Drew Curtis' FARK.com -- Politics Archives for '2008-08-10 23:59:59'

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Sun August 10, 2008

(All This Is That)	Ronald Reagan's thoughts on President George W. Bush (hint: the word shiftless comes up)	(35)
	GOP coming up $10 million short for convention. Perhaps China could float them a loan	(52)
	CNN wonders aloud if they helped cover up the Edwards' affair	(49)
	Here's an idea: US oil companies export half of all imported oil as gas and diesel to other countries. Why don't we keep it here?	(95)
	What President Bush got right	(91)
	Iraq to US: GTFO	(73)
	GOP plans to slam Obama for being educated, which should play well with the base	(170)
	Obama shifts affirmative action rhetoric. That's a really nice way of saying he's flip-flopping on another issue	(68)
	"If I were advising Obama, I'd tell him to get up there in front of that sold out stadium and say _______________." VE	(205)
	Atlantic Monthly reports that one factor that doomed Hillary's campaign: shy campaign staff. During a conference call, Clinton suggested several ideas, and was met with silence. "This has been very instructive, talking to myself."	(59)
	That sweet innocent woman preyed upon by John Edwards? Yeah, author Jay McInerney says she is nothing but a drug-addled trollop who actually inspired the oversexed characters in his novels	(61)
	Washington Post has article saying Obama's tax plan would balloon deficit. Fail to mention McCain's plan would balloon it more. Damned liberal media	(154)
	Obama is not the one: "The antichrist isn't going to be an American, so it can't possibly be Obama. The Bible makes it clear he will be from an obscure place, like Romania."	(143)
	In the latest chapter in "Who Do John McCain's Advisers Lobby For?" meet Randy Scheunemann, who lobbied for Georgia. Not the state; the country now at war with Russia	(50)
	Georgia withdraws from South Ossetia. Everything's peachy now	(271)
	As Russia invades Georgia, President Putin returns home to deal with crisis while President Bush continues his Beijing Olympics vacation	(112)
	Growing number of comedians taking aim at Barack Obama over his belief that he's already won the 2008 election. You know which other Democratic presidential hopeful was sure she had the 2008 election sewn up months in advance?	(135)
	Lieberman being vetted for McCain's VP, chance to lose the big game for two different teams	(172)
	Picking campaign theme songs = serious business	(37)
(Some Guy)	Barack Obama turns to noted political scientist and constitutional scholar George Clooney to advise him on his presidential campaign	(68)

Sat August 09, 2008

(SC Times)	Only one person showed up Friday night to hear Al Franken campaign for a Senate seat......and that's OK	(111)
(Some Politician)	In additon to John Edwards', here are the 10 ugliest political mistresses	(49)
	So much for clean campaigning: Obama ad in Nevada goes "nucular" on McCain over Yucca Mountain	(185)
(Foolocracy)	Bob Barr leads in Presidential Poll (If Obama and McCain are not on the ballot)	(30)
	Even taking into consideration that it's a political campaign for the United States presidency, John McCain's been lying an awful lot about Barack Obama's tax plans	(130)
	U.S. to Pakistan: Here's $700,000, go find Osama bin Laden. Pakistan: Osama bin Who? U.S.: Okay, here's $1 Billion, now go find Osama. Pakistan: Never heard of him. Thank you, come again	(26)
	What's the best way for an Iranian swimmer to show his nation's superiority to arch-enemy Israel? Apparently by getting scared like a girl and refusing to swim against the Israeli	(77)
	The Russian Bear growls. How did McCain and Obama respond? Pretty much how you would expect. "Change" and "Maverick" turn into "Wagging Finger" and "Nose Thumber"	(133)
	John Edwards: "I'll gladly take a paternity test." Rielle Hunter's family: "Ok, do it, asshole"	(68)
	In an effort to distance himself from the current administration, McCain decides not to have Bush or Cheney speak at GOP Convention. Just kidding, they're going to be the opening act	(74)
	Like Sunday night at Ford's field, humiliated and confused lions smuggled though tunnel in a drugged state	(12)
	Who says every vote doesn't count? Don't tell that to a write in candidate who won by one vote, her own	(59)
	"The argument of my book is that conservatives suck"	(88)
	President Bush calls for an end to Georgian / Russian fighting, states "Violence and war is never an acceptable resolution"	(172)
	"Taking in my opponent's performances is a little like watching a big summer blockbuster, and an hour in, realizing that all the best scenes were in the trailer you saw last fall." Oh snap	(161)
	Libertarian George Phillies doesn't want you to vote for him for President in November and he's filed a lawsuit to make sure you don't	(26)
	Hillary Clinton gives speech in Las Vegas and tells crowd to bet on black	(50)
	Obama as president would be best for them, say prominent white nationalists	(86)
(Some Guy)	Here's the entire John "Boom Boom" Edwards "Nightline" interview which aired Friday night (2-part video)	(28)
	Elizabeth Edwards speaks up over John's "terrible mistake in 2006." And she doesn't mean the time he channeled Hitler instead of her dead grandma	(94)

Fri August 08, 2008

	You know who else had an affair?	(226)
	Suskind releases partial transcripts of his interview with former CIA official that incriminates Cheney in the forgery of evidence linking Iraq and 9/11	(414)
	"Celebrity" presidential candidate does cameo in Wedding Crashers. Walken tag unavailable for comment	(29)
	What actually goes on at atheist summer camps	(414)
	Where's the best place to funnel your John Edwards love child hush money? YouTube, of course	(33)
	U.S. tells Russia to stop attacking Georgia. I mean what kind of super power goes around invading small oil filled countries without being provoked?	(303)
	Kossacks foaming at the mouth over their original Messiah, John Edwards	(84)
	New McCain ad: "Life in the spotlight must be grand, but for the rest of us times are tough." This is the same McCain that has $20 million and 8 houses, right?	(282)
	If the mainstream media didn't cover the John Edwards affair because it wasn't news (since he was off the political stage), then they shouldn't cover his confession because it wouldn't be news now	(307)
	John Edwards: Billie Jean IS my lover, but the kid is not my son	(752)
	Drug companies warn Massachusetts governor that they will leave state if he signs bill prohibiting them from bribing doctors	(202)
	Republicans, once hailed as the "party of ideas," have become the party of stupid	(377)
	Democratic party bigwigs think John Edwards needs to address the mistress issue or his career in politics is toast	(83)
	The Republican nominee for president: Abe Simpson	(70)
(Israeli Insider)	Noted blogger-patriot "Techdude" offers up incontrovertible evidence that Obama's birth certificate is a forgery and the bombshell revelation has the MSM (and even Snopes) running scared	(436)
	Sen. Charles E. Grassley (R-ecursion) calls for investigation of investigation of anthrax	(79)
	The McCain plan to fix the economy: WAR WAR WAR WAR TAXCUTS WAR	(85)
(Some Guy)	Bob Barr vs. Ron Paul. This is how they stack up against each other	(76)
(Some Guy)	Focus on the Family asks Christians everywhere to pray for rain to ruin Obama's speech at Invesco Field in Denver. Stay classy, guys	(270)
	Senator Stevens is not worried about his indictment: People think the indictment is like a felony, but it's not. The indictment is a series of misdemeanors	(29)
	John McCain will return $50,000 in contributions by a foreign national "bundler" for his campaign. Refuses to hand over IHOP gift certificates, however	(43)
	Obama campaign has been leaking false VP names to the press so he can secretly vet his real choice: Russ Feingold	(458)

Thu August 07, 2008

	John McCain: The Entertainment Weekly interview	(88)
	Barack Obama: The Entertainment Weekly interview	(56)
(Some Guy)	Law professor expelled from Republican Party for giving $250 to Obama	(75)
	It's really painful to watch these fools who don't bother to pay attention to history to understand how a five-point popular vote victory almost always translates to an Electoral College landslide	(85)
	Liberal blogs have much more cursing than conservative blogs	(133)
	Obama says McCain is no longer maverick. McCain angrily responds that he'll no longer be calling Obama Iceman	(46)
	Former pro-wrestler and Minnesota governor Jesse Ventura deported to Mexico for being a terrorist sympathizer, revolutionary activist, and hating our Freedom. Wait, what?	(91)
	Wonkette has done us a favor and summarized the scathing, million-page Phoenix New Times article about John McCain and his crooked former dealings into a lovely top 10 list, for our convenience	(67)
	Mike Bloomberg has 99 problems but not knowing Jay-Z lyrics ain't one	(25)
(BucksRight)	With gas at $4/gal. Congressman Murphy (D, Pennsyltucky) ditches energy debate for zucchini race (w/ crappy MS Paint "photoshop" goodness)	(30)
(538)	The "Gang of Eleven" that may make McCain a flip-flop-flipper and Obama untouchable	(67)
	Child asks Obama why he's running. Answer: Because this is greatest nation in world and he just wants to serve it. Just kidding; he told a 7-year-old it's because "America is no longer what it could be; what it once was"	(490)
	Leaked McCain memo indicates they are going to try to paint Obama as some sort of job, Sarah Connor killing machine	(70)
	Coining an apt new moniker, writer terms Nancy Pelosi (D-Botox) "the plastic grinch who stole prosperity"	(85)
	President Obama announces combat troops in Iraq to be home by the 2010 mid-term elections. Oh wait ... Bush is still president?	(142)
	John McCain to discuss potential job losses in Ohio--which were brought about through the assistance of his own campaign manager	(42)
	Authorities surprised that new law raising drink prices at bars leads to "pre-drinking"	(107)
	John McCain on remote control usage with Cindy: "Foolishly she continues to try to assert her control over the remote. This is a battle that will continue for a long time."	(52)
	Florida governor and McCain's likely choice as vice president sure looked gay in the '70s with his porn mustache, halter tops and homecoming queen crown	(47)
	McCain campaign bus carrying Joe Lieberman gets into an accident, after a minivan driver makes a lane change McCain's driver couldn't believe in	(44)
	Republicans outraged after Secretary Rice opines that America could be safe under an Obama administration and empathizes with his stand on the surge	(84)
	Maverick McCain finally admits he had to go negative because Obama forced him to	(252)
	Pakistani President Pervez Musharraf faces impeachment for having "eroded the trust of the nation" during his eight years in power. At least some countries have standards	(218)
	Stu P'dassl wants to vote in Wisconsin	(41)
	Detroit Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick sent to jail	(529)
(McClatchy News)	John Edwards' little game of hide the sausage in the mistress until the love child pops out may endanger his role at the DNC	(87)
	In shocking news, Obama's Muslim coordinator resigns because he is connected to a terrorist group	(229)
	Sen. Bob Casey Jr. (D-Emptysuitylvania) may get to speak at the DNC to appease pro-life Catholic Democrats, something denied to his father, the late Bob Casey Sr., former governor of PA, 16 years earlier	(71)
	Secretary of State Rice condemns coup in Mauritania, stating "They can't do that to our pledges. Only we can do that to our pledges"	(25)
	Parties agree "in principle" to begin impeachment hearings against the president	(135)
	Obama supporters for $10/gal. gas. Why do they hate America?	(248)
	On eve of Olympics, President George W. Bush will tell China that the US stands in "firm opposition" to the way the communist government represses its own people	(154)
	Tim Pawlenty praises Obama for running a positive campaign. Look's like somebody's not getting the VP spot from McCain	(21)
	McCain and Obama discuss their favorite movies and TV shows. McCain talks about his shock the first time he saw a "talkie" movie as a kid	(53)

Wed August 06, 2008

	Hillary. Will. Not. Go. The. Fark. Away	(225)
	What do John McCain and Barack Obama have in common?	(134)
	Democrats' self-proclaimed "greenest convention in history" will prohibit bikes	(44)
	Obama jokes about McCain's tire pressure recommendation, adding that the double-deuce spinners on his Escalade are more properly inflated than those on McCain's hearse	(450)
(powerlineblog)	A New York Times reporter told me that McCain had answered more questions from reporters in the preceding two hours than Clinton, Obama, and Romney had during the entire campaign	(83)
	Asshat heckler: "Hey, you didn't start this rally with the Pledge of Allegiance, that proves you hate America." Obama: "Okay, how about we say it right now and you lead us?"	(404)
(The Trumpet)	While America refuses to drill for oil because of the environment it will be drilled anyway as the Russians and Cubans begin siphoning it out for their own purposes. Those environmentalists, they're smart	(163)
(Some Guy)	Obama may end up too drunk to be President, now that they've unearthed his Irish ancestry	(81)
	The latest in media sensationalism/scaremongering: "Retiring is unpatriotic." Get back to work Grandpa	(171)
	The tendency of Obama supporters to see racist impulses behind every criticism of their candidate has evolved into absurdity: The Obama campaign's 25 reasons you are racist	(335)
	McCain's working-class max donors, who just happen to know an oil executive fundraiser, won't acknowledge writing the checks when contacted by the press	(195)
	Leak: We know he was the anthrax mailer because the mailbox was 100 yards from a sorority he was obsessed with. Reality: It was 100 yards from a sorority which had a member that he dated 27 years ago. At another school	(293)
	Actual headline: Clinton urges monogamy	(95)
	Documents from President Bush's 2004 visit to Canada include briefing on Canadian social customs, such as removing hats while indoors. Bonus: Discusses migration patterns of Belly Dancers Against Bush	(58)
	Hey, it's a picture of John Edwards with some random baby. Will MSM finally jump on this story? (With pic)	(153)
	George Bush says an "Axis of Evil" needs at least three countries to be even a little bit scary	(141)
(IMAO)	Here's a list of possible McCain celebrity "catch phrases." A personal favorite: I eat terrorists and crap freedom	(253)
	It's a good thing Obama is the new JFK because Putin wants to be the new Khrushchev	(73)
	Military coup in Mauritania. Soldiers take president, interior minister and prime minister prisoner faster than you can find Mauritania on a map	(167)
	Obama wants us to forget	(143)
	Americans are tuning out the campaign noise. In other news, Obama is a Muslim and McCain smells like old cheese	(30)
	Even Arizona newspapers think John McCain's a douche for reneging on his promise to run a "respectful, civil" campaign	(60)
	In case you are curious why the retirement of Brett Favre has gone to complete and utter shambles, it's because the Packers hired a Bush Administration official to handle it	(35)
	RNC gives Obama's press core tire gauges in honor of his birthday, energy plan	(246)
	Romney: McCain is an expert on energy policy. Reporter: Name one piece of energy legislation he's worked on in 30 years. Romney: What am I, a historian?	(89)
(Some Guy)	Conservative candidate tries to win election the old-fashioned way: By slashing his rivals' tires and signing them up to gay-porn subscriptions	(47)

Tue August 05, 2008

	Iraq is debt-free and has an $80 billion surplus. The US is trillions in debt and has a deficit in the hundreds of billions. Looks like that surge did work	(156)
	Manny Ramirez could be Obama's running mate?	(43)
	The American people shake off the Paris-induced coma, realize John McCain's "Celeb" ad was ridiculous, and Barack Obama recovers his national lead in new polls	(449)
(Some Guy)	"It might seem unlikely that the U.S. would elect John McCain to succeed George W. Bush. But beyond understandable concerns about Barack Obama's limited experience, a McCain victory is possible, indeed probable"	(115)
	So McCain is totally like trying to hang out with the cool Republicans at the next GOP convention, but like, Cheney wants to come, but he's a total douche bag so like, McCain is trying to get him to stay home, it's like sooo awkward	(33)
	Al Franken draws a perfect map of the US from memory during a fundraiser	(148)
	Black congressional candidate wishes her white incumbent rival a good race in which they can debate the hard-hitting issues. Just kidding, she made a TV ad placing images of him next to the KKK. Bonus: The white guy is Jewish	(79)
	LA Times finds a way to compare Dick Cheney to Elvis, and it's not a joke about being shot from the waist up	(11)
	Overruled by the Supreme Court, Bush begs Texas governor for stay of execution of Mexican gangbanger who raped and murdered 2 teenage girls, citing violation of international treaty. Ironic tag retires, cashes out 401k, buys Florida	(93)
	John McCain enters his wife in the Miss Buffalo Chip contest, which is a topless, sometimes bottomless, beauty pageant with simulated fellatio and "banana coddling"	(138)
	PBS anchors get 2 debates and CBS and NBC get one. ABC will have to ask Obama if he believes in the American flag to an audience of 20 people on Sunday morning	(88)
	Rage Against the Machine to play during RNC convention	(138)
	More women want to carpool with Obama than McCain, presumably to avoid being honked at for going 30 mph in the left lane while shouting at the radio	(37)
	Obama says to inflate your tires properly. McCain jokes about Obama. Therefore, anyone who doesn't buy a tire gauge today doesn't care about national security. Difficulty: No, really. That's really what they say here	(96)
	Obama calls McCain ignorant. Now the campaign has really begun	(212)
	Behold the awesome power that is the Republcian Party. They say the whiney biatchfest they engages in after Congress adjourned lowered gas prices. Asinine tag gets swiftboated by unlikely tag	(140)
	Barack Obama wants three things for his 47th birthday - Indiana, Colorado, and Virginia	(54)
	Fox News declares that the war in Iraq was worth it because Baghdad has a KFC now. Nevermind that its a counterfeit KFC, and the real deal is warning soldiers not to blame them if the rat dropping quotient is off	(310)
	It's time for the whiny "The caucus is elitist and unfair" editorials. Next up: The whiny "let's get money out of politics" editorials and the even more whiny "won't get fooled again" editorials	(65)
	Obama, who rightly criticized McCain's gas tax holiday as being a gimmick that would only amount to half a gallon of gas per driver, is proposing a gimmick that would amount to less than half a gallon of gas per driver	(288)
	Huffington Post: "Women become suicide bombers because they can get just as batshiat crazy as men. Just kidding. Actually, it's all the United States' fault"	(79)
	Calling Obama skinny is racist	(177)
	While the GOP is waiting to attack Obama's VP choice as inexperienced or a 'Washington Insider', Dems have checkmated them, already calling McCain's VP pick "The next Cheney"	(117)
(Right Wing News)	The six steps for dealing with liberal friends and family	(566)
	Ford's refusal to meet with Solzhenitsyn was one of the factors which convinced Reagan to run for President	(77)
	Negativity is the norm in a presidential campaign, and for all the talk about John McCain's hard-hitting politics, Barack Obama is hardly innocent	(114)
(Some politica smear)	Political Blog reveals Obama is so powerful victims on his "death list" not only die, but are erased from existence. Everybody panic	(104)
	What is Cheney's reason for not allowing aquitted and innocent Gitmo detainees to be released? "They'll get lawyers"	(179)
	Olbermann sends Milbank to the showers for pitching an Obamabeanball	(150)
	John McCain is set to capture that key "bikers who like REO Speedwagon" demographic at Sturgis this week	(75)
	McCain takes a page from Clinton's playbook. Hillary Clinton's playbook	(55)
	Arnold Schwarzenegger, who became governor after people were furious at the former governor for raising car registration fees, proposes a one cent tax increase on everything every Californian buys	(95)
	MILFish Argentine president pushes for decriminalization of drugs within her country	(104)
	Barack Obama's birthday is making people realize there is quite an age gap between him and John McCain. Other things highlighting this gap include voters' sense of sight and ability to do basic math	(61)

Mon August 04, 2008

	Barack Obama: "If the Strategic Petroleum Reserve has a milkshake and I have a milkshake and I have a straw, there it is, my straw reaches across the room, and starts to drink its milkshake. I. Drink. Its. Milkshake. I drink it up"	(186)
	Billionaire oilman T. Boone Pickens, one of the primary financiers of the Swift Boat attacks on John Kerry, says he really likes Barack Obama's energy plan	(56)
	Obama announces multi-pronged plan to end reliance on foreign oil within 10 years. Plan is conspicuously missing one minor, important thing -- details	(200)
	Step 1: Run adds mocking Obama by calling him "The One." Step 2: Furiously scrub your own website of times you called yourself "The One." Step 3: PANCAKES. (This is not a repeat)	(112)
	Since their city is now a crime-free, sparkling utopia, Anaheim has appropriated $90,000 to train police officers and city workers to be nicer to tourists	(18)
	"Obama backers Bernie Mac and Morgan Freeman both hospitalized." Clearly there is a connection between supporting Obama and nearly dying	(35)
	Republicans are furious that Obama has suggested people properly inflate their tires, probably because it is boring, nobody dies and it actually gets results	(248)
	Congressional Republicans -- who have criticized Democrats for running a "do-nothing Congress" -- are now threatening to shut down the entire federal government if they don't get their way on drilling	(214)
	Columnist Robert Novak indefinitely suspends his outing of CIA agents	(39)
	John McCain doesn't really have supporters -- just a group of people who despise Obama	(97)
	Chinese officials consider tapping Mao's spinning corpse to generate electricity as huge new U.S. embassy opens	(13)
(Some Guy)	"In the great mix, it would seem that McCain could be an average president, while Comrade Obama would most probably be the second incarnation of Jimmy Carter with dire effects magnified by a factor of five to 10"	(78)
	With polls saying the race is dead even, what is the mood over in the McCain Camp? "An angry, bunker mentality among aides... lacking only a Luger and a cyanide pill."	(82)
	GOP poster contest proves that Republicans are suckers for Photoshop plugins and semi-transparent flags. Bald eagle with tear in its eye suspiciously absent	(86)
(krth)	Bush 41 to Rush Limbaugh: Do you see our man [Roger] Ailes at all? Uh,wait I'm on the air?	(102)
(Some Hoosier)	Obama makes an previously unscheduled trip to Indiana for tomorrow and Wednesday. A Democratic insider says an announcement is imminent. My friends, we have a ticket	(117)
	McCain's famous relationship with the campaign press? Apparently, that got thrown under the Straight-Talk Express once they started asking him hard questions	(67)
(Some Guy)	Once again, both parties will use the lie that there is "no money" to meet social needs, while hundreds of billions are squandered on imperialist wars and channeled into the pockets of the wealthiest one percent of the population	(199)
	John Edwards is Father of the Year. They might want to be more specific	(36)
	Obama's calling his plane "O-Force One." Funny -- that's submitter's nickname for something, too	(339)
	CNN oufoxes FOX by naming an (R) a (D), but unlike FOX, then goes on to correct its own error	(51)
	Bill Clinton says he's "not a racist." But we all know that can't be true -- he opposed Obama, and the media keeps telling us the only people who oppose Obama are bitter racists	(132)
(Some Guy)	Obama actually has the nerve to talk about an issue in his latest ad	(88)
	Not only did Barack HUSSEIN Obama paint over the American flag originally on "O-Force One," his chair says "President" on it	(104)
	"U.S. polls indicate that most of the amateur climate change skeptics are Republicans." Sure -- people who think Ted Stevens is innocent will belive anything	(688)
	Woman thrilled to get tickets to Obama's speech in Denver for only $15, until she discovers that she just bought tickets to view presidential memorabilia in a parking lot	(104)
	Ted Kennedy, who will be dead soon -- he's very ill, will be eulogized this August at the Democratic National Convention. Upon hearing the news, Kennedy planned to take a walk and express his happiness	(252)
	Republicans prepare to attack Senator Obama's running mate as inexperienced and unqualified. Unless not, in which case they'll attack his pick as a Washington insider	(88)
	Surprise. McCain, Obama tied in latest poll	(131)
(Some Rocket)	Moving on from his successful presidential campaign, Ron Paul's next project is to become Emperor of the Universe	(19)
	"If North Korea were to end up with a nuclear weapon, it would be very destabilizing and very troubling for all of us." -- Bush, July 30, 2008. IF?	(29)
	Barack Obama to take "windfall" oil company profits and redistribute them to all of us. But what are "windfall" profits, and why should the government confiscate them in the name of the people?	(336)
(Right Wing News)	Interviews with three professional pick-up artists at Right Wing News... wait, what?	(191)
	As he plans not to open any offices in Indiana, that makes four states -- including Montana and the Dakotas -- that McCain is letting Obama have to himself. Ask Clinton how ignoring "the small states" worked out for her	(93)
(KXLY Spokane)	White Anglo-Saxon Protestants in Spokane are adopting "Hussein" as a middle name. There is no personality cult here at all, nothing to see here	(57)
(hillaryis44.org)	PUMAs finally go there, comparing Hillary's loss to McCain's time as a P.O.W. "Obama cultists must understand that we do not see unity -- we see captivity. We see a glorious bird held in a cage, temporarily"	(143)