Drew Curtis' FARK.com -- Politics Archives for '2007-03-11 23:59:59'

# of Comments

French president Jacques Chirac says "non" to a third term, makes plans to surrender

(6)

Seventeen-year-old college student thinks Florida governor Charlie Crist is her father

(48)

Vladimir Putin is a very great man and has the unconditional love and support of his people. Right, comrade? Right? Smile

(63)

Senators call for Gonzales to make a speedy exit

Americans are no longer interested in spreading freedom and democracy around the world

(29)

(kos)

Halliburton is moving HQ to Dubai, to get closer to new markets in Iran and Syria

(179)

(Review Journal.com)

"The prospect of having to watch Fox News to see their own candidates would have been torture in itself"

(98)

An intimate portrait of one of the men Bush's father called in to save Jr.'s presidency

Hillary, according to Hillary, is JFK of '08

(62)

Well-coordinated faith-based initiatives and anti-evolution lobbying in state capitols from New Jersey to Colorado signal the beginning of one of the biggest onslaughts on legal secularism yet

(23)

(LGT Video)

The Walter Reed privatization contracts went to Halliburton? I pledge allegiance to Halliburton? When they say the war is costing X billion per day, that's all going to the VP's company? WTF?

(121)

Mitch McConnel taunts Democrats, says a narrow Senate majority doesn't give them the right to pass whatever they want. You know, sort of like how the confirmations of Alito and Roberts went when the Republicans had a slim majority

(31)

ABC News would like to apologize for suggesting toe-sucking Clinton campaign manager Dick Morris frequented a high-price prostitute. In all fairness, they just figured odds were that he did

(20)

Fox News: Sean Hannity to feature an investigation of the conviction of a White House official. Fark News: It's Sandy Berger

(122)

(nyt)

Democratic politicians in local races, out of the media spotlight, were 7 times as likely to have Gonzales' prosecutors sicced on them than Republicans

(53)

Sat March 10, 2007:

# of Comments

(Newsbusters)

Figuring it worked with Katrina, Chuck Schumer tries to blame 25 years of shoddy medical care at Walter Reed on Bush - but this time, oh, the I-manity

(38)

Ohio's faith-based agency persecuted by godless liberal media and Democrat governor, who object to a measly couple million dollars paid to a Virginia firm run by Bush's Presidential Prayer Team chairman

(14)

Because we need more politicians to get involved in Science, here's one trying to pass a law about Pluto

(38)

(McClatchy)

Karl Rove, apparantly not one to miss out on a scandal, was asked to fire NM attorney

Bush requests 3.2 billion for 4,000 more support troops in Iraq, but lets congress know they can get bent, since he has other sources of pork

(22)

(Naples News)

Proposed bill requires healthcare workers to report pregnant girls under age 16 to police, or lose their licenses

(162)

"Atheists are people who, whether they like it or not, have the law of God written on their hearts"

(451)

GOP lost Congress because it spent too much, says John McCain during a guest lecture at the Institute for the Mindnumbingly Obvious

(crooksandliars)

Retired Army General: Republican Congress "has absolutely been the worst thing that's happened to the United States Army and the United States Marine Corps"

(70)

"Sunshine" laws, designed to give public access to government records and meetings, are often disregarded. Submitter had a better headline, but your request to see it is denied

(7)

In the turf battle between the NSA and FBI over which agency can spy on the most Americans without a warrant, the NSA scores big time

(26)

Jerry Falwell is glad that Newt Gingrich had an affair for some damn reason

(17)

Democrats to boycott FOX. Barack Hitler Satan Obama approves, and then engages in pedofelicide

(131)

Bush announces that the Patriot Act problems will be addressed as quickly as possible. The first action will be the removal of the person that tattled. Nobody likes a tattler, you should be publicly shamed

(23)

Army investigators found it difficult to investigate case of gay serial rapist when they weren't allowed to ask whether anyone was gay

(Charleston Daily Mail)

West Virginia teachers ask for 6% pay raise, WV Legislature says no because state can't afford it. Then turn around and give themselves a 33% raise

(271)

Initial investigations prove captured Iraqi al-Qaeda leader isn't actually the Iraqi al-Qaeda leader

(54)

(bradenton.com)

My name is Lula. I live on the Brazilian floor. I live down there from Bush. Yeah, I think you've seen me before. If you have papers for me to write, just let me know. I'll put up no fight. I just won't argue any more

(15)

From the "Aw, not this shiat again" department, Georgia to start offering Bible classes in school. ACLU seen sharpening their pitchforks and lighting their torches

(321)

Fire Fighters Union: Giuliani committed egregious acts over Ground Zero

(22)

Fri March 09, 2007:

# of Comments

Troop shortages? That's abortion's fault. Illegal Immigration? That's abortion too. Social Security shortfall? You better bet that's abortion

(105)

Federal appeals court overturns DC's gun ban. Drug dealers flee in terror as they are no longer only ones with guns

(277)

Firefighters' union criticizes Rudy Guiliani. Swiftboat-ilarity ensues

(11)

Canada slammed for how it treats its Indians. Submitter humbly suggests we just grant them Quebec and solve two problems at once

(173)

A videotape showing Pentagon officials' final beating of al-Qaida suspect Jose Padilla is missing

White House backtracks in row over fired U.S. attorneys

Just hours after Attorney General Alberto Gonzales dismissed the hubbub as an "overblown personnel matter," a Republican senator Thursday mused that Gonzales might soon suffer the same fate as the canned U.S. attorneys

(64)

Welcome to Bizarro world: Senators argue AGAINST habeus corpus. Bill Ofrights spins in his grave

(66)

Democrat David Obey tries in vain to explain to two anti-war people the reality of how to stop the war in Iraq .... and they still don't get it. "It's time these idiot liberals understand that." (video)

(80)

Finnish member of parliament is aiming for re-election by campaigning with a translation of his Web site into Klingon. Aiming for the geek vote

(9)

Why do intellectuals oppose the millitary?

(211)

Rove: Obama "articulate" but inexperienced

(94)

(Thomas Sowell)

Why was no one prosecuted for revealing Valerie Plame's name? A case study in meatgrinder politics

(190)

FBI underreported the government's use of the Patriot Act which -- Hold on, someone's knocking at my door

(379)

People across the country are becoming enamored of Rudy Giuliani "America's Mayor". Everywhere, that is, except for the city where he actually WAS the mayor

(70)

Cheney might step down as early as next week

(156)

Priests will purify a sacred archaeological site to eliminate "bad spirits" after President Bush visits next week

(74)

Actual Chinese Democracy may occur before Axl Roses' Chinese Democracy

(23)

Sen. Specter (R-PA) has haunting words for the AG Gonzales: "One day there will be a new attorney general, maybe sooner rather than later"

(81)

Hillary Clinton calls for GI Bill Of Rights, no doubt recalling the many supports that were in place in those halcyon days when a shattered Bill returned from his tour of duty in 'Nam

(37)

Former House Speaker Newt Gingrich acknowledged he was having an extramarital affair even as he led the charge against President Clinton over the Monica Lewinsky affair. Dumbass beats Obvious for the blue ribbon (or dress)

(552)

Thu March 08, 2007:

# of Comments

Obama just happens to invest in stock in two tiny companies that just happen to benefit from the subsidies he introduced as a Senator. Suck it, honest government

(71)

"Public faith in leaders may be ebbing." Ric Romero and the Obvious tag to co-star in the film adaptation of this article

(58)

Firefighters union invites all serious candidates from both political parties to Presidential forum — except one: Rudy Giuliani

(49)

House approves bill spending $1.7 billion over five years for cleaner water. White House, forgetting the $9 billion a month spent in Iraq, says the cost is too high

(55)

Brazilians waxed over Bush appearance

(68)

(Some Middle Guy)

Enter the Unity Party, where the president and vice president must either be from different parties or independents

(58)

Dems want to pullout of Iraq - apparently forgetting lesson that pulling out is not only messy but not effective form of protection

(52)

Hilary Clinton calls for "GI Bill of Rights" to go with the "Passenger Bill of Rights" and the "Stoat Farmers Bill of Rights." James Madison surrenders

(38)

"The corrupt and petty party duopoly that controls American politics has become so dysfunctional that reform is not enough. It needs rehab. It needs detox."

(75)

Number of hours spent by ABC, NBC in covering Anna Nicole Smith = a billion. Number of minutes spent in discussing politically motivated firings by the Bush administration = zero. Suck it, libs

(126)

(Crooks & Liars)

Gingrich on Katrina victims: "so uneducated and so unprepared, they literally couldn't get out of the way of a hurricane." Dumbass tag ponders, realizes that Newt is right and steps aside for Obvious tag

(273)

The "surge" has allowed US forces to virtually shut down Al-Sadr's Mahdi Army. Which unfortunately explains why the Shiite Pilgrims have been sitting ducks for Sunni insurgents this last week

(41)

Based on the Valerie Plame case, the CIA is in jeopardy of losing operatives overseas

(129)

Walter Reed Army Medical Center scandal proves national health care is unpossible. Suck it, libs

(122)

Democrats blackmailing the President into troop withdrawl

(82)

Now that the Darfur genocide issue has been solved, the UN moves on to the second most pressing issue on its agenda: Canada's "discriminatory" use of the term "visible minorities"

(42)

High-ranking Iranian general -- who disappeared during trip to Turkey, was kidnapped by CIA then Mossad, then defected to Israel then U.S., is now spilling his guts to the CIA but is not in U.S. custody -- is still missing

(146)

(Bob Krumm)

Tennessee's biggest newspaper sat on the Al Gore electric-bill story for a month so they could work in umpteen stories about Pac-Man Jones -- and so, conveniently, the Gore story didn't run until after the Oscars

(188)

Guantanamo Bay military hearings, now with extra unconstitutional secrecy

(387)

After taking a few months off to recoup from the War on Christmas, liberals now rallying the troops to wage their next epic battle, the War on Easter

(88)

Americans want a new Clinton package deal like they want a nasty STD, and are already making jokes about John Belushi SNL skit 'The Thing That Wouldn’t Leave'

(26)

While at Harvard Law, Barack Obama usually had no idea where to legally park, thus racking up some nice parking fines he didn't pay til this year

(510)

(Antiwar.com)

Pentagon memo describes how we're going to take out seven countries in five years, starting with Iraq, and then Syria, Lebanon, Libya, Somalia, Sudan, and, finishing off, Iran."

(82)

Former White House staffer David Gergen: "This is an administration that has been mostly free of scandal over the last six years..." Apparently Dave's not home

(46)

Wed March 07, 2007:

# of Comments

Governor of Massachusetts asks supporters not to give up on him... after only two months in office

(22)

The most critical issue facing ordinary Americans is a decline in our national standard of living, according to liberal and conservative economists. Yet you won't hear any of the presidential candidates talking about it

(40)

(RealClearPolitics)

Since when did John Stossel start making sense?

(80)

(Toronto Daily News)

Secret Guantanamo tribunals begin Friday. Advance tickets go on sale for fan club members today

(17)

(Some Paleocon)

Congress will never investigate whether we were lied into war in Iraq because it would also mean that Congress failed in its constitutional duty to determine the necessity for war

(130)

(michellemalkin)

Michelle Malkin reports that she and Ann Coulter posed with gay porn star at CPAC

(75)

Hillary Clinton pleges partnership with gay activists. Husband offers to "help" with lesbians, especially cute ones

(15)

(spiegel.de)

German bishop compares Palestinian situation to that of a Jewish ghetto during the Holocaust, then mumbles "Hitler" to score triple Godwin points

(134)

Bush Administration wants websites to keep records of who uploads images and videos. Because we all know that will make our children safer. God bless America

(204)

♫ Libby-Libby-Libby on the pardon-pardon-pardon ♫

(331)

Bush says communism in Cuba should die with Castro, even though it provides Cubans with endless amounts of happiness, pink bunnies and unicorns

(111)

Western feminism is dead, because so many feminists ignore the plight of their oppressed Muslim sisters

(291)

Given the American public's long memory, the Libby verdict may haunt the remainder of the Bush adminis--Hey, look what Britney's doing now

(10)

Mistakenly believing that they have a say in the matter, 30 Vermont towns pass resolutions to impeach George W. Bush. Suck it with Ben & Jerry, libs

(220)

Ann Coulter is the Paris Hilton of political coverage

(37)

Obama campaign defends his investments, says he had a really good feeling about last night's MegaMillions drawing

(25)

Jenna Bush writing a strongly worded book about her internship with the UN

Seeing no reason to wait until 2009, video shows Hillary Rodham Clinton taking the oath of office as the nation's 44th president

(19)

Colorado bill would allow same-sex couples to adopt partner's children. Opponents say it would open door for trees, chairs, and mollusks to adopt children

(17)

Turns out the jury foreman in the Libby trial was Tim Russert's neighbor. That means nothing of course

(371)

(Courant.com)

Zoning commission denies permit to build Buddhist temple, stating that the Asian architecture would have a negative impact on property values, not to mention all the ninjas

(232)

Evangelical leader says Giuliani's divorce will be a problem during his presidential bid. Wishes he'd have done meth and had sex with gay prostitutes instead

(102)

(kos)

Bush administration now claiming US attorney not fired for political reasons, but because he was absent a lot. Which is understandable, since the fired attorney is a naval reservist

(173)

(NY Daily News)

New book alleges Bill Clinton slipped Denise Rich more than just a pardon for her ex-husband

(62)

Senate confirms Crocker as ambassador to Iraq, announces plans to try to win over insurgents with delicious yet simple recipes

George F. Will gives Ron Paul a metaphorical BJ, and it's a lot cooler than it sounds

(42)

(Media Matters)

"If Hillary was attending, say, a GLAAD convention, would she speak with a lisp?" E.D. Hill, Fox News

(85)

Tue March 06, 2007:

# of Comments

Former President Bush: "I did not pat Terri Hatcher's butt." Former President Clinton: "...heh."

(13)

When Sean Hannity and Alan Colmes team up to give out an asshanding, you know they're dealing with a special class of jackass

(99)

Iranian defense official either defects to or was abucted by the U.S., depending who you ask. Either way, he's singing like a canary

(29)

National Review submits the case for pardon of Libby

(83)

72% of Americans have a disturbing lack of faith in the Iraq War

(73)

March 6, 2007, noon: Libby verdict released. March 6, 2007, 3:00 pm: Book about Libby trial released

(32)

France bans citizen journalists from broadcasting acts of violence. So much for Liberté, égalité, fraternité, ou la mort

(28)

White House okays surveillance. In other news, we've always been at war with Eurasia

(69)

In a popularity contest of nations, it turns out Canada is the hunky quarterback who gets all the girls, while the U.S., Iran and Israel are the black-trenchcoat-wearing virgins who everyone thinks will someday shoot up the classroom

(109)

Bob Dole says that Bob Dole will probe the military hospital scandal. Bob Dole

(116)

United States finally notices human rights abuses in Darfur, continues not to care

"It's not at clear Americans will see our loss in Iraq as the unambiguous triumph Kennedy remembers in Vietnam. Nor is it clear they'll congratulate Democrats for securing a sure defeat rather than chancing a possible victory"

(55)

(Crooks & Liars)

Ann Coulter defends her name-calling of John Edwards on "Hannity & Colmes." And does a good job. Suck it, libs

(254)

Writer for The Nation asks Michelle Malkin to sign photograph of Japanese internment camp. Rational, thought-out, intellectual debate follows

(155)

Scooter found guilty. Kermit, Fozzie beyond words

(1213)

The 2008 Presidential Election Campaign will be a nine-month-long contest between the richest Republican and richest Democrat. Suck it, voters

(277)

Jesus would be appalled by America's selfishness, announces John Edwards from the steps of his $6 million dollar, 29,000 sq. ft. mansion

(155)

GOP ♥ Huckabee?

(33)

CIA says they have fresh leads on bin Laden, expected to be fully thawed out for the primaries

(80)

(The Telegraph)

Following up on its successful gun-control program, the UK prepares to impose draconian restrictions on swords. Next up: Broken bottles, pointy sticks

(237)

Verizon, Sallie Mae and NetBank pull advertisements from Ann Coulter's website. Ann Coulter to announce that she suffers from alcholism in three... two...

(488)

Mon March 05, 2007:

# of Comments

Fox News's John Gibson on Ann Coulter's use of the F-bomb: "But... but... but... Bill Maher"

(180)

Rudy Giuliani asks for "privacy" to deal with family problems. When that doesn't work, he points away, screams, "Look! Howard K. Stern," darts off

(TV Newser)

CNN and MSNBC each are covering the Walter Reed scandal more than twice as much as Fox News is

(154)

Afghanistan is one step closer Taliban rule after the U.S.-installed puppet government condemns American troops

(14)

One of the founding prophets of the Church of Global Warming questions his own faith

(174)

With as much credibility as a half-punched chad, Diebold to exit voting machine market

Docs diagnose blood clot in VP's left leg. Cheney claims the clot to be in its last throes

(57)

Chinese premier opens parliament, promises goodies for all good revolutionaries, warns Taiwan not to get uppity or anything

(42)

(Politico)

Sen. John Edwards mails campaign DVDs to 70,000 Iowa households to show how handsome and boyish he is and how he's gonna have the government take care of their health forever

(60)

John Edwards (D-ouchebag): Compares janitors at UC Berkeley who want a raise to 1960s civil-rights activist

(122)

Not news: Illinois Governor Blagojevich proposes highest tax increase ever. News: Corporations will bypass it. Fark: Governor doesn't think taxes will get passed onto the consumer

(28)

What do Hillary Clinton and Larry the Cable Guy have in common? They both shamelessly affect Southern accents

(162)

Nagin sues Army Corps of Engineers for $77 billion -- $76 billion of which is to rebuild their "tarnished image"

(54)

Remember all those federal prosecutors that Bush just fired for no particular reason? It turns out there was a particular reason after all

(273)

Al D'Amato, who had a cameo as himself in the movie "The Devil's Advocate" (while still a U.S. senator), now lobbies the U.S. government to legalize Internet gambling. Hmmm

(12)

Shaq signs off on Bush: "When it comes to ridiculization, if you can't walk in a man's shoes, you can't ridicule him." Sounds like you're walking in the shoes already, Mr. O'Neal

(39)

(talk to action)

Bush-appointed fundy has control over a budget of $47 billion; decides that $1 million of that needs to go to a foundation run out of his kitchen

(44)

Unions want to do away with secret ballots... and Obama wants to help them

(89)