Drew Curtis' FARK.com -- Politics Archives for '2008-05-18 23:59:59'

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Sun May 18, 2008

	St. Obama gets his largest crowd to date - 75, 000 people. 75-freaking-thousand people	(455)
	Fifth McCain official resigns due to lobbyist entanglements this week. McCain doesn't have a lobbyist problem, it's just that lobbyists dearly love straight talk, and they're naturally attracted to him	(146)
(SunJournal.com)	Was WWII a just or necessary war, or were Winston Churchill and Franklin Roosevelt as much to blame as Adolf Hitler?	(450)
	It's over: Obama and Clinton fundraisers meet to discuss how to destroy John McCain in the General Election	(111)
	NRA: "Firearms WILL NOT be allowed in Hall A during the Celebration of American Values Leadership Forum"	(84)
	Fox correspondent concludes that Nixon was not a crook. Scheming and diabolical? Yes. A crook? No. If only the media wasn't so evil, he would have never resigned in disgrace	(65)
	You can't let little things like popular votes, more pledged delegates, and irrefutable evidence stop you from being delusional about your chances for being President. You just can't	(145)
	If you thought the Republican party could make it through this election cycle without using the phrase "tar baby" to refer to Obama, you should have a word with Rep. Tom Davis	(279)

Sat May 17, 2008

	Gore Vidal knew John Kennedy, John Kennedy was a friend of his, and Senator Obama is no John Kennedy. Because he's even better than John Kennedy	(86)
	Intrepid BBC reporter uncovers the truth behind the legendary 2004 vodka drinking contest between Hillary Clinton and John McCain in the Estonian capital of Tallinn	(23)
	You don't need a weatherman to know which way the wind blows	(55)
	Hillary throws Stephanopoulos under her campaign bus along with the rest of those pesky pundits that understand basic math	(78)
	He can pass laws but he can't drink: Oklahoma town elects 19-year old as Mayor	(39)
	Defense Secretary Gates, May 14,2008 "We need to figure out a way to develop some leverage and then sit down and talk with them." Them being Iran	(67)
	According to Bush's and McCain's new definition of appeasement, McCain was ready to give Poland to Hamas in 2006	(37)
	Secretary of Interior Dirk Kempthorne tells Glenn Beck he'd love to wipe the polars bears off the face of the planet but "unfortunately I have to follow the law". Stephen Colbert approves	(153)
	Redneck writes letter to editor wishing harm to criminal defense lawyers' families. Fourteen-year old writes response, explaining the Constitution to the redneck. Links to both	(152)
(Virginian-Pilot)	News: Obama's VP choice? He'll be a Scots-Irish ex-veteran, with rural-roots, and clear WASP-AMERICAN heritage that appeals to white working-class voters. Fark: Dude just happens to have a book debuting right about now	(121)
	When it comes to revealing superdelegate endorsements in order to put out political fires or boost your candidacy, there's been no one quite like Barack Obama	(49)
	Barack Obama calls John McCain "a hypocrite and a fearmonger" after McCain agreed with Bush's "Nazi appeasers" speech. Yeah, it's safe to say Obama's not John Kerry	(286)
(Pharyngula)	Minnesota might become the first state to legalize gay marriage without court action as a bill is introduced in the legislature	(117)
	California Activists plan constitutional amendment to define marriage in the traditional way. No word on how many cows will be legally required per wife bought	(349)
	White House to Obama: You're so vain, you probably thought that speech was about you... don't you, don't you?	(370)
(nola.com)	Mayor Ray Nagin's solution for New Orleans' growing homeless problem? "One-way bus tickets" out of town. Presumably on the busses he didn't use for Katrina evacuations	(74)

Fri May 16, 2008

	John Edwards for Veep? "Fark no."	(71)
	It's good thing average citizen Cindy McCain has decided her finances are none of our business-otherwise we might have to ask her awkward questions about things like her $2 million investment in Sudanese government connected companies	(169)
	Department of Homeland Security awards OneNet project to AT&T and Verizon. Robert Hanssen unavailable for comment	(33)
	John McCain - "OK, I'm going after Obama's youth voters by going on 'SNL' this week, what do I have to do?" Lorne Michaels - "Put on this dress." John McCain - "Oh fark no. PANCAKES"	(153)
(NY Times)	Clearly, the media's decided that the Democrats have their nominee, because it seems John McCain's free lunch has ended	(64)
	Chicago Tribune editor worries that Equine-Americans were offended about an article that compared Hillary Clinton to Eight Belles	(30)
	Not news: Someone's accusing Obama of being a Muslim. Fark: Someone writing an editorial for The New York Times, that is	(115)
	Carly Fiorina, ex-CEO of HP, may be in the running to be McCain's running mate. Among her proposals: a costly, inadvisable merger with Canada that backfires and leaves both countries in worse shape	(177)
	US to stop sending oil into strategic reserves. In related news, has anyone seen a horse? He may have left the barn some time ago	(168)
	Mainstream media faux outrage powers ACTIVATE: Shape of... Mike Huckabee joking that an unexpected offstage noise was Democrat Barack Obama looking to avoid a gunman	(257)
	Daily Kos ♥'s Neville Chamberlain	(195)
	Bill Clinton urges Hillary supporters to ignore media, math, and reality	(122)
	Osama bin Laden releases new message reiterating old message. Short version: he's still in a cave somewhere and al Qaida Prime ain't done sh*t in 7 years	(177)
	Conservative groups vow to fight California gay marriage ruling, because the only way to save this land of Freedom is to guarantee permanent discrimination against gays	(1322)
	The $300 billion farm bill passed by Congress is even worse than you thought: Federal government will buy excess sugar from growers for 23 cents a pound, then sell it to ethanol producers for 2 cents a pound	(90)
	McCain admits we have failed in Iraq. Admits failure in handling Katrina. Godwins Ron Paul	(57)
	"I don't necessarily support him being here, but because he's here and we can't discriminate against other races, I support him..." A black guy said it? No faux media outrage for you then	(347)
	On the condition of total anonymity, a wide cross-section of Hillary's staff were asked the question, "What went wrong?" These are their answers	(121)
	Hillary Clinton's too boring to be president, says humorist Joe Queenan. True: Once you get through the jokes about pantsuits and her brimstone-scented soul of pure, molten evil, what's left?	(30)
(Write On)	Old and busted: Hillary Clinton as Democratic nominee. New hotness: Hillary Clinton as write-in candidate	(59)
	Further proof that Obama is a politician: He has begun pandering to the religious	(112)
	Bill O'Reilly takes the publishing of his Inside Edition meltdown with aplomb. Just jokin', he blames Kos for it and equates him with David Duke. Bonus: O'Reilly supporter hate mail	(100)
(Libertarian Samizdata)	P.J. O'Rourke: "Two substantive political issues are the federal budget deficit and the war in Iraq. Now, if you're electing Democrats to control government spending, then you're marrying Angelina Jolie for her brains"	(202)
	Four ways Hillary Clinton can still win the nomination. Oregon breaking off and falling into the ocean inexplicably abs-- Oh wait, there it is	(51)
	Bush in 2000: Faults the president for not doing more on $28/barrel oil. Bush in 2008: Oil at $128/barrel, nothing to see here, move along	(106)
	"No matter how much left wing propaganda or hijacked UN resolutions are aimed at creating this myth of Palestine and the Palestinian people, history cannot be changed."	(95)
	Seven insane conspiracies that actually happened. Bonus: Grandfather of Chimpy McFlightsuit tried to overthrow FDR and install a fascist dictatorship in the US	(66)
	Each new day in the campaign we get a bold statement of American values from John McCain, that he just so happens to be on the record rejecting within the last 5 years. This time: diplopeasement	(42)
(Some Guy)	McCain and Clinton: We can't do anything about swiftboating third party attack groups. Obama: We're shutting down pro-Obama attack groups that stray off-message. Have a nice day	(148)
	How bad is it for the GOP right now? Well according to Rep. Tom Davs, a 7-term GOP congressman :"The Republican brand is in the trash can..If we were a dog food, they would take us off the shelf."	(65)
(The Hill)	Immigration amendment sponsored by Senator Larry Craig attached to Iraq spending bill, providing him a steady supply of Latin houseboys	(23)
	Can John McCain survive a Republican meltdown in November?	(70)
	The greatest pleasure of all is to drive the enemy before your bestseller, and hear the lamentations of their own sales ranks	(59)
	McCain predicts war over by 2013. Mayan doomsday of Dec. 21, 2012 played large role in date calculation	(86)
	Congress is closing in on nailing Karl Rove because "someone’s got to kick his ass"	(241)
	Not good at following his own advice, Kevin James sweats the small stuff and gets completely owned by Chris Matthews	(241)
	Public records show John McCain secured millions in federal funds for a land acquisition program that provided a windfall for an Arizona developer whose executives were major campaign donors	(53)

Thu May 15, 2008

(New American Media)	"Hillary has had to readjust herself as the champion of a different group of Americans: old, white, poor, uneducated and subtly racist. You could say she is now positioning herself as a Ralph Nader for Hillbillies"	(99)
	Judge upholds Washington law banning online gambling designed to protect brick-and-mortar casinos that donate to campaigns	(21)
	Detroit mayor issues new policy that all city employees' text messages are private. Timing is everything, dude	(32)
	McCain says Reagan never negotiated with Iran. Maybe Lieberman needs to whisper in his ear again and remind him of the arms for hostages deal?	(187)
	George W. Bush isn't doing John McCain any favors by accusing Barack Obama and Democrats of being "Nazi appeasers"	(249)
	Terry McAuliffe's best hits. Including promoting Clinton-Dobbs '08, saying that Hillary is George Foreman, telling everybody how to party in Puerto Rico, and accusing Sheppard Smith of saying that he is insane	(47)
	Old Democratic Party nightmare scenario: Super delegates revolt and don't nominate the winner of the pledged delegate count. New Democratic Party nightmare scenario: Super delegates revolt and don't nominate Obama's pick for VP	(151)
	President Obama’s America in 2012: The only thing this article fails to include is dogs and cats living together	(214)
	Michael Dukakis says that Barack Obama is a much better candidate and more prepared for the GOP assault than he was. Thanks, Mike	(228)
	The man who helped make sure the GOP stands for nothing now says the GOP must stand for something. That's great work there, Karl	(139)
	Not news: Woman voted for Hillary. Fark: After she died	(62)
	California complies with Republican requests to reduce the number of illegals. Bonus points for creativity in doing so	(2326)
	U.S. media has spent far more time this election season talking about flag lapel pins, bogus sniper fire and fake mistresses than on any issues of actual substance. Someone should write a book about this	(220)
	You know it is bad for the GOP when even Newsmax is predicting a November "bloodbath"	(73)
	Obama courts the "white working class" following Edwards endorsement because nobody appeals more to working people than a rich white trial lawyer	(140)
	McCain says he sought the endorsement controversial preacher Hagee because he liked his "support of the state of Israel," Unfortunately Hagee "supports" Israel because he's hoping its destruction will kick off Armageddon	(421)
	In politics, young people's "attention spans are pretty short." Hey did you see the last "American Idol"? Seriously, what a gyp	(23)
	McCain to deliver a speech on the accomplishments of his first term. Bonus stupidity: Pre-emptively makes 743rd declaration of victory in Iraq. Bonus lunacy: Flat tax	(104)
	McCain says while Hillary and Obama have done nothing, he's flown all over the world to survey global warming effects. He seems to have forgotten Hillary was sitting right next to him on two of those trips	(49)
(This is Zimbabwe)	Zimbabwe has a food crisis and people are starving, so naturally Robert Mugabe's thugs are burning corn storehouses (pics)	(47)
	Burmese junta has stolen everything coming its way these days, including the paper on which the UN was going to write its latest strongly worded letter blaming the cyclone on Israel	(143)
	Bush: Allowing Iran to obtain nuclear weapons is "unforgivable." Looks like someone is getting ready for a bombing	(448)
	"Had Reverend Wright been introduced to voters a few days before the Iowa caucuses, odds are Barack Obama would not be a hair's breadth away from clinching the Democratic nomination for president of the United States"	(158)
	McCain will implement UK Parliament-style sessions if he becomes president	(228)
	House passes veto-proof farm legislation. Farmers who make more than $750,000 per year will now recieve less federal aid. Also, Kentucky racehorse owners will enjoy a nice new tax cut. Hooray	(39)
(WWeek)	Obama says he's NOT getting a tattoo -- and so we ask you, what does he have against the patriotic Americans in the body-art industry?	(47)
	Sean Penn is an equal opportunity douchebag, complains that Obama has a “phenomenally inhuman and unconstitutional” voting record	(99)
	Chris Matthews again shows his brilliance: "(Obama) Playing pool, not a bad start, but it's not what most people play. People with money play pool these days."	(73)
(Mother Jones)	Afghanistan opium production increases to a $4 billion per year enterprise, with 15% of the population involved. In other news, 2009 looks to be a great year for jazz	(27)
	Obama apologizes for calling TV reporterette "sweetie." Now if only that annoying gum-chomping lady who refills your coffee would do the same	(138)
	Keith Olbermann appreciates the sacrifice that Bush has made for the troops by giving up his golf game. Just kidding, he rips him a new one and almost drops an F-bomb at the end	(576)
	Why having Hillary running as VP would make perfect sense	(73)

Wed May 14, 2008

	Barack Obama is a liar (with youtube proof)	(298)
	Hillary cries during CNN interview today. Hopefully will not do the same thing during future summits with world leaders	(442)
	Barack Obama too far left on tax policy, says the DLC. But ignore them, they only brought Democrats back from the brink of irrelevancy in 1992	(68)
	You, the taxpayer, will be footing the bill for DNC "emergency chef" whose job it is to prepare halal meat for the Islamist sleeper agents who will be handing out marching orders to their insane moonbat minions	(58)
(Some Guy)	Edwards endorses Obama in historic bid to be named first Secretary of Mill Affairs	(863)
(Some Guy)	Portrayals of George W. Bush in international advertisements	(226)
	The media doing their job and reporting that the GOP loss in Mississippi is more important than Hillary Clinton's win in West Virginia? Unpossible	(124)
	If Clinton does not win the Democratic Party nomination, 29 percent of Democrats say she should run as an independent. Which should work well, just ask President Nader	(241)
	The good news: Tax receipts are setting all time records. The bad news: So is the deficit	(133)
	2004: Clinton top aide hammers Howard Dean for wasting money on "hiring a bunch of staff people to wander around Utah and Mississippi and pick their nose." 2008: Democrats win congressional seat in Mississippi, due to those efforts	(70)
	Talking about anal sex and oral-anal sex in a controlled sex ed environment? Totally evil. Making robo calls to households where kids might answer the phone and talking about anal and oral-anal sex? No problem	(214)
	"It's almost like [Hillary] is the Al Sharpton of white people"	(75)
	Bob Barr hoping to take advantage of Ron Paul's faux-Libertarian Internet support, con them out of a little more cash in the name of hopeless utopianism	(73)
(Some Guy)	Just so he can be a rock in the shoe of the left-wingers yet again, Michael Moore is preparing a direct sequel to his blockbuster documentary "Fahrenheit 9/11"	(214)
(Some White Guy)	Radio station insists that talk show host's Obama "Kill Whitey" stickers weren't meant to be offensive	(213)
(some newspaper)	James Carville: "The country really wants to vote for (Democrats). We have to not talk our way out of it"	(113)
	"Once you insult a voter by calling them racist, they may not be eager to meekly repent by doing as their moral betters in the pundit class demand"	(271)
	Congress set to vote on $300 billion farm bill that includes huge subsidies to agri-corporations. Subsidies will be funded by whatever change is left in your pockets after spending your paycheck on groceries	(86)
	An inconvenient question: Why spend billions of dollars to delay global warming by only a few days, when we could use it to aid people now?	(175)
	AP confirms that Obama is to the left of John Kerry	(120)
	"The United States has given Egypt more than $60 billion in aid." Result? "Egypt is one of the most anti-American of the many hostile countries in the Middle East"	(116)
	Nineteen-year-old college freshman elected mayor of Muskogee, OK with 70 percent of the vote after campaigning on the hookers-and-blow platform	(29)
	After losing the first four games of a seven-game series, Hillary crushes Obama in West Virginia, is really turning this into a race	(729)
	For those of you still not sure whether the gas tax holiday is actually a good idea or not, Bush is considering it, so that should clear things up	(40)
	As talking heads debated the importance of WV, Dems easily won their third heavily red seat in a row, causing the NRCC to admit that running as a Republican is a bad idea	(68)
	You know your campaign has become a joke when the Washington Post mocks you via a Monty Python skit	(218)
(Dispatch)	Governor Ted Strickland of Ohio insists he would say no if either Barack Obama or Hillary Clinton offer him the VP slot	(27)
(vetvoices)	Bush shows that he understands what it is like to sacrifice during war: Gives up golf in order to stand in solidarity with mothers who have lost their sons	(67)
	Michelle Malkin's latest target? Beyonce	(123)
	Democrats propose smacking the wealthy with another $5,000 tax. Why? "They're not going to miss it"	(1166)
	Transcripts from the White House military 'Analyst' scandal show that Donald Rumsfeld is a douchebag	(70)

Tue May 13, 2008

	Fox commentator Mike Gallagher says "Ron Paul revolt" could be disaster for Republicans	(125)
	College kids and people with degrees are guaranteed Obama voters? Not in West Virginia	(846)
	Official attire for the RNC announced, including red and white Zubas. That's right. Zubas	(225)
	Political newsflash: Obama and Clinton appear on Senate floor at the same time, do not assault each other. It's not news, it's an even more boring Congressional Record	(48)
(Washington Times)	Sen. Mitch McConnell (R-KY) says the Democratic agenda will "turn us into France," suggesting Obama could make half the country incredibly hot and easy	(126)
(Some Guy)	Liberal CU at Boulder plans to raise $9 million to create an endowed chair for what is thought to be the nation’s first Professor of Conservative Thought and Policy	(85)
	Obama's rules for what makes a legitimate campaign are so complex, it's easier to learn Calvinball. Current polls show Obama leading Clinton Q to 17	(235)
	By 2009, the army will be destroyed, Social Security will be bankrupt and global warming will kill us all. Worse, we'll have a permanent Democratic majority. The good news is you won't have to read stupid predictions of doom anymore	(432)
	Rove refuses to testify about his involvement in the investigation of Gov. Siegelman. Insists he has nothing to hide but can't testify under oath "on principle"	(159)
	ACLU membership has doubled during Bush presidency	(281)
	Sen. Chuck Hagel (R-NE) doesn't rule out being Obama's VP	(90)
	Female UK Government Minister in trouble after flashing press photographers	(27)
	The Clinton-Linked "Voter's rights group" that inadvertantly sent misleading info to minorities on how register to vote in AZ, CO, and NC, is now accidentally doing the same thing in WV and KY	(259)
	Nearly two-thirds of Democrats polled want Hillary to stay in the race, mostly for amusement purposes, no doubt	(60)
(The Hill)	The Hill manages to get every sitting senator not in the race to state whether or not they would be VP	(109)
	John Hagee, controversial preacher who endorsed John McCain, will apologize to Catholics for calling their church "The Great Whore." Which is good, because everybody knows that title belongs to Lindsay Lohan	(168)
	Bipartisan group of Congressmen want Bush to stop buying $120 oil for the national reserve	(31)
	After eight years of Chimpy McFlightsuit, it is now considered offensive to include monkeys when discussing political figures	(759)
	Putin won't even give up his Kremlin chair for the new Russian president	(75)
	GOP representative introduces bill to limit use of presidential signing statements. If it passes, Bush is expected to sign it into law with an additional statement clarifying why it doesn't apply to him	(64)
(WFAA)	Texas high school students get a lesson on European attitudes towards toplessness in their German language textbooks	(84)
	Politician thinks people too dumb to know poutine isn't good for them will understand fitness tax incentives	(159)
(Some Guy)	House passes draconian new intellectual-property law. Illegal mp3 on your computer? That's a seizin'	(113)
	Remember when Obama said that he would "unconditionally meet" with Iran? Well, he wants a do over	(291)
	Awkward	(76)
	Condi Rice will be McCain's VP. This news brought to you by the Palestinians as reported by World Net Daily. So it's as truthful as a Bill Clinton excuse	(80)
	Actual Headline: "No surprises expected today." Dang it, there goes our chief weapon	(48)
	McCain touts his cap-and-trade solution to fight global warming in Oregon, fails to mention his onion-and-rope-belt system for fighting lawn ingresses	(111)
	Bob Barr joins race for White House as Libertarian, hires Ross Perot's campaign manager. In related news, police visit Obama campaign HQ for complaints by neighbors of incessant giggling	(58)
	Bush will discuss oil prices with Saudi King. He actually said, "Of course I'll bring it up"	(82)
	John McCain: "Abortions for all." GOP: "Booooo." McCain: "Abortions for none, flag lapel pins for all"	(62)
	Wonder how this election could be even weirder? It turns out there's a pretty good chance both McCain and Obama will win exactly 269 electoral votes	(96)
	A John McCain Supreme Court could overturn Roe vs. Wade in less than a year. Suck it, women	(191)
	If the GOP's new slogan, "the change you deserve", sounds familiar, that's because it's also the slogan for Effexor, an anti-depressant drug	(55)

Mon May 12, 2008

	US Treasury starts seeking title loan on Air Force One	(27)
	A dozen questions McCain should be asked, but never will by the spineless press. Bonus: Written by conservative George Will	(144)
	Can Israel survive another 60 years of drinking the Palestinian people's milkshake?	(240)
	Ron Paul fans trying to force Barnes and Noble to place the Ron Paul book at the front of the store. Plan on looking up the definition of laissez-faire later	(173)
	Texas Republicans who gave big bucks to the presidential campaigns of George W. Bush aren't donating shiat to John McCain	(60)
(Some Guy)	"Democrats should decide the election by flipping a coin." Where's the outrage? This man was paid money, real money, to write a political column	(57)
	Hillary compares herself to a teabag. Let's see: Wrinkly, soggy, not as good as coffee. Fair comparison	(92)
	If things go according to plan, expect Joe Lieberman to be pushed under a bus by Harry Reid this fall, after he's no longer needed to keep the Dems in power	(87)
	Bush expected to veto expansion of the GI Bill because it would cost $51 billion over the next 10 years. In other news, we continue to spend $100 billion plus a year in Iraq	(361)
	A happy Mother's Day greeting from Hugo Chavez to German Chancellor Angela Merkel: "You're an offspring of Hitler"	(220)
	John McCain must do seven things to beat Barack Obama. Note use of "messiah" in first step	(188)
	Most disgusting news headline ever	(115)
	Both the Democratic and Republican proposals to address the high cost of energy are full of so much crap they could be burned and heat an entire city block all winter	(102)
	Computer files demonstrate that Hugo Chavez supports FARC. Now if he will just pay the $5 to become a TotalFARCer	(112)
	U.S. taxpayers subsidize every single energy source that generates electricity. Natural gas gets $0.25 per megawatt, but solar gets $24 bucks per, and wind rakes in $23 plus all the migrating birds it can kill	(492)
	Heroic father battles social services for right to deny his child chemotherapy	(408)
	Despite being under fire for starting a second family in D.C. while his wife remained home with their children, drunk-driving Republican congressman is still showing his GOP colors by shunning his gay sister and her partner	(637)
	Why Clinton can't quit. Because the only thing bigger than her ego is the amount of money she owes. But not by much	(111)
	"I trust the American people to understand that it is not weakness, but wisdom to talk not just to our friends, but to our enemies, like Roosevelt did, and Kennedy did, and Truman did." Maybe he meant Chamberlain	(392)
(Some Guy)	News: Clinton fakes newspaper headline in commercial. Fark: Uses Bill adultery article under fake headline	(93)
	Barack Obama's Top 10 VP choices	(250)
	Most Canadians think Stéphane Dion is weak, uninspiring and unintelligible, but, for all his flaws, they still find the Liberal leader somewhat more likable than Prime Minister Stephen Harper	(84)
	Hillary Clinton: "Et tu, 'SNL'?"	(124)
	Barack Obama aide, rebutting Douchebag of Liberty story about Michelle Obama nixing Hillary as VP: "Robert Novak's columns should be set aside in case of a toilet-paper emergency"	(78)