Drew Curtis' FARK.com -- Politics Archives for '2006-12-24 23:59:59'

# of Comments

If you're going to run in a gubernatorial campaign, don't call bid-rigging a "necessary evil"

(0)

Seattle attorney vows to end homelesness by 2015. Surprisingly, Soylent Green is not part of the plan

(15)

Pope urges christians to overcome prejudices this Christmas (offer not valid to homosexuals)

(12)

College uses bullshiat to produce power, even though liberal arts departments have been doing it for decades

(28)

Wage gap between male and female college graduates widening

(42)

Not news: Indian to become top judge. News: he is of the lowest Hindu caste, the "untouchables."

Sat December 23, 2006:

# of Comments

(Media Matters)

ABC deemed "Misinformer of the Year" by Media Matters, following previous winners Bill O'Reilley and Chris Matthews

(34)

(Newsblaze)

Kennedy, Foley, Haggard, Limbaugh, Frey: The Year in US scandals

In case you've been wondering who the Republicans were going to settle on as the scapegoat for the assbeating they took in November, looks like it's going to be...Elizabeth Dole

UN shakes finger, threatens time-out if Ahmadincrazyjad doesn't stop threatening to kill everybody

(284)

Add "20 mph speed limit" after "tea tax" on the list of British laws that looked good on paper but kind of backfired in the real world

(Some Buddha)

The latest religious threat infiltrating Congress: Buddhists

(25)

Jeb says towels are what he'll miss most about being governor. Yep, he's a Bush, all right

(11)

Insurgents offer to stop kicking our ass long enough for us to get the hell out. Submitter says why don't we get the hell out regardless of what they do

(56)

Current Iowa polls show Joe Biden running behind Edwards, Obama, Vilsack, Clinton, Gore, Kerry, Clark, Kucinich, Seinfeld, Spiderman, Shrek, broccoli, Cthulhu, a potted fern, and Hitler, but slightly ahead of Ralph Nader

(35)

(El Paso Times)

Open government, eh? Incoming House Speaker decides to maintain the status quo when it comes to CSPAN broadcasts. The more things change

(138)

(Washingtonpost)

"The entire reconstruction effort was much too ambitious." - "This is the lens through which Iraqis will now see America. Incompetence. Profiteering. Arrogance. And human waste oozing out of ceilings as a result."

(thestate.com)

Having little else to debate about, new House Speaker Nancy Pelosi to find closer location for female congressional restrooms

(22)

Gurbanguli Berdymukhamedov calls new election in Turkmenistan. Minimum requirement is name with at least 10 syllables

(6)

Fri December 22, 2006:

# of Comments

(Wonkette)

Hillary, street gangs and Jews conspire to take your guns, according to crazy new NRA comic book

(140)

Translator for the top NATO commander in Afghanistan charged with spying for Iran. Officials became suspicious when he failed to complain about the price of oil

(54)

Here's a fun game: Match the government-censored portions of the New York Times op-ed to already published news stories. You'd be surprised what passes for classified these days

(45)

Shock Magazine: So we stole your photo. You're a lowly blogger. What are you going to do about it? Michael Yon: Start a camapign to get your magazine yanked from retail. Result: 8 issues later, complete pwnage ensues

Congressman Virgil Goode (R-etarded) stands by his idiotic and bigoted comments about muslims

(1104)

President Bush issues 16 pardons

(228)

North Korea nuke talks end with no deal. Howie Mandel reports The Banker is losing patience and warns the UN they're running out of suitcases

(9)

Mitt Romney might have a teensy problem with his Presidental bid: the voters he's most likely to appeal to think his religion is a cult

(98)

The War On Christmas rages on in Washington state, where wind and rain aren't the only things that blow

(55)

Hillary finally decides to join cut & run Dems

(91)

If people are paid to do nothing, then that is exactly what they will do. Hold on there, Einstein, are you saying that welfare doesn't work?

(67)

UN passes a treaty against enforced disappearances banning nations from abducting perceived enemies and hiding them in secret prisons. Guess which rouge nation has a problem with that

(37)

USA's new global strike weapon (Russian photos)

(203)

Feds to run a "selective service readyness exercise". Everybody of a draftable age panic

(269)

Keith Ellison (D), Muslim congressman who wants to swear in on the Qu'ran, turns the other cheek, won't call Virgil Goode (R) a bigot "I don't know the fellow and I'd rather just say he has a lot to learn about Islam."

(84)

President Bush signs bill spending $38 million to preserve WWII Japanese internment camps. Wait, what?

Southern Methodist University said to be the home of the George W. Bush Presidential Lirbray after it promised unlimited Crayolas and finger paint to research librarians

(18)

Thu December 21, 2006:

# of Comments

(FP Passport)

Palestinian gunslinger fights for both Fatah and Hamas. Constantly shouts "Death to me"

(49)

Congressman refuses to back down from statement that "many more Muslims" will be elected unless the country's immigration policies are strengthened

(69)

Panel nears decision on location of Bush presidential library near SMU in Dallas. No mention on how they plan to fill an entire library with children's books

French Defense Ministry denies they had the chance to kill bin Laden in Afghanistan, already having fled the battlefield

(30)

All you PC defeatist blame-America-first liberals might want to sit down for this. Marines kill people during a war

(106)

(The Stranger)

The New Life Church in Colorado asks: Please let us know if you happened to have farked any of our pastors. Thanks

Some find naval buildup in Gulf discouraging. Submitter shrugs; handles naval buildup with soap and a washcloth. What's the big deal?

(8)

Tom Daschle says Barack Obama has "unlimited potential" before going back to the Home for the Politically Washed-Up and banging his head on the wall to get to sleep again

(41)

(Herald Tribune)

Bush calls Indian prime minister, told to reboot while pressing F8

(145)

Culture warrior Bill O'Reilly works liberal secularists into a tizzy while saving Christmas

(430)

(Wonkette)

John Edwards brings out the big guns to kick off his campaign - his daughter's gams

(72)

Monica Lewinsky just got her master's degree from LSE. Give that girl a cigar

(45)

Alan Dershowitz on Jimmy Carter: "You can always tell when a public figure has written an indefensible book: when he refuses to debate it in the court of public opinion."

(305)

From his mouth to God's ear: Jeb Bush says he has no future in politics

(44)

Sandy Berger, who stole classified material to decieve the 9/11 commission, gets his clearance back in three years. Just in time to run the State Dept. for Hillary

(194)

"Patriotic" junior hockey coach who booted player for not signing a flag for Canadian troops in Afghanistan learns the hard way what values Canadians truly cherish

Chavez demands U.S. apologize for saying Venezuela is a preferred drug route or else he'll allow even more coke to flow into the U.S

(40)

Pentagon wants another $100 Billion, it's a good thing we can just print more

(30)

Sean Penn says Americans who don't challenge Bush over Iraq are semen stains on the flag

(68)

Fox argues TV profanity rules are farking unfair

(21)

Wed December 20, 2006:

# of Comments

Bush clarifies that, when he said the U.S. wasn't winning in Iraq, he didn't mean they were losing, but that they will win -- just not fast enough for his liking or something like that

(310)

Nancy Pelosi can't wait to start "draining the swamp" of lobbyists and special-interest groups. No doubt her lobbyist friends at Exxon and AmGen will be the first to go

(33)

The whiny editorials pretending there's some way to completely separate politics and money have already started

Hillary Clinton talks about some of her family holiday traditions, such as going to church on Christmas Eve, opening presents with Chelsea the next morning, and plotting her enemies' utter destruction Christmas night

(20)

Chicago mayor endorses Barack Obama for president, promises all of city's 100-million legally registered voters will go along. Suck it, Hillary

Obama has yet to say anything that challenges the conventional wisdom of Democratic primary voters in even the slightest way

(85)

(MyDD)

Bush hints he'll let Democrats raise taxes on the wealthy if they let him privatize social security. It's lose-lose for everyone

(166)

(pollster.com)

Is there a frontrunner for the GOP presidential nomination in 2008? There are two. Most polls show GOP voters want Giuliani. So why does the media keep calling McCain the frontrunner?

(66)

Slate wants to know: Did the Vatican steal Jesus' foreskin so people would shut up about the savior's penis?

(298)

(Some Hillbilly)

The last piece of legislation to pass the 109th Congress is a steaming pile of excrement that no one bothered to read before voting for it

(33)

Tony Blair urges moderate Middle Eastern countries, which are mostly Sunni and Arab, to help rein in Iran, who are Shia and Persian. This should work perfectly

(121)

China bars Americans from adopting their children

(51)

(Telegraph.co.uk)

War in Somalia delayed by floods

(31)

In the latest cunning plan to unseat Ted Kennedy, bill seeks to ban trans fats from Massachusetts

(20)

Why does much of the Muslim world deny the Holocaust? Well, for starters, most have never heard of it

(733)

Congresswoman accuses filmmaker of taking her support of Castro assassination out of context. Filmmaker shrugs, releases entire video

(138)

Canadian Prime Minister manages to piss off everyone by stating that Quebec is a distinct nation within Canada, but one that anyone can be part of

(21)

Senator Sam Brownback (R-Eaching) wants to restart judicial hearing process since judge once attended a same-sex ceremony

New documentary claims French troops had bin Laden in the sights of a sniper rifle, but didn't take the shot because it took them too long to get U.S. authorization

(46)

Tue December 19, 2006:

# of Comments

The U.S. acknowledges that Canada's good relationship with Cuba could help bring democracy there, which is interesting because it's the exact opposite of the strategy the U.S. is pursuing

(64)

(NBC)

DC City Council gives itself a nice, fat raise due to the great work they're doing

(12)

Cynthia McKinney admits that some people in her home state were embarrassed by her actions, but points out that they were all "whites and uppity blacks." Glad she cleared that up

(249)

McCain begins full-scale presidential ass-kissing of the religious right

(51)

(NCTimes)

President Bush gives Kwanzaa speech, says Toby is a nice name

(444)

Here's the real reason why so many Democrats are swooning over Barack Obama: It's the nagging belief that the country isn't ready to elect Hillary Clinton

(113)

(Some Blogger)

Seeking really big mulligan, Tony Snow suggests that some Iraqi deaths should not counted in official Iraq War tally

(34)

You knew it was only a matter of time. Hamas PM says the fighting between Palestinians factions is the fault of....you guessed it. The U.S

(471)

United Nations human rights watchdog says he plans to send 'a high-level mission' to Darfur as early as next month. Well, that oughta clear things right up over there

(147)

Denver may not get 2008 Democratic convention because unions won't agree to DNC requirement not to strike

(204)

Hillary beats McCain in freakishly early Newsweek poll, which is so credible that Newsweek won't even publish themselves

(15)

Joy Behar of "The View" accuses Rumsfeld of being Hitler-like. Looks like she found the ovens, huh?

(38)

(Crooks & Liars)

Objections mounting over Bush Library as Southern Methodist, the University of Dallas and Baylor all compete to host his collection of favorite coloring books

(37)

Hamas and Fatah continue to shoot and rocket each other. Yes, these nuts need a homeland to run

(563)

Bush's godlike health is due to fish oil or something

(56)

Castro: "I'm not dead yet. I'm getting better. I think I'll go for a walk"

(18)

Brazilian legislators grant themselves a 91-percent pay raise. Apparently, when covering the "what could possibly go wrong" stage of planning, they forgot to consider crazy women getting stabby

(NewYorkTimes)

Taxes leading many American citizens living abroad to give up citizenship. In other news: Citizens who renounced their passports for tax reasons are prohibited from visiting the United States

(391)

Gates says, "Failure in Iraq... would be a calamity." Would be?

(55)

(9)

Mon December 18, 2006:

# of Comments

(Foreign Policy)

Top 10 stories you missed in 2006. Obviously, none involve Paris Hilton's or Britney Spears' vaginas

(56)

Clinton leads McCain in latest Newsweek poll

(53)

(The Ledge)

Proof Iraq's economy is still in trouble: New job position draws thousands of applicants. Oh sure, the job is executing Saddam Hussein, but still

(25)

Bush gives India nuclear technology to help stop the spread of nuclear technology

(31)

North Korea demands lifting of sanctions, stoppage of time-out penalties, nasty UN letters

(Crooks & Liars)

John Edwards set to announce candidacy for President. Because being a losing VP candidate has such an excellent track record of success

(81)

Jesus Christ, a bunch of parishes have quit the Episcopal Church. You'll never guess why

(843)

(Washington Post)

By declaring flag burning constitutionally protected free speech, the Supreme Court has eliminated flag burning

(69)

(Washington Times)

Hillary Clinton may not be electable, some Democrats say. And by "some," they of course mean "all"

(48)

Harry Reid says Tim Johnson will be "just fine." No need to look for possible successor, nope, no one, nada. Threatens to bring up Strom Thurmond if Republicans keep asking

(13)

(People's Daily)

Wal-Mart China sets up local Chinese Communist Party branch. "This is another breakthrough made by the Fortune 500 company"

(22)

(Media Nation)

Daily Kos-sers are unable to let the facts get in the way of their arguments

Some people think special-forces teams shouldn't carry out missions in friendly countries. Some of those same whackjobs think special forces should alert the CIA about their missions

(19)

What has enabled this disastrous war has been the willful delusion about how George Bush operates. Harry Reid will go along with my plan if I tell him it's "temporary"? Fine, Harry, "the plan is temporary"

It's easy to get readers' attention: Just take old news and add some threatening language to it. Take this, for example: "Nuke talks begin with N. Korea salvo"

(36)

Al Sharpton, et al. plans to host a day of outrage on Wall Street over Sean Bell shooting, as if these new New Yorkers even know where Queens is