Fri May 24, 2013
Rep. King (R-eaching) says Reagan caused Obama's victories because he gave all those brown people amnesty in the 80's
Obama is a terrible president therefore we need a moon colony
Bad: Lobbyists in Texas pay $22,000 restaurant tab for lawmakers and their staffs. Unforgivable: Three people ordered Coors Light
Remember those Gibson Guitar raids from a few years back? People who are paying attention sure do
Congressman Louie Gohmert says fetuses without functional brains should be carried to term so mothers can make an "educated decision", prompting people to ask Gohmert when he plans on making one of his own
GOP: OMG, Obama, you're a dictator who's taking ar freedoms and killing us with drones. Obama: OK, fine, how about I repeal the law that gives me that power? GOP: OMG, Obama, you're so weak on terrorists it's like you're surrendering ar freedoms
Governor Perfect Hair turns down $100 Billion in federal Medicaid expansion funding because fark you, that's why
Illinois Republicans, normally capable of screwing up a two-car funeral, may pause in their pants-on-headedness long enough to field an electable statewide candidate to run against the usual Chicago machine sleaze. Bonus: she's hot
Mayor McCrack fires chief of staff for suggesting rehab
How bad is it getting for Obama? Even Jon Stewart is lacing up the gloves and laying him out
MI5: Look, we can't possibly monitor would-be terrorists, not when there might be children playing with conkers out there. And somebody might be having an unregulated fry-up, or dangerous triangular cookies
McCain to GOP: LET MY BUDGETARY NUMBERS GO
"Five questions about Obama's Natl. Sec. address" Who did you drone? Why did you wait so long to tell us? Was Congress involved? Why won't you answer my questions? Hey, what's that buzzing noise overhead?
Former Miss American challenges Mitch McConnell for Senate. Voters predict it should comes down to who scores highest in the debates, primaries, swimsuit competition
Only 19% of voters cast ballots for the new Mayor of Los Angeles. Apparently Dodger fans aren't the only ones who show up in the third inning and leave by the sixth
Insurance exchange premiums lower than expected. And they said Obamacare wouldn't work
Thu May 23, 2013
Man files lawsuit to have President Obama declared Kenyan. The man is currently serving a 17 year prison sentence for sending threatening mail to a Texas woman whom he believed to be a clone of singer Stevie Nicks
Oklahoma Senators, one of your towns just got flattened by a twister. What are you going to do now? 'We're going to defund Planned Parenthood'
Had a miscarriage in Mississippi? That's about to be a jailin'
Kim Jong Un: Relatives of traitors should automatically be punished, without trial. And by 'Kim Jong Un', we mean 'Tom Cotton (R-Ark)'. Bonus: He's on the foreign affairs committee
Headline: "Obama to address drones". Sure, they're not THAT smart, but the President should show Congress a little respect
Christian legislator upset by "prayer" offered by Atheist legislator
Tom Coburn (R-eally bad at math) doesn't seem to realize that if the IRS audits 1.5 million individual tax returns, a couple of them might actually be Romney donors
Government snooping on reporters' phone calls? Hah. Government snooped on Edward VIII's phone calls
Overlooked facts in the IRS scandal: #6 some of the groups 'targeted' swore in their applications that they would not attempt to influence elections
Ted Cruz (R-TX): "I don't trust the Republicans". I say again, Ted Cruz (*R*-TX) "I don't trust the Republicans"
Old and Busted: Conservatives chide Obama Administration for leaking National Security information to make him look good. New Hotness: Conservatives love Fox News reporter for leaking information about the Obama Administration
Jailed Putin critic told to keep her shirt on
Before Lois Lerner went to the IRS, she honed her inquisitorial chops targeting conservative groups at the FEC. Amongst her weapons were fear, surprise, ruthless efficiency and an almost fanatical devotion to Democrats
Revealed for the first time: President Obama's 1979 prom photos. And he's wearing a white jacket and his date was a white woman. WHAT DOES IT MEAN?
Old and Busted: Conservative South Carolina elects philanderer Mark Sanford to Congress. New Hotness: Indian-American Gov. Nikki Haley appoints Cuban born anti-immigrant white supremacist to reelection campaign
Lamar Alexander: Kathleen Sebelius is like Ollie North. I don't think this analogy means what you think it means
At long last, the War On Christmas has been won
How America got sucked into a vortex of stupid
Wed May 22, 2013
Massachusetts lieutenant governor's resignation has nothing to do with campaign finance violation investigation. Or his buddy's recent felony conviction. Or that mysterious late night high speed wreck
Deficits aren't dropping because we're doing something right, they're dropping because we're doing everything wrong
Issa to Lerner: You're doing it wrong. Have a seat over there
We totally know what happened to Trayvon Martin, because of the efforts of Geraldo Rivera's brother, Craig, the family gumshoe
Q: Why aren't more public storm shelters being built in Oklahoma? A: "This is a red state"
Not only is the DOJ bugging and seizing records from FOX News and AP reporters but their friends, parents, other relatives, oh and the corporate execs. First Amendment weeps
Congress in 2010: Why isn't the IRS looking at these political groups filing for 501c more closely? Congress 2011: Why is the IRS scrutinizing these organizations? Congress now: Why can't the IRS read our minds?
Bernanke to Congress: You're the problem
News: Freshman Sen. Mike Lee of Utah sold off his million-dollar house in a short-sale to his buddy. Scandalous: He is also renting a house now, from that same buddy, in the same neighborhood
11 terrifying images of old Soviet playgrounds
WaPo fact checker gives three "Pinocchios" to the doctored Benghazi emails claim. Proving once and for all that we cannot trust a single soul within a 50 mile radius of D.C
McCain upset about Apple forcing him to update his apps
Heads will roll at the IRS...what? They won't? Really? Oh come on, we got the torches and pitchforks at a discount. A discount...*grumble*
Tucker Carlson's raging case of assholio seems to have spread to his staff
Reid mulls "nuclear-style" filibuster reform for nominations. And much like the Cold War, there will be a lot of talk and fear that both sides will do something terrible, but ultimately nothing will ever come of this
Having eliminated all forms of human iniquity and sin (apart from their own), the New York state legislature moves against the wearing of bowling shoes outdoors - lest citizens be out of their element
IRS IRS IRS (immigration bill passes) IRS IRS IRS
Tue May 21, 2013
Senator who voted against disaster aid for Sandy: now is not the time to discuss my position on Federal disaster aid. Did we mention he is from Oklahoma?
IRS official refuses to answer non-planted questions under oath
So, apparently the GOP's chief attack dog Darrell Issa knew of the IRS inquiry nearly a year ago. So much for Obama covering up this "scandal" to win the election
Tea Party IRS protesters run the gamut of American society, from old tubby white men to old tubby white women to old scrawny white men
Donald Rumsfeld writes a book about leadership. That's the joke
GOP congressman got $3.5 million in federal farm subsidies over past 13 yrs, so the correct answer is (c) he quotes scripture and accuses the government of "stealing other people's money" for funding SNAP food assistance program
Mitt Romney's chief strategist, who saw nothing wrong with Mark Sanford running for Congress after sex scandal, sees major problems with Anthony Weiner running for NYC mayor after sex scandal
Sen. Jim Inhofe: "The tornado aid which my state desperately needs is completely different than the hurricane aid in NJ and NY I voted against, because greedy Northeasterners and pork and futhermore comma"
As VA GOP Gubernatorial candidate begins his run, he needs to downplay his conservative past and appeal to moderate voters in Northern VA, so let's see who the party chose as his running mate: oh. Oh Lawd
President gives himself a mask worth $52,695, or something
Eric Cantor is finding out that when you actively recruit and encourage people whose only political philosophy is "government is bad, let it all burn", it's really tough to get them to fall in line and do the hard work of actually governing
Daily Show creator: "This tornado is in Oklahoma so clearly it has been ordered to only target conservatives." Keep it classy
Pete Santilli's comments about killing Hillary and Obama in some weird right-wing slash fiction has gotten the attention of the Secret Service
THIS JUST IN: Politicians say stuff they don't mean to get elected
Maureen Dowd: "I don't normally listen to Robert [Gibbs]. I don't largely because it's sort of largely the same tired defense of President Obama for the last, like, six years." CAT FIGHT
Obama making move requested by Republicans for more than 5 years
China's peaceful rise now includes deployment of Su-27 fighters and an all-weather airbase in Tibet at 16,000 feet, just in case they feel like visiting India
The GOP's relentless focus on scandal has them riding high on their lowest favorably numbers in 30 years. Winning
Hostage Crisis: Day 10. ABC still refusing to release their apology
Sarah Palin: "It snowed in Alaska in May, so there is no global warming"
Obama to deliver statement at 10am today regarding the Oklahoma Tornado. Will admit he only heard about it when the rest of us did, despite receiving memos hours earlier stating otherwise. THIS....is Twisterghazigateloo
Someone finally takes an interest in South Dakota. Shame it had to be Harry Reid and Tom "What the hell glasses are you wearing, grandma?" Daschle
OK Sen. Tom Coburn (R-heartless): No disaster aid for my constituents until budget cuts are made to compensate
Mon May 20, 2013
Karl Rove criticizes White House surveilling Fox reporter:"The Bush administration used to focus on the potential leak, not the reporter who received it." Valerie Plame unavailable for comment
Nazi flag flying over West Bank mosque causes Führer
"A president actually in command of his administration would bring in a new chief of staff and new communications personnel, and figure out how to at least appear interested in getting to the bottom of these issues"
Four people who worked on Hillary Clinton's 2008 presidential campaign may not be signing up to work on her 2016 run. What does it mean? WHAT DOES IT MEAN???
How much has Obama overreached? Other news organizations might have to defend Fox News
It's looking like Obama may be experiencing a full-fledged Fortnightius Horribilis as yet another Inspector General report is released detailing misconduct in the administration. Bonus: This one puts Fast & Furious back in the spotlight
Concession speech, Texas style
It's been a bad week for Obama to quit smoking weed
CBS' Bob Schieffer to administration, "This isn't Watergate, so why are you acting exactly like the Nixon administration did when faced with Watergate?"
Obama referring to conservatives by the homosexual(?) term 'tea baggers' was really a secret code ordering the IRS to audit 501(c)4 applications
Turns out AP wasn't the only news outlet Obama was tapping, FOX News also was spied on. Come on Obama, you just completed the right-wing conspiracy trifecta in just two weeks, At least make it hard for them
Senator-wannabe Ed Markey's only hope is to stay in hiding for the next month and hope uninformed voters instinctively choose "D"
Lois Lerner planted the question that got her to admit the IRS's targeting. This "scandal" gets stranger every day
"It is not hyperbole to say Barack Obama is the worst President in the history of the nation"
Immigration agents upset over the Senate immigration bill. Though it's more like the DEA being pissed over legalizing pot than this bill actually being a terrible bill
ABC News's Jon Karl wants you to know 1) yes, those Benghazi emails were really fabricated by Republicans, and 2) his story that the Benghazi emails were from the White House "still entirely stands"
Treasury Secretary Le0e0e0ew: RAISE THE FARKING DEBT CEILING WITHOUT YOUR PANDERING CRAP FOR ONCE. God, it's like dealing with a bunch of farking 3 year olds
Does Obamacare not forcing employers to cover spouses matter? Short answer: "Yes" Long answer: "YEEEEEESSSssssss"
Rand Paul, defender of "truth", "justice" and the 'murican way, says that there's a damning IRS memo somewhere. Damning for someone, sure, but with the GOP's luck, it'll be damning for them
Father of Aurora victim confronts CO State Senate minority leader about how some senators conducted themselves during the debate, shows him pictures of slain son. State senator: "Yes, I know what he looks like" *storms off*
Mitch McConnell defends White House on the AP scandal. In other news, fire and brimstone reported coming down from the sky, rivers and seas are boiling, the dead are rising from the grave, dogs and cats are living together
U.S. now spends $150 million annually to house 160 Guantanamo Bay inmates, not including cable and internet
McConnell predicts that Obamacare will dominate mid-terms, as well as, 2012 election, 2016 election, 2020 election, 2080 election, the fall of mankind, the rise of the apes, the first meeting with Vulcans
Former Rep. Kucinich is already doing his part to 'balance' the derp on Fox News: Obama "hasn't done anything" on jobs
Sun May 19, 2013
President Obama could avoid future scandals by lifting his boycott on Fox News
Obama tells African Americans that there's no more room for excuses for their own failings
According to the Guardian, Men are misogynists for wearing condoms, and keeping a woman from having 100% of control over the when/where/who/how of conception
In the wake of the worst, most scandal filled week in the history of politics the President's approval rating has plummeted up several points. Just resign already, failbama
Atheists thank Georgia governor for allowing distribution of godless literature in state park cabins
Chris Christie teams up with star of Cake Boss to rebuild houses destroyed by Hurricane Sandy, test the structural integrity of lap bands
"But show me a woman with grace and charm, sensibility and righteousness -- goodness and beauty combinedǃ This woman, this angel, this gift of God to men -- may she be adored, and not just adored, but protected by all menǃ" ¯\(°_o)/¯ dyurrrp
Conservative groups: "We were singled out and picked on by the IRS. This is Obama's Waterlooghazigate." Nonconservative groups: "Whoa now, sassy pants, we got picked on too." Conservatives: "....fark"
Today in specious reasoning: The IRS is full of liberals because only Liberals want to work for the government
Candidates in heated 3-way primary race for the position of county prothonotary spend most of their campaigns explaining to voters what the farking hell a prothonotary is
Only MSNBC could somehow find a way to connect the Obama administration targeting a political group that didn't exist until 2009 on Bush
Michele Bachmann's campaign has now caught the attention of the FBI, which contacted two staffers to kick off the investigation
Conservative radio host: "I want to shoot Hillary Clinton right in the vagina, and I don't mean with my penis"
Sat May 18, 2013
(Some Guy)
Conservatives are doubling down on umbrellagate, as they now ponder the Freudian meaning behind the worst scandal since man arose from the primordial soup, discovered how to control fire, then decided that staying out of the weather was for wimps
Lesbian couple with children? That's a separatin' or a CPS'in
NEWS FLASH: WND features complimentary article about Piers Morgan
Jeffrey Nugent says his brother Ted is crazy, supports the idea of universal background checks for gun owners
Nation Supposes It's Outraged By White House Scandals: 'I Guess It's Bad, Sure,' Populace Shrugs
Sending a team of contingency planners and hostage negotiators from the continental US to Benghazi to save Ambassador Stevens "ruled out from the start"
(Some Guy)
Just in case you're in favor of internet sales taxes, here's why you're wrong
(Some Guy)
President Obama should be tested, and then disqualified from office, for using performance enhancing drugs. At least, that appears to be the gist of the article
Born in Canada? Check. Father is Cuban? Check. Living in Texas and Mother is red blooded American? Congrats You're eligible to be President And hey, let's forget all that birther nonsense from last election cycle? mmmkay?
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