Drew Curtis' FARK.com -- Politics Archives for '2007-04-22 23:59:59'

# of Comments

"From the very beginning, this administration emphasized loyalty over competence. And at some point, that catches up with you."

(10)

"Al-Qaida has warned street vendors not to place tomatoes beside cucumbers because the vegetables are different genders"

(24)

France votes for a Royal...with cheese

(12)

Afghanistan embraces democracy, introduces legislation to censor the media

(5)

"The 'gun-free zone turned out to be a fraud—not just because there were at least two guns on the campus last Monday, but in the sense that the college was promoting to its students a profoundly deluded view of the world"

(274)

The French Presidential Election had nearly 85% voter turnout. Apathy surrenders

Sheryl Crow tried to feel up Karl Rove at the Correspondents dinner. Apparently she has really cold hands

(46)

Not news: Iowa state senators like to play video games. News: During session. Fark.com: In the senate chambers

(17)

Campaign workers for Al Gore told to "stand by" for presidential run

(299)

(Blackfive)

Want to know what kind of men serve in today's Army? Men like SSG Caldwell who was shot in both arms while successfully directing his men under fire to defeat an insurgent ambush. Bonus: He re-enlisted while in hospital. (w/ pics)

(97)

Taiwan, China want to remind everyone that they're still one of the world's most dangerous hotspots

(51)

Upholding the tradition of previous years, President Bush decides "not to be funny" at this year's White House Correspondent's Association dinner

Russia, getting bored with democracy, installs loyalist executives at last independent radio station. New regulations also require the US to be portrayed as the enemy, forgetting the US already won the Cold War

(21)

There are 266 powers under which state officials can enter an individual's home in the UK. England prevails

(87)

It's not very smart to vote differently than your wife in an election. It's even stupider to do so when she's one of the candidates. But when she's running against your ex-wife, just give up on sleeping with her ever again

(15)

Bob Goss, a Vietnam dustoff medic, opens up a can of verbal whoop-ass upon every single person who has 27 yellow magnets on their SUV, and the Bush Administration. Also reminds everyone how serious PTSD is. (Not safe for work language)

(30)

Hollywood mogul and former associate of Bill and Hillary Clinton has obtained a videotape which he says proves that Hillary violated campaign finance laws. The working title is "Mudslinging With A Trebuchet"

(16)

Sat April 21, 2007:

# of Comments

Texas Senate OKs a bill raising the smoking age to 19, because God forbid an 18-year-old have a cigarette to calm her nerves before she joins the military

(209)

Pentagon now grants fewer disability benefits than before the Iraq war. But it's ok because I bought 2 yellow ribbon magnets with my tax cuts today

(32)

"I can't think of a better cheerleader for America than Bill Clinton, can you?" Thanks for that image Hillary

(21)

An Iraqi policeman, reflecting on Virginia Tech: "America has terrorism and they are exporting it to us"

(180)

It may be OK to leave a child behind

(31)

If Obama is Google, then McCain is GM, and John Edwards is Krispy Kreme Doughnuts. Mmm, doughnuts

(66)

The image advisor for the Prime Minister of Canada claims to communicate with angels

(83)

(PowerlineBlog)

Yale bans fake weapons from stage productions. What fools these mortals be

(154)

(New York Times)

Democrat presidential candidates plan to raise your taxes, but you probably knew that already

(101)

(NBC 10)

Barak Obama wants to strip insane people of their Second Amendment right to arm themselves against the voices in their heads

(105)

CBS Radio sues tiny California radio station for continuing to run recorded Imus shows

(20)

Voting begins tomorrow for lookalikes of Arnold Horshack, Catherine Keener and Mel Brooks. France surrenders

(14)

"Favorable views of the U.S. have dropped in Britain from 83 to 56%, in Germany from 78 to 37%, in Morocco from 77 to 49%, in Indonesia from 75 to 30%, in France from 62 to 39%, in Turkey from 62 to 12% and in Spain from 50 to 23%."

(149)

Within hours of Pat Tillman's death, the Army was in info-lockdown mode, cutting phone connections at the base, posting guards on his platoon, and ordering his uniform burned. Keep in mind, these are the same people that handled Abu Gharib

(64)

Bill Clinton says Al Gore might run for POTUS in 2008. Perhaps he could make a movie about his campaign, but nobody would believe it

(27)

A woman's tearful pleas for Barack Obama to end the Iraq war momentarily caught him off guard, mainly because he's not the President

(34)

Fri April 20, 2007:

# of Comments

From the "We Can See Where This Is Going" Department: White House praises Gonzalez's performance before Congress, calls him No. 1

(52)

(crooksandliars)

The administration claims up to 75 percent of all requested FBI documents cannot be found. Your dog ate these documents

(132)

Bush warning that to pull out of Iraq would turn the current blood shower into a bloodbath

(464)

Man with really poor judgement says AG was fired for poor judgement, he forgot who he heard that from, but in any case it wasn't him

(77)

Hawaii Senate passes bill addressing pedestrian safety. Hawaii House amends bill to allow red light cameras. Hawaii Senate amends bill to go into effect in 2020. Bill comes to complete stop

(58)

Richard Dawkins to appear on "O'Reilly Factor" on monday. Anticipated topics include Bill's fantastic centerpiece ideas and Dawkins' delicious sugar cookies. O RLY?

(93)

(Think Progress)

So Bush was like, our Iraq money is gonna run out in April, and CRS was like, nuh unh, and Bush was like, whatever, then the Pentagon was like, what CRS said. Pentagowned

(308)

Kucinich to launch Cheney impeachment proceedings next week. Cheney loading shotgun for special hunting trip this weekend

(342)

(kos)

General Petraeus: Let's tear down the wall that prevented the military from engaging in domestic propaganda

(63)

(Colorado Media Matters)

U.S. Senate candidate Alan Keyes says Obama is "an evil man and he needs to be stopped"; compares him to you-know-who

(113)

Westboro Baptist Church plans to picket the funeral of VT student Ryan Clark on Saturday. Fark would like to invite members of the News Media to nuke these guys from orbit

(828)

McCain tells critics of his humor to "lighten up and get a life"

(334)

Norway aims to be carbon neutral by 2050, which coincides with the date that the entire country will be under three feet of water

(78)

(nzherald.co.nz)

New Zaelnad Govremnet finllay accpets dyslexia as a rael condtiion

(11)

(Don Surber)

Two crooked congressmen get busted. One has their party affiliation mentioned in the first sentence of the AP story, the other in the fifth paragraph. Guess which party is which

(104)

(Think Progress)

Another GOP congressman is raided by the FBI: Rick Renzi (R- AZ). Congressional criminal trifecta is in play

(107)

Thu April 19, 2007:

# of Comments

Former Florida Congressman Mark Foley using campaign fund to pay his personal bills. Bonus: His lawyer was the former lead vocalist of Van Halen

(45)

John Edwards (D-ouchebag) is paying back his campaign for his $400 haircuts

(70)

House approves bill giving D.C. a vote. If you think about the majority of each of these two groups, it makes perfect sense

(96)

Senator Harry Reid (D-efeatist) says that "war in Iraq is lost." Libs allegedly in uproar over failure to "give peace a chance"

(219)

(Some Muckraker)

Masked Senator strikes again. Help identify him. (Odds are 3:1 on Ted Stevens)

(48)

Advice for Huffington Post: If you want to make a cogent, rational argument for gun control, try not to start your argument with historical inaccuracies

(78)

(National Journal)

John Edwards hires Joe Trippi as political consultant. Trippi's clients include such former presidents as Howard Dean, Ted Kennedy, Walter Mondale and Gary Hart

(8)

(HufPo)

...and the latest nominee for 2007 Troll Headline of the Year goes to the Huffington Post: "Abortion Ban & Virginia Massacre: Don't Forget to Thank the Nader Voters"

(84)

The woman who produced "Natural Born Killers" says we shouldn't be showing videos glorifying mass murderers

(71)

Tony Bennett to receive the United Nations' 2007 Humanitarian Award for doing more for Darfur than the UN has

(9)

Abe Vigoda has outlived the only mayor that Rosemont, Illinois has ever had

(62)

Proof that Congress has no idea what they are introducing in their bills

(167)

(Human Events)

Mitt Romney once gave money to a Democrat named Dick Swett. In other news, some people say that Mitt is a fan of Dick Swett

(19)

FBI raids the house of Rep. John Doolitle (R-CA) in connection with Abramoff scandal... your dog wants a guarantee of immunity

(170)

Murtha says that Bush will need a military draft in 2007, joining the list of people who were wrong in 2001, 2002, 2003, 2004, 2005, 2006, etc.

(185)

Utah legislators considering proposal that would make intentionally leaving a wireless network open to minors equivalent to publishing pornography

(33)

Wed April 18, 2007:

# of Comments

Is it time for a national lottery? Uncle Sam needs the dough

(57)

(Hot Air)

Michael Eisner is going to bring the same magic touch to the gun control debate he brought to Disney

(115)

Dow hits record high. Lousy Bush economy

(110)

Rush Limbaugh decries attempts to link violent video games to VT shootings. In other news, hell debuts new ski run

(63)

Senator John Kerry (D-unce) doesn't think that Imus should have been fired. Well, today anyway

(50)

10% of Bush Administration graduated from Pat Roberston's only recently accredited college. Well that explains a lot

(283)

(Some Windbag)

NY Times writer bravely fights global warming by hanging a clothesline. Clothes dry that much faster in the wind generated by patting herself on the back

(37)

(No Quarter blog)

"What are we to make of the bizarre contrast between our national grief over the terrible slaughter of students and faculty at Virginia Tech and our muted reaction to the continuing bloodbath in and around Baghdad?"

(268)

Study shows Canadian health care is equal or superior to care given in the U.S., and is delivered at half the cost. But you still have to be Canadian to get it, so America wins. USA! USA!

(95)

Having solved all the important issues like health-care wait times and greenhouse gases, Canadian Parliament wonders, "What's up with the PM's red face?"

(121)

(Radio Equalizer)

Stop pretending Don Imus was a conservative

(66)

Politicians fallling behind in cyberspace race. Most still trying to figure out which tube goes where

(6)

Keith Olbermann blames George Bush and the Republican Congress for the Virginia Tech shootings

(314)

(Crooks & Liars)

After Columbine, Tom Delay blamed the shootings on science classes teaching evolution. Surely, we've learned from past idiots, right? Well... a day after the VT massacre, it appears not

(640)

If a free society based on individual liberty is truly what we want, there is little we can do to stop a future Cho Seung-Hui

(548)

Having no other issues to debate, Oklahoma Senate declares watermelon official state vegetable. Don Imus unavailable for comment

(86)

Man running for office changes name to Osama Bin Laden in effort to get voters attention. This should end well. (With campaign poster)

(43)

For 25 years, people have been asking former Canadian Prime Minister Jean Cretien what he said on the steps of Parliament to make the Queen smile. Turns out it was "Sh*t"

(80)

EPA chief: "The Bush Administration's unparalleled financial, international and domestic commitment to reducing greenhouse gas emissions is delivering real results.'' Mission accomplished

(72)

Defense Department ordered contractor to hire Wolfowitz's girlfriend to study ways to form a new goverment in Iraq. Her final report highly recommended cronyism

(80)

(Journal News)

Local Democratic chairwoman spells some Leper's name wrong and gets a nasty letter from some Leper's lawyer. Leper Leper Leper

(43)

(MyFoxPhilly)

Apparently the president is so desperate for friends, all you have to do is send him a fax and he'll show up a few weeks later. In other news, people still use fax machines

(25)

Note to local politicians: When mailing out a toll-free number for people to call about local sex predators, make sure it's not a sex chat line

(12)

Not news: Politician helps clean up graffiti. New: Graffiti is actually commissioned artwork. Fark: Police investigating politician for vandalism

(36)

(The Hill)

Mitt Romney may spend his $500M fortune in an attempt to convince Southern Baptists to vote for a Mormon

(30)

Gerry Adams to meet with Tony Blair. This is the historical equivalent of Leonidas inviting Xerxes over for tea and crumpets

(36)

Tue April 17, 2007:

# of Comments

Remember when North Korea agreed to shut down their nuclear reactors? Yeah, about that, they were just kidding

(The Moscow Times)

Portraits of Russian President Putin popular among important personages and ordinary people

(16)

Eddie Murphy supports Obama, Rodney Peete supports Hillary, Seth Green supports Edwards, Jeffrey Ross supports Obama, Casey Kasem supports Kucinich, and Adam Sandler supports Rudy Giuliani. Adjust your presidential preferences accordingly

(179)

(Some Flag)

Having wrapped all the important business, Minnesota Senate considers banning sale of American flags not made in America

(54)

Charlie Crist only ran for FL governor for good seats at sporting events

(65)

Canada and Denmark using science to settle their territorial dispute peacefully, dashing Fark's hopes for being able to watch an arctic nerd fight

(17)

McCain has been careening his Straight-Talk Express all over the highway in recent months, but late last week, he finally slammed it into the guardrail, plunged over the cliff, and went splat in the big muddy

(152)

While you're waiting for your flight's two-hour delay, be happy knowing 25 percent of your ticket is going to making more room for private jets at the small airport five minutes from your home that you never use and never see anyone else using

(33)

Rudy Giuliani to kiss lots of ass at Pat Robertson's university

(125)

Mon April 16, 2007:

# of Comments

U.K. action group fed up with short-changed beers. "It is time the Government met its promise and made sure pub goers get the full pint that they pay for every time"

(48)

John Kerry explains that he's not running right now, but things could change, but he's not sure, although his options are open, but he could reconsider, but he's sure he'll decide soon. Thanks for clearing THAT up, Mr. Nuance

(49)

(HEO)

Drug offenses are an automatic disqualifier for federal student aid, which rankles some liberals mightily. Berkeley students respond by establishing scholarships for students who can't get aid because of drug convictions

(133)

Lifelong Republican, marine veteran and former congressman Pete McCloskey has left the GOP, registering with the Democratic Party

(152)

British journalists boycott Israel. "It takes some skill to do something that is at once inane, ineffectual, counter-productive and insulting to the intelligence. But that is what the National Union of Journalists has managed to do"

Iran frees two Swedes jailed for espionage after growing tired of all the Bork Bork Borking going on

(6)

(kos)

In 2001, French intelligence surrendered report to CIA that warned about Bin Laden's plan to hijack airplanes in the U.S.

(40)

Why I Declined to Serve," by Marine Corps General John J. Sheehan (retired)

(50)