Drew Curtis' FARK.com -- Geek Archives for '2009-02-01 23:59:59'

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Sun February 01, 2009

	Very tiny small block V8 runs on compressed air, makes great fart machine	(12)
	Aspirin. Cures headaches, prevents heart attacks, and now it prevents liver damage from overdrinking. Why has no one tried this stuff on cancer yet?	(69)
	New breed of rice may help millions, unless some environmentalists claim it destroys the planet and destroy the crops, or the big companies make it too expensive to grow	(59)
	Robotic stepping stones rearrange themselves automatically as you walk	(60)
	Any more than two kids and you're destroying the planet. We're talking to YOU, octuplet lady	(369)
	Gordon Freeman proclaims stone ruins in Canada predate Stonehenge and the Pyramids. No word if he's found any Vortigaunts or Headcrabs, but he's keeping his trusty crowbar at the ready	(80)
	Old and busted: targeting gas-guzzling cars. New hotness: targeting electricity-guzzling plasma TVs	(31)
	Researchers say driving when you have a cold is just as dangerous as driving after drinking a double whiskey	(23)
(Ebaum)	Ebaum fired from Ebaum; new CEO drives off in Ebaum's big van with his logo all over it	(108)
	Once again, a hardy fairwell to the Pyrenean ibex, the only animal mankind has loathed in such ration as to actually follow through with that whole killing all of them and then cloning them so we can kill them all again thing	(42)
	To protect public morality, NTT bans underage teens from using its cellphones to access suspicious "dating encounter" sites	(10)

Sat January 31, 2009

	Known for their prompt reaction to health emergencies, the FDA is recommending the ban of a painkiller used since the 50's	(51)
	By-product of scotch can used for clean electricity generation. So the more you drink, the 'greener' you are	(28)
	Robot reassembles itself after being kicked apart, resumes search for Sarah Connor	(39)
	How to survive a major heart attack. Pass the cheeseburgers	(30)
	Defining "the Streisand Effect," or why you shouldn't mess with the internet	(46)
	Special keyboard makes your boss think you are working harder than you are and annoys the hell out of your co-workers -- the perfect win-win	(85)
(Some Guy)	Latest innocuous thing accused of causing cancer? Salty soup. Here comes the fearmongering	(31)
	Pfizer pancreatic cancer drug goes limp, shrivels under pressure	(26)

Fri January 30, 2009

	Archaeological dig provides evidence ancient Persians used sulfur dioxide gas to kill Roman soldiers in earliest known incident of chemical warfare	(47)
	Printing The NYT Costs Twice As Much As Sending Every Subscriber A Free Kindle	(57)
	And you thought those people who walk around with their bluetooth earpiece permanently attached were annoying	(56)
(Some Guy)	Senate passes bill to change the DTV transition date. This is not a repeat from last week	(91)
	National Science Foundation in danger of losing federal funding due to staffers putting in long hours "researching" internet porn	(102)
	Continuing the cavalcade of "just working", Apple mysteriously pulls OS update amid rumors that it borks external monitors	(72)
	Bug fix entry: Type-Defect / Priority-Medium / Issue 3: Ruined my Marriage	(55)
	Internet helps helicopter parents to give school boards and superintendents hell	(93)
	And you thought Bush was bad: Harper cuts all funding for new research grants. Thats right, all of it	(102)
	Women have more nightmares than men. Men dream about sex more often than women....unless the nightmares are about having sex with your husband...then women and men are really dreaming about the same thing	(40)
	Researchers say dolphins carefully prepare food on porpoise, not just for the halibut	(23)
	Extensive new study reiterates what we already knew -- vaccines have nothing to do with autism. Regardless, the debate will further demonstrate Americans' lack of science education and pitiful grasp of cause and effect	(96)
	"For the first time ever in the history of treating MS we have reversed disability . . ."	(68)
	Scientists discover epilepsy genEFDGSDFGDGSDGRLRRBR	(76)
	Google Streetview snaps another classic American icon	(116)
	Engineer faces criminal charges after attempting to inject some logic into financial system	(47)
	♫ We're all raising a Nazi submarine, Nazi submarine, Nazi submarine. We're all raising a Nazi submarine, Nazi submarine, Nazi submarine. ♪	(96)
	How earthlings tried to contact aliens, 150 years before we invented SETI	(43)
	Google allows users to access tool that shows them exactly how their ISPs are screwing them over	(46)
	Awesome flow-chart to help you create your very own Star Trek story	(49)
	From the Department of No Shiat Sherlock: children allowed access to green space are less likely to have to do the Truffle Shuffle	(17)

Thu January 29, 2009

	Spray on tans are for douche bags, but pills that turn your skin brown are cool	(66)
	Infecting patients with worms could cure asthma, cause skid marks on the rug	(26)
	After numerous flawed hard drives fail, Seagate springs into action by C) censoring forum posts	(95)
	New low cost LEDs could slash household lighting bills by 75% and last for over 60 years each. Suck it CFL	(149)
	First weather report from exoplanet: Highs in 2240s, lows in 980s, could be "least hospitable place known to man." No offense, Florida Tag	(31)
	NASA caught faking Shuttle image, actually going to Moon	(100)
	The six biggest mysteries of the solar system. Note: Does not include the mystery of why Jay Leno is America's most popular celebrity	(53)
	Nolan Bushnell to win lifetime BAFTA award, for releasing the most played videogames in the world: "Pong" and "E.T. The extra-terrestrial: The video-game"	(31)
	NASA reports that the Mars Rover is actign erratically...asking to see its maker, calling itself VGer	(50)
	Nintendo cuts Wii sales forcast due to lower than expected sales over holidays. Perhaps if they were available in stores sales would have been higher	(165)
	Cyberthieves are on the attack. Hopefully they won't pair up with Cyberbullies, Cyberstalkers, and Cybermolesters to destroy us all	(62)
(Some Guy)	Anthony Daniels at Star Wars convention: "Oh dear, just when I thought it couldn't get any worse"	(37)
	Attention, pot growers: You might fool the cops, but you can't fool Google Earth	(335)
(Some Guy)	Online security breaches cost companies $1 trillion last year, according to new study from Institute Of Rectally Extracted Statistics	(7)
	Surgeon with patient dying from a brain tumor learns about new surgical tool from CNN.com article, orders one, and uses it to save the patient. This... is very cool	(60)
	Motion-sensing collar lets pet owners know when their dogs are sleeping, playing and licking themselves	(10)
	NASA to take online votes for one of six astronomical objects to be the next Hubble photograph. Why they can't just take pictures of them all... wait... what's that? Cheezy PR stunt? Oh, ok	(15)
	Study linking the proliferation of internet porn to a 30% overall decrease in sex crimes leaves feminists flummoxed, tissue companies in the black, men chaffed and sleepy	(59)
	"Men smell of cheese; women smell of onions" Let's call the whole thing off?	(19)
	New gene therapy may cure "Bubble Boy" disease, settle argument on who invaded Spain in the 8th Century	(52)

Wed January 28, 2009

	New online reminder service keeps track of your wife's menstrual cycle for you, delivers threat warnings at appropriate times. "Code red, go play golf for a week"	(163)
	CNN asks the tough questions, like "Should your boss be your friend on Facebook?"	(185)
	Star Wars horror fiction set to hit shelves October 27th and no, this isn't the book version of Episodes 1-3	(111)
(Some Guy)	University of Colorado grad student cons professors into letting him "study" World of Warcraft, which is the fancy way of saying, "Hey I get to play video games for college credit"	(49)
	Social networks overtake porn sites. NO WAY	(31)
	1983 Macintosh Dating Game starring Steve Jobs & Bill Gates...Man, Steve was a cute kid back in the day	(43)
	At last - Apple's face recognition software works on cats	(20)
	Scientists create single-atom "quantum dots." Why? Because they're awesome and they can, that's why	(48)
	Head of NASA climate programs: "There is no rational justification for using climate model forecasts to determine public policy." Excuse me, FORMER head of NASA climate programs	(376)
	January 28 1986 We will never forget them, nor the last time we saw them, this morning, as they prepared for their journey and waved good-bye and "slipped the surly bonds of earth" to "touch the face of God"	(557)
	The Lamb opened the first of seven seals. One of the four living creatures said in a voice like thunder, "Come" There before me was a white horse Its rider rode out bent on conquest. Behold, the trojan that infected 20,000 Macs	(136)
	Melting sea ice could result in extinction of Antarctic penguins. Another tragic case in which the Emperors have no floes	(33)
	Back in my day, bananas cost a penny. And if we wanted one, we had to knuckle-walk forty miles to get one; uphill, both ways. And we were glad to do it	(12)
	NASA announce plans to explore the dark side of the Sun. Hopefully they've remembered to go at night	(23)
	Playing too much World of Warcraft could lead to real life prejudice against Orcs and Trolls	(45)
	Ten things you've gotten used to but your great-grandchildren will barely remember. Get off my holo-lawn	(124)
(Some Guy)	Having learned from past mistakes, Microsoft will ship a single Windows 7 version. JUST KIDDING, you'll be forced to choose from Starter, Home Basic, Home Premium, Business, Ultimate, Neapolitan, Corduroy, Decaf, Ludicrous, and Plaid	(129)
	Nintendo release a game that encourages players to go to the strangest MMORPG world created so far	(34)
	German researchers warn that scholarly German is, as the country's universities and research centers, trying to attract top foreign students and scientists, offer instruction increasingly in English, dying out	(60)
	Cows named and treated with a "more personal touch" produce more milk, look more attractive	(25)
	England's huge, salty meat kebabs deliver half a woman's recommended daily intake, giving them pork they weren't expecting--even if they request a small kebab and don't eat the sauce. With pic of fully erect kabob	(45)

Tue January 27, 2009

	An asteroid strike billions of years ago may have flipped the moon around, forever changing which side faces us. Pink Floyd unavailable for comment	(41)
	Cox blockers set to test net neutrality	(75)
	Smokers complain that new, "fire-safe" cigarettes taste bad. As opposed to old cigarettes, which apparently tasted awesome	(90)
(Some Guy)	Oasis guitarist doesn't like Guitar Hero but at least "It's better than two goblins trying to f**k a donkey up the arse with a laser beam"	(76)
	Experimental laser mounted on a Humvee takes down a unmanned spy drone. Now if the US only had an enemy that fights with unmanned spy drones instead of surplus Soviet artillery shells detonated with old cell phones	(80)
	Company which manufactures lie detectors sues scientists who say lie detectors have never been proven to work. It's a shame there isn't a device to determine which one of them is being honest	(28)
	Having solved the rest of the nation's problems, congress working on legislation requiring cell phone cameras to click when taking a picture	(66)
	You know how scientists were so sure the Large Hadron Collider wouldn't kill us all? Yeah, about that	(268)
	Scientists discover what Farkers already knew. Telling bad jokes can result in rude and caustic responses	(119)
(Columbia Spectator)	Scientist revives research into promising Type I Diabetes cure previously squashed by Big Pharma. Scientist expected to soon be found with four self-inflicted gunshot wounds to back of head	(97)
	New feature on Mercedes Benz cars is a drowsy driver alert. Not to be outdone, Toyota reminds us of their smug driver alert feature on their Prius	(39)
	Anthropologist can't figure out why humans ever wanted to come to America in the first place	(64)
	Meet the the Shelby Aero EV: Zero to 60 in 2.5 seconds. Recharges in 10 minutes. 220 mile range. Coming soon to a street near you	(116)
	Did a comet impact devastate North America 12,900 years ago? A new study says: No, no it didn't	(35)
	Device hooked into Twitter allows plants to call their owners when they need tending or spot a DEA helicopter	(16)
	There is only one thing that makes this otherwise gaudy chopper the coolest motorcycle evar (with vid)	(56)
	If you've been deforesting the planet for centuries and adding CO2 to it and warming it up and still haven't done much, then let it go, because, man, it's gone	(297)
	Tired of getting up off your chair to go and fetch your toast? If you can't find Gromit, then you need the new "trebuchet toaster"	(25)
	New studies show that chicken parts can be used as an alternative to jet fuel as long as they are not placed directly into the engines	(13)
	Secretary of Agriculture Tom Vilsack identifies the greatest crisis threatening the Midwest: The lack of Internet in rural areas	(112)
	World's only immortal found. There can be only one, but after reading the article, why bother?	(75)
	Microsoft getting ready to unveil next generation of spyware-friendly browsing	(54)

Mon January 26, 2009

	Why do wind turbines have three narrow blades but ceiling fans have five wide blades? Here comes the science	(58)
	Verizon Wireless selling $250 device to help "improve" service inside your home	(73)
	Video games outsell DVD and Blu-Ray for the first time ever. I don't think you thought your cunning plan all the way through Sony	(137)
	Fapping as a young man increases your risk of prostate cancer, but fapping in middle age protects you against tumors. Here comes the weird science	(79)
	Turns out all five Go-Go's got it at birth	(27)
	Seattle man invents portable wind turbine energy system for the masses, enters Google contest. "I should be able to go down to Costco and pick one up by a big jar of mayonnaise"	(45)
	Cheney's undisclosed location disclosed	(89)
(Some Chick)	Facebook surpasses MySpace as the preferred networking site to socially incriminate yourself	(85)
	New pill may help MS. Still no cure for Alabama	(52)
	Amazing what you can do with a concave mirror, some ball bearings and some lights	(88)
	When 111-years-old you reach, give birth to 11 children you will not	(21)
(CleanTechnica)	Giant tidal power turbines: Coming soon to a Canada near you	(61)
	Google Street View captures your shame: LARP edition	(73)
	First ever human stem-cell trial begins. Stem cells expected to plead "not guilty"	(67)