Drew Curtis' FARK.com -- Politics Archives for '2007-01-07 23:59:59'

# of Comments

Al Gore tells Richard Nixon's daughter he admired her father for being an environmental pioneer and establishing the EPA

(33)

Polish archbishop resigns over Cold War spying

(6)

(Raw Story)

Top Democrats assure Israel that Iran won't be allowed to have nukes. Meet the new congress, same as the old congress

(43)

(Herald Tribune)

Bush administration expected to announce the building of the country's first new nuclear warhead in nearly two decades. Smug alert raised to orange

(445)

(Some Blog)

15 questions militant atheists should ask before trying to destroy religion

(178)

(The Spoof)

Pelosi files bill to forgive credit card balances due to Christmas spending. It tests popular in polls, religious voters like the idea, and Bush wouldn't dare veto it

(11)

(Men's News Daily)

ACLU is in bed with those who want to legalize prostitution

(79)

(Arab Times)

Muqtada Al-Sadr takes a break from leading the Mahdi Army against US forces to negotiate the sale of Saddam's noose to a Kuwaiti businessman

(21)

"Saddam aides long to die like their hero." Yeah, that can be arranged

(6)

(Raw Story)

Fifty Senate Democrats plan 11 different committee hearings just on Iraq. Can you imagine how many hearings they would already have sceduled if they were out to get the President?

(56)

Sat January 06, 2007:

# of Comments

(Washington Post)

Even if nothing ever becomes law, the first 100 hours (read 30 days) of the Democrat Congress will be a huge success

(49)

Israeli war on promiscuity. This year, Haredim burn stores and "immodest" women attacked with bleach. Red and tight clothing definitely out this year

(40)

(American Conservative)

Pundits who argued vigorously in favor of the Iraq War are now changing their tune. Luckily, some of their earlier statements have gotten stuck in the internet tubes

(48)

(Lone Star Times)

Texas Monthly magazine wins a Photoshop contest it didn't even enter

(10)

Israel air force training to bomb Iran's nuclear facilities back to the stone age using low-yield nuclear bunker busters. This will end well

(542)

House Minority Leader John Boehner twists the Golden Rule as only a Republican can: "What we really expect out of the Democrats is for them to treat us as they would like to have been treated."

(61)

Now that all that pesky arctic ice is melting away, we can drill for more oil and gas in the Barents sea. Yay for humans

(13)

City councilman to city: "I'll resign, IF you give me $9000". Since when is extortion legal?

(11)

All the Presidential candidates for 2008 are running against Bill

(11)

Your office Death Pool has a new front runner.Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbas declares Hamas militia illegal

(76)

Joe Biden: The Iraq surge plan's only goal is hold off disater, not to win. Bush intends to leave it to the next President to land "helicopters in the Green Zone, taking people off the roof."

(35)

Montana State Senator apologizes to native American for calling him "chief", and hopes his squaw understands it was purely out of respect

Farrakhan undergoes 12-hour operation, perhaps related to "complications from an ulcer in the anal area." May not be able to speak for few weeks

(83)

".xxx" domain plan proposed again, expect stiffening resistance

(88)

Bill O'Reilly calls antiwar activist lunatic, never engages in personal attacks

(82)

(NWA Morning News)

Arkansas legislators introduce bill that would require substitute teachers to have a high school diploma, more teeth than their shoe size

(Kansas City Channel)

Mayoral candidate brushes aside indictment, declares herself the victim of "political terrorism"

White House made secret deal with Secret Service to keep records of Abramoff visits secret

(83)

Cheney begins sweating nervously as Congress introduces war profiteering prevention act

(221)

Fri January 05, 2007:

# of Comments

Armenian politicians accused of buying votes in upcoming elections with ... potatoes?

(21)

More Americans have died from violence in New Orleans than in Iraq this week

(74)

(AlterNet)

Bestselling "atheist" author actually believes in ESP and reincarnation

(119)

AT&T and US Government: A Swirling Vortex of Suck

(14)

Stop me if you didn't see that one coming: Iran threatens use of nuclear weapons. You mean they couldn't be trusted?

(1053)

Terry McAuliffe's new book asserts that Pelosi isn't the only Nancy in Congress

(96)

(CQ Politics)

As bad as the 2006 elections were for the republicans, they're actually pretty fortunate it wasn't much, much worse. Here comes the political science

(17)

Liberal leader after MP defects: "KHAAAAAAN"

(30)

(Roanoke Times)

Far from being an outcast minority, atheists are the new elite and atheism is the new religion

(462)

Congressman William Jefferson receives standing ovation during House ceremonies. John "abscam" Murtha unavailable for comment

(290)

Study by gender-equality group with no axe to grind whatsoever finds women better off in Iraq, Afghanistan and Rwanda than they are in Britain

(79)

(Aberdeen News)

Ailing US Senator Tim Johnson appointed chair of budget subcommittee. Told the news, the new chairman said, "Hnnnpthxr"

(63)

Bush to revamp US military in Iraq. First step to involve putting Navy man in charge of two land wars

(180)

Colorado Governor calls PETA “A Bunch Of Losers,” “Frauds”

(471)

The elevation of Robert Byrd as President Pro Tempore of the Senate on Thursday makes the 89-year-old former Klansman third in the line of presidential succession. Thank goodness Cheney is an immortal hell spawn

(65)

Some pencil neck geek thinks that it's a spiffy idea to outsource our intelligence gathering services to India and China. Oh, and he just got nominated to run the entire U.S. Intelligence Community

(19)

I'm in ur post office readin ur mailz

(115)

First buddhist in congress sworn in with no book. Any hope for the 15% of nonbelievers being represented anytime soon?

(72)

Thu January 04, 2007:

# of Comments

Bill Clinton: "It's a great day for the largest number of women we've ever had in the Congress". Awwwwwww yeah

(30)

Dems promise to make health care cheaper, but everything they've ever done when in power has always made it more expensive

(64)

Democrats learned a few things from Tom DeLay. To wit, how to rush through legislation without any minority participation or public debate

(57)

"Before you swear me in as Missouri's new senator, can we just take a minute to exempt me from campaign finance laws so I can stick this $1.6 million in my pocket?"

(38)

(Washington Post)

Not news: John Kerry sent out Christmas cards. News: He sent out over 75,000 of them to his nearest and dearest friends. Fark: And on them he spoke about the "beauty of these trees and the life they represent." (2nd story)

(29)

(Washington Times)

Nancy Pelosi claims title of most powerful woman in America. Hillary Clinton unavailable for comment, sharpening knives

(38)

Ann Coulter: "Hmm... how can I get people to pay more attention to me and buy my book... oooh, I got it I'll refer to the Democratic Party as 'A vast sleeper cell'"

(190)

Asking the Army's new web site about guns, gays and invading Iran

(54)

(Huffington Report)

100 hour clock starts for new Congress. You will be amazed by how much gets done by Monday

(62)

Back in the early '80s, Chief Justice Rehnquist was hopped up on goofballs

(209)

Remember those protests over the phony Newsweek story about flushing the Koran down a toilet at Guantanamo? Well, the FBI has finished its investigation and found no Koran flushing... but it found much worse

(898)

(Washington Post)

Among the first things on the Democratic agenda for the 110th Congress are crushing market freedom, ignoring states' rights, raising the high school dropout rate, and increasing unemployment

(67)

Mullah Omar: Osama never calls, he never writes

(64)

Minimum wage should be $0. Labor is a commodity, and government should not set its price

(245)

(TPM Muckraker)

Uncomfortable moment of the day brought to you by the floor of the House of Representatives

(256)

Ailing U.S. Senator Tim Johnson faces a long road to recovery, which means either "several months" or "as long as the Democrats need him"

(16)

(NY Observer)

Bush 41's granddaughter makes her society debut; no word yet on breathalyzer results

(50)

(Some Protester)

Cindy Sheehan, the best and only hope for a Republican president in 2008

(58)

(Right Wing News)

A conservative list of the 21 most annoying people on the right in 2006

(31)

U.S. Election Assistance Commission votes 15-9 to censure the lab that tests voting machines

(160)

Rep. Keith Ellison (D-MN) to be sworn into office using a Quran once owned by an anti-British insurgency leader

(88)

Israeli think tank: "Israel can attack Iran on its own." Rest of the world: "Be my guest"

(125)

Biden promises to fight the president if more troops are sent to Iraq. Hopefully with sledgehammers, in six feet of water... or with Roman chariots like Ben Hur... or barechested, like Khan in "Star Trek II," that would be cool

(24)

Seems like the only difference between many African governments and the U.S. government is the fact that we call their leaders "dictators" and ours "president"

(29)

GOP complains that Dems are blocking GOP amendments to their "100 Hours" legislation. Say it's different from '94 because *this* time, the country was promised a new way of doing business in Congress. Really

(157)

Director of U.S. intelligence John Negroponte resigns to become Deputy Secretary of State. Yeah, that's gonna look good on a resume

(12)

U.S. Navy to name aircraft carrier after Ford, because wolves can't swim

(34)

(Some Hybrid Driver)

Leftist ninny with a "Be Green" sticker on his nine-mpg Chevy Blazer, and other highlights of the Cavalcade of Vehicular Hypocrisy

(344)

(SF Examiner)

New report shows immigrants behind 25 percent of startups, and they don't just mean the mower-engine variety

(13)

Wed January 03, 2007:

# of Comments

New South Wales government moves to ban bubblegum-flavored cigarettes for violating the rules of marketing to children, as well as the rules of good taste

(53)

(News1130)

Mugabe presages western interview by blaming all of his country's problems on Bush... making him qualified to run on the DNC ticket for president

(31)

Democrats urge Hillary to go on "charismatic offensive" to counter Obama's boyish charm. First step: Get rid of the dalmatian puppy fur coat

(32)

ExxonMobil has been borrowing a page from Big Tobacco's playbook by funding front groups that question global warming

(407)

With Democrats now running Congress, Bush suddenly remembers he's supposed to be a fiscal conservative

(319)

(Hartford Courant)

Lieberman critic formally takes over "Connecticut for Lieberman" party, declares that it'll be a party for critics, bloggers and Liebermans

(7)

Crime DOES pay. And pay. And pay. And pay. At least for U.S. Congress

(38)

(WND)

Conservative talk-show host posts assassination schedule for leaders in Congress so they won't be allowed to "betray" the nation

(90)

(Military.com)

Nation's senior military official who enacted "Don't ask, don't tell" policy in 1990s, now says "They're here, they're queer, get used to it"

(80)

(vaguely logical)

Kansas Republicans take aim at their foot

(30)

(Earth Times)

Though the U.S. Social Security system is teetering on bankruptcy, it hasn't stopped it from giving billions to illegal aliens

(93)

Congress tries Ford's way. You mean hemmorhaging funds while creating sub-standard products? Ohhh, President Ford's way

(18)

NATO says its biggest mistake in Afghanistan in 2006 was killing innocent civilians. Jury is still out on arming and training of Jihadists in 1980s

(41)

John Edwards backs universal health care over budget deficit reduction, presumably so people can afford more douches

(88)

(Townhall)

Liberals can't see that their prosperity in 2006 was caused by Republicans

(130)

Obama's past could be a problem for his candidacy. Really, are we ready to elect a seven-foot-tall terrorist mastermind just because he shaved and got a Midwestern accent?

(157)

Rummy ready for presidential run. Er, wait... no that's Romney... my bad

Ontario helps cause the breakdown of the family by callously ensuring that boy has 50 percent more nagging than all the other kids

(52)

Hitchens: Gerald Ford makes Jimmy Carter look like Patton, except Ford might've had less trouble fighting off the rabbit

(33)

Bush takes a break from his vacation to announce that he'll be releasing his new Iraq plan "any day now," or at least "as soon as I find the brown crayon"

(61)

"The attackers were urged into action by their mullahs who promised the delights of paradise for those whom paid the ultimate sacrifice." -- India, 1897

(10)

Bush says he'll get along fine with the new Congress, as long as they do what he says. Sweet gridlock, is that you?

(43)

Saddam's co-defendants to be executed by Thursday, first badly taken snuff video scheduled to be front-paged by CNN, Fox by Friday

(112)

(mediamatters)

Media myths and falsehoods about the upcoming Democratic Congress' "100 Hour Plan"

(69)

Chuck Hagel blasts Bush's new plan as "Alice in Wonderland"-ish folly

(40)

Tue January 02, 2007:

# of Comments

Bush, going against the advice of just about everyone, to announce next week that his new Iraq policy includes a surge in troop levels to try and regain control of the country

(212)

Canadian government plans to give last surviving WWI vet a state funeral when he dies. Difficulty: There are three left, they're all over 100 and none of them wants the damn thing

(IHT.com)

Brazilian President Luiz Silva faces the daunting challenge of cracking down on brazen organized crime, refusing lucrative bribes

D.C. residents may get vote in Congress despite the fact they elected Marion Barry twice

(72)

(Crooks & Liars)

CNN apologizes to Barack Osama

(96)

Iran vows to humiliate U.S., adding to list of American jobs taken away by foreigners

(45)

(Rhymes with Right)

IF (Senior Congressman + Corrupt Aide + Big Money) AND (Congressman=R), THEN Scandal; IF (Senior Congressman + Corrupt Aide + Big Money) AND (Congressman=D), THEN Ignore

(121)

Tom Welles hired to help Iraq figure out who made Saddam snuff film. Hopefully will find the answers and learn a little bit about himself along the way

(17)

British Government absolutely hellbent on destroying the Royal Navy. Disbands the armed force with the best win/loss record in the Western world

(39)

Think that the execution of Saddam Hussein was a bit abrupt? So did the U.S. State Department, who worried the speed would make it appear to be an act of vengeance by the Shiite majority

(180)

(NY Daily News)

If you happen to see Rudy Giuliani's top-secret plan for his bid for the White House laying around, please call the mayor ASAP

(Chicago Tribune)

Winning the parts and minds of Afghanis, one sexual aid at a time

(6)

(IHT.com)

U.S. to Iraqis: We know you helped us with the war and all, but we're sorry, we can't offer you safe haven

(31)

(Some tinfoil hatter)

CNN Bush; "One of the worst disastera to hit the US" = teh funnah - - CNN; Where's "Obama" = OMFG, 'Assassinate character much?'

(89)

Mon January 01, 2007:

# of Comments

New Secretary-General at United Nations promises to make caving in to North Korea his number one priority

Chief Justice John Roberts says federal judges earning only $165,200 a year is a "constitutional crisis"

(434)

(Washington Times)

Remember that promise where Pelosi said that congress would implement all recomendations of the 9/11 committee? The back pedaling begins

(37)

Saddam in repose - an avid reader of poetry, enjoyed feeding birds and talking about his family. Oh dear God, what have we done ?

(172)

Pelosi to crush Conservative grassroots groups in 2007, therefore making it easier to take their guns and make them marry gay people

(28)