Between Microsoft's purchase of Yahoo, and the official dropping of Netscape Navigator by AOL, February 2008 will go down as the month the original internet died	(33)
		Australian cancer specialist goes mythbusting, determines that coffee, water bottles, mobile phones, tampons, dental fillings, breast implants, and deodorants do not cause cancer	(15)
(Some Guy)		In a new cosmological model, dark energy and dark matter are simply different manifestations of the same thing: a dark fluid	(35)
(Some Guy)		When the world's most powerful particle accelerator starts up later this year, it may reveal the existence and shape of alternate dimensions. Liberate tutame	(30)
(Some Guy With no Hat)		Not news: Researchers develop new kind of radio. News: It can fit on a grain of sand. FARK: First broadcast they received? "The Safety Dance"	(27)
		A BBC film crew has captured footage of a rare ugly-ass frog waving, wrestling and courting for the first time. Frog went a courtin' and the BBC did film uh-huh	(10)
(citris-uc.org)		They are testing GPS enabled cell phones for traffic monitoring. Without a tinfoil hat, there is a lot more they can monitor	(15)
		Bush Administration kills "clean coal" initiative because state-of-the-art prototype plant would cost $1.8 billion -- about the cost of one week of "success in Iraq." Won't someone please think about the oxymorons?	(73)
		FDA blames Pfizer's anti-smoking drug for causing suicidal thoughts among aspiring quitters. Obviously nobody at the FDA has ever tried to quit smoking	(104)
		Scientists discover famous "six degrees of separation" theory between people is wrong. You can quit sending Christmas cards to Kevin Bacon now	(119)
		WHO reports Tamiflu-resistant flu in U.S., Canada. Flu virus develops an eminence front	(37)
(Some hairy dude)		Noted primatologist Jane Goodall believes in Bigfoot. Also used to be a PILF	(58)
(Scripps News)		ScyFix has developed a device that treats diseases such as glaucoma and macular degeneration by shooting electric currents into the eye. They've blinded me with science	(10)

		Yahoo to Microsoft: Not on the first date, big fella	(22)
		The age old question of Superman vs. a Jedi... finally answered	(120)
		Sensitive government data exposed on Limewire. Oops	(24)
		A home made 38 million candlepower flashlight	(36)
(saxsax)		Skeletal systems of popular cartoon characters	(30)
		Did you know there are unused icons on your desktop? Did you know there are unused icons on your deskto-- *biatchslap*	(96)
(WWdN)		"Then we'd go back to arguing about stuff that really mattered, like which Captain was better."	(65)
(Cohasset Mariner)		Ghost hunting technology has advanced from "we're ready to believe you" to "we have sophisticated instruments that can prove your town hall is haunted"	(63)
(Need Geek Help)		Tech help please. I know it' early, I know it's Saturday. This is about photovoltaic solar technologies comparatively. Have some coffee and muse at the DIT over there-->	(74)
(Some Guy)		Man buys Macbook Air, takes it apart and posts pictures	(79)
(InformationWeek)		Microsoft launches webcomic featuring superhero software developers "who are unexpectedly thrown together to chase down a rogue computer virus"	(28)
		Inventor of Nintendo's "Brain Training" refuses game's profits even though he's entitled to them. "Everyone in my family is mad at me but I tell them that if they want money, go out and earn it"	(39)
(arstechnica.com)		The United States is facing a crisis in broadband internet connectivity. EVERYBODY PANIC	(104)
		I lied to myself that it was over. I was still alive. My loved ones were still dead. It wasn't over	(36)
		Beer, Benadryl and Ambien just don't mix. Well, not more than once	(22)

		New blimp fitted with spa, terraces and a bar will take passengers on around-the-world cruises at 105mph. Skeptics think it's full of hot air (pic)	(40)
		20*xy = 0z, where z = cooties	(18)
		Blizzard costs China over $7.5 billion dollars, or enough for 50 million epic flying mounts	(20)
(Some Guy)		Dot-com pioneers: Where they are now	(21)
		The original internal project name was, of all things, "Internet." But that was considered too frivolous	(18)
		Third major undersea intenet/telecom cable in Middle East cut. Coincidence or have terrorists expanded their war against the civilized world? EVERYBODY PAN ... (connection timeout)	(102)
		Your PC may disappear from your desk by 2033 and become a part of your body. Which part is up to you	(49)
		Creationists rejoice as two new missing links are established in the crocodile family	(156)
		Canada considering technology that overrides control of your car's gas pedal if you speed. Submitter and his '93 Mercury Villager unconcerned	(43)
(w.n.d.)		Discovery backs theory that oil is not a fossil fuel, but instead is produced by the abiotic synthesis of hydrocarbons in the mantle of the earth, providing Earth with a never ending supply of pollution and green house gases	(90)
(Some Guy)		An 84-year old Ukranian man reading pig spleens is more accurate than the National Weather Service	(16)
(Some Guy)		Physicist calculates trajectory of tiger. Plans next to split it, releasing vast amounts of nuclear tiger energy	(28)
(Chocolate Balls)		"We appreciate that marketing chocolates is a matter of great commercial sensitivity and hope that we have not inadvertently hit a delicate spot by drawing attention to the fact that these sweets looked and felt like testes"	(52)
		The Army may play with an EM-50 Urban Assault Vehicle, but the Navy gets to play with a mach nine sled	(13)
		C-130 Gunship upgraded from machine gun to laser. Go get the popcorn	(68)
		If you always wondered what a rail gun looks like when firing a slug at Mach 7, look no further	(58)
(Some Guy)		Modern sci-fi authors consider what their predecessors got right and wrong about the 21st century. Still no progress on time travel	(45)
(NASA)		50 years ago, the First Explorer was launched into space. With cool take off pic of what happens when you stuff a metal tube full of highly explosive liquid fuel	(9)
		New space telescope design could see alien planets, location of Nostromo	(19)
		For the six of you who still use it: latest versions of RealPlayer deemed to be ... buffering ... buffering ... badware	(29)
		Brits want to outlaw artificial food / drink colors. How the hell are you supposed to tell the difference between grape and punch Kool-Aid?	(27)
		Scientists find sugary drinks responsible for surge in reported cases of gout, dropsy, cheeky Cockney boy chimneysweeps	(64)
		The coolest footage of Arctic wolves you'll see today	(16)
		An ugly ass 'bizarre' new species of mammal has been discovered in the mountains of Tanzania, scientists report (with pic)	(44)
		Ten sci-fi techs we could build if they weren't so damn expensive	(64)
		Scientists say "safe lifting" advice -- consisting of bending your knees and keeping your back straight -- does nothing to prevent back injuries. There's also still no cure for cancer	(32)
(Some Guy)		The dry headline, "NASA Mars Reconnaissance Orbiter HiRISE Imagery Release 30 January 2008," masks some really farking cool pics	(9)

		"Spider" discovered on surface of Mercury. Shane MacGowan discovered face down in the Venus Bar & Grill	(18)
(Some Guy)		Senior citizen centers and retirement homes are using Nintendo Wii consoles to allow their elderly residents the chance to virtually experience the thrill of golfing, bowling and plowing through farmer’s markets all over again	(94)
		Café owner says he'll revolutionize breakfast with his organic pancake batter in a can. Yeah, get back to us when you come up with a bacon dispenser	(19)
		The origin of the common housecat has been traced to the Middle East. i can haz cheezburqa?	(132)
(Some Guy)		Looking straight down at NASA's Space Shuttle Atlantis -- from 525 feet (160 meters) above the ground	(157)
		New "X-Men" reality show to star Reese Witherspoon	(27)
(Some Guy)		Apple TV software delayed. This is a terrible blow to all five people who have Apple TV software	(27)
		If you could be a convincing lonelychemist15, some nerds at Abbott Laboratories would like to have a word with you	(4)
		Biggest breakthrough in obstetrics in years: Epsom salts	(11)
(Some Guy)		Females in charge: "Once the female fish gave the sign, the new alpha fish became almost immediately more aggressive and its testes swelled to double their size"	(12)
		Next generation of smart cars will be able to predict crashes, removing from you any need to drive responsibly	(13)
		Gartner's top 10 IT predictions for 2008 and beyond: open source, Apple computers, green technology and three-dimensional printers	(33)
		How to stay online, even in your sleep; TotalFark subscription not required, but for god's sake don't tell Drew	(6)
		Affordable jet pack on sale soon. Do Not Sell list includes Iran, Dave Matthews, and Rosie O'Donnell	(19)
(TechSpot)		Users warned not to doctor Vista with third party apps. Microsoft says improving Windows violates both EULA and Laws of Nature	(37)
(NY Times)		The FCC wireless auction has not met its reserve price of $4.6 billion.. still no word on if they will accept PayPal	(8)
		The Ford Escape plug-in hybrid that is currently being evaluated in Southern California is capable of 120 mpg (with cool plug-in neon light thingee pic)	(24)
(Brickshelf.com)		If you woke up this morning wondering where all the awesome was being held today, allow me to point you in the right direction: Lego Predator	(33)
(Electronic House)		How to spend tens of thousands of dollars on solar panels for your home so you can save $80 a month on electric bill	(125)
		EA has officially announced Battlefield Heroes, the first title in the company's new Play 4 Free initiative which will offer downloadable PC titles for free. And they might not suck	(38)
		SAS launch fingerprint scheme across Sweden, and you really don't want to argue with the SAS	(13)
		Egypt asks internet users to stop downloading music and movies after an undersea cable received damage. Yeah, that oughta work really well	(7)
(Panda's Thumb)		Intelligently designed contest: To win, determine which of six DNA sequences are intelligently designed (by humans) and which evolved. Difficulty: show your work	(157)
		Fake sites and such besmirching your good reputation on the Web? This guy can re-virginize you	(6)
(Some Asstronaut)		NASA reveals Mercury is shrinking. Uranus is bigger than ever	(13)
		Russian designer invents flying rug for civil and military use	(30)
		Last week's research: Global warming reduces hurricanes. This week: Warmer sea temperatures increase hurricanes	(48)
		The top twenty-five cars you can buy today, according to that plonker Jeremy Clarkson	(42)
		Lesbian couples may soon no longer need a turkey baster and a friend who's a "good dancer" to donate sperm	(43)
		The South's hopes of landing their first moon mission crushed when Huntsville's Saturn V rocket is renovated, evicting the raccoon and opossum crew	(30)
		Inventor and saxophone player has come up with a device that he claims boils water instantly using sonic waves. Expect to hear of his mysterious death shortly	(31)
		In what is quite possibly the most profitable advertising ever done, Seattle computer store places sign in window that says "We remove Vista"	(50)
		Vegetarians are perverts of nature who slowly kill themselves, scientists say(NSFW pic)	(537)
		"White nose sydrome" kills bats. Amy Winehouse must be stopped	(10)
(ens-newswire.com)		Drinking from plastic containers exposed to hot liquids reduces male fertility, but your soy latte stole your man card already	(22)
(Some Guy)		Secret identity of new Captain America revealed. It's not Peter Parker	(62)
		Nerds find a way to make cheap hydrogen	(26)
		Bad radiator could delay shuttle launch. MacGuyver suggests an egg may help	(17)
		People over 50 increasingly at risk for STDs because they shun condom use, preferring instead to rely on the onions worn on their belts	(23)

(RCR News)		Largest class-action lawsuit in history filed against Verizon Wireless, demanding refund of Early Termination Fees. Can you pay me now?	(45)
		UN states that climate change could cost up to $20 trillion over two decades, or about $400 in pre-2000 dollars	(18)
		6,000 year-old rock paintings defaced by graffitti vandals: UN peacekeeping troops	(18)
		News: Coming this fall to AT&T - A phone with a touch screen, 3G data speeds, HTML web browser, GPS and voice navigation. Fark: Made by Garmin	(29)
		ICANN finally tells "domain name tasters" to go eat shiat	(16)
(b.h.l.)		The most beautiful example of light pollution you'll see today	(47)
(So Good)		You Double Dipped the Chip??? New Clemson study analyzes the levels of bacteria caused by double dipping	(145)
(The Devil Incarnate)		Microsoft publishes official tips for speeding up Vista, including pearls of wisdom like "Check your computer's speed", "Turn off visual effects", and "Add more memory"	(60)
		Chinese scientists have found way to control weather, guarantee they will "stop the rain" for Olympics opening ceremony. Creedence Clearwater Revival unavailable for comment	(77)
		The hype: AIDS is a US epidemic and we're not doing enough to fight it. The reality: Less than 1 percent of people in the US are HIV-positive	(92)
		Amazon.com, Facebook join grandparents in pressuring bride to make babies	(15)
		The top ten most useless inventions of the 19th and 20th century. Including a device to wake someone up by dropping bricks on their head	(27)
		20 things you didn't know about science fiction	(70)
		Emerging short range wireless technologies could internet-enable your entire home. Your dog wants a registered IP address	(20)
(Some Guy)		Europe set to ban patio heaters in bid to save the planet	(31)
		Hamunaptra found in Egypt; Rick O'Connell unrolls his guns and calls for Evie	(29)
		Internet access in the Middle East is out, delaying the video uploads of finger-wagging bearded fat guys impotently threatening the West	(24)
		Court fines telemarketer $180,000 for making 46 million irritating calls	(17)
		New wind turbine design may help Britain meet its renewable energy targets and dry the entire country's washing all at the same time	(28)
(Some Guy)		Æ, Ø and Å, three letters the world can't understand. The Internet is killing the Danish language	(257)
		Bidding on the C Block of the wireless spectrum is on pace to allow Google to beam cool apps right into our brains	(14)
(Some Guy)		It's a tiny vacuum cleaner for the brain: A new treatment for stroke victims promises to suction out clogged arteries, leaving cranium fresh as a spring meadow	(20)
(Some Bird Brain)		In an effort to seduce the females, male hummingbirds sing out of their butts since their voice boxes are too small	(35)
		Twenty-five percent of iPhones are "missing in action," having either been unlocked for use on non-AT&T networks or are being used as centerpieces in Apple fanboy shrines	(31)
(Bloomberg)		Anti-plagarism software finds 63,000 plagarized and duplicated medical research studies. In other news, anti-plagarism software finds 63,000 plagarized and duplicated medical research studies	(26)
		Scientists finally develop a personal jetpack for the general public, although you only have 75 seconds of airtime before splashdown	(52)
		"Yahoo is asking where I met my spouse, and Bank of America wants the details of the honeymoon"	(25)
(Some Sewer Rat)		Trenchless sewer rehabilitation system invented by an Englishman, who got the idea while rolling a pair of tube socks into an inside-out ball before putting them away	(25)
		I can make a hat, a broach, a pterodactyl, a Mach 20 paper airplane	(31)
		Rather than being the shy retiring creatures we always assumed, it turns out chameleons are nature's attention whores	(8)
(Some Guy)		Has Microsoft finally given up on Vista?	(120)
(Some Guy)		Scientists discover what's burning up fragile coral reefs: Tourists' sunscreen	(32)
		Ten things you probably didn't know you could do with baking soda	(56)
		Scientists accidentally discover a way to reverse loss of memory. Here comes the... uh... ummm... oh yeah, science	(10)

(Gamespot.com)		Anyone offended by "Hot Coffee" content in GTA can now arrange payment for the horrific pain and suffering caused by pixelated boobies	(43)
(io9.com)		Researchers claim to have invented cure for autism. But the truly frightening thing is that they claim to have developed a way to turn people autistic	(75)
		Doctors and nurses get confused by drug names sometimes. In other news, "sometimes" was equal to 176,409 in 2006	(22)
		We don't need no water let the barium chloride burn. Burn barium chloride. Burn	(24)
		Research shows that Asteroids pose greater danger. Fans of Defender and Missile Command unavailable for comment	(28)
		Eating healthy causes stress while eating junkfood eases stress. Here comes the science	(93)
(Tech Digest)		Radio-controlled sperm taps could replace vasectomies, cause embarrassing, comedic situations when switching TV channels	(24)
		Absolutely positively the shiniest PC ever: $6 million, and yours is probably faster	(62)
(University of Iowa)		Researchers are studying the "Blissful Ignorance Effect." Ron Paul supporters unavailable for comment	(81)
(Some MIT Guy)		MIT nerds build their own Segway, and post DIY instructions on the web. And it's exactly as cool looking as you'd expect	(38)
		Remember that 17 gigs of private photos taken from MySpace? Turns out they're not that interesting. "If you want porn, then download porn, idiots"	(29)
		Mystery of speeding star unraveled	(16)
		Did you know that if you flash your headlights at an oncoming Snopes.com, it will leave adware in your computer?	(28)
		Top 11 ways geeks would prepare for an apocalyptic asteroid impact	(66)
(Some Guy)		First road test of the Tesla Roadster, the 0-60 mph in four seconds demon spawn of a Lotus and an electric golf buggy	(50)
		Remember that Darth Vader-esque infrared helmet that could treat Alzheimer's? Yeah, maybe not so much	(31)
		Scientists launch first ever census of Antarctic marine life, which is kinda stupid since the surveys will get all wet and disintegrate	(8)
(Some Guy)		At least one environmental group advocates healing the Earth by making humans extinct. No word on why they still have members	(63)
		The new problem of "photonapped" images online. 1950s computer unavailable for comment	(32)
		According to scientists, age 44 is the most depressing year of your life. Sorry to tell all you 43-year-old farkers that it's going to get worse	(60)
(AlleyInsider)		Google's next big thing: Tiny newspaper barcodes. Anyone remember that miserable dot-com bubble disaster CueCat?	(55)
		A person's preference for being a "lark" or a "night-owl" is largely determined by genes, a study suggests. If you sleep in your jeans, you are probably a night-owl	(32)
		I-Mockery takes a look at "Tattoo Assassins" - one of the most insane fighting games ever created in which you could kill your opponent with anything from a DeLorean to explosive diarrhea (includes video of 60 fatalities)	(38)
		Scientist create 4100 lumen flashlight. If you use it for ghost stories, it will actually turn you into a ghost	(39)
		Scientists hope the cure for criminal behavior in youths is more fish oil in their diet	(48)
(Bad Astronomy)		Oh, frak and feldergarb I was wrong, and Wil was right	(28)
(American Radio Relay League)		500 kHz radio distance record set	(51)
(Kim Possible)		Naked mole rats are immune to pain. This earth shattering scientific breakthrough has literally tens of applications...like cross breeding for pain resistant hairy mole rats	(36)
		Possible videos and pictures of Windows 7 surface, showing off such innovative features as "Floodlight" and "Chronological Apparatus"	(77)
		Scottish researchers successfully tag and ID crab population. Submitter's no scientist, but she's pretty sure there's a shampoo that would clear that right up	(50)

(All Africa)		Uganda turns to lizard blood for AIDS cure, curing cancer next	(81)
		Study shows nuclear plant workers have higher risk of cancer. In other news, firefighters have higher risk of getting burned, racecar drivers get into crashes, and working with Drew might get you drunk	(17)
		New flu vaccine may not need needles at all, still will only protect you from last years' strain	(21)
		New research shows that women with larger breasts at age 20 have a higher risk of getting Type 2 Diabetus(slightly Not safe for work picture)	(57)
		BusinessWeek doesn't want any more web traffic, so stop linking to them	(27)
(Some guy)		The coolest panoramic picture you'll see today: the cockpit of the Airbus A380	(69)
		How wrong is Cooper Lawrence? Even Jack Thompson is ok with "Mass Effect." Yes, the same Jack Thompson who thought "Bible Tales" was too violent	(49)
		Large asteroid comes to within an Earth moon's distance to hitting Earth tomorrow. Another comes within 16,000 miles of smacking into Mars on Wednesday. Good times	(47)