Scientists now claim insects killed the dinosaurs 5,900 years ago, and not a meteorite	(35)
		Scientists have identified a key mechanism necessary for bird flu to morph from a rare but deadly infection into a pandemic that could kill millions of people. You know the drill: EVERYBODY PANIC	(21)
(Some Guy)		"I genuinely believe that this generation is fundamentally different. They're the first generation that's had computers before they had sex"	(47)
(Some Wino)		Chemical in red wine reduces health risks from fatty foods. You dog wants a Bordeaux with his steak	(7)
		Toshiba seems to be taking its cues from the Black Knight in the High Def format wars. Bring out your dead	(25)
		New DNA test identifies race. Calm and reasoned debate may begin as soon as subby can put on his shiny Nomex suit	(64)
(Some Guy)		Game: Draw whatever you want and the game will add the physics to the object. Difficulty: making circles not particularly easy	(181)
(ThisIsBath)		Bath scientists announce breakthrough cancer drug, can now go back to work on figuring how to get rid of that damn ring around the tub	(14)
		A one-time vaccine that could give lifelong protection against all types of flu has produced promising results in human trials	(43)
		British women face an epidemic of depression, warm beer	(18)
		Fossil analysis suggests France used to be a rainforest, recommends buying overpriced watches	(19)
(Engadget blog)		In light of Warner Studios' exclusivity announcement, HD-DVD group cancels their big CES press conference. POSTPWNED	(81)

		National Academy of Sciences releases book on the incontrovertible scientific evidence of evolution. So, that settles that	(180)
(Some Vibrating Guy)		Tactile full body pornography suits are getting closer every day	(39)
(PsyBlog)		"Does Semen Have Antidepressant Properties?" This and 9 other studies which have a higher priority than curing cancer	(47)
		"Like all his male compatriots, he must complete two years of national service. Unlike most of them, he is mainly serving his country by playing a sci-fi themed strategy game called Starcraft"	(20)
(Some Cyborg)		News: New Megaman movie is open to non-union actors. Fark: Here's the link to apply. You're welcome	(59)
		The coolest spyplane ever will hang on powerlines to recharge its batteries and will morph into a piece of trash while doing so as to not arouse suspicion. ConEd is not amused	(28)
(o rly?)		Apple accused of bullying Microsoft. Ironic tag restarting due to BSOD	(63)
		Sun is once again suffering the heartbreak of solar acne, being made fun of by older, cooler stars	(21)
		"This is your captain speaking, we'll be landing in--" PNWN3D B031nG 787 H4x0r3d LOLZ	(63)
		First large cargo ship in 100 years to cross the Atlantic with the help of the wind sets sail, complete with limes and biscuit weevils	(32)
		Coral researchers use super sucker to get ahead of invasive algae in fragile reef ecosystems	(13)
(Some Notebook Guy)		Toshiba to release a 500GB notebook hard drive. That's large enough to watch a different pornographic picture from your collection on slideshow for 30 consecutive days and nights	(25)
		Japan has made the strawberry-chocolate hybrid fruit a reality. They must be stopped	(83)

		Researchers at Sandia National Laboratories in New Mexico have found a way of using sunlight to recycle carbon dioxide and produce fuels like methanol or gasoline	(27)
		Jennifer Garner wants to be a Klingon. Who doesn't?	(46)
		American Airlines to test freakin' laser beams as missile defense	(28)
		Scientists: World to cool slightly in 2008. ZOMG global cooling EVERYBODY PANIC	(380)
		Ugly ass rare albino alligators stolen from zoo. This crime pales in comparison to others	(7)
		The soon to be available $7,000 car that travels 125 miles on $3 of compressed air. No, really	(98)
		The hidden signs that your little snowflake might be a genius, even if your family and friends are firmly convinced the kid is as dumb as a stump	(27)
(Science Daily)		Spanish researchers find harmful pesticides in 100 percent of human test subjects. EVERYBODY HISPANIC	(54)
		My name's MS-DOS and I'm here to say, "dir/p/w" and "type awesome.txt" are way okay	(68)
(Ohhhhhhh SNAP)		So then OLPC says Intel was all "meh" and whatever, and Intel said "Nuh UH," and OLPC was like "B*tch, shut up, you ain't comin' to my party"	(23)
		Terry Gilliam says there's a good chance "Good Omens" will reach the big screen	(173)
		Wii athletes battle aches, pains, ridicule	(38)
		Carnegie Mellon study proves that repetitive studying or training is effective, cites HeadOn advertising as first clue	(9)
		Darwin grimaces after man survives jumping onto New York subway tracks to save his iPhone	(17)
		Discovery of baby mammoth helps explain possible extinction scenarios. Scientists now believe that the creatures perished when they were each mysteriously sliced into four sections	(37)
(Mongabay)		Crops used for biofuel may be worse for the environment than fossil fuels. And if it had the opportunity, a cornstalk would kill you where you stand	(44)
(Some Gamer)		Not news: The Wii is still outselling the Xbox 360. News: So is the PS3	(156)
		The end of Facebook is nigh	(45)
		If Thomas Edison hadn't fried a live elephant on this day in 1903, we'd all have giant batteries in our basements. Or something like that	(50)
		In a stunning technological leap, quantum scientists succeed in multiplying 3 x 5	(45)
		Space shuttle launch pushed back to late January, possibly February because of fuel sensor issues, lack of adult diapers	(6)
(Financial Post)		Don't worry about dying from global warming because the looming food crisis will kill us deader than Britney Spears' sanity	(30)
(Some Guy)		Spaceship Two will possibly be unveiled in its pre-explosion state on January 23	(18)
		Microsoft: Okay, we admit it, Xbox Live has been farked up for the last two weeks, so here's a coupon for a free game download, now shaddup will ya?	(104)
		Bill Gates + $30 million + 3-billion pixel telescope + 30 terabytes of images = long nights on the Internet	(34)
		Scientists trekking across a little visited part of Antarctica have discovered a bizarre artifact that is dominating the South Pole of Inaccessibility. It's huge, and made of plastic	(179)
		NASA, SETI take 10-hour flight into meteor shower -- what could possibly go wrong? This link was submitted by Bernard Quatermass with a funnier headline	(8)
(Qwirtington)		Gadgets to watch in '08	(25)
		F4m3ou5 5p4mm3r 4rr35t3d. Cl1ck h3r 2 f1nd 0ut m0r3	(38)
		Japan compensates for decades of small erections by opening world's tallest elevator-testing tower (pic)	(9)
		"Wrath Of The 1337 King," a "Spinal Tap"-style movie send-up of gamers, released online	(29)

		What your MySpace profile says about you: "Hey Loser, you're stuck in 2005."	(22)
		Microsoft's latest ingenious maneuver? Patent the "Wish List." Drew last seen smacking forehead	(13)
(Albany Times Union)		Man drives 40 straight hours cross-country to threaten and harrass girl he met while playing "Halo 3." Bonus: He calls himself a "very conservative Christian" on his MySpace page	(167)
		Corsair unveils new 32 GB flash drives in an attempt to corner the "store a small portion of average farker's porn" market. Also, it's waterproof, wink wink	(21)
(some dude)		"Experts" say that "biting, disease-carrying" insects brought down the dinosaurs. In other news, Merriam-Webster has broadened the definition of "expert" to include people with a degree in homeopathic medicine	(8)
		Pope orders Vatican observatory dismantled, saying he needs no more proof that the sun revolves around the earth	(94)
		"Running the engines without fuel could trigger a catastrophic explosion." Obviously more oil company propaganda against the fuel-less rocket	(42)
		You know that drug company conspiracy against "natural" remedies? Well, it doesn't exist. Here's the science, because living twice as long wasn't proof enough	(88)
		For Sale: DVD, HD-DVD, Blue-Ray burners ... cheap.. cheap.. cheap	(63)
		"Sex" was the most popular keyword for Google users in some other countries, but it didn't even make the top 10 list in China. Maybe because online pornography there is punishable by death, but that's just a guess	(21)
(Some Guy)		Joss Whedon’s “Firefly” series will get its own massively multiplayer online game	(120)
		A Canadian satellite is hurtling toward Mars as we speak and should reach its destination by May. In other news, Canada has a space program	(28)
		You want to make Spider-Man single again. Do you: A) Have him get a divorce? B) Kill off his wife? Or C) Have him make a deal with the devil that makes it so that the marriage never happened in the first place?	(94)
		Not only does alcohol make women easier at last call, but it also turns men gay	(144)
(NY Times)		U.S. is spending more than enough on AIDS research while ignoring the millions who die of malaria or simple diarrhea. In counterpoint column, Paris Hilton makes case for a herpes cure	(52)
		Researchers may have found trigger for Parkinsons disease - the flux capacitor	(16)
		MPAA confident that new wireless HDMI technology cannot be siphoned through walls	(20)
(Some Guy)		Sears.com is distributing spyware that tracks all your Internet usage -- including banking logins, email, and all other forms of Internet usage -- all in the name of "community participation"	(40)
		Scottish electronic stores flooded with customers buying big-screen TVs so they can enjoy "Whose Haggis Is This?", the British rip-off of the "The Office" and their national football team not qualifying for anything	(92)
		Erstwhile Joker Mark Hamill looking forward to Heath Ledger's "balls-out debauchery"	(44)
		Gay men found to be as bad at finding their way around a city as women. That's not fabulous	(30)
		Scientists see newborn solar system forming for very first time. Like most newborns, it's full of gas and is ejecting matter everywhere	(16)
(Some Geek)		Celebrate the passing of Netscape by firing up Netscape 0.9b	(12)
		New K.I.T.T or old K.I.T.T ? Where do you stand?	(111)
(Winona Daily News)		Proof that Mustangs cannot hold onto the road going 120mph	(71)
		New trojan locks up your computer and prevents you from getting anything done unless you cough up $35. That's better than some websites that make you pay $5, *then* take away your productivity	(68)
(Universe Today)		SETI, the search for extraterrestrial intelligence, is now getting 500 times the data than before, so SETI@Home needs more people to volunteer their computers' down time to find ET	(62)
		What's that, sir? A crushing feeling in your chest? Like your heart has stopped beating and you're losing consciousness? Like your life force is fading away and I'm not taking it seriously? Tell us more	(17)
		Scientists baffled as to why the Arctic is warming up faster than computer models predict. Perhaps it's because the first scientist to figure out the problem is essentially out of a job	(72)
(Greenville Online)		Scientific study determines that text messaging while driving could cause wrecks. Stl n0 cur 4 c4nc3r LOL	(51)
		Security flaw found in RealPlayer. This headline is not a repeat from 1999	(22)
		A married couple who sailed to America in 1630 have put thousands of present day Americans at risk of getting cancer	(38)
(KMBZ)		New research from the University of Pulling Stuff From Our Asses shows arthritis in knee linked to short index fingers. Large-foam-finger guy relieved	(8)
		Scientists, using a MRI scanner and a special computer program, can read your mind	(15)
		The army is equipping soldier's helmets with the equivalent of a jet's "black box," so they can know more about the IED that will kill the soldier	(17)
		Energy-saving bulbs now may trigger migraines in addition to triggering dizziness, loss of focus and discomfort among people with epilepsy and pain in people with lupus. Wait, watt?	(41)
(Some Guy)		New "Star Trek" movie adds new "urban marketing" angle by casting Tyler Perry as the head of Starfleet Academy. Fat suit + Federation spandex = Profit?	(78)
		Star in an ad campaign on Facebook Oh, wait, you already might be	(26)

		Jolt delayed in a third of all cardiac arrests. Mountain Dew, Red Bull still administered promptly	(9)
		Fortune ranks Steve Jobs most powerful businessperson in world	(34)
		Ugliest picture of penguin without pigment you'll see all day	(77)
		Healthy food more expensive, has less shelf life than junk food	(20)
		Pimps... er... scientists discover the evolutionary roots of prostitution by determining how much male monkeys will pay for sex with female monkeys	(33)
(Some Scientist)		Just what the doctor ordered: A blog dispelling the woo catapulted by chiropractors, homeopaths and other witch doctors	(72)
		Finally, an article that tells you how it can be healthy to eat ice cream, pizza, eggs and Canadian bacon. Mmm... bacon	(22)
		2007 marked "spectacular rise" in Mac usage. Suck it, haters	(274)
		Research shows you can now blame cell-phone-wielding drivers for causing traffic jams, not just accidents	(27)
		Latest threat to companies who have embraced Web 2.0 in 2008? A user's revolt over advertising	(60)
		Computer breaches hit all-time high this year. Steve Jobs seen laughing hysterically	(56)
		Remember that whole space-time fabric thing? Well, the "time" part is fraying and could run out sooner than we thought	(121)
(Some Guy)		The five most annoying programs on your PC	(188)
		Large insurance company plans to ban powerful sedative from use during colonoscopy. Sphincters everywhere contract in fear	(64)
		After surviving 17,000 years just fine, the Lascaux cave paintings are being destroyed rapidly by water and fungus, thanks to a state-of-the-art air circulation system installed seven years ago	(42)
		Woman who received a kidney donation from her older sister 20 years ago gets another one from her little brother. Nobody likes an organ hog, sister	(22)
		Students smell bad -- for science	(4)
		First baby of 2008 born 11 seconds after midnight. With ugly-ass newborn pic. Bonus: Has siblings named Lucas and Anakin	(137)

(Some Guy)		Xbox live-gate day 11. "The Xbox Live network is up and running. And by up and running we mean totally not working."	(125)
		Skydiver announces plans to fly unaided with outfit that makes him look like a flying squirrel. He's nuts (pics, link to vid)	(30)
(Some Geeks)		A new release of Perl is out, after five years. Took that long to understand the code in the previous version	(41)
		It's official. God made man from Neanderthals	(87)
(newegg)		$3000 hard drives, this totally takes subby back to 1985. Any geeks jumping on the SSD bandwagon yet?	(54)
		Fifty things we know now, that we didn't know this time last year	(29)
		February 17, 2009 deadline for analog tv signals demise is no longer a drop dead date	(24)
(Some Guy)		TCP/IP was adopted 25 years and 792 billion porn images ago today	(56)
		Your government is willing to spend tax dollars so you don't miss Oprah	(31)
		The beginning of the end of boobs on film	(30)
(Some Guy)		World's smallest grand piano boasts 88 funtional keys, is 4mm wide	(29)
(NY Times)		In 1908, the NY World asked New Yorkers what the city would be like in 2008. I'm still waiting for the gyroscopic trains as broad as houses swinging at 200 miles an hour up steep grades and around dizzying curves	(22)
(Some Guy)		New Year's panoramas from around the globe. Warning: do not watch after heavy drinking or you may fall out of your chair	(47)
(Some Guy)		Archaeologists discover the remains of a 2500 year-old advanced civilization at the bottom of Lake Issyk Kul in the Kyrgyz mountains. Could be as big of a discovery as finding the lost consonant of Atlantis	(42)
		An interrupted night's sleep may increase the risk of developing type 2 diabetes. The beetis, beetis	(16)
		NASA releases urgent report on ________, describing the terrible danger of _______, which threatens over _______ people with _______ _______ undetermined ________ destroy the brain	(26)

		Nanny state announces net nanny will be mandatory	(37)
		The year's most offensive video games	(47)
		Identical twins reunited as adults after being seperated at birth for an experiment. Plan on making up for lost time with constant, "It wasn't me, she did it" pranks	(48)
		Cancer-fighting agent found in beer	(31)
		The Times Square Ball has gone green, uses 9,576 energy-efficient bulbs that use about the same amount of electricity as 10 toasters. No word on how many attendees ordered toast	(28)
		Scientists develop carp with human faces, but so far all they can say is "Morning" and "Oh look, Howard's being eaten"	(60)
(Some Guy)		Two Irish archaeologists brew beer from a 3,000 year-old recipe, and tonight they're gonna party like its 1008 BC	(30)
		Stakes are high as U.S. Jet Propulsion Lab prepares for its trickiest launch yet: a 25-foot high float constructed of seaweed, eucalyptus leaves and walnut shells. MacGyver wanted for questioning	(4)
		Fark’s 2007 Headline of the Year contest: Tech/Geek (details in thread)	(67)
(NY Times)		University of Oregon files a motion accusing the RIAA of misleading the judge, violating student privacy laws and engaging in questionable investigative practices. Represented by the state’s attorney general	(71)
(Some Guy)		Japanese inventor creates machine that ages wine in seconds. Finally, you can get a magnificent 8:42 a.m. Chateau Lafite	(15)
		How a couple of authors have influenced your mindset	(65)
		2007 saw a record number of personal information stolen or lost, according to AP Business Writer Mark Jewell, whose Social Security number is 928731728	(52)
(Some impulsive boozer)		Would you rather have $80 now or $100 in one month? If you said $80 now, you're impulsive. And by the way, you're probably an alcoholic, too	(57)
		In face of climate change, wildlife urged to "move to survive." We're looking at you, trees. Don't be depending on government handouts to help you through this one	(6)
		'Parallel universe' theories continue to escape scientists, just like a threesome with twins	(50)
(Some Guy)		Old and busted - Automated voicemail systems. New Hotness - www.gethuman.com, your guide to bypassing every major companies annyoing computer system	(43)
		Open source software stifles creativity, showering	(77)
(Some Guy)		Scientists believe they have found the underlying reasons why knots are so common in the universe. It's knot news, it's Fark	(15)