Drew Curtis' FARK.com -- Politics Archives for '2006-12-03 23:59:59'

# of Comments

Larry King's mugshot when he was arrested and booked on charges of grand larceny in 1971. That was a lot of wives and heart attacks ago

Joe Biden (D-umbass) wants a 'confrontation' with Russia. The bombing begins in five minutes

How the White House plans to fool America

(64)

Jimmy Carter talks about his funeral plans. Driving a silver stake through his heart and burying him at a crossroads not specifically mentioned, so we'll assume that part

(47)

Kofi Annan says Iraq is "in the grip of a civil war." Having shared his opinion, secretary-general of U.N. then curiously silent on what the United Nations plans to do about it, though

(40)

Connecticut graduate student's hate-america propaganda used by arab newspaper

(96)

As a Zionist, I can't believe that my nationalism can simply erase that of another. Unlike Samara, my family could move back to Israel or the West Bank, tomorrow, in spite of the fact that I lived my first 20 years in the US and am a convert

(87)

Michigan House kicks men in the balls again, passes bill making it illegal to break up with a pregnant woman

(772)

(Bloomberg)

Augusto Pinochet has suffered a heart attack serious enough that he's been given last rites. Get your "the worms crawl in, the worms crawl out, the worms play cards on Pinochet's snout" headlines ready

(82)

Palestinian smart bomb inventory is getting old fast. Grandma did not get run over by a reindeer

(Federal News Radio)

Nobody panic, but the religion of peace is calling for an attack on internet banking and stock markets this month. Rainbow of terror remains unchanged at tangerine

(16)

327 oil and gas leases issued by the Bush administration are now just another part of "BFE" after judge rules that nobody can build roads to the sites

(153)

Think that whole Taliban situation is under control? Think again

(25)

(Press of Atlantic City)

"God Hates Fags" funeral protest twarted by an act of God. Not quite the smiting we were hoping for, but we'll take it

(184)

Conservative media site claims Bush will seek funding of orbital missile satellites, because the only way to be sure is from orbit

(79)

Seattle Public Schools will be under a constitutional microscope Monday when the SCOTUS hears arguments regarding the district using race to assign students to its most popular schools

Bangladeshi president, sick of all the vicious politics, throws a tea party so everyone can be friends again, even though tea parties are SO elementary school

California diocese breaks away from the Episcopal Church over their official position on homosexuality, a move that could be a signal of an impending schism within the Church

(18)

Sat December 02, 2006:

# of Comments

(hamptonroads.com)

Looks like the pattern is full as Air Force officially retires the F-15 Eagle

(Some Generic)

The 2006 White House Christmas Card. Fox News pundits outraged that it doesn't actually contain the word "Christmas" in 3, 2, 1

(49)

Stephane Dion wins leadership of Liberal Party. Stephen Harper celebrates

(53)

GW Bush finally notices Americans don't like his Iraq policy, which he describes as "a solid path to liberty and democracy"

(Anatomy of a Smear)

Our modern-day Edward R. Murrow depends upon the nutroots & left-wing spin outlets for his content, which is fine except for the fact that he’s either too lazy or too stupid to fact-check their crap before he puts it on the air

(57)

When asked about the illegal immigrant landscapers that have worked on his lawn for years, Mitt Romney, who was hosting the Republican Governors Association conference in Miami, said, "Aw, geez," and walked away

Radio show host to callers after an anti-Muslim hoax: "Because basically what you just did was show me how the German people allowed what happened to the Jews to happen"

(86)

Canadian Liberals to elect new leader today as delegates choose between a Bush-loving douche, a socialist turd sammich and a tree-hugging frog

(21)

Reverend Fred Phelps shut out of sacred Indian burial ground

(311)

Congressional leaders who endorse giving oaths of office using a Bible are offended when Muslim congressman requests to use a Quran instead

(637)

What politician do you most want to get rid of?

(69)

FBI begins new of electronic surveillance: remotely activating a cell phone's microphone and using it to eavesdrop on conversations. You may now tighten your tinfoil hats

(65)

Inevitably taking a page out of the Dems playbook circa 2000 and 2004, Republican have finally come to terms with why voters don't vote for them: Voters are incredibly stupid

(Strmz)

Iraqi Children Pelt Rocks at Angry Soldiers in US Military Convoy

(107)

(Washington Times)

College Republicans invite conservative speaker to appear on campus, hilarity ensues

(87)

Fri December 01, 2006:

# of Comments

(MyDD)

Generation Y, the largest American generation since the Baby Boomers, now make up 12% of the electorate, and broke for Democrats 60%-39% this year. I, for one, welcome our new liberal overlords

(275)

(Some Mortal)

Iranian train theatens holy site of one of the world's great monothestic religions. Not that one, the other one. No, not that one either. The one they all ripped off

(46)

Determined not to outdone by other states, Ohio passes law allowing trust fund for pets. Your dog wants sheltered assets

Pre-election Democratic talking point: "Bush has farked up Iraq; we can do better." Post-election: "Iraq is Bush's war and Bush's problem, not ours"

(115)

Governor-elect encourages reporters not to give in to cynicism, because optimism built this great country: "His remarks were greeted with silence"

The Boston Globe discovers Mitt Romney never asked the owner of a landscaping company if he had ever hired illegal immigrants. The fact that Romney might be running for president has nothing to do with it

(19)

Just in case all the bombings, warfare and terrorism didn't clue you in: The Middle East peace process is dead

(The Hill)

Trent Lott and Larry Craig want to get the band back together. The Singing Senators barbershop quartet, that is (second item down)

(10)

Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-Botoxylvania) finally gets one right, picks a non-felon for House Intelligence Committee

(80)

After recounts, lawsuits and whining about voting machines fails to overturn an election, Democrats want a judge to nullify the results because they don't match a statistical model they pulled out of someone's butt

(74)

The poisoning of several high profile Russians by Polonium 210 just might be related. Ironic due to the source

(25)

Gibraltar: Let's have a constitution. Spain: For the last time, you aren't a real country. Don't make me come down there

(90)

Bush pledges to fight AIDS full force with genius plan. Stem cells? More research? No -- abstinence, dummy

(80)

(myfoxny.com)

Gay former-governor's former lover says formerly gay governor not gay

(17)

Today's b-b-b-but Clinton moment: Clinton arranges for pediatric AIDS drugs to be available for less than $60 per year, per child worldwide. Suck it, libs

(91)

(Michael Moore.com)

Michael Moore actually making sense: Let's only overthrow governments when the people of that country are willing participants

(81)

Thu November 30, 2006:

# of Comments

Man in Afghanistan is disemboweled, torn limb from limb with motorbikes, then his remains are put on display as a warning to others against defying Taliban orders to stop educating girls. Welcome back guys

(562)

Federal Election Commission encourages politicians and contributors to report their own violations of campaign finance law

(26)

Ripple effect of Democrats gaining control of Congress felt as the number of U.S. workers applying for jobless benefits climbed by the highest amount in more than a year

(41)

Amsterdam not worried that their closing of a third of the 350 prostitution windows in the Red Light District will hurt tourism because the city has much more to ofter, like angry horny men who came to see some naked broads (SFW)

(99)

(TPM Muckraker)

Rep. William Jefferson's new ad: "I have never taken a bribe." Bill Clinton gives a big thumbs up from the sideline

The UN has still not taken action against their own rapists and child abusers

(15)

Researchers discover group of people who were previously only rumored to exist. Although, even today, these "Homo sapiens whohatebarackobama" remain a rare sight

(20)

(Some Slow Learner)

CIA torture victim expresses confidence in U.S. justice system

After the attacks of 9/11, profiling Muslims is more like profiling the Klan

(46)

Iowa Governor Tom Vilsack declares Democratic nomination bid for president. Initial polls show him running behind Dick Phallus, but ahead of Harry Scrotalsac

(74)

Today's "Another day, another whiny Democrat concedes that a recount ain't gonna get him elected" story brought to you by North Carolina

(56)

Fox News sums up the Middle East conflicts by pitting New York against Massachusetts with Rhode Island as the Jordan of New England

(18)

Newsweek is describing the U.S. president and Iraqi prime minister as the "Odd Couple." Question is, which one in George Bush: Matthau, Lemmon, Klugman or Randall?

Huffington Post wants George Bush Senior to spank his son or something and stop the war. That'll work

It's a running joke that more Americans care about voting for the next "American Idol" than for president, but Canadians are actually voting for their next prime minister on reality TV

(10)

Democrats: "Remember how we campaigned on the platform of enacting the suggestions of the 9/11 commission? Yeah... forget we ever said that"

(111)

Fox News uncovers diabolical Democratic Party plan to "undermine Fox News". And most people thought Fox was doing a fine job of that all by themselves

(30)

US unveils new citizenship test questions. Sample question: "Finish this sentence: 'Save the cheerleader, save the _____.'"

(142)

New gov't reports finds that the gov't is shafting themselves when it comes to private medical insurance payments. And the gov't is usually so fiscally responsible, it's just mind-boggling that this could happen

(45)

(The Capital Times)

"When it comes to dairy policy, the polite term for George W. Bush is 'liar.'"

(23)

In other words, in legal terms, there is probable cause to believe that Bush, Cheney, Rumsfeld, Rice, and Powell violated Title 18, United States Code, Section 371, which prohibits conspiracies to defraud the United States." Match, anyone?

(43)

Imams respond to their brethren being kicked off a flight in a mature fashion by staging a loud "pray in" at Reagan International. This can only end well

(344)

Rapper Ludacris, Barack Obama hook up, rap about AIDS. Have no current plans to record, tour together

Remember that time when Canadian embassy staff in Tehran saved all those Americans from the Iranian mobs? Turns out we probably won't be able to do that next time. Sorry 'boot that, eh?

USA Today praises Pelosi for withdrawing nomination of impeached judge; not so much for nominating him in the first place

(25)

(Some Legislator)

Coming to its senses, Texas Legislature introduces bill requiring bi-annual renewal of driver's licenses for drivers over 90 (including eye test)

(19)

War on Christmas(r) moves overseas as St. Nicholas gets expelled from Vienna kindergartens

(108)

Iran's Ahmainyurbasekillinyerdudez letter was a "Call to Islam", otherwise known as a prelude to war

(TomPaine.com)

"In the months leading up to the invasion Murdoch turned the dogs of war loose in the corridors of his media empire, and they howled for blood, although not their own."

(19)

We have had to engage in a constant process of downgrading our expectations in Iraq

(60)

The myth of the special relationship between US and Britain. Really, they were just hugging, not grinding

(Editor & Publisher)

Crooked insurance exec, big GOP supporter buying up shares of NY Times. George Bush ponders buying shares of Democratic Party

(34)

Federal judge strikes down President Bush's authority to designate groups as terrorists, says Bush's executive order was unconstitutional and vague

(36)

MALAYSIAN POLITICIAN PROPOSES NEW "SHOUTING ROOM" SO ANGRY LAWMAKERS DON'T HAVE TO YELL AND SCREAM IN LEGISLATIVE CHAMBERS

United States, out of moves against North Korea, suggests to Pyongyang that it can't hug its children with nuclear arms in latest pitiful strategy to contain rogue state

Democrats hail end of "Rubber Stamp Republicans," herald beginning of "Lemme-At-That-Tax-Money Liberals"

(465)

Wed November 29, 2006:

# of Comments

(Some General)

Top Marine general says Americans like the troops, but maybe not the war. In related news, Captain Obvious has been promoted to General

(14)

La Brokebaque Montagne: Quebec TV sketch featuring Bush and Harper has a certain je ne sais quoi - and whipped cream and a gay separatist, for added measure

(114)

Israeli Chief Rabbi wants to change Israeli law so that only Jews born to a Jewish mother would be entitled to automatic citizenship. Conversions aversions to nationalistic policies disenfranchising the racially impure

(121)

(The CATO Institute)

For the 3 delusional people who still think Hugo Chavez is a nice guy, here's a report from the CATO Institute demonstrating that Chavez's government is the most corrupt in the history of Latin America. Suck it, er, someone

(89)

Pope, accused of being a crusader, responds with a pledge to fight "violence in the name of God.". Ladies and Gentlement, Meet Pope Benedict XVI, the George Bush jr of Popes

(190)

After White House staff leaks a memo claiming Maliki is weak, Iraqi PM cancels on US's peace summit dinner, winter dance

(108)

Iran and Iraq reach mutual security agreement. Nothing could possibly go wrong with this

(182)

(Some Legislator)

After having settled the origins of the hamburger, Texas Legislature introduces a bill to allow the legally blind to hunt with laser sighting devices

(62)

President Bush's daughters asked to leave U.S. embassy in Buenos Aires after running naked through their hotel. Like their father, the two reportedly declined the request to withdrawal from the foreign soil they're occupying

(250)

Bill Frist has decided not to run for president. Plans on spending his time opening up the world's first medical diagnosis via video clinic

(43)

According to conservative commentator Ed Rogers, Barack Obama has no chance in politics because his middle name is Hussein. Strangely enough, it is Hussein

(196)

Bush Administration bans sale of iPods to Kim Jong-Il. No North Korea, you can't have an iPod. Not yours

(33)

Why did the Turkey cross the road? Apparently not to join the EU

(37)

Like picking at a festering, herpetic sore on your perinium, Canadian PM re-opens the same-sex marriage debate

(58)

(WND)

London financier says the move is on to replace dollar with the "amero," a currency for the North American Union that the conspiracy nuts say is coming

(38)

Federal government extends "no sex without marriage" advice to all people under the age of 30. (Don't) suck it, libs

Iranian President Ahmaletterwritter plans to write a five-page missive to the American people. Topics expected to range from Israel's destruction to how to get your biatch back in the kitchen

(215)

(TPM)

"I was really temped to slug him." Senator-elect Jim Webb on the president

(92)

What the Turks really think: "Anti-Muslim bias is wrong. It's discrimination. But anti-Arab bias, man, that's just common sense! I wouldn't let one of those Arab lunatics run my country's port!"

(43)

Syria planned waves of assassinations in Lebanon. Yes, to solve Iraq, we definitely need a dialogue with these humanitarians

(26)

"America's college campuses, once thought to be bastions of free speech, have become increasingly intolerant toward the practice"

(73)

(AmericaBlog)

White House leaks memo stating that Iraqi leader al-Maliki is "ignorant of what is going on" in Iraq

(332)

(Some Poor Student Guy)

"Attention college students, thank you for getting us elected to Congress. By the way, we're raising your tuition. Thanks again. Sincerely, Democrats"

(61)

(Political Mavens)

Liberals are far less likely to donate their time or money to charity, and when they do, they donate in smaller amounts than Conservatives

(256)

Bill O'Reilly declares the city of Chicago "stupid." It is still unknown what he thinks of Florida

(33)

Shocking report reveals that federal government does not monitor spending or follow budget rules. Next study expected to show that beer does, in fact, taste good

(98)

(Washington Times)

Next Congress plans to reintroduce the Equal Rights Amendment. Ted Kennedy to burn his bra in solidarity

(47)

Italy charges Google executives for allowing posted footage of an autistic youth being abused

Having solved all other issues, Texas Legislature introduces bill designating Athens, TX as the "Original Home of the Hamburger"

(116)

(Waffle House)

Belgium pledges cash for Afghanistan, but no more troops, waffles

(2)

(Thewest.com)

Castro's birthday party was a smashing success with one exception: Castro didn't attend

UN Human Rights Council fails to pass Darfur genocide resolution thanks to African and Middle Eastern opposition. Meet the new UN, same as the old UN

(40)

Tue November 28, 2006:

# of Comments

Rep. Sheila Jackson-Lee (D-Texas) is happy to force people to board a plane with scary Muslims as long as she doesn't have to herself. She can't, in fact, because she's been banned from all continental flights herself

(45)

Jacques Chirac is concerned that NATO doesn't do enough to promote peace; offers to donate a boatload of white flags

(14)

Bush says troops will ____ until the mission is accomplished. No not the mission that's already been accomplished. The other one

(305)

(Time)

"Bush's five fatal Mideast mistakes." Going in against a Sicilian when death is on the line reportedly No. 6

(34)

(Gainesville.com)

Religious group pays to have six-ton marble Ten Commandments placed outside of Dixie County courthouse. The "aw jeez not this shiat again" guy's head explodes like he's something out of the movie "Scanners"

(504)

(Deputy Dawg)

Joe Lieberman -- who is moderate, just ask him -- does not see the value in talking to the most stable and influential governments in the Middle East

(29)

Barrack Obama to visit New Hampshire. If you're uncertain which one is him, just look for the black guy

(159)

Faced with massive media exposure, negative press and increasing political media attacks, Nancy Pelosi sees her approval rating jump up 12 points. Wait, what?

Wesley Clark will run for president in '08, hoping not to repeat his mistake from '04, which was apparently running in the first place

Rep. Barney Frank calls out Fox News' Chris Wallace for focusing on supposed Democratic issues that Dems actually aren't interested in dealing with

(89)

The welfare system in Wisconsin is so good at getting people jobs, welfare applications have plummeted. This of course means it needs a complete overhaul

(Union Leader)

Cool: Speaking at annual First Amendment ceremony. Not news: You're Newt Gingrich. Fark: Suggesting that freedom of speech be re-examined to meet the threat of terrorism

(104)

(Some Blogger)

Hastert, "dejected" and "embarrassed," says he will retain seat for now; resume "big boy" modeling career later

Christian Coalition president-elect steps down, claiming that his views are more in line with Jesus' than the group

(mediamatters)

Weekly Standard editor: "Voters repudiation of Bush in midterms increased violence in Iraq." It's all your fault, libs

Pope calls for Christian-Muslim dialogue, pony and a Wii

(17)

Commentator Pat Buchanan blames Litivinenko poisoning on the Jews; refers to assassin as "sugartits"

(Daily Kos)

Elizabeth Dole asks GOP donors to help the NRSC recover from their post-campaign debt, helpfully points out that they "managed to keep the Senate extremely close." Ann Coulter smiles, admires her balls

(21)

(US Census Bureau)

Remember which side you picked on the argument that minorities and poor bear the brunt of military service? Here's the actual US Census Bureau data. Was your side right, or were you just drinking Kool Aid? Find out

(87)

Leftist friend of Hugo Chavez declared official winner of Ecuador's presidential election. EVERYBODY HISPANIC

(152)

NY governor-elect gives kudos to his favoriate TV show by saying "boo-yah" during his victory speech

Tom Delay endorses a book on corruption. This is not a typo