Wed April 10, 2013
Scientific genius, Rep. Joe Barton: ""I would point out that if you're a believer in the Bible, one would have to say the Great Flood is an example of climate change, and that certainly wasn't because mankind had overdeveloped hydrocarbon energy"
The woman behind Thatcher death parties is somewhat of a drama queen
Rand PAUL gives awkward, condescending speech on race to students at historically black Howard University. So how's that outreach coming, GOP?
Kansas passes the "Women's Right to Know Act," which, like all Republican bills, is actually the opposite of what its title suggests
Remember when President Obama laid out an ambitious agenda for a second term in his State of the Union address? Yea, well you can just forget all about that now
Successful entrepreneur is a "loser" according to sucessful...whatever it is that Sarah Palin is successful at
Republicans finally find a family of illegal immigrants they love and want to protect from deportation
Oops--the turtle is flipped on his back. Those tapes of him and his staff bad-mouthing Ashley Judd also show that he may have used his staff illegally to go after her. Maybe calling the FBI wasn't such a bright idea after all
Carry on my wayward son/ There'll be peace when you are done/ Lay your weary head to rest/ Nevermind, we're outlawing anything that promotes sustainable development
Thatcher's funeral will have a Falklands War theme. No word on whether protesters plan to launch Exocets at the coffin
Obamacare will work out so well, one of its main architects stated the following: Law 'beyond comprehension;' After bad start, 'will only get worse'...Fail tag is for all those who 'passed it to see what was in it'
Fed releases minutes early. It's okay, that can happen to anyone
"Obama to limit size of retirement accounts" - This, people, is quality trolling
Smug Massachusetts laughs as backwards Mississippi town sues the gubmnt to take away horrifying wind turbines that are destroying their health. Wait, got those two states switched around; sorry
After the right-wing loses its collective shiat and bombards an MSNBC host with hate mail because said that "children belong to whole communities", she responds by tweeting a bible verse about loving one's enemies. This troll goes to 11
Ronald Reagan only had the power of radio to announce "the bombing begins in five minutes." Today, the city of Yokohama has the power of Twitter to announce the same
Republicans look to send a stern message to Obama over his excessive time machine usage by canceling the "obamaphone" program that he secretly started when Reagan was president
Mayor Bloomberg to meet with Jimmy Carter; take his soda
Cuomo: Okay, here's my plan - we're going to go way out on a limb here and make bribery illegal
Behold, the "Manchin my Toomey" gun deal is close. Very...very close
The White House may have put an end to tours because of the sequester, but it still doesn't keep them from having private concerts
I hate this ni**er rigging. I mean afro-american engineering. And don't call me racist, I know a few coloreds. Even built a house for one. Love one like a dog in fact
Virginia's Governor Bob "The Trans-V" McDonnell would like you to know that he had nothing to do with spending $15,000 of campaign donor money on his daughter's wedding, even though the caterer's $3,500 refund check came straight to him
Cheney briefs GOP: "We're in deep doo doo"
FoxNews.com promotes traveling to Cuba, while Fox News attacks Beyonce and Jay-Z for traveling to Cuba
Obama to unleash $3.77 TRILLION budget plan. That's "trillion" with a "t." And a "3," and two "7s," and a ""
Everyone's favorite demoted MSNBC host is complaining that 8th Graders are A) Learning creationism B) Reading Ayn Rand C) Volunteering to save houses from impeding floods. Lean Forward
U.S. Employers have more job openings than at any other time in nearly five years, they are in no hurry to fill them. We're living in a fear-based environment right now, thanks Obama
Tue April 09, 2013
Hothead who swore to "start killing people" gets to have his guns back since he was angry when he said it
Mitch McConnell is convinced Woodward and Bernstein are spying on him
Just like the skirmishes in "bloody Kansas" provided a preview of the Civil War, the battle in Iowa over who will run to try to ocupy Tom Harkin's soon-to-be-vacant Senate seat are a dress rehearsal for the coming GOP war with the Tea Party
By the way, we won the Iraq war
Congressional Republicans are more prolific tweeters than Democrats, not to mention snarkier
Obama slams GOP for gun control stunts... as he flies victims to a photo op on Air Force one
Brad Paisley records a song called "Accidental Racist" explaining that the Confederate flag he's wearing on his shirt is just proclaiming his love for Lynyrd Skynyrd. What could possibly go wrong?
Columnist goes on news program and claims slave plantations were run by liberal Democrats. Which network would that be: a) Fox News, b) Fox News, or c) Fox News?
Democrat civil war brews in Massachusetts as lawmakers pass $500 million tax increase but risk veto by governor who insists on $1.9 billion tax increase
"Ding Dong The Witch Is Dead" enters download chart top 40 following the wicked witch's death
Liberal press does not support incarceration of Fox News reporter because
Hey, where did all the Washington lobbyists go? Oh, figures
Santorum: "The GOP will NEVER embrace gays." Well, they haven't embraced what your name means yet, so I doubt you have to fear this
Where did MSNBC's Melissa Harris-Perry get her "children don't belong to their parents, they belong to the community" idea? Perhaps she doesn't realize that 1984 isn't an instruction manual
Margaret Thatcher wanted to teach Sarah Palin to speak "proper English". Some things were impossible even for the Iron Lady
Stephen Colbert forces Bill Clinton to join Twitter
Today's GOP entry in the "You're Not Helping" sweepstakes is Representative Paul Brown, who opposes sex change operations because "I like being a boy"
0bama responded to Roger Ebert's death quicker than Thatchers, therefore he has to watch a marathon session of "North" or something
Mon April 08, 2013
MSNBC host films a commercial saying that children don't belong to their parents or their families, but to their communities at large. This is an outrage, apparently
I object to my distinguished colleague's use of "black helicopter" in a disparaging manner
Make that 3 Democrats in the Senate that haven't come out in support of gay marriage
Right wing media: President Obama is a socialist. Reality: Obama's regressive policy record makes Richard Nixon look like Che Guevara
FW: FW: FW: fw: Fw: fw: fw: FW:
Guess what the "safe driver act" really is. Click to see if you're right
So, the much feared Sequester was much ado about nothing, you say? Turns out all the sound and fury did signify something, and that something has been the most unkindest cut of all
NRCC debuts "Words With Elizabeth" attack ad on Colbert Busch. DCCC to respond with "Adult Friend Finder with Mark Sanford"
Anyone pooping their pants about Wikileaks' upcoming release of 1.3M Cold War era diplomatic cables is already a Depends user anyway
China isn't naming names, mind you. It merely thinks some nearby nation has been watching too much Game of Thrones, should shut its whore mouth, and go back to Whore Island
Obama: "My SS cuts are not my 'ideal' plan" So what? You want to cut all entitlements or you want to make everyone a welfare queen? In this country, it's either/or, there is no third option
You are free to show Vladimir Putin your boobs
Happy conservative warrior, Mike Gallagher, says he "doesn't hate liberals", just the watermelons they eat. Fark those guys
Andrew Cuomo has a grand plan to end corruption in the state legislature. Subby has a grand plan to seduce Kate Upton, and Drew has a grand plan to remain sober this weekend
California's silent disaster. Schwarzenegger smelt it first
Iron Lady rusts in peace
Now that Chavez is gone, things are back to normal in Venezuela. Well, except for that whole "vote for me or a centuries-old curse will strike you" thing
Sun April 07, 2013
Sat April 06, 2013
President Obama, "The Butcher Of Washington DC", plays golf for the second weekend in a row. History's greatest monster, indeed
CNN regurgitates a crappy "living in sin" article from 1975 that they stole, hopes nobody notices that all they did was change the dates and pretend that your dead grandparents are even moderately concerned about this "new trend"
Another sign of the impending Apocalypse: Fox and Friends says something reasonable about Obama
One of the Mayor Against Illegal Guns gets arrested for what subby is sure you can guess. And he's a Republican so you can probably guess what he was trying to use it to do
"Millions of MoveOn members did not work night and day to put President Obama into office so that he could propose policies that would hurt some of our most vulnerable people" If you enjoy the GOP civil war then you will enjoy the Dems civil war, too
Obama was bluffing when he threatned to take air traffic controllers off the job
The rest of the world is holding North Korea responsible for escalating tension in the region. Then there's this guy
Guess who wants white people to wear special wristbands, to remind everyone how privileged they are: (a) the Ku Klux Klan, (b) the American Nazi Party, (c) the Wisconsin public school system
Seriously, North Carolina, WTF is wrong with you?
Court rules in favor of suing government agencies that ignore freedom of information act requests. Lawyers prepare for stampede of people filing for Obama's birth certificate
Having solved all other problems, North Carolina passes a bill requiring schools to teach cursive handwriting. So students will be able to read the Bill of Rights
(Some Guy)
Jobs report? What jobs report? Hey look, gay marriage
Fri April 05, 2013
Maryland town begins taxing rainwater. Residents wonder what precipitated the decision
Congressman with 2.5 million in debt urges government to be as fiscally responsible as he is in running his business. Claims he balances his budget every day
With 2 more Democrat Senators coming out in favor of gay marriage, we're down to a Final Four who haven't come out in favor: Mark Pryor (D-AR), Joe Manchin (D-WV), Tim Johnson (D-SD), and Mary Landrieu (D-LA). Who will be the last to fall?
President Obama apologizes to Kamala Harris, says she is much more than a fine piece of Attorney General
One for the "WTF" file: American helicopters can no longer perform, so we're now buying Russian helicopters
John Boehner to Obama: We will not allow you to destroy Social Security, a program my party has cherished and nurtured for generations, just to push through another tax hike on America
We're a little more than a month away from Mother's Day, so let's take a moment to be inspired by some notable single mothers: Sandra Bullock, of course, everyone loves her. Halle Berry, Kate Winslet, can't forget them. Oh, and Michelle Obama
Looking to donate large amounts of money to politicians with beards? There's a PAC for that
(Some Guy)
Don't look now, but RAND PAUL is starting to do the exact same things Obama did three years before his first presidential bid
Semi-automatic rifle used by Adam Lanza during Newtown school shooting upgraded to fully automatic weapon by President Obama
No prominent Republican - from John McCain to Mitt Romney to John Boehner to Ron Paul - and no prominent conservative, from William Bennett to Sarah Palin to Rudy Giuliani, ever faced or raised the birther issue. And that's bad for some reason
How sleazy is New York politics? Enough that Democrats saw the 20-year rap sheet of one of their assembly candidates and said "fark it - we'll wait until he gets elected, then make him wear a wire"
At a San Francisco fundraiser, Obama praises California's AG Kamala Harris' toughness and smarts, and also notes she's "the best-looking attorney general in the US". Aides are preparing the pull-out couch in the Oval Office for his return
(Some Guy)
Graphical representation of US income distribution. Get your browser ready for a 4.9 mile high chart
Good: Economy added 88k jobs last month. Bad: It was supposed to add 190K. Awesome:Unemployment rate drops yet again. Fark:Because 500k people just stopped looking
Remember how federal deficits were supposed to cause soaring interest rates?
"Seventy acres of pornography is too much," said the councilman. "The hell you say," said Fark
Congratulations, Bill Nelson. You're the next Democrat to play "I don't want to be the fat kid to be picked last when it comes to Gay marriage". For playing, you'll get one free turtle to marry and enough rainbows to light up your day
School inadvertently teaches kids how capitalism works in the real world. Now everyone is pissed off about it
Thu April 04, 2013
On the GOP's substitute WH tour: ...and if you look to your right, you'll see thousands of Medicare patients who were denied cancer treatments due to the sequester
The good news: North Carolina GOP give up on their bill to give a big middle finger to the 1st amendment. The bad news: North Carolina GOP proposes bill to make exempt from any Federal law guns and ammo made in NC
New law could put teens in jail for visiting online news sites. At Fark, they're cool as long as they bring beer
Republicans continue their Latino outreach efforts by warning America that a "pathway to citizenship" for existing illegals could cost up to...*twirls moustache*...$40 BILLION PER YEAR
President Obama once again circumvents those pesky separation of powers rules with his constitutionally given right to executive orders to make this a better country
Sean Hannity and Michelle Malkin praise Rutgers for firing coach Rice for his tirades. Just kidding, they compare it to being whipped with a belt and say the whistleblower should be investigated
Men living longer and closing the gender life expectancy gap is a "troubling trend", according to the National Geographic
Fifth of Republicans think Barack Obama is the anti-christ, according to voter survey
New York state legislature sets new record for Democratic corruption hat trick with the arrests of two more assemblymen today on corruption charges
Ragin' Cajun joins Hillary PAC. "I'm not going to waste my time writing you about how great Hillary is or how formidable she'd be - you know it all already"
Jobless claims rise for the first time in 4 months, which I'm sure has nothing to do with the sequester
Regarding the disbursement of $700M in Katrina/Rita housing improvement money, "HUD officials say Louisiana was responsible for overseeing the appropriate use of the money." There's your problem right there
Mark Sanford: "Stephen Colbert is not running for Congress" Yeah, we know, but wouldn't that be awesome?
The Texas House of Representatives stops trying to defund Planned Parenthood, gut education and mental health budgets, and secede from the United States, just long enough to pass critical legislation: Pecan Pie is the official state pie
Lawmakers amending CISPA behind closed doors because [REDACTED]
NRA press conference features 20 conspicuously armed security guards harassing and intimidating journalists, because freedom
Thanks to Stephen Colbert, here is an image you will never be able to unsee: The Supremes are all wearing matching bridesmaid dresses
(Some Guy)
If you disagree with Rush Limbaugh you are bad and you should feel bad. Or something
From the you're not helping file: US Embassy in Egypt tweets Jon Stewart's rant about Egypt, causes diplomatic incident
Spokesman for Diana DeGette (D-CO) issues official correction to her questionable statements regarding high capacity magazines, states that she was referring to the clips found in vintage WWII rifles, which are not reusable, so there
Wed April 03, 2013
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