council order Sir Cliff Richard to reduce the size of his erection by 30%  (getsurrey.co.uk) (12)
(Reuters) Interesting Movie studios fail to realize that all you have to do to market to hipsters is tell them the movie sucked  (reuters.com) (147)
(Franklin Avenue) Sad Casey Kasem's "American Top 20" goes the way of a little dog named Snuggles  (franklinavenue.blogspot.com) (120)
(Celebitchy) Weird Kellie Pickler is dating Kid Rock. Submitter just threw up in his mouth a little  (celebitchy.com) (93)
(Some Peacekeeper) Cool A&E secures the rights to Farscape, will release a complete series edition on DVD & Blu-Ray in November. All thirteen fans have already put in their preorders  (tvshowsondvd.com) (101)
(Huffington Post) Fail Super model Karen Mulder assaults her plastic surgeon. Presumably for doing...whatever he did to her face (w/ do not want pic)  (huffingtonpost.com) (54)

Wed July 01, 2009
(NPR) Asinine DC Comics editor gets his panties in a twist over Supergirl's .....panties  (npr.org) (120)
(Contact Music) Strange Wasting no time, producers aim to start work on a Michael Jackson biopic. At the top of their casting list is... Johnny Depp?  (contactmusic.com) (72)
(Contact Music) Amusing Interesting: "The Hangover" star Bradley Cooper ends Jennifer Aniston romance rumors. Amusing: by taking Renee Zellweger out for dinner  (contactmusic.com) (44)
(Bitten and Bound) Followup Griffin O'Neal was barred from attending Farrah Fawcett's funeral. Ryan O'Neal's daughter-in-law claims the bereaved actor is NOT a nice guy  (bittenandbound.com) (25)
(Wired) Amusing Five albums that should be tossed into a black hole. "We may never see the likes of Chinese Democracy again. And that is a very, very good thing."  (wired.com) (179)
(Celebitchy) Weird Amy Winehouse is coming out with a line of greeting cards. Under NO circumstances should you lick the envelope  (celebitchy.com) (24)
(LA Times) NewsFlash Karl Malden finally leaves home without it  (latimes.com) (329)
(AP) Followup Michael Jackson's will has been filed. Debbie Rowe is batting 0-4 this week  (hosted.ap.org) (32)
(YouTube) Amusing Four friends encapsulate the average American's response to Michael Jackson kicking the bucket. Michael would've wanted it this way  (youtube.com) (74)
(Radar Magazine) Sad Beyonce steals a gimmick from NBA publicists & has poor sap propose during that annoying "Put A Ring On It" song. Now he knows how a Cincinatti WHO fan feels  (radaronline.com) (28)
(Aint-It-Cool-News) Spiffy "Lost" writers request, receive extra episode for the final season, saying they couldn't possibly explain what the heck the Smoke Monster is in only 17 hours  (aintitcool.com) (186)
(Washington Post) Interesting TV critic says newspapers need more TV critics. After all, who else going to tell us we're supposed to like "Arrested Development?"  (washingtonpost.com) (67)
(Celebslam) Amusing Bartender to Mischa Barton last night: "I think you've had enough ma'am." (with drunkerific pics)  (celebslam.celebuzz.com) (57)
(Contact Music) Interesting Lindsay Lohan's career might be declining rapidly, but when you get paid $70,000 to attend your own birthday party, you must be doing something right somewhere  (contactmusic.com) (32)
(CSMonitor) Strange Mexican day laborers in LA form street theater troupe, perform for other laborers in corner of Home Depot parking lot  (csmonitor.com) (27)
(BBC) Interesting Johnny Depp admits that he never watches his own films. This contrasts with Michael Bay, who just appears to never watch his own films  (news.bbc.co.uk) (47)
(NYPost) Unlikely TLC announces new album without third deceased member "Left Eye" ... will it be called Third Eye Blind?  (blogs.nypost.com) (42)
(Starpulse) Obvious Robert Pattinson's aunt says he shouldn't date his Twilight co-star, surprisingly this has nothing to do with Peter Facinelli  (starpulse.com) (31)
(Contact Music) Strange Not news: Liev Schreiber turns down the chance to perform with the London cast of "Glengarry Glen Ross." Fark: because he doesn't want to be away from his dog  (contactmusic.com) (53)
(The State) Interesting Get ready to guess who farted, y'all: introducing your Miss South Carolina 2009 contestants  (thestate.com) (975)
(Daily Mail) Strange Police are nervous and anxious after fake Valium pills that make people turn blue and take off their clothes circulates around town  (dailymail.co.uk) (49)
(Some Guy) Interesting In honor of 90210 casting 31 year-old Trevor Donovan as a high school student, Televisions 5 Most Unconvincing High School Students  (thetvaddict.com) (100)
(Kotaku) Scary The Pirate Bay....purchased and going legit? *insert lame ARRRR joke here  (kotaku.com) (136)
(Contact Music) Strange Lawyers want Alec Baldwin to run for governor of Ohio, not realizing he's really nothing like the character he potrayed in Glengarry Glen Ross  (contactmusic.com) (52)
(Contact Music) Stupid There is no Dana in "Ghostbusters 3." Zuul still unconfirmed  (contactmusic.com) (84)

Tue June 30, 2009
(HitFix) Amusing Seriously. Seth Rogen and Barbara Streisand developing new buddy comedy  (hitfix.com) (14)
(TMZ) Amusing Owners of Neverland Ranch send an open letter to Santa Barbara residens apologizing in advance for the impending MJ circus  (tmz.com) (30)
(Politico) Interesting With no help from the average Farker, Fox News goes 10 for 10  (politico.com) (271)
(OK! Magazine) Weird Lady GaGa thinks this wig looks good. Seriously  (ok.co.uk) (113)
(NYPost) Interesting Simon Cowell offered $144 Million to return to Idol next season  (nypost.com) (69)
(Starpulse) Stupid Next dumbass to sue Sacha Baron Cohen over his upcoming movie is: Pauly Shore  (starpulse.com) (75)
(TampaBays10.com) Florida Wondering where Michael Jackson's chimp Bubbles has been? Wonder no more  (wtsp.com) (135)
(Weekly World News) Amusing Weekly World News honors Michael Jackson the only way they know how: massive amounts of conjecture  (weeklyworldnews.com) (12)
(Yahoo) Amusing Rogen, Hathaway, Jackman, Franco, Rudd Join the Academy, are promptly hazed by Mahoney, Hightower, Sweetchuck, and Tackleberry  (news.yahoo.com) (46)
(Starpulse) Dumbass The term "workaholic" is usually attributed to Lindsay Lohan's liver and nostrils, not the actress herself  (starpulse.com) (27)
(The Hollywood Reporter) Strange Amy Adams to star in a new movie about boxing. She'll play a "tough, gritty bartender" who's a former high-jumper. Good role for a woman who's barely over 5 feet and about as gritty as a ShamWow  (hollywoodreporter.com) (56)
(The Daily Beast) Amusing Highest-grossing critically-despised movies of recent years. Shocker: "Pirates of the Carribean: Dead Man's Chest" grossed more than $1 billion worldwide  (thedailybeast.com) (79)
(Des Moines Register) Cool Michael Jackson to be immortalized in butter at Iowa State Fair  (blogs.desmoinesregister.com) (46)
(Starpulse) Followup Pictures of Michael Jackson's tour rehearsal, just two days before his death. He actually looked good  (starpulse.com) (185)
(New! Magazine) Obvious Kevin Spacey says he's sick of near-daily rumors that he's dead. In related news, submitter heard Kevin Spacey died  (new-magazine.co.uk) (73)
(Houston Chronicle) Unlikely Michael Jackson tragedy can serve as financial warning for every plastic surgery addicted, child bothering, pop star. So, Gary Glitter pay attention, everyone else, go about your business  (chron.com) (30)
(Some Guy) Stupid The media covers the final act of Michael Jackson's death by reporting that the wall-to-wall media coverage is receding  (centredaily.com) (182)
(Contact Music) Stupid Evan Rachel Wood lectures Bono and The Edge about making depressing music. In related news, Bono and The Edge don't take Evan Rachel Wood to task for dating Marilyn Manson  (contactmusic.com) (69)
(The Local (Sweden)) Interesting Swedish tax authority attempts to freeze Chinese pop star's assets. Yes Wei  (thelocal.se) (10)
(Contact Music) Obvious Amy Winehouse's Caribbean home, hair fumigated  (contactmusic.com) (18)
(Now Magazine) Amusing Leonardo DiCaprio: Oscar-nominated actor, film producer, environmental activist, victim of shoe theft  (nowmagazine.co.uk) (33)
(USA Today) Cool To folks still biatching about too much CGI in "The Transformers": At least the Pyramids were real. So nyah  (usatoday.com) (153)
(St. Petersburg Times) Cool "Stay black:" Spike Lee's Do The Right Thing turns 20 years old today  (blogs.tampabay.com) (91)
(Contact Music) Amusing Jerry Springer feels pangs of remorse over how awful his talk show is: "We've been doing this show for 19 years now and I'm really sorry for that"  (contactmusic.com) (196)
(The Hollywood Reporter) Scary The television network that brought you "According to Jim" is planning to unleash fresh hell in the form of a sitcom starring Chris Kattan and Patricia Heaton  (hollywoodreporter.com) (38)
(BBC) Stupid Michael Jackson concert promoter would be happy to let ticketholders of the now cancelled tour to keep their tickets as a souvenir, so long as the promoter gets to keep their money as a souvenir  (news.bbc.co.uk) (70)
(Some Guy) Amusing Top 10 Female Child Stars Who Became Hotties . . . Why don't you take a seat over there (not safe for church)  (manofest.com) (236)
(Contact Music) Strange PETA wants to use Michael Jackson's first hit, Ben, for a new ad campaign. Apparently, PETA wants everyone to know hyperintelligent rats will kill you if they feel threatened  (contactmusic.com) (26)

Mon June 29, 2009
(LA Times) Cool John Romita, Sr. draws cover of Spider-Man #600. Ask the nerd you're beating up why this is a big deal  (latimesblogs.latimes.com) (74)
(Some Guy) Video Mark McGrath challenges President Obama to quit smoking. President Obama challenges top men to invent time machine so he can travel back to 1998 and find out who the fark Mark McGrath is  (ireport.com) (81)
(IGN) Amusing Stan Lee to appear in Iron Man 2 as a talk show host on CNN. Larry King will also cameo as a profilic comic writer  (movies.ign.com) (48)
(Contact Music) Strange Further evidence that Shia LaBeouf has dangerously strong telepathic powers: Megan Fox is romantically linked to him  (contactmusic.com) (90)
(TMZ) Interesting The only person who has a copy of Michael Jackson's will is John Branca. The guy Jackson fired in 2006. You know, the same guy he rehired 3 WEEKS AGO  (tmz.com) (45)
(People Magazine) Silly Diane Keaton injures her head after tussling with a sumo wrestler. Yes, there are pictures  (people.com) (17)
(Piedmont Triad / WFMY News 2) Interesting Utah to its many rednecks: Don't shoot your old tube TV, morans  (digtriad.com) (156)
(CNN) Followup Michael Jackson's parents file for custody of his three kids because they did so well with the first go round of child rearing  (cnn.com) (137)
(WCBS 880) Interesting Why isn't Lindsay Lohan wearing pants?  (wcbs880.com) (189)
(Washington Times) Obvious Political correctness is like the "rock-paper-scissors" game. Different identity groups hold specific levels of power over others when their battles play out in the media. To wit: Black beats white. Gay beats white. Black beats gay  (washingtontimes.com) (161)
(Some Guy) Sad Impressionist and comedian Fred Travalena dead at 66 from lymphoma  (etonline.com) (77)
(Contact Music) Obvious Christian Bale "freaked out" his daughter by talking to her with a Southern accent, swearing at her for 20 minutes straight  (contactmusic.com) (77)
(Cracked) Amusing Six awesome 80's movie montages that make no sense  (cracked.com) (100)
(Yahoo) Misc Shia LaBeouf says he would rather "eat glass" than play Nintendo Wii. Now he knows how we feel about watching his movies  (videogames.yahoo.com) (101)
(Aint-It-Cool-News) Stupid I see a bad film a-risin' / I see a bomb on the way / I see CG and bad lighting / I see bad reviews today  (aintitcool.com) (42)
(YouTube) Spiffy Happy 83rd birthday Mel Brooks. Let's all give him a big Harumph  (youtube.com) (241)
(Gawker) Obvious Joe Jackson is still a dick  (gawker.com) (111)
(Bitten and Bound) Sad The recent count of celebrities knocking on heaven's door is mounting with the death of McMahon, Fawcett, Jackson, Mays and now Gale Storm, 1950's star of My Little Margie. 1922-2009 (pics)  (bittenandbound.com) (39)
(Dlisted) Weird Michael Jackson's kids with Debbie Rowe aren't his kids."I was just the vessel. It wasn't Michael's sperm. Just like I stick the sperm up my horse, this is what they did to me. I was his thoroughbred."  (dlisted.com) (256)

Sun June 28, 2009
(Contact Music) Obvious Bear Grylls wants to spend a night in the wild with Jennifer Lopez. Who wouldn't?  (contactmusic.com) (67)
(LA Times) Unlikely HBO wants you to know that "Hung" isn't just about a really big penis. It's about the fraying of the American dream and the battered resiliency of the middle class. And a really big penis  (latimesblogs.latimes.com) (71)
(MSNBC) Obvious "Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen" has $112 million weekend, $201.2 million since Wednesday's opening. Michael Bay last seen diving into huge pit filled with money  (msnbc.msn.com) (206)
(Now Magazine) Amusing Fat comedy star on why he's fat: "Eating is very pleasurable. I mean, if I'm big-boned it's only because I ate some big bones. I'm a greedy bastard. I like crisps and chips and chocolate. They're nice."  (nowmagazine.co.uk) (46)
(LA Times) Obvious Time Warner is thrilled that TMZ is starting to draw a lot of attention, thanks to their Michael Jackson scoops. Less thrilled by the fact that they're drawing attention to what a bunch of unscrupulous dirtbags they are  (latimes.com) (62)
(LA Times) Interesting Michael Jackson's last night alive was spent on stage doing a full run-through of his show at Staples Center, which was going to include a giant spider and a magic ball of light that flew around the audience  (latimes.com) (53)
(E! Online) Spiffy Hayden Panettiere on causing kitten genocide: "You Never Know"  (eonline.com) (139)
(Rolling Stone) Unlikely "There are still 17 months to go, but I'm thinking "Transformers 2" has a shot at the title 'Worst Movie of the Decade'"  (rollingstone.com) (195)

Sat June 27, 2009
(TMZ) Followup LAPD seeks 2nd "Doctor of interest" in Jacko investigation; "I don't have anything to do with his (Michael's) medication or health. This is B.S.-why should I talk to police?"  (tmz.com) (88)
(The Pulse) Amusing (((Shia LaBeouf + Megan Fox)*(Decepticons and Autobots sparring around the globe) - No Good Writers) + (John Turturro in Transformers - John Turturro in O Brother Where Art Thou?))*($9 + $15) = $708,272,592 worldwide  (chattanoogapulse.com) (175)
(Cincinnati Enquirer) Fail Marilyn Monroe look-a-like contest held in Cincinnati. Tag says it all  (news.cincinnati.com) (103)
(New York Daily News) Followup Initial reports suggest determining the cause of Michael Jackson's death may take slightly longer than determining the winner of a Minnesota senatorial election  (nydailynews.com) (48)
(Yahoo) Cool 1,500 Filipino prison inmates made famous for their performance of Thriller come back to perform a posthumous encore tribute to Michael Jackson  (news.yahoo.com) (27)
(Some Guy) Amusing One Special person gets to meet his Special love.. Good for you rose boy  (toplessrobot.com) (46)
(Some Guy) Amusing Bruce Willis wants Idaho to build a new airport near his home to serve the local cummunity. "Mr Willis, where exactly is your home?" "Oh, it's right over there, next to my ski resort."  (idahostatesman.com) (33)

Fri June 26, 2009
(Contact Music) Weird Lou Reed storms off stage mid-performance during the grand opening of a new museum exhibit because the clinking of glasses during toasts were too distracting. Apparently, he needs a busload of silence to get by  (contactmusic.com) (49)
(TF.N) Cool John Williams' IMDB page confirms he's booked for an "Untitled Star Wars TV Series". One can only assume it is the long awaited Ewoks/Jar-Jar family sitcom  (theforce.net) (62)
(NYPost) Followup Michael Jackson's personal physician beats it like a smooth criminal after finding out authorities want to question him about the injection he gave him shortly before his death  (nypost.com) (121)
(CBC) Followup Michael Jackson's autopsy underway. Coroner struggling with first question: "Race: __________"  T-Shirt  (cbc.ca) (118)
(WWTDD) Amusing To atone for using a gay slur that got him punched in the face, Perez Hilton pledges to donate proceeds from lawsuit to the Matthew Shepard Foundation. Matthew Shepard Foundation: "How about no"  (wwtdd.com) (166)
(BBC) Asinine And the tackiest-Jacko-headline award goes to the BBC for "Africa cries for Michael Jackson". The parts that aren't dying of malaria, starving, or being mowed down in Darfur, anyway  (news.bbc.co.uk) (82)
(Contact Music) Strange Tulane professor says that the next mayor of New Orleans should be Brad Pitt. No word if he's pushing the George Clooney-Don Cheadle presidential ticket  (contactmusic.com) (36)
(Gawker) Fail Just when you thought you couldn't possibly despise Perez Hilton more, he reports on Michael Jackson's death  (gawker.com) (151)
(I-Mockery) Cool I-Mockery's tribute to Michael Jackson's "Thriller"  (i-mockery.com) (36)

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