Study finds 95 percent of teens are filthy, music-stealing criminals	(16)
		Over 60 000 people to visit CERN's massive super collider before it collapses the universe this summer	(10)
(Winston Salem Journal)		Will Christopher Hitchens and his brother mud wrestle to decide whether atheism or religion is right? The Winston-Salem Journal is there	(26)
(Science Blogs)		Elephants discriminate between human ethnic groups. African Civil Liberties Union (ACLU) plans lawsuit	(5)
(Physorg.com)		Ibuprofen is the new juice	(21)
(Bloomberg)		A bird flu virus that killed dogs in South Korea can spread from one dog to another. Their food supply might be in jeopardy now	(11)
(Betanews)		Due to the recent release of Vista SP1 there is only 1 patch for this upcoming `Patch Tuesday'. Just kidding, there are 16 of them	(30)
		This is what you'll get when you mess with Radiohead: a new social networking website	(29)
		World's smallest girl proud of her tiny size. With pic goodness	(83)
(NY Times)		Blogging is more than posting pictures of your cats and links to Kirk vs. Picard forum debates. In some cases it's a stressful job that's killing people. Mood: Dead	(18)
		For $25,000 you can name a bone eating seaworm after your ex-wife	(11)
(Cracked)		The 5 most ridiculous lies you were taught in history class	(110)
		Internet could soon be made obsolete by a new grid system that will allow you to download porn 10,000 times faster than on broadband connections	(36)
(Some Guy)		Boring couple sues Google for putting up their home on Street View. Yes, they really are the Borings	(153)
		Purdue University proves they can't win anything the easy way, crowned National Champs at Rube Goldberg Competition. Bet you didn't have them atop your bracket	(10)
		Astronomer explains why we're likely to meet Cylons long before any squishy E.T.s	(38)
(Canyon News)		$10 million prize for 100 mph, 100 mpg car	(60)
		Era of the flip phone is nearing its end, centuries before Starfleet has even been formed	(116)

		Scientists say we're getting closer to human limb regeneration, allowing growth of a third arm for ski-boxing	(44)
(Modesto Bee)		Frito-Lay SunChips, now made with real Sun	(15)
(Some Guy)		Space Shuttle processing pics rarely seen by the general public	(79)
		Microsoft CEO Ballmer writes an angry letter to Yahoo board. Two-word version: Quit pussyfooting	(43)
		The next BIG, little thing from another Redmond, WA. company: 72" HD video screen that projects on to any surface, from your cell phone. No more squinting	(37)
		Nifty watch only sets you back $179 and wakes you up at the best possible time in your sleep cycle. Am I the only one whose dreams this has fulfilled?	(22)
(Some Guy)		Red vs. Blue has returned	(46)
(Some Guy)		City officials will start putting oil on wild geese eggs to prevent them from hatching. Meanwhile, the homeless in the city would do anything for a free omelette	(36)
(BoingBoing)		Behold... the computer nerd's desk from 25 years ago, complete with a "Return Of The Jedi" drinking glass collection	(95)

		Ugly-ass animal described as a cross between a tiny antelope and a small anteater discovered in Tanzania (pic)	(59)
		Mysterious fanged, polygamous fish discovered in Utah. Fish was found w--OH MY GOD KILL IT WITH FIRE	(69)
		We apologise again for the bad review we gave your game. Those responsible for sacking the people who have just been sacked, have been sacked	(31)
(Some Guy)		Israeli Vets rebuild sea Turtle's fin with metal plates and screws; Turtle goes to work for Oscar Goldman	(24)
(Some NASA Guy)		A crescent moon of perilous beauty is about to appear in the evening sky. The best night to look is Tuesday, April 8th, when the moon joins the Pleiades star cluster for a must-see conjunction	(18)
(Some Guy)		Gates: Windows 7 may come "in the next year." So was Vista another Windows ME? Or are Vista owners just paying beta fools?	(130)
(TG)		After ThinkGeek unveils "Personal Soundtrack Shirt" as April Fool's gag, so many people try to order one that they're turning it into an actual product (pic)	(70)
(Science Alert)		Scientist expects to create an optical disc with enough storage to fit over 200,000 DVDs, meaning that they may finally catch up to existing porn collections	(59)
		Survey finds that men are more okay with discrimination than broads are	(104)
		Temperatures set to drop this year, thereby conclusively disproving Global Warming	(360)
		DNA evidence may prove Czar Nicholas II's entire family was wiped out in 1917 and that's no bolshevik. Tsariously	(31)
		Fire a bullet the size of a double-decker bus into space, accellerate it to over 27,000 km/h, and have it arrive the international space station at a feather's touch. Nice job, Jules Verne	(46)
(Some Guy)		All those city-wide smoking bans might be increasing the number of drunk drivers	(284)
		First underwater photos of HMAS Sydney show extensive damage, severe punishment	(16)
		Top ten things once thought impossible. Here comes the possible	(92)
		Meet one of only 10 ugly-ass albino alligators in the world (pics)	(81)
(Some Guy)		Microsoft to extend life of XP again. Vista sucks	(122)

		And so it begins: trans fats could reduce heart disease, diabetes risk	(41)
(insidebayarea.com)		"Marine biologists who journeyed off the coast of Indonesia to study octopus love lives found a kinky and violent society of jealous murders, gender subterfuge and once-in-a-lifetime sex."	(38)
		Are you a PC gamer looking forward to playing Madden '09? Because if so, EA has a message for you -- "Suck it"	(87)
		IBM touts complex math to help handle natural disasters	(28)
		Slidshow of the weirdest inventions on display at the 36th International Exhibition of Invention in Switzerland	(27)
(Science Daily)		An international team of scientists have found the source of the stream of particles that make up the solar wind. Submitter is going to go out on a limb and guess it's the sun	(10)
		Fuel cell powers aircraft to a breathtaking altitude of 3,000 feet at the mind boggling speed of 60 miles per hour. Success	(65)
(MLive)		Engineering student builds own tank from scratch, with cannon that shoots Red Bull cans at jocks and sorority girls (pic and video)	(48)
		No new "Lost" tonight, so here's a critique of Season Four so far, and the mystery of Waaaalt	(93)
(Some Guy)		In case you were wondering how "High School Musical" and "Hannah Montana" were going to further bankrupt you, Amazon is about to introduce purchasing via text message	(12)
		Fox Health discovers what Fark has always known for years: Coffee Just Might Keep You Sane	(133)
		Solar activity 'not behind climate change'	(195)
		Odd, flat faced fish may be new species, relative of Gilbert Gottfreid	(17)
		The reviews are in: Mario Kart Wii kicks ass	(122)
		Ahead of BSG's return tomorrow, here's an interview with one of the hottest toasters ever	(31)
		Apple gives the Big Apple a ™ to chew on	(185)
(Some Guy)		New Sci-Fi Channel series to be first television show filmed entirely in green-screen. Plot sounds suspiciously familiar	(66)
		Study finds botox may migrate to brain. Ignoring the fact that the type of people who get botox aren't using their brains to begin with	(25)
(NZ Herald)		Study shows dogs catch avian flu directly from birds. Your dog wants steak, not chicken	(4)
		BMG sued for piracy. The irony is delicious	(36)
		The coolest video of a solar "tsunami" you'll see all day	(18)

		Media heavyweights to open new website. "The venture will not produce original content, but will consist of hand-selected links to outside posts, much of it with a cultural focus." About time someone came up with an idea like that	(24)
(Pew Research)		Only four percent on 'net users have info online they consider "embarrassing". Subby is proud of the Tinkerbell photos, proud I tell you, proud	(15)
(Some Guy)		Overweight kids have fewer cavities. One of the many benefits inhaling food has over primitive chewing	(55)
(Some Guy)		Crawling fish discovered. ID advocates back to the drawing board	(50)
		Former Google exec running EMI's digital unit is okay with file sharing	(13)
		Feds swear they'll meet huge June IPv6 deadline	(13)
(Some Guy)		Patrick Stewart is not amused when interviewer calls Star Trek fans "weird", perhaps because the word wasn't strong enough	(80)
(Topless Robot)		Battle of Hoth wedding cake. Note: Inaccuracy of Han Solo carrying a light saber already noted by nerd (pic)	(78)
		Male squid can change their own color to flirt, fight. Kinda like Michael Jackson (LGT Video)	(9)
		Traditional economics and the expectation that people act rationally may not apply to the poor, which explains why they continually do dumbass stuff that keeps them poor	(209)
		A guide to Season 3 of "Battlestar Galactica." Caution: Cylons are using their dreaded slideshow weapon	(106)
		Scientists conclude that everything you know about water's health benefits is wrong. The only thing they do agree on is that water is wet	(62)
		Having grown bored with important research, the brains at MIT tackle that pesky wallpaper problem	(10)
		Scientists are learning how to rebuild teeth instead of just drilling and filling. Still no cure for cancer, but at least you'll have a great-looking smile when you die from it	(25)
		UK government calls on Facebook and MySpace to include adverts for the 999 emergency line on their sites, you know, just in case the kids can't remember the number	(29)
		High-tech jobs still hot, money's not bad either	(60)
		GM seeds can last up to 10 years, which is five more than you'll get from one of their cars	(46)
(Some Guy)		Review of the first MMO, Outside	(83)
		One-third of Brits think everyone else is out to get them. The other two-thirds know it	(77)
		Scientists spy on underage planet	(30)
		I, for one, welcome our new cow... er, human... er, whatever they are... overlords	(110)
(Some Guy)		The 10 craziest scientific experiments ever conducted	(53)
(Planetary Society)		NASA Mars orbiter snaps picture of the Starship Enterprise. Fark.com: It is not an April Fools prank, but a cloud	(32)

		Flying Penguins	(39)
		Congress has a hearing on and in "Second Life." And if that sounds confusing, that's because it is	(34)
(VQR)		The Christian Broadcasting Network is worried that the Second Coming might not be televised. “We even discussed how Jesus’ radiance might be too bright for the cameras and how we would have to make adjustments for that problem"	(114)
		In a complete contradiction of all reasonable expectations, meet the polar bear that nuzzles with huskies	(28)
		Apple plans for iPhone Enterprise Server. Yes, that's iPEnIS	(26)
		Home defibrillators shown to lower risk of dying, increased incidence of recreational elder-zapping	(65)
		Google to acquire U.S. government. Bush relieved	(17)
(Silicon Alley Insider)		iPhone shortage goes nationwide. 3G version coming sooner than expected?	(13)
		Apple's claim that their 20-inch iMac displays "millions of colors" is inflated by around 750,000, reports PC World with glee	(36)
		Eco-friendly server converts conference-room hot air into CPU cycles	(19)
(WGAL)		Rogue band of teachers make fake "Star Wars" movie. Math Solo, Princess Reada encourage kids to do well on upcoming state test. In other news, George Lucas Star Destroyer filled with copyright attorneys now engaging tractor beam	(123)
(ThinkGeek)		The most useful media product ever: Beta to HD-DVD converter	(58)
(NY Daily News)		Katee Sackhoff says the only way you'll ever see her and Starbuck together again is if she's in the mood for strong, crappy coffee and her finger is covering the last "s"	(148)
(Moore - Gibbons - Schulz)		What if Charles Schulz created "The Watchmen"?	(38)
(Some Guy)		Blizzard decides to release an Atari version of "Molten Core." Your dog wants "Diablo 3"	(52)
		Google Books introduces new scratch-and-sniff technology	(29)
		Scientists claim another rough hurricane season in the cards. Michael Irvin claims they're still just rebuilding	(51)
(NASA)		NASA releases amazing photo of liquid water on Mars	(64)
		Google and Virgin have teamed up to offer you the chance for the adventure of a lifetime	(81)
		Man's crucial Mars obstacle (other than that messy yards vs meters conversion issue)	(14)
		German hackers threaten to publish Chancellor Merkel's fingerprints. Would you like to touch my passport?	(32)
		Aussie airline implements device that does what those glasses on the back of comic books have long promised to do -- see through clothes	(20)
		American Heart Association says mouth-to-mouth no longer needed during CPR. Sorry, virgins	(26)
		Apple catches up to 1999	(46)

(Physorg)		Scientists use computer simulations and geological evidence to determine a Cuneiform clay tablet recorded the impact of a large asteroid before dawn on June 29, 3123 BC	(40)
		Fifty web guinea pigs sign up for "Super Spam Me" junk-mail challenge sponsored by McAfee	(12)
		Another challenge to the Flying Spaghetti Monsters' reign of 5000 or so years - ancient naval fuzz	(31)
		Archaeologists begin new dig at Stonehenge. Dwarves banned for fear of monument being crushed	(25)
(engadget)		Don't reach for that crayon just yet: T-Mobile has exclusive rights to the color magenta	(53)
		Details of Neal Stephenson's upcoming novel is released. This headline is fascinating, but you don't like the way it ends	(82)
		Old and busted: Recent failed NBC re-launch of "Knight Rider." New hotness: Re-launching the re-launch of "Knight Rider"	(102)
(Some Guy)		Yahoo launches new Shine website, aimed at women between 25 and 54; loads site with content featuring crying and shopping	(27)
		Inside UC Berkeley's high-tech joke-recommendation system	(8)
		Circuit City destroys Civic during navigation system install	(76)
		Researchers zap mystery of lightning diversity	(17)
		"Spam is a real-life arms race"	(57)
(Some Guy)		Zetia and Vytorin have racked up $5 billion in sales despite limited proof of benefit. Two Congressional panels launched probes into why it took drugmakers nearly two years after the study's completion to release results	(27)
(Autoblog)		California looking to remove emissions exemption on pre-1976 cars. Your classic Chevelle SS396 wants out of this nanny state	(77)
(Some Guy)		Newspaper places advert offering payment for stories on how computer games lead to a life of crime	(205)
		Old and busted: Music piracy. New hotness: Digital book piracy	(72)
		Study shows that life was difficult for ancient Egyptians, even without the Bangles bugging the hell out of them	(84)
		Electric Socks -- more than just a great band name	(19)
		German town sinks into Earth after power company drills under it to harness green energy	(19)
		Blind pilot breaks the sound barrier	(29)
		Geriatric animals of America's zoos want you to stay the hell off their lawns or face a gumming	(30)
		So, who's to blame if a graphics card, which worked fine on an old OS, suddenly stops working on the new version of the same OS? If you guessed the makers of the OS, be prepared to be a little surprised	(82)
(Some Guy)		Eating three strips of bacon a day can give you bowel cancer. Bacon -- is there anything it can't do?	(50)
		Top scientist Peter Cullen dies. Everyone else moves one position up in the rankings	(20)
(Some Guy)		Study suggests flexible great tits can survive. Remarkably very safe for work	(37)
		Nomophobia - the fear of being out of mobile phone contact	(37)