Drew Curtis' FARK.com -- Politics Archives for '2006-12-17 23:59:59'

# of Comments

Vast majority of 'vicious killers' transferred from Guantanamo Bay to their home countries for further detention were immediately released due to lack of evidence

(27)

(Swissinfo.org)

Hamas and Fatah agree to stop hostilities and try to find some common ground like how much they both hate Israel

(16)

(The Australian)

Former Russian chess champion Garry Kasparov may run for president against Vladimir Putin, apparently unaware that horsies and castles are no match for Polonium

(17)

(Philadelphia Weekly)

Soldier getting his masters degree gets called to go to Iraq. College, which has staged anti-war rallies but refused to help our own troops, gives him a heros return by disenrolling him, and then denies his thesis for being too conservative

(137)

"Liars, use Skype at your peril"

(13)

The best way to fix the U.S. school system is to start over

(145)

The Darwin Principle: stop trying to get Sunnis and Shiites to get along and instead just back the Shiites, since there are more of them anyway and they’re likely to win in a fight to the death

(28)

(rense.com)

China to dump one trillion in US reserves

(39)

Tanzanian President pardons 4600, the largest mass pardon outside of Arkansas

Indiana Governor Mitch Daniels is proposing privatizing the entire state lottery for over 30 years in exchange for a one-time cash payment of one billion dollars and a percentage of annual revenue

(43)

After losing control of Congress over Iraq, Bush decides to send more troops overseas. Oh, right - I see what you did there

(57)

Frenchman's book saying Africa's famine is Africa's fault somehow fails to please Niger

(61)

Hillary Clinton being urged to break out of her close-knit circle of female advisers known as "Hillaryland" and take some policial risks if she wants to be the losing Democratic candidate in 2008

(31)

What potential 2008 presidential candidate should you vote for? Take this handy quiz

(126)

Sat December 16, 2006:

# of Comments

Bob Barr quits the GOP, joins the Libertarian Party. Your dog wants to listen to Boortz

(70)

It's nothing Borat didn't teach you, but Kazakhstan is revolting

(7)

Drug charges against the daughter of IL Secretary of State Jesse White are dropped after the arresting officer is a no-show in court. Stand by for scandal in 3... 2... 1

(64)

Iran offering to transfer nuclear technology to neighboring states. Too bad we don't have some sort of high level diplomats that could try and talk them out of it

(59)

(St. Paul Pioneer Press)

One-fourth of the bills passed this session were to rename buildings. And they say this was a Do-Nothing Congess

(19)

The first man to photograph the Chernobyl disaster

(27)

Not just for picking out china patterns anymore, First Ladies make an appearance on coins

(89)

The 10 smartest cities in America

(272)

U.S. Navy would like to test a "blood substitute" on civilian trauma victims, but says it is "too risky" to use in military

(48)

Fri December 15, 2006:

# of Comments

90% of Iraqis believe the country is worse off now than under Saddam

(99)

(Some Spoilsport)

Thanks for announcing our COVERT plans, jerk. Love, China

(25)

Cheney calls Rumsfeld "finest defense secretary in US history". Take that, all ye predecessors not forced to resign

(70)

Tom Vilsack polls dead last, behind Edwards, Clinton and Obama. In his home state

(15)

Iran vows any nation opposing their peaceful nuclear program will suffer their dire wrath and have painful revenge exacted on them. God willing

(69)

Barack Obama is personally responsible for such crimes against humanity as global warming and Rosie O'Donnell back on television

(19)

(YNet News)

Hamas says head of rival Fatah has "declared war on Allah." And since Allah is all-powerful but apparently too weak to strike Fatah down, Hamas will

(385)

In rare moment of clarity and self-insight, Huffington Post bloggers notes that bloggers are good at "criticizing, biatching and whining"

(8)

Barack Obama fondly recalls the days of Reagan and the Cold War, when there were no political disagreements. Submitter fondly recalls the '80s as well, and wishes he could have some of whatever Obama is smoking

(80)

(MediaMatters for America)

Jimmy Carter cowers and hides at the prospect of debating Alan Dershowitz

(100)

But America is conservative They LOVE the republican party They can't stand the democrats, they're just sending a message

(69)

"O'Reilly logic: If kids of gay parents were equally healthy, why wouldn't eating cupcakes cause pregnancy?"

(112)

Federal court rules that Establishment Clause allows government to run religions. San Francisco values in action

(65)

(France24.com)

France24 begins challenge of Anglo-Saxon views by reporting that Americans desire to employ "Nazi inspired” mass execution tactics in Iraq

(32)

'Christian envy' cited In public Menorah lighting ritual controversy, Hannukah Harry unavailable for comment

(28)

Stephen Colbert was about to give President Bush a "Certificate of Presidency" at correspondent's dinner, until he decided the Decider might not appreciate it. Like he wasn't appreciating the rest of the evening

(46)

Montana Senator Jon Tester is an NRA-approved Democrat who wants to redeploy troops from Iraq and repeal the Patriot Act. Wait - a Democrat that isn't merely the lesser of evils? SWEET

(42)

(Zogby International)

New poll shows most "libertarians" are really Republicans who are too ashamed to admit it

(201)

40% of Cubans disapprove of their country's leadership. In completely unrelated news, 40% of Cubans will be executed in the coming weeks

(10)

Roy Moore, the "Ten Commandments" judge, has weighed in on Keith Ellison's decision to take his oath of office on a Quran arguing that in America there is a seperation of church and state. Fark needs a Hypocrisy tag

(32)

Air Force General says War on Terror may last up to 100 years. Neocons seen huddled in the corner, giggling like schoolgirls

(49)

Gore tells scientists to be "more vocal" on climate change. Including, presumably, those who question it, but he didn't actually mention them

(56)

Thu December 14, 2006:

# of Comments

(China Daily)

Pyongyang 'grees' to shut down nuclear reactor and allow UN inspections in exchange for lifting sanctions, a decent meal. In other news, if the Chinese pronounce it 'nucueler', they've pretty much got southern accents

(5)

(World Net)

28% more John Wayne needed in Iraq. The Duke sucks

(65)

Folks in America's heartland still support Bush's war policy. "I support the war in Iraq, as it’s better to fight the war on terrorists over there than in Nebraska"

(99)

If you write an article critical of writer Michael Crichton's views of global warming, you might just end up as a character in his next novel. As a child rapist

(145)

With loving care, senators are more concerned whether Democrats or Republicans will have control of Seante in Sen Johnson dies

(usnews)

Dick Cheney is throwing Bush under the bus. "Iraq is now Bush's baby, and Cheney doesn't want to be tarred with it in the eyes of historians"

(62)

Somehow America rejecting Katie Couric's fluff on the CBS News means America is not ready for a woman President named Hillary

(37)

(IraqSlogger)

Conservative columnist Michelle Malkin and liberal former-CNN exec Eason Jordan to team up in Iraq to find the truth behind a potentially fake AP source. ERROR ERROR DOES NOT COMPUTE

(43)

If you are a Palistinian militant, you are fair game for target practice. This message brought to you by the Israeli government

(105)

Chicago alderman proposes restaurants post calorie counts, sodium and saturated-fat content of items on menu. As usual, it's for the kids

(19)

Sen. Johnson (D-Brain bleeding) holds the seat once held by by Karl Mundt, a GOP senator who suffered a stroke in 1969 but stayed in office even though he never returned to the Senate

(36)

With VP Cheney possibly becoming relevant again, terror fears rise due to... *dusts off, shakes Magic 8-ball*... imprisoned al-Qaeda leader known as the "Blind Sheikh" (aka Santa Claus) having a medical emergency

(25)

God leaves Democrats in charge of U.S. Senate... for now

(153)

(Hot Air)

David Duke accused Wolf Blitzer of being an Israeli agent. Duke sucks

(39)

Members of Congress made significant achievements in federal lawmaking: Naming post offices

(38)

Social leech: I don't have a job and you cut my unemployment benefits. Politician: If you had a wash and shaved then you'd have a job in three weeks

The conservative voice: "Let’s get real. Your average teenager has no desire to learn about 'anal health.' They have bigger fish to fry"

(38)

(Bloomberg)

The growing gap between rich and poor has become a serious national concern, which may bolster Democrats' plans to narrow the income divide by robbing from the rich to give to the pork

(23)

The post-Kofi era has already started as UN to send investigators to Darfur. Soon, they will issue a stern letter -- probably to the U.S. but you know, it won't change without a mustache in the diplomatic channels

(158)

Colorado congressman who called Miami a "third-world country" has trip cancelled over security concerns. "'We knew that it would be dangerous to speak your mind in a third-world country"

(11)

We'd be speaking German now if they had a Baker/Hamilton Study group during World War II

(84)

Even the National Federation of the Blind can see changing U.S. currency is a stupid idea

(84)

Russia and Japan in negotiations to end World War Two

(9)

UN Secretary General-designate, Ban the Moon, to take oath of office

(9)

Republicans that wanted to keep Terry Schiavo breathing are suddenly against life support

Senator who had a stroke, then didn't have a stroke, is undergoing brain surgery for apparently no reason at all

(187)

Sean Hannity visits Iraq. Does he: (A) Find out why they don't have enough supplies? (B) Thank them for their bravery? Or (C) Trash-talk the Democrats? If you guessed anything other than "C," you've obviously never watched Fox

(85)

(ACLU)

No, you can't have secret documents. Not yours

(26)

Canadian prime minister loves the media so much, he invites them all to a holiday party at his house, to be held on a day that doesn't exist

(8)

Three Democratic senators and a Republican head to Syria for high-level talks. Suck it, Bush

(8)

Bush to soon ask for another $100 billion for Iraq and Afghanistan, but don’t worry, you won’t pay for it, your kids will

(29)

Wed December 13, 2006:

# of Comments

Five things that killed Princess Diana. Getting into a car with a drunk driver is strangely absent

(68)

The U.S. millitary meets and exceeds recruitment goals again. Man, the media which reported "quagmire" must be scaring the bejezus out of everyone

(85)

(defense tech)

The hills are alive with the sounds of douchebags

(Your Tax Dollars at Work)

FEC fines Swift Boat Veterans for Truth. Also fines League of Conservation Voters and MoveOn. Suck it, everyone

(68)

Auction winner pays only $1 to be deluged with water, abandoned on an interstate overpass, robbed, and then hit with an MRE thrown from a passing military vehicle. Or, as the auction described it: "Dinner with LA Governor Blanco"

(75)

Saudi King warns Cheney that he will back Sunnis if U.S. pulls out of Iraq. Meanwhile, Iran will back the Shia. What could possibly go wrong?

(80)

(Daily Kos)

Who are the 21 percent of people who still approve of George Bush's handling of the war in Iraq?

(108)

Nanny State alert: British council bans candles from traditional Christmas service because someone's hair may light on fire

(41)

(Some Blogger)

John Edwards (D-would be president) shows deference to John Kerry (D-bad joke teller), but doesn't duck obvious question about Barack Obama (D-getting mucho hype)

(9)

(Some brain)

Senator Tim Johnson (D-SD) strokes out? Why is this news? Because SD's governor is Republican. You can see where this is going

(828)

The UK's socialized health-care system will pay for fat kids to get stomach-stapling surgery. In other news, there are apparently no other pictures of fat kids available for news agencies besides the kid with the hat eating at McDonald's

(126)

(LJWorld)

Sam Brownback says there's room in the Republican Party for flying pigs, unicorns and candidates who back gay rights

(52)

Rep. Ron Wyden (D-Taxegon) in favor of the return of the son of universal health-care insurance

(146)

Your wife/GF has an affair and gets pregnant. You tell her she either has an abortion or you'll move out and divorce her. Not so fast, Skippy. The state of Michigan may have something to say about that

(589)

Dictator of nation where most earn less than $1/day passes law to give himself free foreign holidays, cars and personal staff for life. It's not coups, it's Fark.com

(12)

Saudi ambassador gives Washington the old "fark you, fark you, fark you, you're cool, I'm out"

(21)

Man says "Use reverse psychology to decide foreign policy." Note to Admins: Do not greenlight this

(12)

Fletcher lawyer says that it was unnecessary to subpoena the governor, insisting, "He's been subpoenaed so many times that it doesn't catch his attention any more"

(3)

Israeli satellite TV provider chooses al-Jazeera's English-language service over BBC World because even al-Jazeera is less hostile to Israel than the BBC

(579)

Tufts' conservative student newspaper publishes a satirical Christmas carol mocking affirmative action. What could possibly go wrong?

(143)

The Czech Republic passes the six-month mark without a central government. Americans view situation with interest, wonder if it would work in the U.S.

(122)

Forcing employers to demand employee's proof of citizenship is working about as well as you might expect

(120)

Castro hasn't departed this mortal coil yet, but U.S. preparing for mass exodus to Miami when he does

(146)

Pre-President Clinton takes on a heckler. Heckler trifecta in play

(88)

Ooooh, there's a dictator! USA, help us! Ooooh, there's a tsunami! USA, help us! And the latest request for the U.S. to pull the world's butt from the fire? Global warming

(70)

(NewsHounds)

Doublethink in action, as illustrated by Bill O'Reilly

(64)

(Rolling Stone)

"To find societies as unequal as the United States, you have to look beyond the advanced world, to Latin America. And if that comparison doesn't frighten you, it should." Stupid tag beats out Scary tag by a mile

(234)

Canadians are illegally selling Nicaraguan islands online. Finally, something Noriega won't be able to blame the U.S. for

(12)

John Kerry going to Iraq to meet the soldiers. Sounds like two good reasons for him to wear body armour

(58)

(NZHerald)

Ninety-five percent of Americans not offended by "Merry Christmas." Thirty-two percent offended by "Happy Holidays." Who exactly are the thin-skinned PC crybabies again?

(129)

Tue December 12, 2006:

# of Comments

Little company in Maine does big service, lays wreaths on the graves of America’s fallen servicemen

(10)

"Jimmy Carter brings a Christian perspective to the Israeli-Palestinian dispute. Unfortunately, it is the same Christian perspective as a drunken Mel Gibson, obsessed with heaping blame on the Jews."

(80)

Congress votes to double US military equipment emergency stockpiles in Israel, meant for the US, because Israel pre-emptively depleted these US stockpiles for the Lebanon war

(49)

NH voters say Obama "must visit more". In addition to increasing their black population to 1.5, he also teaches them new handshakes

(294)

"The Democrats really embarrassed themselves in the 2004 Convention when they let a dishonest demagogue like Jimmy Carter sit next to an important standard bearer for the party like Michael Moore"

(89)

(MoveOn, nothing to see here)

On of the "Flying while Muslim" Imams had strong ties to terrorist organizations. Media forgot to report that one

(213)

House intelligence chair calls al Qaeda Shi'ite. Also calls bin Laden a poopyhead

(6)

Feds raid meatpacking plants in search of illegal immigrants, freeing up jobs for all the Americans who desire to work in a meatpacking plant

(25)

MoveOn's response against paperless computer voting is, apparently, a paperless computer petition

(16)

Bush to release Iraq plan in early '07. He has to stall in the meantime because nobody has 30 million PS3's in stock right now

(50)

United Nations agency that fights corruption accused of ... well, you probably know where this is going

(15)

On todays episode of the Twilight Zone: Sen Robert Byrd vows to lead the Democratic charge for a pork-free budget

"Immigrants in the U.S. from 1990-2005 founded 25 percent of all public venture-backed companies and about 40 percent of the high-technology start-ups operating today" They made your Jorbs

(127)

"If there ever was a time when the UN has focused on a problem and made things demonstrably better, it has passed."

(15)

(Common Dreams)

"Citizens' hearing on the legality of US actions in Iraq" will be held on 1/20-21/07. Organizer invites people "..to reflect deeply on their roles and responsibilities in an illegal war." Wow, the jury is already in

Judge orders Mississippi county to finally certify Nov 7 returns. Turns out Trent Lott won afterall

(1)

Gemany says that Iran must never get nukes...looks longingly at U.S. for enforcement

(28)

House ethics panel rules that Jim McDermot (D-Baghdad) broke rules in leaking taped phone conversation of Newt Gingrich (R-Doucheville)

(26)

Reason not to be an atheist: "As I am about to return to the house I hear the audible voice of God telling me to write this editorial. Exactly what can I show you to verify my talk with God, thus proving I'm not a crackpot? None."

(267)

North Korea might disarm with incentives (free stuff and/or bribes ), might wait for a democrat president who would be more receptive to giving them .... "incentives."

Starting next month, passport required to return to The USA from Canada, Mexico. Starting in 2008, you'll also need a note from your mother and a Toby Keith CD

(352)

(Extreme Mortman)

Top ten funny political quotes of 2006, including Bush recognizing the blind and John Kerry calling you stupid

(132)

You like Barack Obama because you don't know much about him yet, which enables you to endow him with your own positions and aspirations for a candidate, you sucker

(94)

Here's a headline that never gets old: "Poll shows trust in U.S. Congress falls"

(5)

"We taxpayers trust that our members of Congress will not turn their staff into butlers. That's not what they're paid for. It's a misuse of funds and an abuse of power."

(10)

An increase in the federal minimum wage to $7.25 would be helpful, but not enough to lift single parents out of poverty. Looks like dinner is Cheerios and peanut butter sandwiches again, thanks WIC

(166)

(usnews.com)

Clinton-Obama ticket scares the &^(%3@ out of the GOP

(968)

Michael Kinsley reviews Jimmy "The Appeaser" Carter's new moronic book. No reaction from the peanut gallery

(26)

Ahmadinejad to pro-democracy campaigners: "Everyone knows the real dictator is America". Somebody get that man a dictionary, stat

(22)

Scientists: "A small-scale nuclear war would have far reaching consequences for the global climate". Because thats whats really scary about nuclear war

(33)

From the "oh I guess it's legal" files: Clinton used domestic wiretaps. Suck it libs

(154)

Rural Americans tend to see big cities as havens for loose morals and crime. Lucky for them, the Electoral College, Senate and federal budget have tilted power toward the heartland - puppies, marshmallows and all

(48)

Chicago Mayor Richard Daley is running for his 6th term in an effort to top his father's record of 21 years as Mayor. Vote early, vote often

It's not news when police catch 31 people with ecstasy, heroin, and LSD at a party. It is news when the State Democrats' leader is at the same party

(22)

Mon December 11, 2006:

# of Comments

6 year old child dying from an incurable disease is on his way home after stem cells from an aborted fetus were successfully transplanted into his brain. We should have legislation in place to prevent such tragedies

(95)

(Gamasutra.com)

A federal judge wants to know how Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich is going to pay the half million dollars in court costs he's racked up fighting the state's gambling laws