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Sun April 06, 2008
Detroit News Stupid DNC Chairman Howard Dean - "Michigan voters ought to have some say" in determining the nominee, despite Barack Obama not appearing on primary ballot. And so it begins (77)
(Harpers) Obvious Poll of historians shows 60% of them think Bush is the worst president ever, 98% think he is a 'failure'. Poll results show he did keep one campaign promise: he is a uniter, not a divider (85)
(The New Editor) Amusing Kos: Texas "up for grabs." In other news, Kos proves Tooth Fairy, Easter Bunny, and Santa Claus are all real, live together in New Jersey four bedroom home (37)
(New York Review of Books) Unlikely Pakistan is not about to fall apart, or implode, or break out into civil war, or become a Taliban state with truckfuls of mullahs pouring down on Islamabad from the Khyber Pass (11)
Independent Obvious John McCain's 19-year-old son, Jimmy, is serving in Iraq, sparking furious protests from lefties whose favorite talking point about Republicans is now gone (227)
Wall Street Journal News The RMS Clintanic has lost another occupant as chief strategist Mark Penn grabs a lifeboat (437)
(NewsNet5) Asinine Legislator proposes forcing parents to "volunteer" at schools under the threat of a $100 fine (79)
(Some Guy) Unlikely 25-year old homeless man steals the show at San Diego mayoral debate (75)
(Information ClearingHouse) Obvious Not news: guy says rapid withdrawal is only solution to quagmire in Iraq. News: guy says this to the Senate. Fark: he's a retired general (105)
(Sheboygan Press) Dumbass Helmet law debated in Wisconsin. "If people aren't smart enough to figure out on their own that a helmet hitting the asphalt is better than a head, then we, society, need to step in and protect them" (200)
Billings Gazette Unlikely Congressmen claims that one day we'll thank George Bush for his massive deficits, regressive policies, and expanded government intrusion, not to mention burning down the Constitution (154)
CBS News Unlikely Hillary on Obama: "I started criticizing the war in Iraq before he did." Apparently, she was against the war before she was for it before she was against it (150)
CNN Cool Olympic torch relay through London turns into a chaotic protest, complete with a guy trying to douse the torch with a fire extinguisher (39)
MSNBC Obvious Chelsea proves apple doesn't fall far from the tree: no one can find her college thesis about peace negotiations in Ireland. Document expected to be found a week after the statute of limitations expires on the corner of her desk (56)
LA Times Interesting Sean Connery says that Scotland is going to toss off the yoke of British rule just like he tossed his yoke onto Alex Trebek's mother (127)
(Some Guy) Interesting New poll shows support for Irish leadership candidate Fianna Fail has increased five percent, threatening to destroy a long-established Fark cliche (59)
(Some Candidate) Weird Papa Smurf loses bid for city council seat (39)
(Politico) Amusing Not news: WSJ may endorse a presidential candidate. News: their last endorsement was in 1928. Fark: that endorsement was for Herbert Hoover (58)
ABC News Obvious Clinton campaign for months on end - "We are not seeking to poach Obama's pledged delegates." Hillary today to N.D. Obama pledged delegates - "Please switch your vote for me" (109)

Sat April 05, 2008
Wall Street Journal Asinine Did Hillary lie to the Senate about how much income she and Bill earned? (95)
Chicago Sun-Times Cool Jimmy Carter thinks that Obama is better suited to protect our nation's borders from swamp rabbits (33)
CNN Interesting Senator Joe Biden (D-DE) calls The Surge "a failure," goes on to add "pickmeforVPpleasepleaseplease" (100)
(US News) Obvious Obama outraised Clinton by 2-1 last month, proving that black people get too many hand outs or women get paid half as much as men, depending if you prefer to be the racist or the sexist type (162)
Time Spiffy When will senator Obama reject the endorsement of Cardboard Trout, and repudiate his fishy views? (34)
SFGate Stupid Former Representative Bob Barr (R-eally hates Clintons and Bushes) considers seeking Libertarian nomination for President; would exactly cancel out Ralph Nader effect by taking .002% of McCain's votes (48)
AP Hero Sam Adams responds to worldwide hops shortage by making some of its supply available to smaller brewers; in other news, Jim Koch has the inside track for the Nobel Peace Prize and leads Obama and McCain in every state by landslide margins (47)
The Raw Story Dumbass John Asscroft mixes up Obama with Osama, gets booed (101)
(Some trout) Obvious Hillary Clinton: I caught a "young uninsured pregnant girl dies because hospital refuses to treat her" fish THIS big. Hospital in question: No you didn't, stop lying already (236)
Wall Street Journal Asinine So what if your new power plant meets every environmental regulation ever made, I'm going to deny the permit anyway. Because you are using evil fuel, fuel of the devil, begone Satan (249)
Seattle Times Asinine Good news: US Transportation Secretary wants to lower gas taxes. Doubleplus ungood news: by using time-of-day based tolling via RFID transponders that can track your every move and issue speeding tickets automatically (83)
Hartford Courant Obvious Clinton campaign running a budget deficit, as if she's already been elected (66)
(Some Guy) Unlikely $300,000,000 has absolutely no corrupting influence, nor will it cause bias in the results of science it promotes. It won't. Serially (148)
Herald Tribune Florida Low tax revenue + No Test left behind ≠ Subsidized Faith Based school vouchers. Subby had a public education so check my math, please (48)
Guardian.com Amusing Some Germans train some Libyans how to fight terrorists in their spare time. Naturally, someone has a problem with this (13)
Entertainment Weekly Misc Stephen King weighs in on politicians' current video game controversy. "There's a lot more to America's culture of violence than Resident Evil 4" (80)
Telegraph Scary Petraeus to give Bush administration the base for an attack on Iran. Next week headline: Iran was bombed, mission accomplished (335)

Fri April 04, 2008
(Some Guy) Video Clinton: I'm F***ing Obama (61)
Newsweek Interesting Looks As if rUnNing arounD thE woRld speakIng aNd tourinG can pay off to the tune of $51 million (44)
(NY Sun) Dumbass Obama is the only candidate to pledge to withdraw all troops from Iraq. And by "all," he means "all but 80,000 of them" (144)
(Politico) Obvious GOP grassroots organization prints open letter to John McCain. Main point is printed in large text so that McCain can get the gist without reaching for his reading glasses (34)
Fox News Interesting Australian PM Kevin Rudd criticized for jokingly saluting President Bush using more than one finger (16)
(Radio Ink) Interesting Sen. John Kerry: "Surely XM Radio can't be Serious." FCC Chairman: "They are Sirius. And don't call me Shirley" (32)
Yahoo Stupid State Department signs a one-year deal with Blackwater. Incentive-laden contract includes bonuses include keep civilian deaths under 40 and further incentives if they pay their taxes on time (28)
Time Obvious Clintons finally release their tax returns. Turns out the "fighter" for the little people is worth about 100 times her opponent (252)
AP Followup After Matt Drudge "helpfully" points out that McCain has no Secret Service protection, the GOP nominee decides now would be a good time to meet with the guys in the black sunglasses and earbuds that never, ever smile (58)
(Some Guy) Dumbass McCain apology for voting against MLK holiday in Memphis on anniversary of MLK's assassination goes over like a fart in an elevator (plus video hilarity) (229)
(Some Guy) Asinine The Bush administration may not have fired some of the Justice Department attorneys for political reasons, but for having teh ghey. Dumbass and stupid tags run off to Massachusetts together, asinine takes this one (72)
(Shoe Other Foot) Stupid Starting early in the campaign trail the SwiftBoating or Skyhawking of John McCain. Bully, traitor, liar, adulterer and warmongering criminal. Good luck with that (79)
Boston Globe Obvious John McCain returns $3 million in illegal campaign donations after realizing yeah, maybe he should obey the federal law that HE WROTE (62)
MSNBC Interesting Edwards says he would not accept VP slot. Well, thank God for small miracles (43)
AP Strange In a continuing effort to take the democracy out of the Democratic Party, some superdelegates are found to be more super than others (82)
(The Atlantic) Obvious Barack Obama "has brought glamour back to American politics." The presidential election has become "America's Top Model," political version (100)
Slate Obvious Sen. Clinton prolonged the war in Bosnia so everyone could get a good look at her healthcare policy, which sucked (55)
CNN Misc Every time you crack open a Bud, you're making a contribution to John McCain (100)
(The Politico) Dumbass Nancy Pelosi warns General Petraeus not to bring any good news about Iraq that might hurt her party's chance at the Presidency (285)
USA Today Obvious When it comes to solving the subprime mortgage mess, Democratic Presidential candidates surround themselves with experts (67)
Daily Herald Asinine Class warfare, Illinois-style: Let the voters decide whether or not to double the income tax on their fellow citizens making over $250,000, and then give that money to them in tax breaks (509)
Seattle Times Strange Knowing the Democratic platform on the 2nd Amendment, McCain has so far declined a Secret Service entourage (44)
NYPost Interesting Odd Couple: Oy vey. Can a "Nazi" Pope and a Holocaust-survivor rabbi be New York shulmates without driving each other crazy? (36)
(Belfast Telegraph) Amusing The rest of the World anticipating a HRC Presidency: "My fellow Americans, I drank a pint of walrus milk once for a bet. I speak fluent Eskimo. I once ate all the gherkins in Belgium..." (462)
Wonkette Amusing Not one to let a little thing like losing the Republican Party nomination slow him down, Ron Paul gets ready for the Pennsylvania primary (57)
Yahoo Obvious 81 percent of Americans believe U.S. is headed in the wrong direction. The other 19 percent learned to drive in Britain (276)
(bloomberg) Obvious Hillary: "Corporations are raping America, leaving her raw and wanting." Reporter: "Weren't you a corporate lawyer?" Hillary: "I can't hear you over this deafening sniper fire." (67)
BBC Asinine The deal is cemented by the demented, lamented the tormented (15)
IndyStar Amusing Since he won't be using the bowling alley much, Obama plans on building a White House basketball court. Bonus: He describes himself as a poor man's Scottie Pippen but with less talent (66)

Thu April 03, 2008
(Air America) Dumbass Air America suspends Randi Rhodes for calling Hillary something that rhymes with Trucking Snore. That's a self-mugging (206)
(wiki) Interesting Beer heiress, rodeo beauty queen, special ed teacher AND addicted to painkillers? Might Cindy McCain be the Best. First. Lady. Evar? (115)
(Rasmussen) Interesting Thought experiment: If the Democratic primaries so far had been winner-take-all, then Hillary Clinton would be leading by 167 delegates (150)
(Palm Beach Post) Followup In a complete about face, DNC Chairman Howard Dean pledges to seat Florida's convention delegates. So for those of you keeping score at home, it's now Clinton with 1686 and Obama with 1662 (322)
IndyStar Amusing While Bill Clinton is speaking on a college campus promoting his wife, the Obama campaign upstages him by giving away free Dave Matthews Band tickets simultaneously (95)
MSNBC Obvious Robert Mugabe concedes Zimbabwe presidential election. The multitude of army guns pointed at his head might have influenced his decision (65)
(Politico) Spiffy While Hillary's campaign is struggling to pay its bills, Obama's announces they raised $40 million last month from 400,000 individual donors, half of whom were giving for the very first time (101)
(Some Guy) Obvious And the winner of this week's pick for Democratic scapegoat to explain why they're going to lose big in November: Bloggers (38)
(Some Guy) Silly Former Central Command leader Gen. Tommy Franks segues from running Iraq War to joining board of directors of Chuck E. Cheese. Wait, what? (53)
Wonkette Asinine Apparently international foreign policy is being controlled by a group of cliquish 13 yr olds because NATO won't let Macedonia join unless it changes it's name. Suggest a new name. VE (107)
(Ron Paul 2008) Strange Strangely, Ron Paul is still running for president, and will rally his fanbase of moody loners at two events today in Pennsylvania (134)
(Some Guy) Spiffy Hanoi Jane & the second worst president in modern times come out for Obama. Woot (283)
(NY Times) Interesting Discussing the typeface used in Barack Obama's campaign, Gotham. Of course, any discussion of this kind must include a gratuitous shot at the much-despised favorite of secretaries everywhere, Comic Sans (164)
Computerworld Asinine "Feds lie about link between software piracy and terrorism". Ric Romero & the O RLY owl last seen battling it out for the title of King Facepalm IV (25)
(TPM) Followup Declassified Bush Administration "Everything we do is legal" memo reveals the existence of a still classified memo specifically claiming that the 4th Amendment does not apply on US soil if the government doesn't think it should (385)
NYPost Amusing Hillary announces that Obama cannot win. Well, that's all folks. Drive home safely; thanks for coming (107)
Wonkette Amusing An incomplete list of all the times McCain has told someone to get off his lawn (38)
Boston Globe Obvious Some truths to accept about John McCain if you decide to throw a hissy fit because your candidate didn't win the Democratic nomination (Republicans kindly ignore) (844)
(Some Dick) Obvious Hillary isn't in the race to win, but instead to avoid defaulting on her $13 million in debt (90)
(TMZ) Followup Obama aims to get all his kiss-of-death endorsements over with this week, as Jane Fonda decides to straddle his cannon. So to speak (182)
Stuff Interesting They don't need no education. - male Pink Floyd fans more likely to vote Republican (141)
The Daily Show Video Ladies and gents, this kid's opinion is worth 10,000 times yours in picking the next Dem Presidential candidate (74)
MSNBC Sad Obama just received the endorsement of campaign death - Theresa Heinz-Kerry (47)
AP Amusing In a desperate attempt to be controversial Fark's favorite AW (M) Ann Coulter just compared Obama's Book to "Mein Kampf" (281)
(Rock On) Cool Male classic rock fans vote Republican. Females and fans of Oingo Boingo vote for the losers (129)
Marketwatch Stupid Because Super Tuesday is such a fine clusterfark, the GOP wants to bring you 3 more for 2012 (30)
(NYTimes) Stupid It's 3AM and TV ad rates are so low your campaign can actually afford them. Which meme do you recycle for a completely unrelated topic? (52)
(Rasmussen Reports) Obvious New poll suggest Bill Clinton's reputation is going down like a... like a... oh, what's a good metaphor to use here? (74)

Wed April 02, 2008
AP Interesting Obama continues to narrow the gap in Pennsylvania, halving Clinton's once huge lead in latest polls. Still no cure for cancer (180)
CBS News Amusing Super athlete Obama's 37 in bowling equated to 13 other sports collapses (47)
ABC News Interesting Hillary Clinton revealed her true opinions of Obama and America in her attempts to persuade Bill Richardson to endorse her: "He cannot win, Bill. He cannot win." (98)
Yahoo Obvious McCain pushes for big build-up of U.S. military troop levels without imposing draft. Is also opposed to increasing taxes, so apparently will rely on the straight-talking maverick money fairy to get the bucks to pay for it (177)
(Talking Points Memo) Obvious Former Undersecretary of Defense: if you're against torture, you're siding with "a**holes" (92)
(HuffPo) Amusing Obama pestered in Philadelphia by a photo-seeking nut. "Just take it. I won't be smiling because you're wearing me out." (with video hilarity) (132)
(Maggies Farm) Ironic UK Newspaper talks about America's current "depression," complete with poor folk standing in breadline pic. Fark: Photo is from 2005, people are getting free coats, and that beggar is actually adjusting his iPod (463)
(Michael Yon) Ironic Al Qaeda members' penchant for vising brothels has led to valuable intelligence that American soldiers have used to HOLY CRAP WHAT IS WRONG WITH HER THIGHS??? (76)
YouTube Hero “Thanks for the question, you little jerk,” McCain joked back to one student who asked the 71-year-old about his age. “You’re drafted.” (145)
The Raw Story Cool Obama says he'd love to have Gore in his cabinet, may tap Rob Zombie to direct (103)
AP Cool Thomas Stabenow -- who co-founded TalkUSA liberal radio and whose wife is a U.S. senator -- was caught in an Internet prostitution sting. In response, wife introduces Omnibus Kick Your Husband's Ass Act of 2008 (288)
Denver Channel Obvious Guess which party has gotten the most money in earmark spending this year? If you actually guessed, you're a partisan tool and part of what's wrong with this country. Doubly so, because you're wrong (215)
(CJR.org) Obvious Columbia Journalism Review: "Shouldn't the press call Obama out for taking McCain's '100 Years' comment out of context?" Press: *points, emits high-pitched pod people scream* (143)
Washington Post Stupid "When the president does it, it's not illegal" memo reluctantly released (436)
Yahoo Unlikely Liberal bloggers accuse the media of being too fixated on McCain. Media pauses while drawing picture of Obama in its locker and all over its notebooks, says "McCain who?" (121)
SFGate Interesting Bill Clinton goes medieval on California super delegates (102)
Yahoo Obvious John McCain believes many Americans are cynical about their country, and their idea of liberty is "the right to choose among competing brands of designer coffee" (129)
(Jpost) Stupid Hamas: "We accept state on 1967 borders." Israel: [takes a deep breath, sighs] "Gee, you know, that information... really would've been more useful to me *yesterday.* By yesterday, we mean, of course, 40 years ago" (1073)
(Hot Air) Cool Hillary Clinton fired from job with the Senate early in her career for being a bald-faced, lying, duplicitous witch, according to the guy who fired her (145)
My Fox DC Interesting McCain compiles list of GOP running mates… Huckabee a maybe… Don Imus and Spiro Agnew Jr. out (69)
Canoe Amusing Hillary holds a press conference to challenge Barack to a bowl-off (69)
CNN Amusing Chertoff waives regulations for Mexican border fence. Tag is for his belief they would have been followed in the first place (225)
(Politico) Obvious "Barack Obama is going to be the next president." Which Kool-Aid drinking backer said it now? Rep. Emmanuel Cleaver, Clinton supporter and superdelegate (76)
Daily Mail Stupid British bus drivers have to kick everybody off the bus every 30 miles because an EU directive says drivers get too tired if they go 31 miles without a rest (33)
Yahoo Amusing John McCain reminds David Letterman of "the guy at the hardware store that makes the keys." McCain: "Well, you look like a guy whose laptop would be seized by the authorities" (62)
(Bloomberg) PSA Barack Obama wins the endorsement of that old guy with a buzzcut who keeps showing up on bipartisan commissions for some reason (25)
(The News Observer) Interesting Chelsea makes a case for mom. Made from wicker and shaped like a basket (20)
(JfH) Video Mike Gravel covers "Helter Skelter." No, really. (Warning: Does contain graphic historical news footage) (44)
(Indecision08) Cool Comedy Central officially reveals their presidential endorsement. As expected, it goes to the black guy (32)
(Newsbusters.org) Weird Gov. Ed Rendell (D-PA): "Well, I said that I think during this entire campaign coverage starting in Iowa and up to the present, Fox has done the fairest job, has remained the most objective of all the cable networks" (263)

Tue April 01, 2008
(Pensito Review) Interesting When will someone ask Meghan McCain about her dad's affairs, mother's drug abuse? (95)
(Capitol Hill Blue) Obvious Hillary Clinton's campaign is having a hard time keeping the lights on and the phones running, let alone paying all those pesky bills (199)
Newsday Interesting ACLU accuses Defense Department of using FBI to spy on Americans. Nothing to see here, citizen, move along (30)
National Review Ironic Generous Obama family gave a munificent six percent of family income to charity in 2006. Compare that to evil, greedy Dick Cheney giving 76 percent of his income to charity in the same year (313)
(Some Guy) Interesting Statistical proof that the rich get richer and the poor get poorer during Republican administrations. Suck it, libs (150)
CNN Obvious McCain shares memories of high school. Fondly recalls walking uphill, both ways, in the snow, with bare feet. And he was grateful for it (49)
Yahoo Dumbass Hillary Clinton compares herself to Rocky Balboa: Sucks eggs, beats meat, too dumb to quit (165)
Fox News PSA Schools are failing in the U.S.'s largest cities. Large cities and school boards have been run by one party for generations, but this is Bush's fault (438)
(crooksandliars) Cool Daily Show on the Surge: When violence goes down, we're winning. But when violence goes up, they're losing (132)
(Some Guy) Asinine Feminist writer/dingbat Alice Walker compares Obama to Mandela and Dr. King, minus the three decades in prison, the apartheid, the kickass ska protest song from The Specials plus the arrests, firehoses and assassination (103)
Yahoo Interesting Congress calls Big Oil to the carpet, hopes to figure out what this "milkshake" nonsense is about (127)
(The New Republic) Interesting Michelle Obama and Teresa Heinz Kerry to appear together at campaign event in Pittsburgh, creating a vortex of loose-cannon quotes that Fox News will live on for weeks (36)
CBC News Robert Mugabe says a run-off vote is needed in Zimbabwe. No word on whether this will affect his winery in California (157)
(crooksandliars) Silly Chris Matthews spins Bush's booing so hard you can hardly tell the audio was edited (88)
(Crooks & Liars) Ironic John McCain could be denied coverage under John McCain’s healthcare plan (100)
AFP Scary German hackers threaten to publish Chancellor Merkel's fingerprints. Would you like to touch my passport? (32)
News.com.au Interesting Barack Obama committed to the idea of an Australian alliance, more movies starring Paul Hogan (28)
Newsweek Obvious Obama: "I don't take money from oil companies" Factcheck.org: "Liar" (447)
Telegraph Obvious One too many blows to Hillary's head from her own Tupperware ceiling causes her to bring "gender card" into play (77)
AP Strange Signal of times to come? Married soldiers may now live together in Iraq. Still have to fight to get their precious snowflakes into the best schools with the least mortar fire (35)
(HuffPo) Amusing If at first you don't succeed: Chelsea asked again about father's taste in cigars and interns (with video goodness) (120)

Mon March 31, 2008
News.com.au Strange Kid's TV in Palestine now featuring shows in which child puppets stab president Bush. Still more entertaining than anything on NBC (102)
MTV Interesting Because you wanted to know, 50 Cent provides his keen insight about the Democrat party race (55)
Reuters Obvious Indonesia's president encourages Muslims not to riot over the film they'd all been ignoring or unaware of until today. This should end well (26)
(GamePolitics) Ironic Former IRA official, who conspired to plant a bomb which killed one and injured 200 hundred others, then escaped prison by shooting a guard, is now concerned that video games will lead children down the path toward violence (52)
IMDB Spiffy Al Gore turns 60 today. At least that's what the Democrats want you to think (39)
ABC News Amusing Barack Obama denies existence of the "North American Union." Which only means he's part of the conspiracy (138)
National Review Unlikely According to Rasmussen, McCain leads Obama in every blue state except Big Rock Candy Mountain (79)
(NYMag) Interesting Turns out John Edwards was set to endorse Obama, but Obama blew it, arguing with Edwards and treating him with flippancy (114)
NYPost Amusing Old and busted: Little girl used in Clinton ad comes out for Obama. New hotness: Little Bosnian girl who read poetry to Hillary in CBS video bashed Clinton for telling lies (319)
MSNBC Obvious White House unveils biggest change to financial oversight since the Great Depression. Coincidence? (233)
(Huff Post) Obvious Top 10 myths keeping Hillary in the race. "She's qualified" strangely absent from list (122)
Toledo Blade Unlikely Kwame Kilpatrick's latest scandal said to sully Detroit's image. In other news, Detroit has an image left to sully (190)
AJC PSA The deadline is up for the Rev. Creflo Dollar to explain how exactly he wound up with a tax-exempt Lear jet (289)
(Politico) Amusing Now we know why Hillary is pushing so hard for universal health care: Her campaign is so broke, they stopped paying the staff's insurance premiums (266)
(Some Guy) Dumbass On his way out the door, Bush tells Congress how to do their job (79)
Salon Asinine Newsweek's profile of McCain starts by calling him and Joe Lieberman "centrists," and it goes downhill from there (257)
Boston Globe Interesting Slideshow of the possible McCain VP choices (140)
Yahoo Obvious HUD Secretary is served his eviction notice (66)
Miami Herald Florida Florida attempts to become first state to "formally trash the concept that the roles of church and government should be separate" (145)
Mercury News Dumbass Bill Clinton tells Democrats to "chill out" over his wife's refusal to step down gracefully. After all, how can she be expected to make a comeback if everyone's pissed off at her? (134)
(Think Progress) Amusing Bush loudly booed as he tosses the ceremonial first pitch at the Nationals game. Throws the ball two feet outside the strikezone, is offered a contract by Nationals management (with video) (346)
American Thinker Amusing German Chancellor Merkel announces boycott of Beijing opening ceremonies. Bush says he will try to massage her into compliance (123)

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