Drew Curtis' FARK.com -- Politics Archives for '2007-03-18 23:59:59'

# of Comments

Legislators claim that lobbyists' gift don't influence voting patterns

(31)

The smell of hippie descends upon Washington DC

(66)

The UK breaks the nuclear non-proliferation treaty with decision to upgrade its Nukes. Will America demand sanctions and threaten airstrikes?... No... Just goes to show, One set of values for those with nukes. Another for those without

(49)

Every evening, defence secretary Robert Gates writes letters of condolence to families of Iraq war dead. "I feel a personal responsibility for each one of these men and women who have made the ultimate sacrifice for our country"

(52)

Iraqis aren't appropriately outraged by the killing of their own by insurgents, so it's our job to be outraged for them. Just another day in "conservative" bizarro world

(23)

Republican support for Alberto Gonzales erodes. But his mom still thinks he's cool

(51)

One of Britain's largest newspapers apologises for supporting the decriminalization of marijuana. "Cannabis is more dangerous than LSD and ecstasy"

(66)

(Military.com)

States urge the U.S. Navy to double the number or subs in the fleet because they are particularly useful against an insurgency

(76)

(Stars and Stripes)

First, troops ordered they can't have sex, followed by orders not to ever get drunk. Now, troops ordered not to smoke tobacco. Really want to make insane killers now, don't we?

(115)

(kos)

Side effect of Bush's purge: Every investigated public figure can now credibly claim they were political targets. Great, just great

(85)

(Townhall)

Is conservatism dying?

(77)

Mayor of Chocolate Town suspects a plot to prevent blacks to return, claims "Vanillaville" just isn't as catchy

(22)

Sat March 17, 2007:

# of Comments

Kim Jong Il will shut down nuclear power plant for.... *camera zooms in* 25 MILLION DOLLARS *pinky to mouth*

(118)

(The State)

Black SC legislators won't ask state for slavery apology, will focus on real problems facing minorities

(49)

(Some Balkan)

Department of Defense employs an indicted Serbian war criminal in Iraq. His only prior miltary "success" was destroying the civilian city of Vukovar, Croatia. Stupid trumps asinine

(22)

(HPR)

Should the government be able to regulate our unhealthy lifestyle choices? Harvard University looks at the impact of smoking bans

(633)

The State Department is warning would-be travelers to brace for lengthy delays in getting U.S. passports, even when they pay an extra fee to speed their applications. Wow, who could have seen this coming

(31)

Gonzales is packing his bags, reports CBS

(268)

(Newsbusters)

Zogby confirms it: the media has a liberal bias. Even the Democrats agree on this one

(127)

First gay couple unites in Mexico City; suck it, gringos

(13)

The names of more than 200 dead U.S. soldiers will be removed from an Iraq War memorial because the families of the dead still support the quagmire...I mean, war

(276)

Fri March 16, 2007:

# of Comments

Omgwtfbbq111. McCain uses the term "tar-baby", immediately apologizes

(354)

(FrontPage)

"There is something profoundly wrong when opposition to the war in Iraq seems to inspire greater passion than opposition to Islamist extremism"

(318)

NZ council sues itself and wins, loses

(kos)

News: Firing of New Mexico U.S. attorney justified because of his refusal to investigate vote-fraud cases. Irony: If he had investigated, he would have found some very suspicious irregularities that benefitted the GOP

(113)

British government draws up timetable for President Blair's resignation. Dates include 4th May (retirement announcement) and 5th May (hitting of ass with door on way out)

(21)

(Some Guy Some Guy)

Mayoral candidate's tough stance on crime apparently doesn't include plagiarism of other people's tough stances on crime

(6)

"African bloggers turn up heat on Zimbabwe." Yeah, this'll be what finally topples Mugabe - blogs with online petitions demanding he resign

(15)

Clinton suddenly against pulling troops out of Iraq before 2010, even though that's why the Democrats were voted into power in the first place

(58)

Not quite news: Chuck Schumer is still steamed about a B he got on a paper back in '71 at Harvard. Fark: Bill Bennett graded the paper

(16)

Strategist says Gonzales is "finished"

(70)

Rep. Patrick Kennedy (D-UI) is on the House Appropriations Committee. Perhaps this sets the stage for Sec. of Defense Britney Spears

In a fine example of the political tradition of talking out of both sides of your mouth, Giuliani speaks out against Chavez while his law firm lobbies for Chavez's intrests

(18)

Having sorted out everything else, Supreme Court to rule on "Bong Hits for Jesus" case

(102)

(Rosie.com)

Rosie O'Donnell has joined the ranks of 9/11 conspiracy theorists, thereby giving them the credibility they've longed for

(357)

Rather than apologize for slavery and racism, Geogria lawmakers consider law to mark April as Confederate History and Heritage Month

(306)

Q: How many Polish teachers does it take to promote the homosexual agenda? A: You're fired

Washington State may cancel 2008 presidential primary, calling it "expensive and meaningless" - just like the actual presidential vote

(32)

Jacques Chirac will have some explaining to do after he surrenders

(6)

Thu March 15, 2007:

# of Comments

"Frankly, Mr. Attorney General, it's not your decision. It's mine and the committee's. We will have subpoenas." - Sen. Leahy

(204)

(Politico)

Picture of Congressman Dennis Kucinich with his wife. Does. Not. Compute

(105)

Ahhhhnold signs law moving California presidential primaries to early February. Initiatives checklist now down to getting rid of (1) that pesky "natural-born" nonsense in the Constitution, and (2) Sarah Connor

(27)

Barack Obama vows to not make rivals' personal problems into massive campaign issues. Libs must be new to this whole "politics" thing

(96)

(Native New Jerseyan)

NJ lawmakers looking to remove prohibitions on "idiots" voting in NJ. Democrats eagerly wringing hands over sudden influx of new voting base

(34)

Edwards' campaign headquarters has a "white powder" scare. Did anyone else hear a toilet flush?

(8)

(Jacksonville.com)

Atlanta lawmaker seeking to remove Cynthia McKinney's name from roadway since she turned out to be such an embarrassment

(93)

McCain embarked for Iowa today, for a two-day bus tour, a two-day bus tour

(13)

Buttsecks? No wai, says Sen. Sam Brownback (R-epressed homosexual)

(85)

(Wash Times)

Democrats take the first steps at having Karl Rove appear before their committee. So far they've got the goat ready for sacrifice but are having trouble deciding where to put the pentacle on the floor

(44)

Hillary takes a bold stand on homosexuality. "Bold stand" meaning, of course, that when asked if it is immoral she replied "I'll leave that for others to decide"

Pentagon says "civil war" inadequate term for Iraq war and misses the finer nuances. A better term might be "clusterf*ck"

(438)

Major UN powers agree on a new set of strongly worded letters aimed at deterring Iran from building nuclear weapons. In other news, Iranian president dismisses latest threat and waits for France to surrender

(28)

$124 billion Iraq War emergency funding bill includes money for peanut storage in Georgia, spinach growers in California, menhaden in the Atlantic Ocean and more office space for lawmakers. Mmmm, peanuts

(176)

Joe Redner has a deal for Tampa's registered voters: Cast a ballot in the upcoming runoff election and gain free admission to his Mons Venus strip club

(85)

You know politics has gone stale when commentators start speculating on the significance of a politician's hair part moving from the right to the left

(8)

Scientist 1: "I dispute your findings on global warming." Scientist 2: "You're a big daft cock, go Fark yourself." Everybody else: "Yay! Nerd fight!"

(249)

(WND)

Tour guides at the site of the American colony at Jamestown, Virginia are no longer allowed to refer to Christianity regarding the colony's history. One would think revising history is a lot more offensive than simply naming a religion

(189)

One of those nanny-state Democrats wants to overturn Internet gambling ban passed by those individual-liberty Republicans

(111)

(TheHill)

Obama says says that John Edwards as “kind of cute.” [Editor ain't changing it]

Senator Clinton to gays two weeks ago: "Proud to stand by your side." This week: "I need personal space, please stand over there where the military voters can't see you"

(90)

(mcall)

People press mayor for facts on his immigration policies. Mayor grabs a 404 sticker and puts it on his forehead

(145)

(Zogby)

Poll shows 64 percent of Americans think the media leans left, while 28 percent hates Fox News with the white-hot intensity of a million blue suns

(111)

(Some Polluter)

With little media monitoring, both Strong and Gore are cashing in on the lucrative cottage industry known as man-made global warming

(172)

Seattle voters: We do not want viaduct. Local politicians: We're going to build it anyway

Hugo Chavez says his attacks on Bush aren't personal and one day they might be able to get together and play a game of dominos or baseball

President of the leading Southern Baptist seminary suggests that a biological basis for homosexuality may be proven, and that prenatal treatment to reverse gay orientation would be biblically justified

(115)

Hillary Clinton: "If anybody tells you there is no vast right-wing conspiracy, tell them that New Hampshire has proven it in court." Begun, the Flame Wars have

(62)

Top US General: thinks gays shouldn't serve, as being gay is immoral. Drug user with arrest record the length of your arm? Sign on the dotted line, son

(28)

Govenor of Massachusetts files emergency bond request to get his wife a place to stay

(11)

Khalid Sheikh Mohammed admits to 9/11 strike, hoped to gain attention of Jodie Foster

(312)

(Columbia Tribune)

Missouri schools get first-round approval to start their own armed police forces

(51)

Wed March 14, 2007:

# of Comments

Israel shows interest in old peace plan. Not so interested in old borders

(118)

When three GOP staffers jam some phone lines on Election Day, it's election tampering. When four Democrats slash $2,500 worth of tires to keep Republicans from voting, it's "a silly prank"

(311)

9th Circuit Court: "All right, AT&T... let's talk about this little ditty with you helping the government spy on your customers." AT&T: "Sorry... it's super secret"

(61)

Texas lawmakers vote 118-23 they would sooner see young women die a horrible, painful death than admit their daughters might touch a penis someday

(765)

(CBS13)

Federal appeals court rules that dying people who use marijuana for medicinal purposes can be prosecuted

(78)

(Real Clear Politics)

You've got a one-term senator with no foreign policy experience and negligable legislative accomplishments. How do you make him look presidential? Have Al Sharpton attack him. Oh yeah, that will do it

(32)

America-hating liberals announce "Sunshine Day" due to Bush Administration secrecy. Scheduling forthcoming for "Puppy Day" to drive stake through Cheney's black heart

White House may soon be booting its embattled attorney general. Carrot Top readies résumé

(44)

"Coulter is a smart woman with formidable energy, and whether liberals like it or not, she is a high-profile feminist role model in her appetite for aggressive debate"

(135)

(My DD)

Straw poll of netroots progressives shows Obama leading, followed by Edwards and Richardson. Hillary Clinton who?

(48)

(Right Wing News)

The top 10 pro-Iranian movies we could have made instead of "300"

(65)

Gonzales says his future depends on president. Bush responds, "I like loading lettuce. It's fun"

(22)

"Democrats will try to get senators on record Wednesday on Iraq." Evidently the other 14 Iraq resolutions passed by the Senate back to 1998 were all just for giggles and grins

(10)

Fred Thompson: "Considering the times we live in, do we really want to continue to try to chip away at the traditional powers of the president?"

(128)

(Political Wire)

McCain 2003: "Gambling on amateur athletics is wrong." McCain 2007: Puts up NCAA betting pool on his campaign website

"For Democratic presidential candidates who will be assessed on their ability to stand up to China, North Korea or al-Qaida, to run squealing from a Fox moderator makes the whole pack of them look like simpering wusses"

(114)

NJ Democrats upset that their federal prosecutor, who has spent the last few years going after low hanging fruit by nailing corrupt NJ Democrats, wasn't fired too

(17)

"Call it the presidential candidates' striptease." Anyone have mind bleach?

(9)

Bush's recent trip to Latin America has taught us that the U.S. president is very, very hungry while the Brazilian president has an unusual interest in the G-spot

(21)

French court rejects gay marriage, says marriage is between a man and a woman and the man's mistress

(302)

(C&L)

In the wake of the Fox News-sponsored Democratic presidential debate debacle, Air America offers to host Republican presidential debate. Will they accept?

(138)

(kos)

Senator Jon Kyl (cR-AZ) colluded with Gonzales to stall Democratic efforts to close loophole used in attorney purge

(92)

Tue March 13, 2007:

# of Comments

(Congress)

Here are some new Congressional Power Rankings for you all to argue over. Jefferson, Corker suck

(34)

Eastern Europe wasn't the only place the CIA illegally detained and tortured terror suspects

(34)

Attorney General Alberto Gonzalez rejects call for resignation, even as scores of documents detail a two-year campaign by the Justice Department and White House to purge federal prosecutors. But... but... Clinton!

(139)

(FrontPage)

Dem's latest surrender strategy

(259)

Pete Stark (D-emon) is believed to be first congressman to declare nontheism. That'll teach those fundies that dog has no place in American politics

(114)

In a show of genius, Mrs. Bill Clinton proves why she should be president by calling for a full rail-safety investigation after a train crashes. Rail safety inspectors quoted as saying, "Wish we would have thought of that"

General Pace expresses "regret" over comments on homosexuality being immoral, expected to leave for rehab any day now

(426)

John Edwards got his advice to vote for the Iraq War from Bob Shrum, the single worst and most unsuccessful Democratic political strategist in the solar system

(14)

(Scoop)

The Bush Administration was responsible for 9/11, and here's all the circumstantial, conjectural evidence you need to prove it

(187)

Remember those eight federal prosecutors Bush fired for no reason? At the beginning of his presidency, Clinton fired ALL the federal prosecutors for no reason

(509)

(MyWay)

Hillary says there's a "vast, right-wing conspiracy." Again

Tarnishing the Clintons spotless ethics record, Judicial Watch files two complaints against Hillary

(53)

(TPM Muckraker)

AG Alberto Gonzales has called for a 2pm press conference. Speculation is he may annnounce his signing with the Bengals

(230)

(Reason Online)

Even scientists without a political axe to grind are disturbed by Al Gore's serial exaggerating

(404)

What would it be like if the presidential candidates had their own steamy prime-time drama?

(17)

In keeping with the Halloween spirit, next Ann Coulter book due in October

(159)

Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff says he considers homosexuality to be immoral and the military should not condone it by allowing gay soldiers to serve openly

(757)

(This is London)

Bad parenting is producing terrible children, leading to more expulsions. The future surrenders

Wisconsin proposes special license plates for sex offenders based on "Yuk" stickers, the faces children make when priests expose themselves to them

Mon March 12, 2007:

# of Comments

(Media Matters)

Damn liberal media: Even though Democrats control Congress, Republican/conservative guests still greatly outnumber Democratic/liberal guests on Sunday political talking-head shows, just like when Republicans controlled Congress

(73)

Olbermann makes $4 million a year and lives with his 23-year-old girlfriend. Insert countdown joke here

(92)

Darth Cheney finds the Democrats' lack of faith in the war... disturbing

White House staffers: "Cheney is out-of-the-fark control!" Cheney: "Aaagh bllagh blagh spit zweee rraaargh"

(19)

(Real Clear Politics)

Scooter Libby could get jail time for leaking a name. Sandy Berger stuffed actual classified documents down his shorts and got 100 hours community service

(220)

(Columbia Chronicle)

When running for president, it's best not to say your first act will be to impale your predecessor, drink his power

(109)

Fark's favorite state signs Anti-Murder Act. Well, that should clear everything up right there

(18)

Iranians offended by box-office blockbuster "300"

(130)

Tony Snow irritated that anyone would think George Bush's trip through Latin America has anything to do with issues facing Latin America

(5)

Russian firm delays Iran nuclear power-plant launch. In a seperate and completely unrelated story, Israel delays the deployment of a "training mission" involving their air force

(4)

Publisher steals content from Wikipedia to use as copy for a business directory without even bothering to read it, ends up telling local entrepreneurs they live in a "dirty little town" that's "full of drunks"

(9)

(Some Whitehouse Administrator)

How bad are things for Bush? When conservative Baptists are contemplating his impeachment, pretty bad

(52)

Despite recent controversy, Ann Coulter coming out with new book, seems happy, relaxed and excited to get back to eating babies again (with scary pic)

(61)

The Chairman of the House's Oversight and Government Reform Committee has sent 11 letters to Condi Rice requesting info on the fraudulent Niger/uranium claims. Guess how many she's responded to

(23)

(Real Clear Politics)

Poll of Nevada voters shows Guiliani beats Obama by two points and sends Hillary back to the kitchen with extreme prejudice

(15)

Israel considering Saudi peace plan, which could see Arab states normalize relations with Israel. If you packed a ham sandwich for lunch today, you might want to hang on to it so it doesn't fly away

(7)

Actual headline: "Bush Administration takes six blows in a row." Still two behind Clinton's record, but not bad

Porn star Ron Jeremy to be tried at Guantanamo on terrorism charges

(195)

Too busy searching for their testicles, UN Security Council unable to decide on sanctions for Iran's nuclear program

(79)

Australia considers banning Muslim migrants. What could possibly go wrong?

(76)

Minnesota judge rules that bloggers should be treated like journalists

(19)

If you work for the government in northern Canada, it's best not to send out joke emails questioning the attractiveness of native women from your government-issued computer

(14)

(Political Wire)

Senators Joe Lieberman and Susan Collins have discovered how to end all bitter partisanship in Washington: Seat Democrats and Republicans next to each other on committees. Stupid tag sliences Unlikely with an icy glare

(19)

Fat, drunk and wearing nothing but bondage gear is no way to go through your ambassadorial career, son

(75)

Man could face 75 years in prison for insulting the king. Hail to the king, baby

(166)

I'm not a president, I just play one on TV: Fred Thompson considers 2008 run

(68)

U.S. is sending soldiers declared medically unfit for combat back into Iraq. Why do doctors hate America?

(60)

Pentagon having trouble recruiting new troops to serve in Iraq, Afghanistan. In other news, the average age of most Farkers mysteriously dropped to 16

(156)

(nzherald)

Wounded British soldiers receive care that is every bit as good as their American counterparts