Drew Curtis' FARK.com -- Politics Archives for '2007-04-01 23:59:59'

# of Comments

Rush Limbaugh makes fun of noted liberal spokesman John Travolta

(20)

FOX News reports on hypocrisy of Republican Senator... wait, what, Fox?

(15)

Monty Python weighs in on the humiliation of British soldiers

(23)

Massachusetts lawmakers seek to limit teen access to tanning booths. Apparently unaware of the Daystar in the Big Blue Room

(10)

Unknown GOP presidential hopeful feels good about his 2008 chances because he's polling at a whopping 5 percent

(12)

If David Hicks was as dangerous a terrorist as the American govt made him out to be, why was his sentence commensurate to a drunk driving offense?

Hillary Clinton shaping up to be a fundraising juggernaut, raising over $25 million so far this year. Must be sympathy donations from having that snuke in her snizz awhile back

(28)

McCain says Americans focusing too much on the violence in Iraq. He always has been a little more partial to the torture

(42)

Chief strategist of Bush's 2004 reelection campaign loses faith in Bush over Iraq

(19)

Endorsements You Don't Want Dept.: Geraldine Ferraro, VP candidate who lost in the biggest landslide in American history, says "I've got Hillary's back"

Iran fires On U.S. Forces at Iraqi Border

(44)

Bombs heard going off in the British embassy in Tehran

(160)

If you thought the American nanny state was out of control, check out Britain's future plans

(127)

Like all things in life, global warming will be easier to deal with if you're rich

Matt Dowd, 2000: President Bush's strongest supporter, top Republican strategist. Matt Dowd, 2007: "I’m so disappointed in things. I think he’s become more, in my view, secluded and bubbled in."

(54)

The West lacks the testicular fortitude to attack Iran

(34)

Politicians use hybrid cars to campaign. They like cars that can flip-flop from one energy to another

(4)

Good news atheists, new polls indicate that many people are questioning their beliefs and rejecting spirituality. HA HA APRIL FOOLS: Everyone still believes in Jesus and thinks you're annoying

(136)

(Jpost.com)

"U.S. ready to strike Iran on Good Friday"

(269)

Hillary Clinton wants stricter home loan standards. I don't know what that is, but I'm against it now

(120)

Sat March 31, 2007:

(Some Hawaiian Punch Guy)

# of Comments

Bush says Democrats spend recklessly. Pot and kettle speechless

(55)

(HEO)

The Bush administration is embroiled in the most ridiculous non-scandal scandal in human history -- set off when the administration stupidly apologized for firing its own employees

(581)

(Bloomberg)

WTO rules that the U.S. ban on internet gaming is illegal. I'll take the Lakers and the over, please

(39)

Hawaii to pass bill nullifying Electoral College, annexation of Hawaiian Islands

(59)

(Some Town Hall Guy)

The Constitution does not prohibit Executive branch appointees from lying to Congress, using government resources for political campaigning, or waging war for whatever reason pleases us

Rudy Giuliani states that, if he becomes President, his wife will not be part of his Administration. So he's either going to divorce her, or he has never heard of the Office of the First Lady

(29)

(FrontPage)

More liberal intolerance at the University of Georgia

(120)

(FrontPage)

How Clinton decimated the military

(123)

Accidentally honest headline of the day - "Chancellor acted on best advice -Balls"

(38)

Kiev to stage protests. Cordon Bleu unavalible for comment

(30)

(Green Technology Forum)

Rising ocean levels due to global warming could put White House underwater

(56)

(NY Daily News)

Rudy Giuliani says if elected President his wife will likely attend Cabinet and policy meetings with him; wants to always be close to her, his balls

(21)

Army General says he tried to warn President Bush personally before a speech that Pat Tillman wasn't killed by enemy fire. Making a statement without making SURE there was planty of underlying

(41)

House Minority Leader John Boehner repeatedly mispronounces ‘Tuskegee’ during congressional ceremony. President Bush reportedly went nucular when he heard about it

(15)

(Patterico)

L.A. Times creates the "op-ad" with an opinion piece titled "The looming sinkhole crisis" by CEO of company that sells and installs sewer pipes

(6)

80 countries, plus the European Commission, have signed a landmark UN convention protecting the rights of the world's 650 million disabled people. Limpin' ain't easy

(7)

Sen. Charles Schumer, (D-umbass) thinks the US Senate can pass a "veto-proof" bill. Submitter's 3rd grade social studies class says otherwise

(64)

Pelosi to attend hate-Amerika terrorist summit in Syria

(87)

American Latino groups were thrilled when Alberto Gonzales became the first Hispanic AG. Now, not so much

(19)

Fri March 30, 2007:

# of Comments

(Michelle Malkin)

Remember how CNN wouldn't run the Mohammed cartoons "out of respect for Islam"? Well that respect doesn't apply so much when it comes to "Chocolate Jesus"

(818)

Sec State Rice calls Saudi Arabia -- after King Abdullah says U.S. illegitimately in Iraq -- says everything's fine, they'll still sell us yummy oil

(23)

(Goldstein08)

Pornographer Al Goldstein running for president. He'll run long, run hard, and finish messily

(67)

"Rush is a rich guy. He could have given up doing the hard work and research and hitting the heavy topics a long time ago. But he doesn’t coast through that show"

(340)

Hackers stole financial records and nude photos of Republican governor's press secretary years ago. Pictures resurface and, naturally, the Democrats are to blame

(137)

Israel Premier Olmert hails the "peace revolution." Middle East heard asking, "what is this... peace?"

(64)

Obama's campaign placed on a smug alert

(70)

Kyrgyz Prime Minister resigns amid scandal in Ministry of Vowel Acquisition

Karl Rove drops it like it's hot. With David Gregory dancing goodness

(170)

Ralph Nader wants Al Gore to run for President as the Green Party nominee. Do we go with ironic, since Nader cost Gore the Presidency, or obvious, because Nader is working to cost Democrats the presidency again?

(82)

Bill Clinton says blogs are better news sources than mainstream media, because "They can do research and get the facts and don't have to bad-mouth people." Michelle Malkin pauses, nods, then continues to fling poo

(49)

Ukraine President proposes new election to replace members of Parliament that disagree with him

(5)

Nigerian presidential candidate dies, leaves behind millions that could be claimed by you

(12)

Thu March 29, 2007:

# of Comments

(SmartMoney.com)

Professor withholds taxes every year to protest military spending. Which the IRS always takes anyway, plus fines. Which means he's paying MORE for military spending than he has to. Remember: He's a professor. He's smarter than you

(42)

(nbc11.com)

Not News: Politician gives speech. News: Two girls faint on stage. Fark: Schwarzenegger to the rescue

(27)

In a bid to be the first flip-flopper of the 2008 election, Rudy Giuliani endorses a flat tax

Americans spend more on lawsuits than they do on education. Obviuss tag exploads

(13)

Mitt Romney shoots his "campaign" in the foot by speculating on Jeb Bush as a possible running mate

Second British captive letter suspicious: "Today I am very sad because INFIDEL LEADER TONY BLAIR, WITHDRAW YOUR TROOPS FROM IRAQ. LONG LIVE IRAN. SIGNED, LITTLE GIRL"

(152)

Rightwing nutjobs think leftwing nutjobs speak for everyone when calling for Tony Snow's death

(70)

Modern update of Handel's Samson imagines the character as a Zionist suicide bomber in 1940s Palestine. Submitter expects this change to result in a calm, reasonable and level-headed debate on the topic

(400)

(Chattanoogan)

Senators from Texas and Tennessee co-sponsor bill to repeal firearms ban in Washington, D.C. “Good citizens don’t abuse guns; criminals do," said Sen. Alexander (nRa-TN)

(158)

If you are female German politician, don't pose in black latex gloves for a magazine cover about red light districts. Politics is the second-oldest profession though, or so I heard

(Kare11)

WIth all of Minnesota's problems solved, next on the agenda: Making the Tilt-a-Whirl the official state ride

(107)

McCain continues his downward spiral by reconciling with Jane Fonda

(45)

(Washington times)

One of the latest Congressional reforms to take place since the Democrats gained the majority is the discontinuation of the federal agency that tracks pork spending

(290)

Bush Administration's representative in Middle East "calls U.S. military presence in Iraq an illegitimate occupation"

(117)

New Time poll shows that Republicans are more unpopular in America than anyone else... except, of course, for Democrats

(276)

U.S. Senate to Bush: Veto this, biatch

(1022)

Mrs. Bill Clinton to give former Iowa governor Vilsack $400,000 to endorse her run for president. It's a great thing that McCain/Feingold took money out of politics

(36)

Fox's Ann Coulter version 2.0 is a former stalker and ended a university professor's career with questionable rape charges, but at least she's better looking

(308)

(Daily Kos)

The White House's impending email security disaster

(190)

(The Olympian)

Gonzales aide faces grilling today. If the face of Jesus appears on him, Goldenpalace says they'll buy him

(26)

(Real Clear Politics)

House Democrats will adopt a budget resolution containing the largest tax increase in U.S. history amid massive national inattention

(158)

(Connecticut Post)

2006: Mayor of Bridgeport, Connecticut apologizes for getting caught using cocaine (thread 2126942). 2007: Mayor apologizes for defending rapist

(49)

Giuliani 1996: Flat taxes are stupid, Forbes is an idiot. Giuliani 2007: Flat taxes are great, I will take Forbes' money

Jesse Jackson gives his endorsement of death to Obama campaign

Pelosi congratulates herself

Bush uncorks an assload of zingers. Take his wife, please

(363)

(HotAir)

Sen Inhofe vows to stop a bunch of hippies from using Capitol for ManBearPig awareness concert, tells them if they quit smoking pot it will go away

(22)

British paper decides Barack Obama would make a horrible US president because *GASP* he wrote semi-crappy poetry as a teenager

(36)

Now I've seen everything: Karl Rove caught on video as a rapper at White House dinner

(27)

"No Child Left Behind". Damn, that's got a great ring to it. Who could argue against a thing like that?

(Some Utah Guy)

Looking to beat the spring rush, Former Deputy Interior Secretary Griles becomes the highest-ranking Bush administration official to plead guilty to obstructing justice by lying to a Senate committee (convicted in the Jack Abramoff scandal)

(34)

Wed March 28, 2007:

# of Comments

(TNR)

John Edwards denies that his wife’s cancer announcement was a campaign stunt. In other news, in the past 5 days his campaign has received 50 percent of the amount it previously took three months to raise

(167)

Rep. Jim Cooper D(eluded) and Sen. Richard Shelby R(etarded) discuss the nonbinding deadline voted on by the Senate to implement a timeline for U.S. troop withdrawal from Iraq

(20)

Six months later, still no charges against ex-Congressman Mark Foley (R-eacharounds). Foley uncharacteristically tight-lipped but is eager to turn the page

(201)

(TPM)

Karl Rove to undergo surgery. X-rays reveal U.S. Constitution, Hatch Act in rectum

(225)

"Liberal" media often treats religious skepticism negatively or omits it altogether. (Continued in Section 2C, "Jesus is Lord")

(63)

Fed chief says problems of sub-prime meltdown are contained to poor people and small investors, so it's nothing important people should worry about

(139)

(WND)

Some Internet users don't hold back about Tony Snow's cancer: "He is pure lying scum and should die ASAP." Snow's response: "At least they called me pure"

(279)

(Think Progress)

John McCain's Straight Talk Express derails Live on CNN (with video squirminess)

(90)

Billie Jean King endorses Clinton, citing the fact that they both don't play with balls anymore

(16)

The new head of Pennsylvania's liquor control board cannot interact with any members of the state Senate until the end of November, except to go drinking with senators and rent a house from one

(40)

Is America ready for a bald president? Yepper, says ghost of Ike Eisenhower

(43)

(U.S. News)

White House aides stopped using WH system e-mail a while ago for fear of subpoena. Too bad the messages inside this cunning plan are no longer protected by executive privilege

(67)

British legislators vote themselves $20,000 each to run their own websites. Haven't these people heard of MySpace?

(8)

(Shiny Sheet)

There is life after retiring as Florida's governor, but perhaps not celebrity. Woman asks, "You used to be Jeb Bush, right?"

(12)

If Hillary Clinton is nominated, 50 percent of voters definitely won't vote for her, despite risking the wrath of her deadly firebreath

(64)

(Gregory Benford)

World to India: Hey, you don't mind continuing to live in grinding, abject poverty in order to slightly delay global warming, do you? India to world: Please to be it is my ass you will be biting

(22)

Subpoenas to compel Karl Rove and former counsel Harriet Miers to testify are authorized and ready to be issued. Bush classifies U.S. Constitution, four Supreme Court Justices declared enemy combatants

(670)

(Hullabaloo)

Conservative opinions on evolution and intelligent design: "What do you suppose it's like to be intellectually held hostage by people who you know for a fact are dead wrong on something? It must be excruciating"

(193)

(Bakersfield Something)

Border-crossers throw rocks, Molotov cocktails at U.S. guards. When guards shoot one after a scuffle, the Mexican government complains of unjustified shooting of "unarmed" man

(72)

John Edwards to give Americans free health care. Also on Edwards agenda: Flying unicorns and fudge brownies for everybody, televised execution of Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan

(620)

Federal judge dismisses torture lawsuit against Rumsfeld because he believes that allowing it to proceed would help the terrorists

(73)

Funkhouser elected mayor of Kansas City, hopes to bring in the noise while bringing in the funk

(13)

Joe Redner loses Tampa city-council race. Still owns Mons Venus. Who is the real loser here?

(6)

The next Cindy Sheehan?

(60)

(crooksandliars)

1972 news report on CREEP, featuring a hipster Karl Rove angling for the GOP youth vote. (For real, with hair)

(49)

(Tacoma News Tribune)

Students allowed to dance again. Must first sign contract on appropriateness, promise not to bring Kevin Bacon

(7)

Tue March 27, 2007:

# of Comments

(Some President)

President of Philippines asks the media to focus on good news. Media promptly ignores her

(5)

Senate passes bill with Iraq timeline

(153)

(Media Matters)

Obama's all style and no substance, except for these numerous speeches in which he spelled out his plans on everything from Iraq to healthcare

(35)

John McCain's MySpace team finds out what happens when you direct-link images off some guy's website. In other news: John McCain supports lesbian marriage (so long as they are hot)

(55)

(Monica Goodling)

More than 150 graduates of Pat Robertson's "University" serve in Bush Administration. Obvious and Scary tags arrested by DHS. Cool tag permitted

(38)

(Iraq War RU)

Russian military experts begin fear mongering with stark warning of U.S. surprise attack against Iran on April 6

(32)

Texas legislators pass legislation allowing people to defend themselves with deadly force and preventing ambulance chasers from suing

(30)

FBI Director Mueller tries to protect the USA Patriot Act from crybaby senators who seek to leave us vulnerable to terrorist attacks

(159)

Former Senator and "Law & Order" actor Fred Thompson jumps from 0 to 12 percent in Republican primary polling after announcing interest in presidency

(90)

People who get their news from TV tend to be less engaged, politically, than those who get their news from text-based sources

New U.S. strategy involves using Iraqi insurgents to defeat Al Qaeda terrorists in Iraq, train killer bees to defeat victorious Iraqi insurgents, a bear-shark hybrid to take care of the bees

Tony Snow's cancer has returned. Drudge siren has been activtated

(584)

"Border inspectors need to spend less time looking for extra bottles of duty-free whiskey and more time trying to identify people who might be a genuine threat to Canada"

(23)

You can handle the truth: Former kangaroo skinner recognizes a kangaroo court when he see it, pleads guilty at Gitmo

(30)

(Stuart Rothenberg)

Democrats going after the evangelical vote in 2008 would be like trying to get the Borg to vote for an unassimilated organism: It simply won't happen unless you reprogram the entire collective

(148)

(NY Sun)

Five years of McCain/Feingold has resulted in national political campaigns that are clean, positive and as refreshingly joyful as a sunny spring day

(105)

Democrats continue Republican's theme of "I love the 70s" by reintroducing the Women's Equality Amendment (ERA)

(75)

Emergency war funding bill now includes $100 million for booze and parties for lawmakers. Thanks Nancy

(371)

Sneaky lawmaker hides provision effectively lowering the drunk driving limit from .08 to .025 in an otherwise sensible bill requiring everyone to prove they're not drunk each time they want to drive

(430)

Tom DeLay repeats discredited rumor that the Clintons wanted to ban military uniforms at the White House

(125)

Woman forced to pay a month's wages for government confirmation that she is really alive. You'd think the pulse would be a dead giveaway

(Turkish Daily)

Turkish feminists draw attention to male dominance in top political spots by wearing ties, drawing mustaches on their posters. Wait, those were drawn on?

(7)

Liberals come out with a minority government in Quebec provincial elections

(47)

Mon March 26, 2007:

# of Comments

(WNBC)

Vilsack has Hillary's back. Penis

(32)

The leader of an ancient, broken-down empire claims the EU is on "the path to oblivion." Guess he would know all about that

(72)

Politician Curtis Jones awards no-bid contract to install security cameras in Philadelphia, calls a woman who says they don't work a liar. The news checks out the cameras, and it turns out they're all broken

(60)

Bush will attempt the stringing together of multiple syllables at three graduation ceremonies. Bonus: The president of one of the colleges was Bush's former Office of Faith-Based Initiatives director

(Asbury Park Press)

Newark, NJ mayor says those annoying billboards downtown pointing out the city's rising murder rate creates a negative impression of the Renaissance city. Still no cure for rose-colored glasses

Not news: Russia abandons democracy

(40)

(CREW)

This just in: White House staff does not use official White House email when conducting ethically challenged business, ordering pr0n

(85)

(Rolling Stone)

Democrats worst enemy in 2008? Quite possibly the strategists they hire to run their campaigns

British Columbia gov't credit cards bought $84,000 worth of pizza last year; Ministry of Children scarfed $20,000 worth of doughnuts. Bonus: unworried gov't spokesman Gordon Hogg suggests the pizzas were whole wheat crust

(48)

Original headline says it all: "Iran to world: Don't mess with us." Bush Administration immediately preparing to mess with them

(93)

"Ethanol is the answer," oil execs tell Bush. But they didn't tell him the question was, "How can I get laid tonight?"

(24)

BBC spends £200,000 of the taxpayers' money to block a Freedom of Information inquiry into whether their reporting is biased toward Palestine. Which seems to have pretty much settled that question already

(Townhall)

The evangelical voting bloc that failed to materialize in the '06 midterm elections will be back in force in 2008 to damn us all to more years of hell on earth

(38)

(King 5 News)

State to remove math/science section from tests. You'll never guess Y

(181)

Gonzales aide to invoke Fifth Amendment at Senate hearing. For the non-Americans among us, when someone "pleads the fifth," they are really saying, "I'm guilty as hell"

(570)

Forget March Madness. What's the over-under on Obama?

(41)

(Some Heathen)

South Carolina State Rep. Greg Delleney thinks that God is responsible for rapes

(99)

Time and Newsweek cover stories portray the losing war in Afghanistan, unless you get the U.S. version. Then it's "Why we should teach the Bible in public schools" or Annie Leibovitz's life in pictures

(274)

If you live in Venezuela and have any spare land laying around, Hugo Chavez would like to take it and give it to someone else

(264)

Katie Couric suggets John Edwards is being "callous" by campaining in the face of his wife's illness

(67)

(news-leader.com)

U.S. the top supplier of food and agricultural products to Cuba. Castro would be spinning in his grave if he knew

(The Morning Call)

What do Moore, Gore and Santorum all have in common?

(65)

Clinton touts universal health care. Seattle band Nirvana heralds hot new music style called "grunge"

(118)

McCain back on the Straight Talk Express, which is good since the Queer Super Happy Rainbow Fun Ride didn't go over well with the base