Drew Curtis' FARK.com -- Politics Archives for '2007-04-29 23:59:59'

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Sun April 29, 2007

(kos)	Former CIA members send outraged letter to Tenet after the publication of his tell-all book	(6)
	Turkey serves as a model for the world in secularism	(69)
(World Tribune)	Sen. Joseph Lieberman: There is something profoundly wrong when opposition to the war in Iraq seems to inspire greater passion than opposition to Islamist extremism	(173)
	Would you believe that Mitt Romney is not the only candidate for President who is changing his positions to court primary voters?	(44)
(Some Guy)	One indication that ABC's hosted debate on the existence of God will be pure comedy gold? Kirk Cameron blames the theory of evolution and atheism for the VT shootings	(212)
	Shiite militants in Iraq claim to be forming special group to capture Britain's Prince Harry if he does go into duty in Iraq	(27)
	82 prisoners remain locked up in Guantanamo Bay despite having been cleared of all charges against them, because the US doesn't want to deport them to places where they might face torture or other human rights abuses	(483)
	Caption this picture of Barack Obama making some kind of point	(137)
	Bush predicts the end of a "cruel dictatorship" in the western hemisphere. No, silly, he was talking about Cuba	(84)
	U.S. Attorney-General Alberto Gonzales is heckled and repeatedly wedgied at his 25 year law school class reunion	(24)
(Think Progress)	US official Randall Tobias, who resigned yesterday after admitting to patronizing an escort service, required aid recipients to take an anti-prostitution "loyalty oath"	(44)
(Some Guy)	Ever wonder why Ashleigh Banfield disappeared from cable news two years after 9/11? Just another victim of the truthiness machine	(98)

Sat April 28, 2007

	Spotted owl status could shift from protected to delicious	(21)
(Huff Post)	Gary Hart leaves the yacht for a moment to kick Rudy Giuliani in the junk	(38)
(Some Guy)	Washington reporters now in full meltdown, damage control mode after Bill Moyer's biatchslap of the Washington press corps collective loss of critical thinking in 2001-2003 on Iraq	(152)
	Wolfowitz hits stiffening opposition; confidence in him flacid. World Bank erecting advisory panel. Penis	(13)
	Australian comedian tracks down Hillary Clinton, offers to be her intern	(8)
	"(Prime Minister Howard is) a skidmark on the bedsheet of Australian politics"	(25)
	Sam Waterston endorses effort to field a third party Presidental ticket in 2008, robot insurance	(32)
	Bush official linked to call-girl probe. Apparently he was into role-playing, and she was supposed to be Saddam with WMDs and a big rubber whip	(74)

Fri April 27, 2007

	Problem: Those pesky Europeasants objected to having the new EU constitution shoved down their throats. Solution: "use different terminology without changing the legal substance"	(88)
(Southeast Texas Record)	Attorney files injunction against newspaper saying...get this..."newspapers should be free of bias, like the Washington Post"	(27)
	Putin threatens U.S missile defense shield will lead to mutual destruction, mineshaft gap	(41)
	The head of Prince Harry fetching £250,000. The head of Col. Montoya holding steady at one shiny new burro	(16)
	Iraqi Kurdish want Iraqi Kurdistan to become US province	(139)
(620wtmj.com)	Actual headline: Milwaukee Alderman calls for people to throw bricks at cars	(4)
(Think Progress)	Jon Voigt, star of SuperBabies: Baby Geniuses II, lends his considerable intellectual heft to the debate over Iraq	(30)
(ABA Journal)	In the Iraqi criminal justice system, war criminals were brought to justice by two seperate yet equally important groups - the American lawyers who set up the tribunal, and the Iraqi judges who prosecuted the defendants. These are their stories	(8)
	Bush: "The Vetoes will continue until Congress stops trying to hold me accountable"	(90)
(Pollster)	Tag clouds for each candidate from last night's democratic debate show John Edwards sounds polished, Obama needs to practice more, and Hillary just wants to be PRESIDENT	(36)
(David Green)	"The Bush administration is now beginning an inexorable process which will change its status from the worst administration in American history to the publicly-acknowledged worst administration in American history."	(65)
	Bush Administration declares war on Chocolate	(173)
	Skeletor, Bush's economic advisor, states that economic growth slowed to a near crawl of 1.3 percent (with scary pic)	(124)
	Like a bad TV testimonial, the Iraqis don't believe the surges are working and want us to pull out, but slowly, and are afraid of what the U.S. might leave behind	(120)
	New York's governor proposes legalizing gay marriage in state; Yankees clubhouse ecstatic	(183)
(Some Guy)	South Carolina viewers pick Obama as the winner of the first Democratic presidential softball homerun derby	(19)
	"Those who falsely call Iraq a 'civil war' are conferring on al Qaeda a success they have not been able to bring about themselves. They are puffing up a phony, contrived civil war far beyond the bounds of reality"	(57)
	Campaign manager for John Edwards sends email to supporters telling them Edwards would call for Bush to fire Karl Rove during debate. Edwards fails to make such statement. Oops	(19)
	New Jersey Gov. Jon S. Corzine, recovering from a 90-mph crash without seat belt two weeks ago, says he feels "blessed." Our Lady of Blessed Acceleration unavailable for comment	(20)
	Not news: Harry Reid says, "I agree with General Petraeus, he's the man on the ground there." News: General Petraeus says, "Iraq is improving" and Reid says, "I don't believe him." Fark: It was the same interview	(55)
(Instapundit)	Democrats prove their dedication to fighting global warming by each taking separate chartered jets to the debate	(393)
	South African politicians having problem with hoax emails	(5)
	Democratic candidates batter Bush during debate; guarantee he will not win third term	(74)
	Democratic presidential candidate Gravel tells it like it is. Your dog wants a bumper sticker	(95)
	Former CIA Director George "Slam Dunk" Tenet's new book accuses "despicable" White House of... well, a lot of very, very bad things	(59)
	Giuliani flops from "for" to "against" civil unions	(141)
(americablog)	Senator McCain goes to Senate floor, demands president bring U.S. troops home immediately. Twice. With video	(81)

Thu April 26, 2007

	MSNBC poll results from Democratic debate. Let's see who gets GRAVELLED	(57)
	China wants Taiwan to be part of its Olympic torch route, offers to send five million troops to help carry	(18)
	Putin rejects talk of a third term. Says this is because his second term won't end and he doubts there will be elections in the near future	(15)
	Official Democratic Debate discussion thread. Drink every time an unknown tries to grab some limelight	(660)
	General Petraeus tells Congress that Iraq is likely to get worse before it gets better	(77)
	Bush approval rating at 28 percent. How low can you go?	(468)
(Financial Times)	Apparently, carbon offset credits are nothing more than a big scam. Suck it, libs	(75)
	Olbermann takes Giuliani to task over his claims that he and the Republican party know best how to handle terrorism (video)	(117)
	So, Congress was all like, We have questions? and then Condi went, I already answered them? and then they went, Nuh-uh we're going to subpoena you? and she was all like, Oh no you din't, biatch, ain't respectin' you no more	(205)
(Some Guy)	"Smoking gun" video of alleged Hillary Clinton felony released	(74)
(McClatchy)	Statistics show that car bombings have increased since the surge started. But the Bush Administration didn't like that. So they stopped counting deaths by car bomb as sectarian deaths. Problem solved. The surge is working	(35)
(Some Guy)	Al-Qaeda quotes Harry Reid's "hopeless" statement for propaganda	(184)
	Dems in an uproar over Giuliani quote predicting "new 9/11 if a Democrat wins the presidency." Unfortunately, he didn't say that	(172)
	Americans want Bin Laden executed, a chicken in every pot, simultaneous orgasms, more wishes	(33)
(nbc10)	Bush raises awareness for malaria, proves just how white he is in dance with African troupe (with video)	(100)
	Teresa Heinz Kerry reveals how she is using her five mansions, yachts, SUVs and private jet to stop global warming	(138)
	Bush v. Bush: "I couldn't imagine somebody like Osama bin Laden understanding the joy of Hannukah"	(20)

Wed April 25, 2007

	White House says Bush didn't know Tillman killed by friendly fire. Making "Terrorists are going to get us, especially if we leave Iraq." the only thing he is 100% sure of	(38)
(Huffington Post)	If you thought college was a good time to protest things, think again. Utah businesses blacklist students who protest Cheney's commencement speech	(43)
(Some Guy)	Bill Maher's "Towel Headed Hos"	(37)
(Some Hillbilly)	Montana House Majority Leader calls Governor an "S.O.B.", tells him to "go to Hell", and instructs him to "stick it up his ass". All in a days work at the Hillbilly House of Representatives	(56)
(Some Guy)	New York Times editorial board: "Religious groups shouldn't be allowed to dictate who can and can't get married." No, the New York Times editorial board should make that call	(36)
(Times Argus)	Bush and Cheney impeachment resolution rejected by the House of Comrades of the People's Republic of Vermont	(84)
	Proud neoconservative Christopher Hitchens explains why your god sucks	(45)
(Molly Good)	Hillary Clinton dresses like a summer squash with pearls and helmet hair (pic)	(25)
(TPM)	News: NY Post writes hit piece on Democrats and Harry Reid. Not News: Labels article as AP story, which later AP subsequently denies. Fark: Article author also says it looks nothing like the piece he wrote	(84)
	Seattle Mayor cancels press conference to highlight major improvements to city roads because of a major water main break caused by the road construction crew	(43)
	University of Virginia expresses regret for use of slaves. Uh....thanks?	(153)
(Huffington Post)	The difference between Liberals and Conservatives revealed. Summary: Conservatives are selfish	(169)
(Honolulu Advertiser)	New Age tourists leaving offerings to the goddess Pele on the rim of Halema'uma'u Crater are annoying the hell out of native Hawaiians and killing the island's wildlife	(122)
(Congressional Quarterly)	Gonzales tries to mend fences on Capitol Hill, accidentally sets them on fire	(33)
	House: Miss Monica Goodling, what did you know about the firing of the eight attorneys. Monica Goodling: I invoke my Fifth Amendment rights against self-incrimination. House: You've got immunity, please get ready to sing	(570)
	Submitter embraces Democratic Party on news that they want to make online gambling legal again	(251)
	Three-in-four Americans say they like leaders who are willing to compromise. Two-thirds also say they like politicians who stick to their positions. Irony tag asplodes	(72)
	New study reveals that Hillary Clinton talks more like a 'lady' than husband. Still unable to explain her penis	(15)
(Hot Air)	Michelle Malkin is sassy cheerleader for your Democrat-hatin', hot-Asian-lovin' enjoyment	(162)
(NY Daily News)	NYC Mayor Bloomberg's plan to go green gets Gored after the press discovers the city leaves their office lights on when nobody is home	(55)
	The Department of Homeland Security might just be an ineffectual bureaucracy	(33)
(Some Guy)	Investigator investigating Rove is also under investigation	(63)
(Some Guy)	2008 Presidential vote match quiz. See which candidate would best represent you in Washington	(202)
	Apparently, Florida's state senate has nothing better to do than think about naughty, naughty schoolgirls who wear their pants so low that you can see their thongs, and how they must be punished	(132)
	MySpace.com launches a political reality show kind of like "American Idol." Democralarity ensues	(5)
	African states call for 20-year ban on ivory. No word on corresponding ban on ebony, so they can live together in perfect harmony	(8)
(Boston Channel)	Massachusetts governor gives up abstinence-only sex-education grant money, because the classes don't work. I don't know which is more incredible: A politician living in reality, or one not grubbing for money	(17)
(Daily Kos)	Harry Reid pwns Dick Cheney: "I’m not going to get into a name-calling match with somebody who has a nine-percent approval rating."	(70)
(The Politico)	Giuliani: If Democrats win presidency, they'll be a "new 9/11." If Republicans win, "we'll try to stop them before they do it." Miniature American flags for others	(160)

Tue April 24, 2007

	Iraqi PM "losing grip" on government	(28)
	Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid on Dick Cheney: "I'm not going to get into a name-calling match with somebody that has 9 percent approval ratings."	(89)
	If 85% of Americans can't name the Senate Majority Leader, are we supposed to believe that two-thirds of Americans have studied the details of the U.S. attorney firings and come to an informed conclusion that they were politically motivated?	(166)
	During 2004 Election Ohio election reporting site switched to RNC internet addresses	(146)
	U.S. intelligence sees zombie Castro's health rebounding. News leaked of a planned grudge match against zombie Reagan dubbed Thriller. Michael Jackson not amused	(53)
(Some Guy)	AP runs a story praising Cuba because you don't see homeless out on the streets. Oh sure, a lot of them don't have anything to eat, but still	(59)
	Brother of one of the pilots killed on 9/11 to run for open Massachusetts congressional seat. Expected to mention 9/11 slightly less than Rudy Giuliani	(19)
	George McGovern: "I expect to see Cheney and Bush forced to resign their offices before 2008 is over." But the real story here is that George McGovern is still alive	(307)
(Think Progress)	House Foreign Affairs subcommittee holds hearings on extraordinary rendition. Congressman Dana Rohrabacher (R-CA) tells the crowd that he hopes it is their families that suffer terrorist attacks. Smiles and laughs as he says it (with video)	(155)
	To the surprise of absolutely no one, Crow's toilet paper comment was a joke taken out of context. Rove still mad about her giving him the cooties, however	(202)
(Some Non-Union Guy)	Free trade with South Korea will cost Canadian jobs, warns auto workers union in a completely selfless and objective news release	(17)
	On the day Kucinich is scheduled to file impeachment charges against Cheney, Cheney conveniently has to go back to doctor for blood clot in leg	(57)
(C&L)	Bill O'RLY sports tin foil hat, talks of George Soros conspiracy to take over the United States	(103)
	Taiwan announces they could beat China at war. No doubt alcohol was involved in this announcement	(120)
	Bush: Me am Bizarro Lincoln	(186)
	Drawing stick figures in school is still OK, unless one of the stick figures is holding a gun, in which case you call in the FBI and any nearby National Guard units	(206)
	Congressional staffer pleads guilty to Abramoff bribe charges. Since that's the 10th conviction in the scandal, prosecutors get a free misdemeanor conviction and small coffee on their next court appearance	(106)
	ZOMG MySpace to hold mock presidential elections. Candidates to submit grainy webcam shots carefully posed to eliminate double chin	(22)
	"I choose not to vote" may soon be on Florida ballots	(174)
	41 admits that America is suffering from "Bush Fatigue"	(63)
	John McCain admits global warming is real and man-made, further confusing Republicans	(42)
	Rush Limbaugh says the Virginia Tech shooter was 'a liberal'. Submitter says Limbaugh is a 'fat-ass, pill-popping nutjob who doesn't know when to STFU'	(208)

Mon April 23, 2007

	Ray Nagin apologizes for inflammatory remarks. No, the other ones. No, not those ones either. Try the ones that were true	(99)
	Ahmadinejad offers to have talks with Bush. Translation: Our nuclear program has hit a huge snag	(101)
	How the CIA used a fake sci-fi flick to rescue Americans from Tehran	(95)
	U.S. Army sergeant in Afghanistan: "I find it ironic that the flags were flown at half-staff for the young men and women who were killed at VT, yet it is never lowered for the death of a U.S. service member"	(346)
	Bush sees reduction in Iraq violence. However, he also sees a giant pink rabbit named "Herb" who advises him on staffing decisions	(27)
	An independent Kurdish homeland? Evangelical Christians, Israeli operatives and some Republicans are gunning for it	(69)
(crooksandliars)	Supporter to present George W. Bush with a Purple Heart for wounds caused by verbal attacks by his critics	(90)
	The American economy: Broke, busted, tapped out, ruined, strapped and cleaned out	(62)
(Newsbusters)	Kenny Mayne is part of a liberal conspiracy because his home run call is now "Obama"	(16)
	Cuban gets 12 years for anti-Castro grafitti; says Mavs still get hosed by refs	(7)
	The pot calls the kettle Barack	(22)
	"China will be here for 2000 years, America may go away"	(148)
	Reid ups the ante, promising legislation that begins withdrawal on Oct. 1, 2007	(47)
(Arkansas Democrat-Gazette)	Woman writes letter to newspaper to complain that moving Daylight Savings up a month has made it hotter and that the liberal Congress did it to make people believe global warming is real	(217)
	Bush says he is confident that all the events Alberto Gonzales can not remember were legal	(62)
(Globe Gazette)	John Edwards' Panderbear 2008 Tour lands in Iowa, talks farmland redistribution and universal health care that will cost nothing	(106)
	Oregon governor will live on food stamps for a week to illustrate plight of poor	(472)
	The Rutgers basketball team refuses to become Hillary Clinton's political football	(182)
(Townhall)	Right-wing radio show prevents Fred Phelps from protesting at the funerals of the VT victims by inviting him to be on the show	(468)
	Problem: Hillary's fake southern accent didn't fool anyone last time she was down south. Solution: Try it in New York instead	(100)
	The evolution of battle in Iraq	(493)
	Harry Reid says Bush is in "state of denial" over Iraq. President counters, saying he's never been to Egypt	(96)
	Karl Rove is still claiming it's not getting hotter, the CO2 isn't going up, and we're going to be greeted as liberators	(75)
	Ivory Coast politicians suspended after getting into a fistfight over office furniture and the size of their budgets	(4)
	If men are being sent to compulsory courses on breast feeding, that might be a sign that you've let political correctness go too far	(24)
	U.S. presidential candidates may have an online debate this fall. Hillary: "U R teh suxors." Giuliani: "STFU!" Obama: "OMG, LOL"	(68)
(Some Guy)	The worldwide bastion of freedom legalises online poker. No, not the U.S. -- South Africa	(89)