Drew Curtis' FARK.com

Fri February 03, 2012

Source	Fark Headline		Comments
		"You put your naked supermarket burglar in my chocolate and peanut butter" -- "No, you put your chocolate and peanut butter on my naked supermarket burglar" (dailymail.co.uk)	(5)
		Busch Gardens welcomes ugly-ass baby giraffe to.....oh who are we kidding. She's adorable (mysuncoast.com)	(24)
		Buying generic is now just as expensive as buying name brands (consumerist.com)	(83)
		Man died while playing video games at internet cafe, but the blank stare and smell of soiled clothing allowed him to go unnoticed by fellow gamers for nine hours (myfoxdc.com)	(67)
(Some Guy)		Dejected bank robber wearing shorts on his head, not covering his face, leaves without money when teller nearly laughs at him. With pic of what a shorts-on-head bank robber looks like (keysnet.com)	(21)
		Photoshop this hall of hams (boingboing.net)	(32)
		1-800-GET-THIN: "They cut her liver three places during the surgery and put her in a wheelchair and sent her home to die" (huffingtonpost.com)	(69)
		This week's Mugshot Roundup features assaults, DUI's, bench warrants and wait........... they arrested a melted candle? (thesmokinggun.com)	(90)
(Asheville Citizen Times)		I-40 in western North Carolina which was closed due to a rockslide is now closed due to two rockslides (citizen-times.com)	(14)
		Worker falls into nuclear reactor pool trying to recover flashlight. Worst. Origin. Story. Ever. (latimesblogs.latimes.com)	(85)
(Some Guy)		London's first "shared space" road is a misery for drivers, blind people, and cleaners, but at least it looks weird (thisislondon.co.uk)	(85)
		Miami named most miserable U.S. city by panel of judges who have never been to Hartford (old.news.yahoo.com)	(99)
		37 people gunned down at South Sudan peace conference (bbc.co.uk)	(65)
		Photoshop this out of the world probe (farm6.staticflickr.com)	(27)
		Fark Quiz time, you know the drill. Can you beat your score from last week? (fark.com)	(44)
(LA Weekly)		There's dick, there's douchebag, and now there's "dart player" (laweekly.com)	(260)
		Bad: You're repairing a yacht when it sets sail with you on board. Worse: It's going to Antarctica. Fark: The skipper's last trip there sank (telegraph.co.uk)	(138)
		Canadian Senator wants to give prisoners the option of being in the loop (ctv.ca)	(139)
		All right... but apart from better sanitation and medicine and education and irrigation and public health and roads and a freshwater system and baths and public order... what has infrastructure done for us? (huffingtonpost.com)	(168)
		Step 1: begin copying photos from a woman's Facebook page and blog, step 2: setup social media accounts and new blog under a new name and post them for months, step 3: profit? (wral.com)	(102)
		February is National Children's Dental Health Month, or as it's abbreviated in Mississippi ... February (marketwatch.com)	(22)
		Spokeswoman says that a few thefts by TSA agents shouldn't make us forget all the good that they've done. You could tell the Spokeswoman was a pro, because she managed to say that with a straight face (latimesblogs.latimes.com)	(87)
		College student gives up cell phone and all social media for three months--and actually survives to tell the tale (chicagotribune.com)	(47)
(Some Guy)		When you buy a hotdog near the Super Bowl over the next few days, you will be buying from an unofficial undercover Homeland Security Agent (infowars.com)	(104)
		Komen reverses funding change due to it not having broad appeal (npr.org)	(738)
		Jewish Indiana Jones faces 20 years in prison. He chose...poorly (msnbc.msn.com)	(88)
(Some Guy)		The most clever, conniving way to adopt your own baby ever (nbcphiladelphia.com)	(109)
		World Court says Germany has immunity from lawsuits over Nazi atrocities, says the country was only following orders (news.yahoo.com)	(55)
(Some Guy)		Fark ready headline "Christians Boycott Starbucks - Because Romans 1 Explains Starbucks Hates God" (usachristianministries.com)	(179)
		Court battle over cat ownership collapses after star witness dog dies (news.stv.tv)	(15)
		Rabid 900-pound cow attacks Georgia farmer. Okay, okay, we'll eat more chicken (wrcbtv.com)	(39)
		Things you don't want to have written in your obituary: "Killed by hair extensions" (dailymail.co.uk)	(34)
		Come down to Marina del Rey. Enjoy the seafood, marvel at the yachts, see the bales of pot floating near the dock (latimesblogs.latimes.com)	(37)
		Machete wielding rapist deemed dangerous offender. You don't say? (torontosun.com)	(25)
(WJAR)		Today's "teacher has sex with student" takes a shocking turn when hot 22 year old teacher is arrested for supplying alcohol before she gets a chance to bang anyone. (With "you'd drink with her" pic) (www2.turnto10.com)	(96)
(times-tribune)		Cain not able to explain why he attacked his brother (thetimes-tribune.com)	(32)
		Woman takes crack at driving (ctpost.com)	(9)
		America: Love it or leave it. $450 charge for leaving it (nydailynews.com)	(130)
(Wait, what?)		Advice: If you are Muslim, or even have a Muslim sounding name, don't text your co-workers and tell them to "Blow away" the competition. Fark: Especially if you are in Quebec (thechronicleherald.ca)	(47)
		Woman picking her kid up from school enters through bus-only lane, hits gate with her car, drives over curb, and exits through entrance, and is busted for DUI and other charges. Ta-da (orlandosentinel.com)	(20)
		Utah prosecutors clear police of all charges for using pepper spray and batons on a group of Polynesian students performing a haka at a football game, because no one in Utah can be expected to have the slightest idea what a haka is (stuff.co.nz)	(70)
		The violence is spreading across Egypt as the football riots continue. Here is a timeline of the events (telegraph.co.uk)	(29)
(Some Guy)		Heck of a job, Brownie (nbcdfw.com)	(70)
		No happy ending for masseuse who gave customer unexpected discharge (mcall.com)	(38)
(Some Guy)		Sure, we've all sped when we were running late for work. It's just that most of us didn't have weed and meth on us, nor did we decide to start a fight with the cops who stopped us (dailycommercial.com)	(10)
(Some Shoggoth)		Group of scientists searching the Antarctic for a lake buried for tens of millions of years suddenly stop responding to colleagues, Miskatonic officials (globalpost.com)	(289)
		Researchers say men become nicer, kinder, more caring when a beautiful woman is nearby. Well, duh (dailymail.co.uk)	(129)
		The Decemberists have withdrawn their support of the Susan G. Komen foundation, Nicholas I (rollingstone.com)	(69)
		College student sues fraternity for negligence because he fell off a deck after a bottle rocket went off in another student's rectum (upi.com)	(41)
(wptv.com)		Drunk woman tells officer she cannot take DUI test because "of these big boobies" ...it almost worked until she started to dance (with mugshot goodness) (wptv.com)	(35)
		Jack Sparrow injured "in the fight that included Cat Woman, an alien and a second pirate" (ktla.com)	(10)
		My Father always told me, "If you're doing something that will make you wanted by the police, remember not to ask the police if you're wanted" (chicagotribune.com)	(13)
(NosINT)		In March there will be four carrier battle groups in the gulf region. Sleep tight, Ahmadinejad (nosint.blogspot.com)	(120)
		Russian attack plane headed for Everett. WOLVERINES (komonews.com)	(32)
		Woman dies on her 110th birthday. Perhaps the surprise party was a bad idea (suntimes.com)	(29)
(Stroked Out Daddy)		Yeah, that's pretty much my exact reaction upon hearing Kenny Chesney, too (theboot.com)	(23)
(Some Guy)		Susan Komen Foundation introduces pink handguns to promote Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Really (wisconsingazette.com)	(294)
		Sure, I know a little Nepalese. He's right over there (thesun.co.uk)	(11)
(Some Guy)		You can tell Valentine's Day is near, because the media has produced the first "ZOMG, PERVERTED CANDY HEARTS" story of the season (kcra.com)	(40)
		Woman holding baby gets into argument over rent with boyfriend. After boyfriend douses woman in lighter fluid and sets her on fire, woman throws baby out window, where it is caught by attentive neighbors. The Aristocrats (nydailynews.com)	(43)
		Vulcan man arrested for sexual assault. Look, there are better ways to deal with Pon Farr, dude (calgary.ctv.ca)	(30)
		"Yeah, fill 'er up and check the radiator Josés under the hood" (ktla.com)	(19)
		Photoshop a flag for the new lunar state (popsci.com)	(28)
		Meet the man with over 1,500 boardgames and exactly 0 girlfriends (omaha.com)	(148)
		A game similar to freeze tag being played at school "except that a person had to be humped to be unfrozen" (usnews.msnbc.msn.com)	(83)
		Woman who slept with 1,000 men reveals: "I was born a man" (w/pics) (thesun.co.uk)	(542)
		The number of Brits dying from alcohol related causes is equivalent to a major plane crash every 17 days (mirror.co.uk)	(61)
		Long lost Indonesian twins run into each other three decades later in Sweden living 25 miles from each other. Bonus: After viewing pic, you would wish you were a couch pillow (telegraph.co.uk)	(71)
		How do you say, "Thank you for your service, sergeant. May you rest in peace," in Navajo? (azcentral.com)	(87)
		Foundation offers psychic Sally Morgan $1,000,000 to prove that her psychic abilities are real. Sally Morgan instead threatens to sue them...WITH HER MIND (huffingtonpost.com)	(266)
(Ocala Star Banner)		Deputy's attempt to apprehend suspect results in foot chase, pitbull attack, Tasering, and a bystander stabbing himself twice (ocala.com)	(23)
		Is Hillary Clinton styling herself to be the next Bond villain? (dailymail.co.uk)	(131)
		Subby's looking for a new beer to try. I know you won't disappoint, Fark (fark.com)	(333)
		This is why you don't let the inmates print the logos for the side of your police cars (news.yahoo.com)	(138)

Thu February 02, 2012

	Secret of red wine as revealed by scientists: "You'd have to drink more than 600 bottles of wine to get the amount of resveratrol that would deliver any noticeable health benefits." Subby: "Challenge accepted" (news.yahoo.com)	(133)
	Everyone in town wins. Except you, you get nothing (wgal.com)	(47)
	Disabled artist paints beautiful landscapes with his mouth. The Sun is there (thesun.co.uk)	(36)
(Some Girl)	Komen for the Cure goes full derp, halts funding for stem cell research (lifenews.com)	(330)
	Photoshop this bronze statue beginning (cdn.theatlantic.com)	(37)
(DCist)	Three Occupy DC protestors are on the fourth day of a "sleep strike" to protest the Park Police's ban on camping in McPherson Square and the bugs BURROWING UNDER THEIR SKIN (dcist.com)	(162)
	John Boehner (R) claims providing co-pay free birth control to women is unconstitutional (tpmdc.talkingpointsmemo.com)	(360)
(Calgary Sun)	New distracted driving law leads to drivers who are even more distracted than before (calgarysun.com)	(94)
	NJ power station spills 10,000 gallons of mineral oil. Hazmat teams describe the scene as "regular" (nj.com)	(58)
	Theme: Make truly honest movie posters for any movie. LGT examples (uproxx.com)	(67)
	Susan G. Komen Foundation's top public health official resigns over new anti-Planned Parenthood policy (theatlantic.com)	(754)
	A look at how classic cereal boxes have changed over the years. The Lucky Charms Leprechaun was even creepier in 1963 than he is today (buzzfeed.com)	(332)
	I could be wrong, but I believe that this resort advertisement has been Photoshopped (boingboing.net)	(96)
	Online singles seek parenthood but no sex, which is like going to a strip club only for the beer prices (news.yahoo.com)	(120)
(Sum Gai)	Chinese restaurant catches fire. Fortunately there were no injuries, as everyone had prepared for such an event by running around their cars at red lights (woodtv.com)	(32)
	So what did Facebook's $5 billion IPO teach us? Well, for one thing, it taught us that Facebook users are a drooling pack of monkey idiots. "Screw this, I'm making Jeffbook...it's time to get paid" (cnn.com)	(175)
	How hardcore are bears? They're purposely killing themselves to protest the horror of bile farms (mnn.com)	(202)
(Some Guy)	Teen boy who had sex with his 36-year-old fitness trainer tells a judge his life is ruined because girls in his class want to date him because he's experienced and boys come to him for sexual advice (thespectrum.com)	(204)
	For sale. One US Presidency. Asking $1 billion. Serious rich buyers only, please (latimes.com)	(153)
	Ugly ass baby gorilla born in Florida zoo (nwfdailynews.com)	(14)
	Lions apparently not enough to keep intruders out of animal refuge, may have to switch to the Cover-2 defense (news.yahoo.com)	(17)
(Some Guy)	Yet another example of Facebook shares no one wants to see (duluthnewstribune.com)	(21)
(Some Guy)	Not News: Man arrested after attempting to move the vehicle blocking his car. News: It was an ambulance. Fark: Paramedics were loading it with a patient at the time (y100.com)	(76)
	Woman robs bank for denture money after being turned down for bridge loan (usatoday.com)	(22)
(Some Rustled Cattle)	Florida's new red light cameras are catching video of interesting things besides red light runners. Like cattle rustlers. With video (wtsp.com)	(48)
(Some Fake Agent)	Apparently, the idea of pretending to be a federal agent and pulling people with Ontario plates who visit strip clubs so you can check their car for bombs hasn't gotten old in Hudson (newportrichey.wtsp.com)	(37)
	Crackers recalled due to egg allergen concerns, white people problems (reuters.com)	(48)
	Problem: the renters you have in your flat aren't even paying close to the prices with which you could gouge Olympic tourists. Solution: evict the tenants. Wow, that wasn't even really much of a problem, now, was it? (worldnews.msnbc.msn.com)	(175)
	Bike riding in Tampa Bay just got a little more Mad Max-y (tampabay.com)	(31)
(Public Intel)	If you like online privacy, yooooouuu might be a terrorist (publicintelligence.net)	(178)
	Woman criticises your website for stating that 85 per cent of rapes go unreported is 'good odds'. Should you C)Take to Twitter to ask if she is a lesbian? (thisisplymouth.co.uk)	(198)
	Employees taking stacks of cash from a bank vault for an auditor to count, forget to remove the ones with the exploding dye packs (denver.cbslocal.com)	(52)
(Some Guy)	NASA releases video of the dark side of the moon, which surprisingly syncs perfectly with the soundtrack to "The Wizard of Oz" (geek.com)	(48)
	Quake strikes off coast of Vanuatu, only one survivor (abc.net.au)	(90)
	Taco Bell customers may be spending even more time on the toilet than usual (link updated) (uk.reuters.com)	(81)
	10000 people placed on the No-Fly List in 2011. Take that, really lousy terrorists who didn't have a backup plan (hosted.ap.org)	(14)
(Some Guy)	74-year-old man dies after choking on his dentures while having sex with a 62-year-old prostitute (asiaone.com)	(85)
	Virginia may be about to pass a law that separates school year planning from King's Dominion's schedule. In other news, Virginia currently plans its school year around King's Dominion's schedule (wtop.com)	(109)
(Daily Bulletin)	Step 1: Counterfeit buffet restaurant chain certificates Step 2: Go on cross-country roadtrip Step 3: Arrested (dailybulletin.com)	(29)
	Remember back in 2009 after the economy shiat the bed and the experts said Americans had learned how to be frugal again? Well, we're back to buying expensive lattes and renewing magazine subscriptions (mnn.com)	(104)
	Tonight on Hoarders: Top secret (thesmokinggun.com)	(32)
	I'm a little teapot, short and stout. Here is my handle, here is my spout. When I get all steamed up, hear me shout: "Put down those damn teabags and use me, you lout" (mirror.co.uk)	(76)
	Photoshop this man taking his dog for a walk (msnbcmedia1.msn.com)	(19)
	Woman caught after high speed chase through Seattle in stolen cherry picker tells cops it was always on her bucket list (seattlepi.com)	(11)
	Seattle library lets man watch internet porn, presumably because it's easier to clean the computer screen than to unstick book pages (seattlepi.com)	(47)
	Woman's body found in Lawrence Welk (utsandiego.com)	(27)
	Residents complain about too many bare pekas on Peka Peka Beach, Sergeant Bigwood sent to investigate (stuff.co.nz)	(19)
	Hey, good news everybody. Your frequent flier miles might now be taxable (travel.usatoday.com)	(28)
(brobible.com)	Larry, Curly, and Moe busted for running $1 million LSD ring at Drexel University (brobible.com)	(81)
	Ferry in New Guinea carrying 350 sinks. That's a lot of sinks (ajc.com)	(37)
	Couple sue In Vitro Fertilization Doctor for giving them what they wanted, but not how they wanted it (foxnews.com)	(83)
	Yreka Gold found in California; this is not a repeat from 1848 (latimesblogs.latimes.com)	(38)
(Chicago Tribune)	Groundhog Day festivities where the movie was filmed may be canceled due to a blizzard. Now where have I seen this before? (articles.chicagotribune.com)	(104)
	"Yes, your bum does look big in that" (thesun.co.uk)	(106)
	Alabama State Senator Shadrack McGill: "If you double a teacher's pay scale, you'll attract people who aren't called to teach" (huffingtonpost.com)	(440)
(Some Guy)	145 skiers, 1 boat (motorboatsmonthly.co.uk)	(13)
	Remember that lady who sued Honda over false mileage claims? Well, she just taught them a lesson in civics (suntimes.com)	(97)
	You've traveled in time from the present to 1985. Paradoxes aside, how would you explain the world of 2012 to a group of high school kids? (fark.com)	(402)
(Some Guy)	Ladies, your chance to be the 2012 Bacon queen is upon you (desmoinesregister.upickem.net)	(46)
	Dad hangs on to his son who was clinging for his dear life after slipping from a chairlift, finally dropping him 25ft to rescuers below (dailymail.co.uk)	(119)
	Theme of Farktography Contest No. 352: "Go out and get some strange" Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's contest (farktography.net)	(117)

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