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Fark SearchWeb Fark
Fri July 03, 2009
Source     Fark Headline Comments
(WFIE) Misc Police find 17 bags of coke in woman's buttcrack, are still searching for a second suspect. He's in there somewhere  (14wfie.com) (26)
(Boston Globe) Scary Police say there will be charges, but is it really a crime to enter through the exit door?  (boston.com) (57)
(AFP) Dumbass There are safer ways to remove weeds around your home than by using a flame thrower. Not as fun or effective, but safer  (news.yahoo.com) (68)
(Google) Scary South Carolina serial killer blamed for 4 deaths in the past week  (google.com) (125)
(FARK) Photoshop Photoshop theme: It's a small world  (fark.com) (36)
(Record Courier) Amusing "Startled" kids in arcade get anti-drug lesson as police tase naked 19-year-old who thinks he's the Terminator  (recordcourier.com) (65)
(Seattle Times) Cool Warren Buffet gives 30% less this year, donates a paltry $1.25B to Gates Foundation  (seattletimes.nwsource.com) (61)
(ABC News) Cool Tomorrow, the crown of the Statue of Liberty will be open to visitors for the first time since 9/11  (abcnews.go.com) (71)
(Metromix) Spiffy Great news, everyone - investigative reporting finds some strip clubs have pretty decent food  (baltimore.metromix.com) (77)
(BBC) Interesting Why athletes stick to their lucky underwear. Now, if only someone could explain why subby's lucky underwear sticks to him  (news.bbc.co.uk) (30)
(Jerusalem Post) Amusing "Is Facebook an Israeli plot to control the world?"  (jpost.com) (84)
(UPI) Obvious Calgary's divorce rate jumps 40 percent after the Calgary Stampede. "Thousands of beautiful men and women come out of the woodwork at Stampede and people look incredibly sexy when you put them in a cowboy hat"  (upi.com) (66)
(WAFB) Scary "Well, I guess this is a swamp, shark that lives in the swamp. You could call it a swamp shark."  (wafb.com) (51)
(MSNBC) Amusing Gold's Gym has named July "Cankle Awareness Month"  (msnbc.msn.com) (90)
(Telegraph) Weird Michael Jackson had asked Nadya Suleman about adopting the Octots to offer them a bright future and because "Blanket would love to have more siblings."  (telegraph.co.uk) (55)
(Daily Mail) Amusing Englishwoman dials emergency hotline to report missing hamster. Dispatcher suggests she call Top Gere instead  (dailymail.co.uk) (43)
(Pittsburgh Post-Gazette) Interesting Investigation into a massive Democratic fraud ring in Pennsylvania's legislature heats up as more than 100 subpoenas flutter through the air like a ticker-tape parade  (pittsburghlive.com) (81)
(Politico) Interesting Sarah Palin to step down as Alaska governor, possibly prepare for 2012 run for president. This is good news... for Tina Fey  (politico.com) (2175)
(The State) Interesting You think a holiday with your in-laws is uncomfortable, imagine being Gov. Mark Sanford (R-South Adulturerlina) this weekend  (thestate.com) (35)
(Guardian.com) Scary How to eat a giant African land snail. If you must  (guardian.co.uk) (52)
(JSOnline) Ironic Wisconsin commissions new symbol for state election agency, comes up with one that looks exactly like the anarchy symbol. "Irony is an overused word, but that's somewhat ironic in this case"  (jsonline.com) (50)
(St. Petersburg Times) Florida Mattress salesman refuses to take being laid off lying down, gets in pillow fight with boss. Except not with a pillow  (tampabay.com) (19)
(Canada.com) Stupid In Canada you can't be held criminally responsible for your actions if you're under 12, which is great news if you're a 9-year-old who wants to burn down an abandoned McDonald's  (edmontonjournal.com) (37)
(LA Times) Cool For the first time ever, North Korea airs a beer commercial, which notes that the beer "relieves stress and improves health and longevity," as all Farkers can attest  (latimes.com) (44)
(Houston Chronicle) Asinine San Antonio SWAT have four hour standoff with empty house  (chron.com) (43)
(Boston Herald) Followup The shocking sequel to yesterday's story about former Turnpike employees not paying Turnpike tolls: former subway employees don't have to pay subway fares  (bostonherald.com) (21)
(Boston Globe) Dumbass Union president says its unfair to require all Boston police to abstain from illegal drugs just because of 15 bad apples  (boston.com) (33)
(Canada.com) Weird Hearing examines whether police officer's thyroid problem means he shouldn't be fired for misplacing evidence and not doing his job  (edmontonjournal.com) (18)
(National Post) Asinine Owner of Chinese buffet chain offers free meals to Canadians on Canada Day to show his gratitude to the country, is immediately accused of violating human rights of non-Canadians  (nationalpost.com) (59)
(Jacksonville Journal-Courier) Amusing You know it's a good party when your underwear ends up on a street sign  (myjournalcourier.com) (18)
(Reuters) Sad Kenyans furious that Barack Obama won't visit the country where he was born during his trip to Africa  (reuters.com) (179)
(LA Times) Followup Staples: you've got questions, we've got Michael Jackson's corpse on display next Tuesday  (latimes.com) (100)
(Some Art Critic) Dumbass No matter how you try to justify it as art, the police aren't going to be too impressed when your canvas is a $1600 plasma tv at Sears and your subject is your penis  (wcpo.com) (47)
(Philly) Strange Pennsylvania bill makes it illegal to implant a microchip into a human being without his or her consent. An amendment is being offered to prohibit alien anal probes as well  (philly.com) (106)
(CNN) Obvious Turns out that competitive eating leads to weight gain and clogged arteries. Huh. Whoda thunk it?  (cnn.com) (44)
(WBBM) Unlikely "Officer, I'd like to report a crime. I was having sex with two women in my pool and a neighbor was, can you believe it, watching"  (wbbm780.com) (82)
(WBBM) Unlikely Cabbie uses deodorant to disarm would-be robber  (wbbm780.com) (20)
(Boston Herald) Misc Was it wrong to wish I'd nailed Farrah on her deathbed? Should I not have done that?  (bostonherald.com) (61)
(My Fox DC) Hero 101 year old woman still delivering for Meals on Wheels after 28 years. FARK: Calls women in their 70's 'little old ladies'  (myfoxdc.com) (46)
(Denver Post) Sad When a fish snaps your pole and drags it into the frigid mountain water, just let it go, man, because it's gone  (denverpost.com) (36)
(Canoe) Dumbass It's nice to inform people you've recently had contact with that you may have swine flu, but you probably shouldn't do it in person  (edmontonsun.com) (16)
(News.com.au) Obvious Study claims often-disputed power of positive thinking is real, but actually makes things worse. Go cry, emo guy  (news.com.au) (77)
(The Register) Stupid The prosecution would now like to call anyone with access to the internet [citation needed]  (theregister.co.uk) (25)
(Gizmodo) Amusing I saw a (man)girdle  (gizmodo.com) (23)
(NYPost) Silly When reporting on tomorrow's annual Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest at Coney Island, you have to include every hot dog-related pun known to man. It's the law. Wieners  (nypost.com) (22)
(The New York Times) Spiffy Coolest history lesson on Thomas Jefferson you'll see all day  (kalman.blogs.nytimes.com) (64)
(Snopes) Sad Did you know the ACLU is suing to remove all cross shaped headstones from national cemetaries, to keep Navy Chaplains from mentioning Jesus to keep Marines from bowing their heads, and to force your daughters to use crescent shaped IUDs?  (snopes.com) (102)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop Zoe's 15 minutes of fame  (photos.jpgmag.com) (31)
(Wired) Strange Kansas court issues protection order banning harassement via electromagnetic radiation beamed into plantiff's head. With bonus mind control / gang-stalking whackjob commenters  (wired.com) (28)
(Daily Mail) Interesting Misplaced period lands man in jail, rather than the more traditional marriage  (dailymail.co.uk) (33)
(Daily Mail) Interesting One British child under the age of 12 needs hospital treatment every 48 hours for drinking too much. You'd think he'd have learned his lesson by now  (dailymail.co.uk) (20)
(London Times) Strange Police union under fire for writing 102-word sentence in official document, much too difficult to read for a society dumbed down to think in tweets  (timesonline.co.uk) (43)
(Wired) Spiffy The $2.1M Bugatti Veyron 16.4 Grand Sport - the last King of the Gas Guzzlers ever to be made  (wired.com) (103)
(Reason Magazine) Interesting The costly truth about Canada's health care system  (reason.com) (559)
(WWL) Interesting New Orleans DA: If you have a gun in your car when you're arrested, we're keeping the gun, even if we drop the charges. ACLU: Not so fast, bub  (wwl.com) (122)
(Some Bloke) Interesting "The greatest pleasure I have ever known is when my eyes meet the eyes of a mate over the top of two foaming glasses of beer." Truer words have never been spoken, maaate  (theepochtimes.com) (32)
(Daily Mail) Spiffy News: Rare copy of US Declaration of Independence discovered in national archives. Fark: Of England  (dailymail.co.uk) (67)
(Some Guy) Obvious MySpace now a "digital ghetto"  (inquisitr.com) (208)
(Daily Mail) Strange Blind man sees wife for first time after having tooth implanted in his eye. Unfortunately, he also saw himself in the mirror. British dental care FTW  (dailymail.co.uk) (57)
(Orlando Sentinel) Ironic Boys with unpopular names such as Walter more likely to become criminals than boys with popular names. Reporter Walter Pacheco has the story  (orlandosentinel.com) (62)
(CNN) Cool Meet Juliane Koepcke, who nearly 40 years ago fell nearly two MILES without a parachute, survived alone in the rainforest for ten days, and barely had a scratch. TA-DA  (cnn.com) (45)
(Boston Globe) Weird Oregon woman obsessed with rabbits goes back to jail, proving once again that every bunny needs some bunny sometime  (boston.com) (21)
(AZCentral) Obvious Although it worked for Cinderella, if you're a thief, you should not leave your shoe behind at the scene of the crime  (azcentral.com) (6)
(Time) Interesting In celebration of the 4th of July Here's a brief history of OMGBBQ  (time.com) (51)
(Some Guy) Obvious "Bottom line, if people behave properly and don't act like an animal, they won't get tased and end up in a cage"  (bradfordera.com) (53)
(NYPost) Dumbass You're upset that a nine-year-old girl had an argument with your daughter. Do you a) have them sit down and talk it out, b) speak to the girl's mother, or c) set her up for dates with middle-aged men on Craigslist?  (nypost.com) (52)
(LA Times) Spiffy Meet Sha-lei, the red panda born June 13 at an Edmonton zoo. With adorable pics  (latimesblogs.latimes.com) (26)
(Denver Post) Cool Canine do it? You bet I can. A strong attitude helps a little 2 legged dog do anything it wants too  (denverpost.com) (35)
(WBBM) Fail FBI files reveal Saddam was scared shiat-less of Iran, so he made the whole thing up about having WMDs, and would have formed an alliance with the US. Ooooops  (wbbm780.com) (168)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop what should be on the holodeck  (api.ning.com) (53)
(Some Ida-ho) Sick Brother and sister arrested and charged with felony incest. But, hey, who hasn't wanted to bang his hot sis...WHOA - KILL IT WITH FIRE  (idahostatesman.com) (175)
(BBC) Spiffy Guinness is offering drinkers the chance to win a trip into space. Towel not included  (news.bbc.co.uk) (54)
(LA Times) Scary As if six year olds getting diabetes wasn't bad enough, they are now getting schizophrenia  (latimes.com) (150)
(WGAL 8) Spiffy Hey guys, July 3rd. You know what that means. That's right, it's time to fight the Battle of Gettysburg all over again. Except this time, we're going to do it with embedded reporters  (wgal.com) (56)
(CNN) Weird If you're a federal judge, you might not want to put that video of a man "cavorting with a sexually aroused farm animal" up on your personal web site. Or those pics of a woman shaving her pubic hair either  (cnn.com) (59)
(AP) Dumbass Hortonville hottie humps a human ... 14-year-old boy. And gets impregnated by him. Again  (madison.com) (103)
(Yahoo) Spiffy Federal agents seize Bernie Madoff's penthouse and boot his wife out on her ass, refusing to let her take anything with her  (news.yahoo.com) (160)

Thu July 02, 2009
(Wired) Amusing You know you're a redneck when: C) Inspired by the recent movie UP, you take to the sky in a balloon-bouyed lawn chair  (wired.com) (66)
(News.com.au) Interesting Newly-discovered Australian dinosaur was bigger, faster and more terrifying than a velociraptor. So let's call it Banjo  (news.com.au) (106)
(Daily Mail) Obvious If you're over 55 you're having the time of your life, but spare a thought to those under 25 who are cleaning your toilet - if they're lucky  (dailymail.co.uk) (219)
(The Tennessean) Amusing Two women make a smooth getaway with $1000 of stolen razors  (tennessean.com) (49)
(Yahoo) Strange "I love how it's not mushy like Play-Doh; it has an unyielding consistency and a good wide girth"  (shine.yahoo.com) (79)
(Philly) Dumbass Fortune teller convinces teenage girls that having sex with him will make wishes come true. Of course, he didn't say whose wishes  (philly.com) (110)
(KCCI) Dumbass For the last time, when driving a car loaded with 60 pounds of hallucinogenic mushrooms, make absolutely certain to obey all traffic laws  (kcci.com) (54)
(NW Florida Daily News) Florida Local businessman punches out photographer for taking his picture at a strip club "because of his standing in the community." Ending up on Fark probably not what he had in mind  (nwfdailynews.com) (22)
(Shreveport Times) Fail 16-year old girl hears her mom scream and thinks she's being assaulted, so she and her friends come to her rescue with a baseball bat. Turns out mom was with her 25-year old boyfriend. Awkward  (shreveporttimes.com) (102)
(Some 1908 Bleriot XI) Photoshop Photoshop this airborne antique aircraft  (s.wsj.net) (46)
(Some Guy) Amusing Catching your estranged husband in a tryst and threatening to "whomp some ass" with a baseball bat may not be the most romantic way to woo him back. It'll also cost you $981  (billingsgazette.com) (18)
(The Smoking Gun) Amusing The Friday Mugshot Roundup, one day early to allow holiday celebration goodness. Subby is proud to be an American  (thesmokinggun.com) (153)
(YouTube) Amusing Today's great moment in breakfast food marketing is brought to you by Hardee's  (youtube.com) (70)
(Philly) Unlikely Work begins to fix NJ Turnpike Bottleneck. This is not a repeat from 1951, 1952, 1956, 1966, 1968, 1970, 1982, 1990, 1998, 2004, 2007  (philly.com) (61)
(Houston Chronicle) Amusing Urine tester caught taking bribes. Authorities are pissed, say he's whizzed his life away. Suspect unsure how news of his corruption leaked  (chron.com) (52)
(Guardian.com) Followup Charges dropped in "pizza delivery driver helps rape victim case" due to the biatch being a liar  (guardian.co.uk) (76)
(TMZ) Dumbass Gary Coleman's short-tempered wife arrested for domestic battery, tells arresting officers that she has a small problem (with EEEK mugshot)  (tmz.com) (68)
(Some Guy) Scary A man carrying a sandwich was attacked by a black bear in his driveway. With pic of what it might look like if you got biatchslapped by a black bear for a sandwich  (kare11.com) (76)
(National Review) Asinine From the people who brought you The War on Christmas™ and The War on Easter™ comes this summer's blockbuster new sequel. Yep, you guessed it: It's The War on the 4th of July™. Here we go again.......AGAIN  (corner.nationalreview.com) (204)
(Denver Post) Asinine Cop arrested for beating his wife, even though it was in the contract  (denverpost.com) (58)
(The Consumerist) Interesting "Top 10 Ironic Ads From History", including such classics as Bayer Heroin and Dutch Boy lead paint  (consumerist.com) (92)
(The Morning Call) Fail Police said man made obscene calls to deaf for fun of it  (mcall.com) (58)
(AJC) Amusing Officer tasers Waffle House employee because it's fun to taser Waffle House employees  (ajc.com) (79)
(The Smoking Gun) Amusing "She appeared to be bouncing up and down on the driver's lap in a very vigorous motion," police reported. With photo goodness  (thesmokinggun.com) (152)
(Politifact) Obvious "Back on June 27, 2008, PolitiFact published a story we hoped would put the whole Obama birth certificate controversy to rest. Oh, how naive we were."  (politifact.com) (691)
(New4Jax) Florida Man attacks realtor with hammer. Good Samaritan returns fire with paperweight. If only there was a tag to tell where this happened  (news4jax.com) (25)
(Free Republic) Strange Three-way sex leads to double-stabbing. At least the sex-to-stabbing ratio is still greater than 1  (freerepublic.com) (80)
(Daily Kos) Dumbass Man passes the bar exam on his 4th try. Bar examiners deny him a license because he hasn't made a single payment on his $400,000 student loans in 26 years  (dailykos.com) (195)
(ScienceBlogs) Unlikely New poll shows that Americans have as higher level of understanding of evolution than any other country in the world  (scienceblogs.com) (315)
(Boston Globe) Cool For those in the Northeast who read Fark: How to build an ark  (boston.com) (149)
(TC Palm) Florida Although chasing your girlfriend around with a machete while drinking a cold Keystone Ice may seem perfectly reasonable to you, it's still against the law. Even in Florida  (tcpalm.com) (68)
(CBS News) Dumbass Who shot Neda? Iran says doctor on the scene saw who did it, Interpol is seeking him. Interpol: "We're doing what?"  (cbsnews.com) (107)
(MSNBC) Asinine I cheated on my husband and destroyed my marriage. Obviously the problem is that I didn't have enough husbands, and a community of women to communally care for my children  (msnbc.msn.com) (495)
(MSNBC) Sad Since 1975, 274 children have died in this country because their parents thought prayer, not medicine, would cure them. God bless America  (msnbc.msn.com) (441)
(Some Guy) Amusing The evil Rupert Murdoch claims he's not interested in buying The New York Times, but we know better than than, don't we?  (poynter.org) (58)
(WBBM) Unlikely If you always wanted to spend your Fourth of July holiday at O'Hare Airport, you're in luck if you're flying United today  (wbbm780.com) (38)
(Some Bennie) Dumbass New Jersey man sees Wisconsin man's nine DUIs, raises him six more  (phillyburbs.com) (49)
(CBC) Weird CFL receiver in trouble after celebrating touchdown by pretending to be a dead Michael Jackson. "I made the mistake of telling him that once he got to the end zone I didn't care what he did," says coach  (cbc.ca) (190)
(Wall Street Journal) Amusing Ten people banned from visiting the UK, including Martha Stewart, Snoop Dogg, and some Brazilian tart with a suitcase full of sex toys  (online.wsj.com) (92)
(Wall Street Journal) Photoshop Photoshop these big brims  (s.wsj.net) (36)
(AJC) Interesting Strip club shooting suspect arrested in Atlanta, tries to post bail with ones  (ajc.com) (41)
(PennLive) Amusing In case you were wondering, a Porta John tipping is a news worthy event in Central Pennsylvaina  (pennlive.com) (119)
(Gainesville Sun) Unlikely Father of toddler crushed to death by his eight-foot Burmese python described as "a great dad"  (gainesville.com) (368)
(Chicago Sun-Times) PSA If you've stolen over 5,000 pounds of commercial grade fireworks, the Chicago police would like to celebrate the 4th of July with you  (suntimes.com) (43)
(Yahoo) Ironic People who are unsure of their own beliefs are less open minded. Suck it agnostics  (news.yahoo.com) (848)
(MSNBC) Scary Just in case you need another reason to be scared to go to the dentist  (msnbc.msn.com) (43)
(ABC News) Followup Flock of seagulls mourn after being hit by two short range missiles fired by North Korea today. Iran's so far away  (abcnews.go.com) (132)
(Telegram) Asinine Massachusetts ups greed level by charging $25 fee to plead not guilty to traffic tickets  (telegram.com) (235)
(Yahoo) Amusing Poll: 64 percent say too much Jackson coverage. The other 36 percent says that it's nice to hear 'Billie Jean' back on the radio  (news.yahoo.com) (220)
(UPI) Asinine Major heist thought to have occurred at Canadian mint, silly robbers no country south of the US has anything of value  (upi.com) (84)
(Google) Cool India decriminalises consensual gay sex. Sex with eight armed elephant gods still illegal  (google.com) (60)
(Boston Globe) Scary He likes his women like he likes his cheap whiskey: six years old and mixed with coke  (boston.com) (216)
(Denver Post) Misc 45-year-old Colorado mother accused of having sex with 16-year-old boy who also was part of a group that enjoys dressing up as animals. Then it gets weird  (denverpost.com) (86)
(Aint-It-Cool-News) Stupid Hollywood scrapes the bottom of the barrel and comes away with "Asteroids: The Movie." PEW, PEW, PEW  (aintitcool.com) (229)
(My Fox DC) Asinine Stress camp for kids helps the precious snowflakes deal with the pressures of not having to work, summer break, eating anything they want, going to the movies and wondering if Jimmy just likes her or if he likes her likes her  (myfoxdc.com) (61)
(My Fox DC) Fail After 26 years, DNA evidence finally gets man charged with murder in DC. Because the other evidence like the murder weapon, crime scene photos, hairs, fibers and 21 stab wounds to the back were lost during the original investigation  (myfoxdc.com) (23)
(CNN) Scary North Korea continues its assault on the Sea of Japan  (edition.cnn.com) (81)
(CBS Sacramento) Dumbass If you're a 5th grade teacher, make sure you don't accidentally put your personal sex tape onto the DVD you're giving your students at the end of the year. (article includes said video)  (cbs13.com) (207)
(Chicago Tribune) Misc Illinois police looking for hot, crazy brunette. Who isn't?  (chicagobreakingnews.com) (48)
(Reuters) Obvious Now that the real protestors have been put down and the online protestors have gone back to their WoW raids, Iranian hardliners want Mousavi arrested for being a rabble raiser  (reuters.com) (70)
(The Sun) Hero Wrestling midget brothers found dead after hooker romp. The Sun is there. Hero tag cuz that's how we all want to go out  (thesun.co.uk) (47)
(MSNBC) Stupid Sen. Franken may be spoofed on SNL, a show he use to be on, were he spoofed a senator once on a committee he may actually serve on (saved you six paragraphs of reading there)  (msnbc.msn.com) (241)
(Some Guy) Interesting Vietnam sees alarming rise in boy births vs girls. You'd be alarmed too if you saw a boy giving birth  (centredaily.com) (41)
(Telegraph) Strange Is your office dull and boring? Are you suffering from a lack of employee morale? What you need is a "naked Friday"  (telegraph.co.uk) (150)
(Washington Post) Interesting John "The 'Stache" Bolton: Israel, it's time for you to do what you do best against Iran  (washingtonpost.com) (269)
(Politico) Ironic Washington Post selling access to DC power elite, reporters for as much as $250,000; gets scolded by lobbybist for dubious ethics  (politico.com) (45)
(Boston Herald) Dumbass The Boston Herald is outraged that Massachusetts turnpike workers don't have to pay tolls on their way into work. The paper's next target: freeloading baseball hot dog vendors  (bostonherald.com) (43)
(Telegraph) Dumbass Man hit by train at 100mph, survives: "I'm not a hero, I'm an idiot." QFT  (telegraph.co.uk) (47)
(Findagrave.com) Weird Allah might have had 72 virgins waiting for Ayatollah Khomeini, but apparently he was a bit short on green chandeliers. With photo ostentatiousness  (findagrave.com) (41)
(USA Today) Obvious Obama expands assistance to poor decision makers  (usatoday.com) (86)
(Slate) Spiffy Want to strip then write a book? Here are common themes: You're someone we'd least suspect. But stripping feels strangely natural. And you're not like the ones doing it for meth  (doublex.com) (91)
(11 Alive) Sick Some may think that forwarding a child porn to your friends for the purpose of identifying the molester is good idea, but the authorities disagree  (11alive.com) (153)
(Metro) Strange You know your boyfriend really loves you when he's willing to cut off one of his penises for you. Wait, what?  (metro.co.uk) (89)
(My Fox DC) Fail OK kids, we're only gonna give you 5 chances to screw up before we take your license from you. No, wait, 10 chances, and that's it  (myfoxdc.com) (32)
(Some Guy) Stupid Once again a massive search is launched after someone leaves a bike/car on a Seattle ferry  (kitsapsun.com) (14)
(Madison.com) Dumbass Man gets charged with 9th DUI while serving time for 8th DUI, gets crowned king of Wisconsin  (madison.com) (45)
(My Fox DC) Interesting Most traffic infractions end with a ticket, a fine, and a court date. Others end with a priest being tasered, 40 parishioners being pepper sprayed, and the door of the church being kicked in. The holy trinity of Texas law enforcement  (myfoxdc.com) (110)
(USA Today) Interesting Online advertisers adopt seven core principles designed to give you more control over enhancing your penis size  (usatoday.com) (13)
(The Local (Germany)) Amusing Cemetery authorities: Famous prostitute's gravestone 'too slutty'  (thelocal.de) (50)
(Chicago Reader) Strange It costs $900 to haul a dead body to the morgue in Chicago - not including cab fare to the voting booth  (blogs.chicagoreader.com) (20)
(Reuters) Interesting Movie studios fail to realize that all you have to do to market to hipsters is tell them the movie sucked  (reuters.com) (147)
(AJC) Followup Parking deck collapse is a puzzle for engineers, pile of rubble and crushed cars for everone else  (ajc.com) (38)
(Some Guy) Fail She tugs at his shirt sleeve with her teeth. He caresses her right cheek. She kisses his neck repeatedly. If it just wasn't for the dash cam he wouldn't have had to abruptly resign as Chief of Police (w/you'd hit it video)  (cantonrep.com) (89)
(MDN) Silly National Rhinoceros Beetle Sumo Championship ends in chaos as finalist flees, earns instant DQ  (mdn.mainichi.jp) (12)
(Mercury News) Asinine Ric Romero reports: pets and fireworks don't always mix  (mercurynews.com) (22)
(WATE-TV) Dumbass Having a name suited only for Tennessee, former UT backup quarterback Jim Bob Cooter arrested  (wate.com) (25)
(Fox News) Interesting 62 sex offenders mistakenly let loose in Michigan.Police return them to prison, then release some again. It's an odd catch and release program, but Michigan seems to be enjoying it  (foxnews.com) (17)
(Franklin Avenue) Sad Casey Kasem's "American Top 20" goes the way of a little dog named Snuggles  (franklinavenue.blogspot.com) (120)
(CBC) Spiffy Possible AIDS vaccine to enter human trials, needlessly tempting high risk demographics away from their abstinence pledges  (cbc.ca) (88)
(Yahoo) Interesting Scientists prove that vegetarians have weaker bones. Suck it brittle bones  (fe18.story.media.ac4.yahoo.com) (243)
(AJC) Interesting Five time marathon winner touts the benefits of a Waffle House breakfast, says it will certainly give you the runs  (ajc.com) (47)
(The Morning Call) Dumbass Woman calls fire department because her TV is on fire. Firefighters quickly save the day when they discover it was tuned to a broadcast of a fireplace  (mcall.com) (92)
(USA Today) Stupid USA Today publishes a helpful guide highlighting the major differences between the three vampire worlds  (usatoday.com) (116)
(Minneapolis Star Tribune) Interesting Iran crushed by the United States. Suspiciously, no Twitter coverage of the deadly-accurate U.S. shooting  (startribune.com) (34)
(News 14 Carolina) Scary Investigative journalism gets to the bottom of the most horrible thing you will ever see with your own eyes  (news14.com) (104)
(Some Guy on the ground) Photoshop Photoshop this guy on the ground  (i35.photobucket.com) (32)
(Some Guy) Silly Sea lion 1, cops not so much  (ktla.com) (41)
(First Coast News) Florida Man bitten by snake in Florida. Come for the story, stay for the picture of a Rattlesnake attacking its own tail  (firstcoastnews.com) (86)
(Denver Post) Asinine The Great Sofa Round-up, where people traded 600 sofas last year, has been cancelled this year due to fear of bedbugs by officials. "The Department of Public Health says it has no bedbug reports this year."  (denverpost.com) (53)
(Some Chick) Dumbass Apparently Tuesday was "Bring Your Granddaughter to a Drug Deal" day  (wlwt.com) (28)
(BBC) Interesting Sequel to American classic "Catcher in the Rye" banned, possibly for steroid use  (news.bbc.co.uk) (184)
(Farktography) Farktography Theme of Farktography Contest No. 217: "In Memoriam: Thar Be Dragons" Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme  (farktography.net) (115)

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