(Tampa Bay Online)(13) For all the "Hold my beer and watch this" crowd, you now don't have to burn your house down this Thanksgiving
(Yahoo)(63) Boy who left Vietnam as a 5-year-old refugee crammed onto a fishing trawler returns 34 years later with his own boat. FARK: As the commander of a U.S. Navy destroyer
(BBC)(74) Miss England, who looks like a drag queen, steps down after nightclub brawl. Please welcome her replacement at Miss World, L/Cpl Katrina Hodge, the hottest woman in uniform
(Dallas News)(59) 17-year-old who thought the "pain and agony" he dealt with when running was normal, finds out he's had Cystic Fibrosis, should be dead or in critical condition. Decides to keep running, and winning
(Some Junior Jedi)(64) Hasboro is having a diorama contest for their toys. Top 5 here. Much better than my use of toilet paper tubes and empty cereal boxes
(Toronto Star)(80) "Everything on eBay is fake or a rip-off" Yeah, tell that to the guy who picked up a lost Chaplin film there for $5.68
(Chicago Sun-Times)(31) Male strippers everywhere afraid of the chilling effect of this latest Illinois arrest
(Independent)(62) Three doctors and a nurse arrested in Mexico City for selling babies after telling mothers their babies had died. So much for kid pro quo
(Reason Magazine)(92) New York City bans flavored tobacco to fight the scourge of calabash smoking among urban youth. Tweed jackets tremble in fear
(Yahoo)(143) Nearly two-thirds of workers over 50 say they will have to delay their retirement due to the economy. Nearly all workers under 50 ask, "What is this retirement thing you speak of?"
(Forbes)(83) Congratulations, Atlanta: Your city is the most toxic in the United States
(Hulu)(146) Carl Sagan hould have turned 75 today. Here's a little thing he threw together called "Cosmos"
(Some Guy)(27) Closing time--one last call for alcohol so finish your whiskey or beer. Closing time--you don't have to go home, but please don't get angry and assault people here
(ABC)(57) ABCNews wants to teach you how to be a better criminal
(Boston Herald)(308) The Royal Navy couldn't silence the USS Constitution's guns. Nor could the Barbary pirates. But she never met an enemy as fearsome as the Charlestown yuppies
(Some Darned Guy)(464) Not news: woman puts down needle and thread for the night. News: cat swallows the whole thing. Caturday: cat has surgery and is doing fine (w/pic)
(Daily Mail)(141) In the "Old news is so exciting" file: a new article about pictures of Carrie Fisher and her stunt double sunbathing while wearing the slave bikini during filming of Return of the Jedi in 1983
(UPI)(34) Editor: I have always disliked that particular mug shot of mine taken at police headquarters. Please find enclosed a recent photo to use as a replacement. Sincerely, Dumbass
(Telegraph)(38) Students should never underestimate the importance of cliff notes
(wbns)(58) You ask a girl out on a date and she refuses, do you C) Destroy her dead mother's grave with a sledgehammer
(Guardian)(32) Man found hanged in his own flat with no signs of struggle and no toxins in his body, so Ceredigion police take appropriate action: conduct a £20,000 investigation because a psychic said that he was forced to drink bleach
(Daily Mail)(139) Teen has been deemed not intelligent enough to be a mom; flees with her baby's daddy who they deemed too smart to marry her
(ABC)(42) Life is not so good: You're a confidential informant for the police. Life is GREAT: You get paid to have sex at a massage parlor, PLUS 180 dollars extra cash "for your troubles" AND you get away with it
(CBS5.com)(23) What do you do if your car is impounded and you need to go to court for auto theft charges? This is Fark so I think you know the answer
(The New York Times)(361) Cop who took down Ft. Hood shooter ran INTO the line of fire, huge brass balls clanking the whole way
(NYPost)(122) Groom on honeymoon jumps from hotel window and dies. Whew That was a close one
(CBC)(367) Some doctors say - get this - swine flu is "overplayed by media, public health"
(The Smoking Gun)(231) I didn't have to submit this mugshot roundup, but the Devil made me do it
(9 News)(91) Future NYC cab driver happy she passed the written part of the driver's test. Fark: on her 950th try
(Yahoo)(34) It's a modern-day version of Goldilocks and the Three Bears, except Goldilocks is a sleepwalking guy and the bears beat the sh*t out of him
(Telegraph)(74) Verne Troyer is in a little trouble after getting short with his ex-girlfriend and sending her too mini abusive text messages
(Some Guy)(147) "This is your captain speaking. You might notice a large chunk of the tail falling toward the ground. Its ok, we won't need that part till we land. Thank you for flying Delta Air."
(BBC)(97) Scientists map the body's bacteria. Your mom alone required a team of Sherpas, a wing of the NIH Library, and the efforts of the entire National Geographic Society
(CNN)(501) Fort Hood suspect Hasan went into a 7-Eleven morning of shooting to buy coffee. (With video and analysis of Hasan buying coffee at 7-Eleven.)
(The Sun)(47) A former mayor can't get blind drunk and make lewd remarks to colleagues anymore? What kind of world do we live in?
(Fark)(87) Corrected: SAT NOV 7th Atlanta @ Twain's - Combo Fark Party / book release party for Mentally Incontinent, join Drew and Joe and others for big funs
(wsbtv.com)(117) VW van stolen 35 years ago is found in pristine condition, now worth about $27,000. So much for drive-off depreciation
(BBC)(58) Not news: Locals set up a shrine for victim of car acccident. News: The victim is a local celebrity. Fark: It's a squirrel
(Asbury Park Pres)(26) "Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds." However, flipping your mail truck after getting into a collision with a Civic is a valid excuse
(CNN)(134) Teen set on fire gets an apology, though a few blasts from a fire extinguisher would have been appreciated as well
(ABC Action News)(930) Not wanting to lose the title of most batsh*t crazy state in the US, Florida gunman goes on a rampage in an office building. At least 8 shot, 2 possibly dead
(Washington Post)(247) The DMV is destroying the hearts and minds of married women who've changed their names
(The Smoking Gun)(118) Today's Friday Photo Fun is matching the woman to her BAC. You can see it in her eyes. Contest ends at 4pm Eastern
(Yahoo)(109) In a turn of events rarely seen outside a John Hughes movie, a geeky math student becomes a national hero for daring to criticize Iran's supreme leader to his face during a Q&A at his university
(Daily Lobo)(77) New Mexico creative writing professors battle university for the right to pose with students on a sadomasochism website
(Some Guy)(28) Not only does this guy call 911 to report his stolen pot, but he makes the dispatcher hold while he stops his car a few times to vomit. Yes, alcohol was involved
(Yahoo)(225) Over the past few years, Californians have suffered a devastating epidemic of diseases and illnesses, all of which, strangely, only medical marijuana can cure
(Yahoo)(119) First member of Texas polygamist sect tried and convicted of statutory rape. Sentencing has been delayed as the court tries to come up with a worse punishment than having 9 wives
(Florida Today)(76) Graffitti artist apologizes for unfinished work (w/pic of work and apology)
(Guardian)(410) Atheism itself isn't a movement; it's a non-prophet organization
(Daily Mail)(216) Ok, so my dog killed my husband in one bite during a game of fetch, but that's no reason to get rid of it
(Gaston Gazette)(51) Tired of trees, toast, etc., Jesus decides to start appearing on man's pickup truck
(BBC)(138) Babies start to pick up mother's accent while still in the womb, which means there's no hope for you, Boston
(Reuters)(86) Pakistan's troops engage Taliban headquarters, seek vent with access to central reactor
(Some Guy)(196) Seattle to host conference of atheists and agnostics. (Agnostics may or may not make it)
(Daily Kos)(254) Swine flu vaccine finally comes in, gets distributed to high-risk individuals like pregnant women, infants and children and executives at Citigroup and Goldman Sachs
(Some Guy)(8) When you wrap yourself in a "High School Musical" blanket, it's a bit hard to get people to take you seriously when you try to rob them
(Yahoo)(182) A question rarely asked: What DOES happen to a whacky, armed to the teeth, doomsday cult after the all-powerful, charismatic leader snuffs it?
(New York Daily News)(67) Don't be photographed urinating over a war memorial if you can't do the time
(News.com.au)(401) You knew the girls on dating sites were fakes. But did you know they were fakes set up by the companies that run the dating sites?
(USA Today)(62) More and more school systems are abandoning paper report cards for online accounts. What could possibly go wrong?
(Washington Post)(98) Montgomery County, Maryland, learns what happens when you let 1970s-era computers control your entire traffic system
(Some Jedi)(114) Photoshop Challenge: Lightsabers make everything cooler
(journal times)(146) Poor 19-year-old Wisconsin man tries to sell the right to change his name. Starting bid: $5,000. If we pool our money we could name him "Sir Drewington Von Notnews of Farkinstan"
(Huffington Post)(187) Scientist says Lee Harvey Oswald rifle picture is real, he can tell by the pixels and from having seen a few shops in his time
(Some Guy)(14) If this taxi's rocking, then don't get too close because the couple inside might beat you with a high-heel shoe just like they did to the cab driver
(News.com.au)(63) Man makes $90,000 a year just by wearing a different company's t-shirt everyday. Your cubicle just got smaller
(Telegraph)(27) Indoor plants can save your life, give you the munchies
(News 10 ABC Sacramento)(225) Parents of murdered college student receive $30,000 ER bill, along with a letter admonishing their murdered son not to return to the hospital because of failure to pay his bill
(Boston Review)(81) Wikipedians are 80 percent male, more than 65 percent single, more than 85 percent without children, and around 70 percent of them are under the age of 30. Obvious tag is Obvious
(LA Times)(69) Judge strikes down LA's Blade Runner billboard law
(Some Guy)(19) Conclusive proof that Drew is sleeping on the job: Louisville beats Lexington for title of city most likely to search for obscene material online
(Oregon Live)(28) Drunk man calls police twice because someone stole his weed. Then he's arrested for DUI, and tells cops he's looking for person who took his weed
(Some Guy)(45) Not news: Police pull over driver with 4 times the legal BAC limit. News: Driver tells police "'Dude, I do this every night'" Fark: Driver's last name? DUIs
(MSNBC)(40) Last night I hit an elephant in my car. How he got in my car I'll never know
(Telegraph)(112) Great moments in socialized medicine #2,802: More violent crimes are committed in Britain's hospitals by staff than almost anywhere else in the country
(Boston Globe)(38) Photoshop this C-5 offloading the Ares I-X rocket tip
(Some Guy)(119) The coolest collection of ghost town photos that you will see today
(CNN)(922) Fort Hood shooting suspect's condition upgraded to alive
(Tampa Bay Online)(92) Inmates save prison deputy's life from attacker. With scary as hell mug shots of the "good guys" that helped
(SFGate)(115) San Francisco currently has no acting mayor, plunging the city into lawless, chaos, and general debauchery. Residents don't notice a difference
(Mirror.co.uk)(96) 2 men have shown that they can't handle a little white snake on the car. For goodness sake, it was only a windshield viper
(New Zealand Herald)(62) Police return wandering toddlers to drunk and passed out dad and then call CPS. By the time CPS arrived three hours later dad was again passed out drunk and kids had wandered off
(History Channel)(133) To Guy Fawkes, the only man to enter Parliament with honest intentions
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