Drew Curtis' FARK.com -- Geek Archives for '2009-02-22 23:59:59'

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Sun February 22, 2009

	Carbon reduction measures will drop Australian sheep exports 21 percent by 2030. Sucks to be ewe	(26)
(Some Academic)	Who's more deserving of ridicule: people with life-sized cardboard cutouts of Star Trek characters in their basement, or academics who write papers on people with life-sized cardboard cutouts of Star Trek characters in their basement?	(56)
	"The once-common jaguar has become a rare sight in North America." Submitter feels obligated to point out that you can usually track one by the trail of oil and transmission parts that the things litter highways with	(38)
(Some Guy)	Iran to put logo of photoshopped satellite on their currency. Why yes, it is the Starfleet logo. Hope the currency's not red	(36)
(9to5)	Apple to release CDMA iPhone in fourth quarter of 2009. Bonus: Will ship with Windows Mobile on Verizon, Mac OS on Sprint	(32)
	Steve Jobs is trying to kill you	(49)
	Sometimes a case mod is just a case mod, this is not the case today	(37)
	Top ten mad scientists, guess who makes number 1?	(108)
	Those who identify as women or minorities are bullied into silence in online games	(100)
(Some Guy)	Listen to sounds from an arcade circa 1982 to 1988	(60)
	Rise, Sir Osis of the liver	(56)

Sat February 21, 2009

	Fire up the grill for some mastodon burgers: Early humans started on the road to intelligence by cooking their food	(61)
(Details)	The somehow safe-for-work tale of Slade Fiero, sex doll repairman: "Think of Geek Squad. Now think of synthetic nipples."	(49)
	Did you ever wonder why humans didn't develop long prehensile toes that would act as extra fingers? Scientists find that chimps like us, baby, we were born to run	(125)
	NASA wants people to vote for the Space Station's new room name. Write in votes accepted as well. What suggestions do you Farkers have?	(381)

Fri February 20, 2009

	Years from now, when Twizzlers are $400 an ounce and rehab clinics are treating people for licorice abuse, you can say you remember when it seemed a good idea	(38)
	Adobe Acrobat, Acrobat Reader found to be open for attack, very bloaty	(63)
	Patient: "My skin itches and flakes." Doctor: "Here, try this pill. It will cause you to die of a horrible disease that you can't pronounce, but it's okay with the FDA, and your skin will no longer itch and flake"	(104)
	That Google Earth image of Atlantis? It was an artifact from the map-making process. You could tell from the pixels	(67)
	Republicans introduce bill that would require home Wi-Fi users to keep their logs for two years. This is a good thing right?	(375)
	Study finds that controlled introduction to nuts may help kids beat allergies, reject Catholicism	(32)
	Defence attorneys compare the proceedings of the Pirate Bay lawsuit to an episode of an American television drama, which probably means they'll be available for download in a couple of days	(32)
	Supposedly people still watch Podcasts	(51)
	Fifth grade girls beat college engineering students in competition? Eggcellent	(45)
	One-third of the broadband stimulus funds will be overseen by the Department of Agriculture	(110)
(WLFI)	Prof offers to sell rights to name new bat species to benefit science. Draws bids of only $5,000, suggestions that he discover cuter species	(14)
	Muslims forbidden from using biofuels as they are "sinful"	(115)
	Coolest pic of the earth eclipsing the sun you'll see all day	(24)
	Georgian scientists develop technique for harnessing energy from hamsters, you just have to make sure they're in the right gere first	(106)
	Somewhere out in the universe, somebody divided by zero	(141)
(Some Guy)	New process allows solar panels to be printed like money	(36)
	Freaky photo of red, semi-transparent, shield-shaped UFOs hovering under the wing of a plane as it lands in Minneapolis	(70)
	China seeds clouds to end drought, resulting snow closes twelve highways	(23)
	Playing violent video games makes people uncaring of others. Disagree? I don't give a shiat, so get out of my face -- you're blocking my HUD	(71)

Thu February 19, 2009

(MPR)	Electronic device approved to fight OCD. 1-2-3. Electronic device approved to fight OCD. 1-2-3. Electronic device approved to fight OCD. 1-2-3	(154)
	French woman complains about yellow stars used on eBay because of association with Nazi Germany. Vichy France surrenders	(172)
(Some Guy)	2,400 sites that Microsoft's IE8 can't render, including Microsoft.com and msn.com	(111)
	Experts warn of 'Terminator'-style military-robot rebellion. Seriously. Sarah Connor not amused	(106)
	Canon blasts out 10 powershots. This is not a repeat from 1132	(46)
	Germany's new Antarctic research station is finally completed (w/ pics of the station and -ewwwww- penguins)	(43)
	Trademark infringement run amok: now you can sue for hyperlinking. Down with the internet	(217)
(Some Guy)	Good news: A bird that was thought to be extinct discovered and photographed in the Philippines. Fark: Lunch is served	(52)
	New technology allows jewelry to be coated in DNA to prevent theft, suddenly making your wife's pearl necklace the safest thing in the world	(70)
	Wait, you mean forensic scientists don't work with million-dollar equipment in poorly-lit labs? CSI raises even judges' expectations of the practice	(158)
	Scientists to study why women in northern England don't wear coats. Meanwhile, cancer is killing somebody's mom somewhere	(41)
	Quitting the Mafia is easier than closing a LendingTree.com account	(39)
	Something is about to happen on Saturn that is so pretty, even Hubble will pause to take a look. Backyard astronomers can see it, too. Four of Saturn's moons will transit Saturn and cast their shadows on the cloudtops at the same time	(41)
(Some Guy)	The agency that brought you reports of all of the Arctic Ice melting completely away admits "sensor drift" caused its data to be way off	(174)
	Environmentalists outraged - rain forests returning at precipitous rate	(88)
	Apples save melons	(17)
	The 10 most promising new comicbook creators	(20)
	British professor to perform series of experiments to discover the world's funniest fart noise. Truly we live in a marvellous age	(24)
	French battleship sunk in WWI found in remarkably good condition, with many of its gun turrets still intact and the white flag still flying	(62)
(Some Guy)	Mammoth cache of fossils reveals mammoth mammoth	(43)
	For those whose bicycles aren't environmentally friendly enough, there is the GreenWheel	(61)

Wed February 18, 2009

	Search engine no one has ever heard of sues Google for being too awesome	(65)
	Scientists discover part of the brain that controls schadenfreude. You may have submitted this with a funnier headline but if you're reading this now you failed. Suck it, rejected submitter	(33)
	Chicken Little was right	(29)
	Children of Alzheimer's sufferers are two to three times more likely to have memory problems. Also, children of Alzheimer's sufferers are two to three times more likely to have memory problems	(36)
	Google 1, privacy 0	(69)
	New research shows smoking is worse for your health than being a working-class male. So if you're a working class male smoker, you're totally farked	(49)
(Macon.com)	". . .the station only received two phone calls . . . and one of those was from a caller who thought an old cable box could be used as a converter box."	(63)
	String theory accidentally makes first prediction of real world phenomenon, says universe was formed by throwing lolcat into five-dimensional black hole	(90)
	Reading a book and knitting may stave off dementia. Which is good, I'll need the knitting needles to STAB THE SPIDERS ON MY LEGS ZITHER ZITHER ELECTRIC DANCE BELT WHAAAAAAAAAAA	(34)
	China now counterfeiting snow by using weather rocket launch bases around Beijing; Next on the agenda: Lead based snow	(13)
	Tom Hanks to switch on the repaired Large Hadron Collider, steal antimatter, try to blow up the Vatican	(55)
	Study finds that teens who skip breakfast and dislike their mothers have sex earlier than other teens. In other news, there are teens that eat breakfast, like their mothers	(102)
(CBS42)	Man's car destroyed by what he says is a meteorite. NASA scientist says it actually could be a meteorite...or a really big rock that someone threw at the car	(24)
	Mark Zuckerberg is changing his mind. (2 hours ago) 175,000,000 users likes this status	(39)
	New Zealand scientists create magnetic, glowing, electric super paper. May later be used to print cure for cancer	(7)
	IFart sues for trademark infringement. This is not, I repeat NOT, from The Onion	(34)
	Having solved all other problems, Canada is setting up a 100 million dollar fund to increase Canadian content on the internet. What recession?	(71)
	Newest smartphone equipped with Google's Street View to provide panoramic view of user's surroundings, saving you the effort of looking up and turning your head	(28)

Tue February 17, 2009

	World's first near-total face transplant patient can now smell perfume, taste pizza, and drink coffee. Next up: Infiltrating a terrorist organization to find the location of the biological weapon that could wipe out a whole city	(33)
	Got a spare 103-inch plasma lying around? Turn it into an air hockey table. Cool tag beats Stupid 10-8	(53)
	Woman everywhere finally have the equality they deserve... they can now pee standing up	(222)
	Cat takes break from busy day of sleeping and sunbathing to alert owner that he has lung cancer	(118)
	Ith na a wumb.... ITH NA A WUMB	(63)
	Cell phones to have universally standard charging socket by 2012. Still no cure for GSM/cdma/tdma confusion	(99)
	The recession is leading more people to decide to just stick with dial-up Internet access for now. You had a better headline but couldn't get online because your mom is expecting a call	(46)
	Britain's 'Super X-ray' Diamond Synchrotron can see through metal, stone, dresses	(26)
	Scientists teach robot to play rock-paper-scissors, rochambeau Sarah Connor	(28)
	Scientists announce they've built a nanorobot. Right over there. Well, you'll just have to trust them	(40)
	If you were wondering why the intarwebs were slow yesterday, it was because somebody dumped some long garbage ASes in the tubes and clogged them	(21)
	Scientists prove women's brains know the difference between regular sweat and the sex panther musk of the aroused male	(39)
	Public broadcasting station to be one of the first to convert to digital tonight, says they've spoken with their 17 viewers and they're all ready for the switch	(48)
(Some Guy)	Old and busted: getting a stiff neck from long phone calls. New hotness: turning into a prune	(21)
	Qualcomm-funded study finds cell phone usage in classrooms is beneficial	(73)

Mon February 16, 2009

	Facebook claims it is not usurping users' content despite changing service terms to claim "perpetual worldwide license" to anything posted at the social-networking website. You'll get over it™	(93)
(Some Guy)	Biofuels found to be speeding up pace of global warming. Stick that in your Prius and smoke it	(184)
	In space, no one can hear you die when your spacesuit is destroyed by old orbiting frozen astronaut piss	(60)
	HD cell phone to deliver shaky rock concert bootlegs, women flipping out over missed flights, in 720p	(26)
	Company creates child-friendly backyard time capsule. If there's anything kids like to do, it's wait a decade	(26)
	Have a Facebook account? You are now owned in perpetuity	(64)
	Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to getting a tattoo of Darth Vader holding the severed head of George Lucas	(108)
	Scientists find drug that can erase unpleasant memories. Like that chick you picked up at the gas station. Yeah, we know about that	(51)
(Some Jedi)	Star Wars nerds who made their own costumes. Yes, there are hundreds of pics. Yes, there are Leias	(219)
	Brain scan study shows that men really do view attractive women as objects. Parallel study investigating whether women view men as bank accounts cancelled after researchers spend all their grant money on the models they hired for the first study	(44)
	That fireball over Texas was not a bird, a plane, Dwight Howard or pieces of space junk. NORAD and STRATCOM say it's really a UFO not of this planet	(68)
	A look at the future of NASA's space travels, what's left of it. One small step backwards	(140)
(WTF Robots)	Robot boss...in my office?? It's more likely than you think	(30)
	Wine glass gets levitated and stirred, not shaken	(19)
	Male whales like big humps and they cannot lie, cetacean brothers can't deny	(12)
	New research suggests that monkeys have a basic sense of right and wrong, so the next time one of them flings his poop at you, at least he feels bad about it	(34)
	I'll be a reality by 2012, Michael	(48)
	Recently discovered Congo Monster Fish described as "evolution on steroids", requires a-rod and reel strong enough to land something uglier than anyone you ever woke up next to	(53)
	Census of Arctic and Antarctic oceans documents 13,000 species of marine life that resemble male genitalia	(23)