(Orlando Sentinel)(83) Principal bans short skirts on campus. Except for the cheerleaders. "It is tradition that they wear their uniforms on game day"
Thu September 02, 2010:
(The Consumerist)(46) Couple marries inside Walmart, will be eligible for rollback prices on inevitable divorce proceedings
(News.com.au)(56) Armed men rob adult store, beat it before police arrive
(jeffandjeremy)(75) Officer: "Maam where did you place the handcuffs you managed to wiggle out of?" Woman: "um i don't know... oh here they are... Right here in my personal glove box" with uncomfortable news achor video goodness
(Some Law)(18) Photoshop this doggy directive and shopping cart
(Google)(118) New Mexico National Guard deploys 82 troops to border, that's about one soldier every 2.2 miles
(New York Daily News)(37) Tapped Chilean miner sends wedding proposal to his sweetheart. Article is useless without picks
(NJ.com)(21) Rescue squad volunteers arrested after taking their ambulance to buy glaucoma medication
(USA Today)(81) Oil seen seeping from site of Gulf platform explosion. This is also not a repeat from April
(Some Guy)(212) Stephen Hawking is the devil because of his malicious distortion of the Divine Truth. With a picture of what Stephen Hawking as the devil may look like
(Some Guy)(58) Things you might forget and leave behind at the beach: a watch, sunglasses, towel, fetus. Wait, what?
(CBC)(264) Farker's father going to become the first Canadian to command the space station. As there is no proud tag, cool will have to suffice
(Some Guy)(36) Nigerian prince has temporary condition as Princess, has baby, turns into Prince again, has large inheritance for you if you only send $5,000 and a nanny
(Daily Mail)(160) Family rights campaigners flip upon hearing that girls aged 12 can get cervical cancer vaccine without parents' consent. Likely to die of shock when they find out 12 year old girls have sex without parents' consent too
(Some Guy)(12) Fire tornados, erupting volcanoes and killer jellyfish. The next 3-D movie disaster? Even worse. IT'S A SLIDESHOW
(Some Guy)(57) Dietary supplements: The daycare snowflake silencing sleep-inducing so you can chill out medicine
(BBC)(40) US authorities indict eleven executives for smuggling illegal honey into the US. Oh bother
(Kansas City)(84) Pregnant woman stabs lover's wife in the head eight times with a Sonic screwdriver
(Some Guy)(118) Ohio tourists capture irrefutable proof that there be monsters off the shore of Clearwater
(Some Concerned Guy)(405) There's a movement afoot on the internet to get Stephen Colbert to hold a "Restoring Truthiness" rally on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial. This could get epic
(Yahoo)(143) Chinese officials are forcing families with the last name "Shan" to change it, because it requires a character that can't be typed in standard word-processing programs. In fact, you might say, the fit has hit the Shan
(Yahoo)(315) Police say gunman killed at Discovery Channel HQ yesterday was motivated by his hatred of shows like "Jon and Kate Plus Eight". So really, he wasn't all bad, then
(Some Guy)(41) Man holds intruder at bay with a grilling fork and steak knife until police arrives. Well done
(Ohio.com)(239) Walmart book section has something to (Jim) Crow about
(Fox News)(209) UCLA fires a 36-year veteran professor for daring to posit that second-hand smoke effects are bunk. Teaching communism and income redistribution still A-OK
(PhysOrg.com)(250) Marjiuana's effect as a...umm...gateway drug are like..what's that word...overblown
(Pat's Papers)(188) Woman whose car broke fall of 39th-floor jumper annoyed that she just had oil changed
(Some Guy)(43) Being upset that your estranged wife is seeing a new man is understandable; flying to another country to stab her mother is not
(CBC)(60) Nose-diving hawk halts mail delivery. "The attacks got so bad that she was resorting to wearing a bicycle helmet"
(Some Guy)(93) Officer arrests man because he doesn't like his bagel with locks
(Yahoo)(35) Showing the country is becoming more Americanized every day, Afghan government forced to bail out the country's largest bank to keep it from collapsing after it invested heavily in risky real estate ventures
(WFTV)(21) Your Fark-ready headline of the day: "Thieves Steal Man's Car, Money And Pants"
(Some Guy)(67) Tow truck driver takes kids for a ride. Beneath his truck, still in their stroller. Drugs may have been involved
(Fark)(48) Drew's DragonCon Schedule: Sat 11AM: Book signing w/ Joe Peacock (Mentally Incontinent) and Ian Spector (Chuck Norris Facts) in Comics & Artist's Alley, SAT 1PM: Fark Party @ Hilton Bar, rest of con at the Art of Akira Exhibit
(Daily Mail)(172) Caption this picture of Britney Spears and her boytoy looking creepy
(New York Daily News)(30) Man does not pass go and goes directly to jail for driving drunk on Boardwalk with six kids in his car
(Some Guy)(114) But soft, what light through yonder window breaks? It is rape, and I am the sun
(Daily Mail)(76) Ever wonder what the insides of a Qantas 747 engine looks like? Wonder no more (with video)
(My Fox DC)(110) Wife of trapped miner finds another hole he was stuck in
(News.com.au)(112) A humpback whale which had been stranded on a western Australia sandbar for almost two weeks was humanely euthanized this morning. And by "humanely euthanized" I mean " blown-up with an explosive charge"
(Philly.com)(55) Hurricane Earl likely to spare Jersey Shore, despite massive letter-writing campaign
(Public Opinion)(26) Man tells cop he doesn't know why he's naked. Yes, alcohol was involved
(Yahoo)(430) Top 20 tools everyone should own. If you dont't have all of these you are well, a tool
(CNN)(58) Zombie Castro admits "injustice" for gays and lesbians during revolution, still desires brains
(Some Guy)(55) Pennsylvania man wearing only underwear beaten with Wiffle bat, police on lookout for three white men rapping about Revolutionary War heroes (with accompanying picture of what a Wiffle ball and bat may look like)
(Daily Mail)(259) Woman with barbed wire wrapped around thighs says she's never had sex. No kidding. (With "Oh, yes you would" pic)
(ABC)(26) If you are a sleepy Semi driver, watching porn is not the best way to stay awake
(Minneapolis Star Tribune)(22) Today's Fark-ready headline: Angry grandma allegedly knifed 12-year-old's ear. Dispute involved sassing and a jigsaw puzzle
(Some Chick)(179) Two teens thought it would be cool to take apart 22 caliber shells to use the gun powder to blow things up. Since this is Fark you know it didn't end well
(WTAM)(28) Ugly-assed baby black rhino born in Cleveland zoo. W/awww pics
(News.com.au)(84) Dangerous chemicals found in tinned food; still better than cockatrices
(CBS2Chicago.com)(94) "'I molested your honor student". Come see the softer side of Sears
(Farktography)(273) Theme of Farktography Contest No. 278: "Waterscapes." Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's contest
Wed September 01, 2010:
(Yahoo)(133) Aparently unaware that Puerto Ricans are U.S. Citizens by birth, state of Ohio begins restricting use of Puerto Rico birth certificates for proving ID. Hawaii birth certificates apparently still accepted, for now
(Some TL/DNR Guy)(97) "Will professors hold the line? Will they insist that the most distracted generation in history rise to the challenge of reading books, or will future faculty members replace the book with the chapter?"
(Some Math Is Hard Guy)(75) According to school records, New Jersey is filled with high school savants who can't do simple math, but can still pass calculus
(The Raw Story)(215) Crowd estimate expert who was once cheered by teabaggers for downsizing the Obama inaugural is now derided by the same for downsizing the Glenn Beck crowd
(KPTV)(51) Man calls 911 to request a towel and a hug. Happily, both were waiting for him in jail
(Telegraph)(65) Two admitted to the hospital for alcohol every minute. Well, then they should just give them both enough to last a while and send them on their way
(Washington Post)(105) Plucky dames protest sexy coverage of broads running for political office
(MSNBC)(220) 18-year-old student who wanted to be "infamous sociopath" tells plans to co-worker, now known as "moronic idiot who can't keep a secret"
(Detroit Free Press)(58) Not news: all four tires stolen off a car in Detroit. Fark: car belongs to mayor's security detail
(Some Guy)(341) The retarded debate over the "R-word" continues
(NJ.com)(41) After fixing the abyssmal financial situation and stamping out corruption, New Jersey goes to war on dangerous yo-yos
(MSNBC)(105) Why does your grandfather tell the same stories over and over? This study says it's because he's losing his memory
(Chicago Sun-Times)(129) This year's hottest Halloween costumes? Lady Gaga, Rod Blagojevich, and the cast of The Jersey Shore
(Politico)(128) BP has so far spent $94 billion dollars on cleaning the Gulf Coast....'s tainted image of BP with advertisements
(RTT NEWS)(116) 'Operation New Dawn' begins in Iraq with change of command, more sparkly vampires
(Life.com)(46) Here are 18 guys you wouldn't want to meet in a dark chess tournament
(Some Guy)(71) Tony Blair uses his new memoir to proclaim that George Bush was and still remains his bestest BFF 4-ever
(Some Guy)(167) Attention, OBX Farkers: Jim Cantore has been sighted in Rodanthe, meaning your chances of being boned by Earl are officially 250 brazillion percent
(Some Guy)(76) Sheriff Arpaio says he's not the inspiration for the evil lawman in 'Machete' who shots a Mexican woman so she can't give birth in the United States. "First of all, I'm better looking than Don Johnson is anyway"
(AtticusFinch)(126) That small Western Kentucky town that denied the mosque due to "parking issues"? The ACLU would like to have a word, please
(Fark)(35) Photoshop theme: Beauty is in the eye of the beholder
(SFGate)(84) California teachers' Wish List is fulfilled by single donor. Teachers now wishing they dreamed bigger; new cars maybe?
(MSNBC)(57) Why does your grandfather tell the same stories over and over? This study says it's because he's losing his memory
(ABC)(1604) Man pitching new survival show to Discovery Channel
(CNN)(80) Sweden reopens investigation into WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange's alleged unauthorized release of his privates
(Yahoo)(409) Scientist who was a hero of anti-global warming forces for his book "the Skeptical Environmentalist", but they won't like his follow-up tract: "Holy Shiat It's Real and if We Don't Do Something We're Farked"
(WSAZ)(140) The fattest city in the US is making strides towards getting kids outdoors. Just kidding, they're removing all swingsets in area schools. That'll help
(Kotaku)(26) Four men arrested after coming up with nefarious plan to rob Toys 'R Us stores of video games by stuffing them down their pants. In other news, Toys 'R Us now having big sale on video games, slightly worn
(Iowa City Press-Citizen)(35) When buying drugs, always bring exact change. Your dealer's inability to do math may result in a beating
(Some Guy)(454) Keith Olbermann makes desperate attempt to get Glenn Beck's news website on the front page of fark
(CNN)(110) Sacramento TV station airs first ever pot commercial. Immediately followed by Cheetos commercial
(Fox News)(85) The five germiest surfaces. Insert joke of "your mom" caliber here after wiping hands ten times, moving them in circular motion until dry
(MLive.com)(16) One month later, one cow still on the lam. Last seen in this photo with pig. Moo
(News.com.au)(172) Man so hung up on ex-girlfriend after she dumps him he pays $18,000 to recreate her as life-sized sex doll
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