(DigitalSpy)(17) To the surprise of absolutely nobody, Johnny Depp says he wants a female role. Submitter confused, thinking that's what he was playing in the Pirates movies
(Telegraph)(17) Swine flu almost killed Ron Weasley actor Rupert Grint. Better luck next time, swine flu
(New York Daily News)(90) A 42-photo look inside Neverland. Includes obligatory half-naked young boy statue and some of the most bizarre MJ-themed 'art' you'll see, well, ever
(People Magazine)(26) Matt Damon wants Hugh Jackman to repeat as Sexiest Man Alive. Not that there is anything wrong with that
(I-Mockery)(25) In celebration of July 4th, here's a look at the updated underappreciated art of firecracker labels gallery
(CNN)(24) Terry Gillam on filmmaking: "If you really want your films to say something that you hope is unique, then patience and stamina, thick skin and a kind of stupidity, a mule-like stupidity, is what you really need."
(Daily Star)(41) Shrek sidekick Donkey voted the most-loved movie animal, slightly ahead of Joan Cusack
(People Magazine)(33) A celebrity bucks tradition and decides to name his new son something completely normal. Just kidding. Meet Otis Tobias Maguire
(UPI)(48) Alec Baldwin, next governor of Ohio? It's more likely than you think
(Some TV Blogger)(117) Cable TV networks such as SyFy, TLC, A&E, and Bravo increasingly blow off their painstakingly developed niche audiences in order to chase general viewers who prefer "vanilla soup of reality and broadcast repeats"
Fri July 03, 2009:
(The Wrap)(38) David Lynch's daughter explains her 16-year hiatus after "Boxing Helena"; "three spine surgeries, I'm not fully fused with cadaver bones and titanium bolts"
(Celebslam)(59) The hottest thing you'll see all day: Jessica Alba testing out mattresses yesterday in L.A
(Aint-It-Cool-News)(35) "Viewmaster, the Movie" to team up with "Asteroids, the Movie" to make the worst double feature known to man
(Dlisted)(40) When crazy-ass worlds collide: Debbie Rowe wearing the Three Wolf Shirt. Really
(Reuters)(52) New Harry Potter film promises Riddikulus Boxofficus Totalus
(Contact Music)(30) Amy Winehouse has been banned from swimming while drunk amdist fears she'll drown. Obviously, someone didn't get the memo
(Starpulse)(31) Lindsay Lohan's on again, off again, on again, off again relationship with Sam Ronson, that was back on again a couple weeks ago but really wasn't, is on again again
(LA Times)(106) Staples: you've got questions, we've got Michael Jackson's corpse on display next Tuesday
(YouTube)(63) Obamabot debuts at Disney's Hall of Presidents
(Kansas City)(29) Robert Rodriguez hires Nimrod to direct new Predator movie. Dildo and Douchebag will get writing credit
(Boston Herald)(62) Was it wrong to wish I'd nailed Farrah on her deathbed? Should I not have done that?
(YAY TELEVISION)(66) Your handy guide to 4th of July TV marathons. 'Twilight Zone' marathon is now airing on Scyfy, but it's the craptacular remakes until 8 AM Friday
(Google)(21) Gordon Ramsay's British restaurants get slammed by recession, forcing him to pump in $8 million of his own money to keep them afloat. What a nightmare - he oughta hire an adviser to help him turn business around
(Now Magazine)(56) Shia LaBeouf: "It makes sense for me to date Megan Fox." Gee, you think, Shia?
(Huffington Post)(83) Daryl Hannah: Why did I fly to West Virginia? To protest MTR mining, "which is criminal, yet legal." Why was she arrested? Because stupidity should be painful
(Examiner)(32) Discovery Channel to air global catastrophe reality show
(Fox News)(78) 911 operator: "We can still try to help him. Put him on the floor and I'll tell you how to administer CPR." Billy May's wife: "Nah, forget it. He's freakin dead"
Thu July 02, 2009:
(I-Mockery)(26) I-Mockery has started a campaign to get Mattel to produce the transforming skyscraper toy from the movie "Big". Zoltar currently pondering whether or not to grant this wish
(Sun Sentinel)(27) Jay Leno wins the right for a Web address using the name for his new show. The squatters did not show why "The Jay Leno Show" was needed for a real estate business
(Some Guy)(15) More from the media-fabricated Jolie/Aniston cat fight that will last the rest of their lives
(NJ.com)(124) Michael Bay goes nuts after Megan Fox says "Transformers 2" isn't very good, claims he discovered Nicolas Cage and Ben Affleck (after they won Oscars)...and don't forget about making Will Smith a star in "Bad Boys II"
(Contact Music)(23) Jermaine Jackson says that he wishes it had been he who died instead of Michael. Well, at least that would have prevented what is now one of the biggest media circuses of all time
(Contact Music)(15) Tori Spelling pens children's book. Look for "Your Nose is Too Big and Your Boobs are Too Small" to hit stores this fall
(Atom)(19) MJ: I copped a Feel. Or in his case, never copped a feel
(Daily Mail)(128) Face it, Kevin, you're fooling nobody. Complete with "Please believe I'm not gay" pic
(Aint-It-Cool-News)(229) Hollywood scrapes the bottom of the barrel and comes away with "Asteroids: The Movie." PEW, PEW, PEW
(Slate)(91) Want to strip then write a book? Here are common themes: You're someone we'd least suspect. But stripping feels strangely natural. And you're not like the ones doing it for meth
(Contact Music)(161) Hayden Panettiere says that her misspelled tattoo is "no big deal," because she doesn't have to look at it. But the rest of us do, Hayden. The rest of us do
(Some Guy)(12) Local Council order Sir Cliff Richard to reduce the size of his erection by 30%
(Reuters)(147) Movie studios fail to realize that all you have to do to market to hipsters is tell them the movie sucked
(Franklin Avenue)(120) Casey Kasem's "American Top 20" goes the way of a little dog named Snuggles
(Celebitchy)(94) Kellie Pickler is dating Kid Rock. Submitter just threw up in his mouth a little
(Some Peacekeeper)(103) A&E secures the rights to Farscape, will release a complete series edition on DVD & Blu-Ray in November. All thirteen fans have already put in their preorders
(Huffington Post)(54) Super model Karen Mulder assaults her plastic surgeon. Presumably for doing...whatever he did to her face (w/ do not want pic)
Wed July 01, 2009:
(NPR)(120) DC Comics editor gets his panties in a twist over Supergirl's .....panties
(Contact Music)(72) Wasting no time, producers aim to start work on a Michael Jackson biopic. At the top of their casting list is... Johnny Depp?
(Contact Music)(44) Interesting: "The Hangover" star Bradley Cooper ends Jennifer Aniston romance rumors. Amusing: by taking Renee Zellweger out for dinner
(Bitten and Bound)(25) Griffin O'Neal was barred from attending Farrah Fawcett's funeral. Ryan O'Neal's daughter-in-law claims the bereaved actor is NOT a nice guy
(Wired)(183) Five albums that should be tossed into a black hole. "We may never see the likes of Chinese Democracy again. And that is a very, very good thing."
(Celebitchy)(24) Amy Winehouse is coming out with a line of greeting cards. Under NO circumstances should you lick the envelope
(AP)(32) Michael Jackson's will has been filed. Debbie Rowe is batting 0-4 this week
(YouTube)(74) Four friends encapsulate the average American's response to Michael Jackson kicking the bucket. Michael would've wanted it this way
(Radar Magazine)(28) Beyonce steals a gimmick from NBA publicists & has poor sap propose during that annoying "Put A Ring On It" song. Now he knows how a Cincinatti WHO fan feels
(Aint-It-Cool-News)(188) "Lost" writers request, receive extra episode for the final season, saying they couldn't possibly explain what the heck the Smoke Monster is in only 17 hours
(Washington Post)(67) TV critic says newspapers need more TV critics. After all, who else going to tell us we're supposed to like "Arrested Development?"
(Celebslam)(57) Bartender to Mischa Barton last night: "I think you've had enough ma'am." (with drunkerific pics)
(Contact Music)(32) Lindsay Lohan's career might be declining rapidly, but when you get paid $70,000 to attend your own birthday party, you must be doing something right somewhere
(Christian Science Monitor)(27) Mexican day laborers in LA form street theater troupe, perform for other laborers in corner of Home Depot parking lot
(BBC)(47) Johnny Depp admits that he never watches his own films. This contrasts with Michael Bay, who just appears to never watch his own films
(NYPost)(42) TLC announces new album without third deceased member "Left Eye" ... will it be called Third Eye Blind?
(Starpulse)(31) Robert Pattinson's aunt says he shouldn't date his Twilight co-star, surprisingly this has nothing to do with Peter Facinelli
(Contact Music)(53) Not news: Liev Schreiber turns down the chance to perform with the London cast of "Glengarry Glen Ross." Fark: because he doesn't want to be away from his dog
(The State)(979) Get ready to guess who farted, y'all: introducing your Miss South Carolina 2009 contestants
(Daily Mail)(49) Police are nervous and anxious after fake Valium pills that make people turn blue and take off their clothes circulates around town
(Some Guy)(100) In honor of 90210 casting 31 year-old Trevor Donovan as a high school student, Televisions 5 Most Unconvincing High School Students
(Kotaku)(136) The Pirate Bay....purchased and going legit? *insert lame ARRRR joke here
(Contact Music)(52) Lawyers want Alec Baldwin to run for governor of Ohio, not realizing he's really nothing like the character he potrayed in Glengarry Glen Ross
(Contact Music)(84) There is no Dana in "Ghostbusters 3." Zuul still unconfirmed
Tue June 30, 2009:
(HitFix)(14) Seriously. Seth Rogen and Barbara Streisand developing new buddy comedy
(TMZ)(30) Owners of Neverland Ranch send an open letter to Santa Barbara residens apologizing in advance for the impending MJ circus
(Politico)(271) With no help from the average Farker, Fox News goes 10 for 10
(NYPost)(69) Simon Cowell offered $144 Million to return to Idol next season
(Starpulse)(75) Next dumbass to sue Sacha Baron Cohen over his upcoming movie is: Pauly Shore
(TampaBays10.com)(135) Wondering where Michael Jackson's chimp Bubbles has been? Wonder no more
(Weekly World News)(12) Weekly World News honors Michael Jackson the only way they know how: massive amounts of conjecture
(Yahoo)(46) Rogen, Hathaway, Jackman, Franco, Rudd Join the Academy, are promptly hazed by Mahoney, Hightower, Sweetchuck, and Tackleberry
(Starpulse)(27) The term "workaholic" is usually attributed to Lindsay Lohan's liver and nostrils, not the actress herself
(The Hollywood Reporter)(56) Amy Adams to star in a new movie about boxing. She'll play a "tough, gritty bartender" who's a former high-jumper. Good role for a woman who's barely over 5 feet and about as gritty as a ShamWow
(The Daily Beast)(79) Highest-grossing critically-despised movies of recent years. Shocker: "Pirates of the Carribean: Dead Man's Chest" grossed more than $1 billion worldwide
(Starpulse)(185) Pictures of Michael Jackson's tour rehearsal, just two days before his death. He actually looked good
(New! Magazine)(73) Kevin Spacey says he's sick of near-daily rumors that he's dead. In related news, submitter heard Kevin Spacey died
(Houston Chronicle)(30) Michael Jackson tragedy can serve as financial warning for every plastic surgery addicted, child bothering, pop star. So, Gary Glitter pay attention, everyone else, go about your business
(Some Guy)(182) The media covers the final act of Michael Jackson's death by reporting that the wall-to-wall media coverage is receding
(Contact Music)(69) Evan Rachel Wood lectures Bono and The Edge about making depressing music. In related news, Bono and The Edge don't take Evan Rachel Wood to task for dating Marilyn Manson
(The Local (Sweden))(10) Swedish tax authority attempts to freeze Chinese pop star's assets. Yes Wei
(Contact Music)(196) Jerry Springer feels pangs of remorse over how awful his talk show is: "We've been doing this show for 19 years now and I'm really sorry for that"
(The Hollywood Reporter)(38) The television network that brought you "According to Jim" is planning to unleash fresh hell in the form of a sitcom starring Chris Kattan and Patricia Heaton
(BBC)(70) Michael Jackson concert promoter would be happy to let ticketholders of the now cancelled tour to keep their tickets as a souvenir, so long as the promoter gets to keep their money as a souvenir
(Some Guy)(236) Top 10 Female Child Stars Who Became Hotties . . . Why don't you take a seat over there (not safe for church)
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