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(Headline T-Shirts are still available for archive links.)
Sun March 08, 2009
(Google) Sappy Two love-struck teacher-turned-astronauts will go into space together for the first time, may join the 200-mile-high club (6)
(Daily Mail) Interesting Scientists discover that fast reaction time is a better indicator of a long life than blood pressure, exercise level or weight. Dale Earnhardt nods in agreement (54)
(Gizmodo) Cool 30 years ago today, Compact Discs were invented (48)
(PhysOrg.com) Interesting You already judged this headline before reading the article. Here's why (12)
(Some Guy) Scary If you add up all the individual hours people have played Halo 3, it comes out to over 64,000 years (59)
(Google) Weird Japan invents in-ear remote control. "You will be able to turn on room lights or swing your washing machine into action with a quick twitch of your mouth... If it judges that you aren't smiling enough, it may play a cheerful song" (17)
(College Humor) Cool The amazing GE windmill (48)
(Seattle Times) Interesting Next stop: Free coffee, car rechargers, huggable trees (14)
(Boston Herald) Followup Textual harrassment may be a stupid phrase, but it is also the first known way to make a teenage girl turn off her phone (20)
(The Local (Sweden)) Interesting Study conclusively links height with salary, at least for males. Sucks to be you, Mr. Shorty McShorterson (44)
(MSNBC) Obvious Columnist flips her lid over Twitter: "OMG Shut up about Twitter already" (46)
(American Chronicle) Weird Article begins by postulating that several ET civilizations are visiting Earth, then explores the reports of alleged abductees, then discusses the Grays, the Reptilians, the Nordics, alien robots, and bigfoot. And then it gets weird (50)
(Gizmodo) Interesting Biofuel can now be made from coffee. Starbuck's endgame finally revealed (34)
(Asiajin) Weird Just in time for springing forward, Japan unveils "Hot Girl Clock" gadget that shows random Japanese girls holding up sign that displays current time (pics) (40)
(Bloomberg) PSA Don't forget to move your clock up an hour, or you might be late to that job you just lost (113)
(Some Spaceman) Misc Discovery launch date confirmed for 3-11. Hopefully things don't get all mixed up during launch causing systems to go down and a beautiful disaster (41)

Sat March 07, 2009
(Some Mixologist) Spiffy Make mine "on the rocks." No, really (49)
(Economist) Interesting Hardy's paradox demonstrated to be correct. Laurel blamed for getting us into another fine mess (103)
(AP) Spiffy Homeless man's website helps him get by. In other news, even in this economy, a homeless man has a website (66)
(PhysOrg.com) Interesting A fish we never knew existed has been discovered in a lake we never new existed (42)
(Boston Globe) Obvious Slot machines are the crack cocaine of gambling, because much like crack, they're only used by poor idiots with bad teeth (44)
(Reuters) Unlikely Microsoft implementing new feature in Windows 7 that will finally allow users to easily turn off I.E. and Windows Media Player allowing more browsers to run smoothly (77)
(C|Net) Cool Rumors swirling that Nokia and Verizon are working on a brand-new 4G cell phone set to go live next year. How's that for an iPhone killer? (51)
(The Register) Strange Activist judge says it's OK with him if everyone in the world sues Google (21)
(MSNBC) Cool NASA's 10 greatest science missions (30)
(Some Guy) Interesting Grey Wolves removed from endangered species list. Three little Pigs increase security (25)
(Some Guy) Obvious Oldr peeple are less lickely to reelize how alkohol is efecting them (21)
(Scientific American) Cool Astronomers spot pair of black holes orbiting each other in same galaxy. Rumors they plan to name them GM and Chrysler unconfirmed. (pic) (33)
(NASA) Cool Kepler Observatory to launch on a Delta II at 10:49 EST to search for Earth-like planets. No diapers or recycled urine onboard, minimal news coverage expected (39)

Fri March 06, 2009
(MSNBC) Spiffy Invisibility cloak directs light away from the eye, adds +2 to armor class (45)
(C|Net) Amusing Firefox has more security flaws than Internet Explorer, Safari, and Opera combined (106)
(IMDB) Obvious *shredding*.... *shredding*.... *shredding*... *shredding* (26)
(Discover) Dumbass Now that they've taken care of all the corruption in their government, Illinois state senate declares Pluto a planet (63)
(Chicago Tribune) Interesting Are our wireless networks secure enough to prevent hack---+++ADD 2-3 MORE INCHES, pleasure your woman like never before, ONLY $29.95 (42)
(Wall Street Journal) Stupid Realizing they haven't completely destroyed music yet, MTV plans a Beatles video game. You start out small, gain more power than Jesus, and then fall victim to a vapid screech owl (89)
(C|Net) Interesting Obama's CIO wants more normal citizens to be active on the web. Citizens say this won't be a problem at all, they'll just wait for their trial discs to arrive in the mail (23)
(Reuters) Interesting Japanese moon robots lie in wait for their fleshy masters. Or something (13)
(CNN) Cool Bet you never realized how badly you needed a "winged luxury submarine" until you read this article. Oh, yes, there are pics (53)
(wtfRobots) Amusing From the pictures in the article, this VR headset apparently lets you experience getting eaten by a lion, with taste and smells (24)
(Chicago Tribune) Scary Fertility clinic decides to nix proposed plan for designer babies. Good thing, too, because who really wants to pay that much for a baby that's only good for one season? (128)
(TechEBlog) Cool Longest slide in the world looks just like a roller coaster, may cause mild chafing (51)
(Some Guy) Cool Step one: cut a hole in a box (43)
(Ars Technica) Obvious Top security researcher and last years Pwn2Own winner says Safari is "the easiest browser to hack" (38)
(Popular Science) Asinine Microsoft's big vision for 2019 is 15 years out of date, just like their software (47)
(Yahoo) Followup Our long national nightmare is over. TV converter box coupons flowing again (106)
(ABC News) Interesting Ten most expensive Internet domain names. Surprisingly, porn.com is not #1 on the list, and fark.com is inexplicably absent (52)
(The Register) Stupid Your website administrator has just been convicted of stealing bank accounts and running a botnet. Do you C) Let him keep working till the day he is scheduled to leave for an extended government funded vacation (12)
(Reuters) Scary New study predicts Arctic summer ice could be gone in as little as four years; polar bears say "So long, and thanks for all the seals" (85)

Thu March 05, 2009
(MSNBC) Obvious Scientists attempting to reverse-engineer a dinosaur wind up with a chicken instead. This is why you don't mess with God's handiwork (93)
(Science Daily) Interesting Broccoli and cabbage-based drug could inhibit melanoma, close friendships (8)
(Metro) Cool Researchers discover technology that increases penis size. Still no cure for cancer, but who cares? (47)
(London Times) Cool Automaker unveils shape-shifting car that adjusts to different numbers of passengers. Bonus: it has no doors (pic) (28)
(UPI) Spiffy Scientists discover source of aberrant bone growth, hope to find remedy. Sorry teenage boys, not that kind of aberrant bone growth (10)
(Vator.tv) Amusing Who's deity will reign surpreme? Iron Chef Facebook or Iron Chef Google? (41)
(C|Net) Cool Amazon, sensing the suck caused by GameStop, decides to offer video game trade-ins. This could be a Blockbuster in the making (59)
(Vator.tv) Obvious She doesn't even tweet but yet she's the biggest celeb on Twitter (55)
(Network World) Cool Bathrooms become smarter with touch screens. Touching with what, we can't say (20)
(Discover) Cool See footage of Neil Armstrong stepping on the Moon that you did not know existed (91)
(C|Net) Asinine Google decides they really need to branch out into the annoying ad market and now allow expandable ads that take up half your screen. These are the good guys, right? (64)
(Some Guy) Interesting AirPod car unveiled that can go 140 miles on a tank of compressed air, 200 if equipped with the Limbaugh hot-air fuel injector (128)
(Yahoo) Spiffy Mars volcano could harbor life, Bobby Jindal rolls his eyes (34)
(CBC) Interesting In cold climates, efficient lighting means higher heating bills, more greenhouse pollution. Canada just can't win here (86)
(Comedy Central) Video Colbert....innnn.....spaaaaaaaace (42)

Wed March 04, 2009
(Science Daily) Interesting Brain scans reveal that Christians are completely unaware of their own errors, but completely aware of yours (644)
(London Times) Interesting Scientist claims young music fans prefer the tinnier, flatter sound of digital music on iPod; don't get him started about texting, emoticons and being on his lawn (131)
(Daily Mail) Cool 73 year old man receives bionic eye implant, immediately starts looking for Sarah Connor (41)
(MSNBC) Obvious Cost overruns plague NASA. NASA responds with "Do you know how expensive it is to send a $45,000 toilet seat into space?" (36)
(The Tennessean) Followup Judge to Gibson Guitar: No. You cannot has copyright infringement lawsuit against Guitar Hero. Not yours (64)
(MSNBC) Interesting Experts say that just because we are exposed to six times as much radiation as we were in 1980, it doesn't mean we should get all hulked-out about it (38)
(Orlando Sentinel) Florida The last remaining virgins in the US descend on Orlando for national "I'll Never Get Laid Looking Like This" convention (216)
(Rian.Ru) Unlikely Satellite collision may not have been an accident as part of a larger plan to create space debris and inspire more great manga (33)
(C|Net) Cool Remember that story yesterday about Obama and the government web site ditching YouTube? Yea, not so much (13)
(UPI) Spiffy Scientists say new type of vaccination could provide instant immunity against viruses, bacteria, cancers, and virulent toxins. Still no cure for... oh, wait (48)
(TechnologyReview) Cool Clean nuclear fission? Wow, that's heavy (148)
(Network World) Cool Watchdog group offers advice on how to keep Uncle Sam from monitoring your calls, rifling through your computer files, and, of course, finding your porn (41)
(Telegraph) Spiffy Scientists working on new virtual reality headset that will employ all five senses and be indistinguishable from real life. Let's hope you can hose it off (51)
(Some Guy) Strange "I do not believe that a frozen embryo should be compared to a Popsicle or an ice cube in the refrigerator. Clearly you cannot adopt a Popsicle." (40)
(MediaMemo) Obvious Kindle, meet the iPhone. You two might get along well (65)

Tue March 03, 2009
(Canada.com) Interesting Canadian hospitals told to stop giving "to-go" packs of narcotics to damn well nearly everyone asking for them, even though they're free in Canada (34)
(The Industry Standard) Obvious Yahoo CEO says she likes Google Maps better than Yahoo Maps. But who doesn't? (51)
(Globe and Mail) Cool How iPhones will save Afghanistan from becoming a failed state: "When I saw an Afghan pull out his Apple iPhone in Kabul, while I was talking on my 5-year-old NATO mobile, I saw another symbol of progress" (34)
(MacWorld) Interesting Gillette getting set to release Fusion razor geared towards hardcore gamers. In other news, hardcore gamers shave regularly? (78)
(Silicon Alley Insider) Obvious Google CEO: Twitter is a "poor man's email system" (78)
(NASA) Interesting Scientists find another moon orbiting Saturn. It appears as if Saturn is the solar system's Octomom (29)
(Reuters) Obvious Young Germans prefer ze Internet to real life partners, because YouTube lets you be totally angry and flip out and you become famous and admired instead of being charged vis var crimes, like in ze old days (61)
(ZDNet) Dumbass The technology director for the Athol-Royalston School District in northern Massachusetts says that Apple's iLife software suite is too easy to use and that students should learn to struggle with technology instead of having it just work (99)
(Tech-On) Spiffy New Mitsubishi minivan unveils "birds-eye view" system, with four megapixel cameras driving dashboard display of vehicle's location from above. With sample pic goodness (67)
(SFGate) Scary Those drugs that starve tumors by cutting off the formation of new blood vessels? Yeah, it turns out that might just piss them off (25)
(The Local (Germany)) Scary Today's source of greenhouse gases that will ruin the climate and kill us all is: *spins wheel of fortune* farting aquatic worms and bugs. Here comes the science (with helpful illustration) (41)
(Telegraph) Interesting Scientists develop swimsuit that dries off nearly instantly when you leave the water. Still no cure for cancer (47)
(The Register) Amusing Melinda Gates admits to secretly lusting after an iPhone (40)
(Telegraph) Stupid Australian scientist invents a shoe that will act as a cell phone. Wow, where did he get a smart idea like that? (20)
(Discover) Interesting Top ten facts about the center of our solar system. The sun is there (77)
(some 140 character typer) Amusing @fark. john stewart. sam bee. talk twitter. it's awesome. lol (53)
(Science Daily) Cool The coolest picture of two galaxies ripping a third apart you will see for the next few million years (36)
(io9) Cool Researchers splice insect into DNA in to stem cell DNA, "overwriting" cancer. Still no cure for Jeff Goldblum (44)
(Vator.tv) Interesting White House gets rid of YouTube. YouPorn still available (46)
(Network World) Interesting Imagine Google as a verb if the name hadn't been changed ... from Backrub (9)
(The Local (Sweden)) Interesting New species of beetle confirmed in Sweden. Yoko Ono flies to Stockholm, books a studio to record a single with it (5)
(Telegraph) Spiffy Italian researchers claim to have found second Viagra in rotten-egg gas. Because Italians know a few things about foul odors and being giant pricks (12)
(C|Net) Spiffy Twitter will likely replace RSS readers in the future. #Farkers (47)
(Quad City Times) Strange Canadian documentarian has finally been able to confirm, without a doubt, that the idea for the computer came from an Iowa State professor drinking in an Illinois bar (17)
(Reuters) Interesting Microsoft testing new search service internally. For every person you forward the link on the right, Microsoft will pay you $245.00 (11)
(I Heart Chaos) Cool Ten video games that were really awesome until you actually got to play them (411)
(Some Guy) Cool 3/3/09 - Happy Square Root Day (236)

Mon March 02, 2009
(Reuters) Interesting Scientist make stronger and more virulent HIV virus that can infect monkeys. Hey guys, you're doing it wrong (69)
(Discover) Cool Like Michael Jackson, Pluto sweats when it sees your sun (24)
(NYPost) Scary Massive asteroid that could have devastated the planet was just detected on Friday, and passed between a few satellites this morning (103)
(PhysOrg.com) Spiffy Scientist invents straightfoward and cheap way to kill all bacteria in packaged foods. Meanwhile, evangelists have shown that Dole bananas are conclusive proof of a dinosaur-mounted Jesus (64)
(Science Daily) Spiffy Wine, which first was good for your heart, then caused cancer, now found to fight cancer (38)
(Gizmodo) Unlikely Humongous livable bridge could solve Israeli-Palestinian conflict, look great while on fire due to homemade rockets and white phosphorous (101)
(Scientific American) Interesting Scientific American recounts fifty years of nuclear bomb testing. Includes every major ash-hole in the world except Simon Cowell (27)
(Chicago Tribune) Amusing Some Daily Show guy said something on Twitter and set off some kind of internet firestorm or something. Meh (229)
(Live Science) Obvious Advertising research shows that women respond most postively to sexy ads when it involves a gift from a emotionally committed man to a less committed woman. Next up, the crapping habits of bears (16)
(MDN) Spiffy Japan unveils its second Earth Simulator supercomputer to study climate change, find question to the Ultimate Answer (55)
(TechEBlog) Amusing When your CD-ROM drive fails, don't do this (61)
(AP) Cool American children now have lowest lead content in last 20 years. China unavailable for comment (26)
(PhysOrg.com) Interesting Study finds oldest trees grow the slowest, while the younger trees won't get off your damn lawn (11)
(Washington Post) Obvious Web savvy Obama ...... [buffering buffering] ... team finding it hard .... 0101745.html?hpid%3D .. to adopt to government compu--- [connection lost] (100)
(UPI) Interesting Chinese Premier holds his first online chat with the public: "Im n ur webz blkng ur humn ritez LOLZ" (22)
(Gizmodo) Stupid A new iPhone app will play authentic sounds of gunfire with a simple tap. What could possibly go wrong? (42)
(Science Daily) Interesting God's latest test of our faith: A new theory for how a universal molecular machine, the ribosome, managed to self-assemble as a critical step in the genesis of all life on Earth (416)

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