Microsoft claims that free software like Linux violate 235 of their patents, want royalties from distributors and users. Grandmothers and 7-year old girls seen cowering in corner	(21)
		The Milky Way and Andromeda galaxies are colliding. EVERYBODY PANIC	(25)
		The RIAA is making students an offer they can't refuse: Pay us $3,000 or we'll sue you. "Legally, it probably makes sense, because we don't have the money to fight.", says one shaken down college student	(265)
		Chips on DVDs could prevent theft, revive Erik Estrada's career	(11)
		MC Hammer declared web 2.0 expert by eminent consortium of computer experts	(57)
(eWoss)		What should be green, but isn't, has a big mouth, and lives in Tennessee?	(21)
		Nintendo's Wii used for physical Wii-habiltation	(18)
		If you own a broadband intertubes service provider, please make sure to have the FBI's key copy to the front door ready by Monday, or else... Exactly	(131)
(Some Guy)		NASA might soon be able to determine if the real-life planet Vulcan could sustain life. I fail to see the logic of this mission	(17)
		Sake may power cars, karaoke singers in the future	(24)
(Some Guy)		Tetris-inspired kitchen gets you in the game	(12)

		Al from Honest Al's Used Space Vehicles premptively warns us that the shuttle fuel tank might look a little funny, but he swears it'll fly or your money back	(16)
(Showbuzz)		Makers of Spiderman 3 seen having money fights in the hallways as the mediocre action film makes $348 million worldwide	(43)
		First the fourth season was Battlestar Galactica's last. Now it may not be. Either way, Galactica 2009 is in planning stages	(36)
		Russian cargo ship hauls snails to International Space Station. So really it's more of an escargot ship	(172)
		The ashes of Scotty refuse to stay in orbit. Apparently these primitives haven't encountered transparent aluminum	(16)
		Google has drawn up plans to compile psychological profiles of millions of web users by covertly monitoring the way they play online games	(16)
		Motorola granted patent for smellophone. Stinky drunken late night phone callers demand recount	(6)
		From the "Damned if you do, damned if you don't" Files: Helmets attract cars to cyclist	(94)
		MMORPGs allow basement-dwelling nerds to assume exciting virtual roles including warriors, valkyries, mages, and...pawnbrokers?	(9)
(Some Guy)		Sun Tries to Jump on iPhone Bandwagon with jPhone	(4)
(Cosmos Magazine)		Voyager space probes reveal solar system's bullet shape, now ready to join with mysterious alien cloud and seek to bond with the Creator	(9)
(Some Guy)		10 custom Nintendo cases you probably haven't seen before	(12)
		Girl fighting rare, life-threatening disease gets kidney transplant. Now she has three of them	(40)
		2/3rds of British workers would rather fix their computer problems themselves then call Moss and Roy and be asked "Have you tried turning it off and on again?"	(17)
		Students find cave with well-preserved life from 310 million years ago. Sloth impressed	(10)
(Some Guy)		Harvard using UFOs to create wireless network	(4)
		"Star Wars" voted most influential visual effects movie of all time. "My Dinner With Andre" angrily demands recount	(25)
		US plans to block G8 declaration of Global Warming. In other news, OIL	(44)
		Scientists cross a melon with a cucumber, come up with an ugly-ass superfruit	(23)

(TECH.BLORGE.com)		The Pirate Bay hacked, usernames and passwords stolen	(34)
		"Let's Spend Time With Hamsters" and other Japanese video games. With bonus pic of crazy child	(13)
		Asphalt munching bacteria discovered. Your unicellular microorganism wants I-95	(32)
		Skynet coming online. The real Skynet	(38)
		Company decides that not using their DRM software constitutes violation of DMCA. Threatens Microsoft, Apple, and others with lawsuit	(42)
(Some Germans)		Journalist questions whether global warming is really a bad thing. (Bonus: pics of German girls sunbathing)	(74)
		YouTube to remove videos making fun of Thailand's idiot douchebag King Bhumibol Adulyadej	(132)
(Some Guy)		Malcolm McDowell talks "Heroes," and reveals he's never seen any "Halloween" flicks	(27)
		Jealous of all the press the Department of the Blindingly Obvious has been getting, the Department of Wishful Thinking releases a study claiming 1 in 4 women want to star in porn and 1 in 3 want to be spanked	(188)
(Some Guy)		A look at the weird contents of Carl Sagan's 1970s message to intelligent extraterrestrials	(149)
		IPods cause pacemakers to malfunction according to the first recipient of the 2007 Zune Scholarship	(22)
(USBGeek)		USB drumkit with video demonstration. Here come the drums, here come the drums	(25)
		NASA study: Eastern U.S. getting hotter, Leon getting larger	(337)
		Town shows fighting obesity can take a village. A fat, fat village	(31)
(Some Guy)		10 geeky lamps you don't see everyday	(11)
		Ancient star nearly as old as the universe tells Milky Way to get the fark off its corona	(18)
		New baby sex test reveals gender at just 6 weeks so parents can get an earlier start color-coding their infant	(18)
		NASA jumps on global warming bandwagon, and they brought their giant space thermometer to prove it	(27)
		Sulfur dust harvested from coal-fire plants might someday save the earth from global warming	(11)
		Dude, the Smithsonian's getting an antique Dell	(11)
		Actual quote from study: "Being thin doesn't automatically mean you're not fat." Still no cure for stupid	(29)

		Toronto municipal employees banned from using Facebook, but city councillors exempt themselves from the ban because they need to communicate with constituents, especially hot young female ones with low self-esteem	(41)
		Botulism? In my armpit?	(31)
(Dark Horizons)		Further evidence that Hollywood is out of ideas: Plans announced for Terminators 4 through 6	(61)
		"Start A B ←→ ←→ ↓↓ ↑↑"	(47)
(Some Guy)		The spiritual successor to the Toyota Supra is coming in 2009 and it's a 400 HP hybrid (with pics)	(52)
		NASA plans three sun-watching missions. Migrane headaches, obsession with number theory to follow	(19)
		The Antikythera Mechanism is, in fact, an ancient Greek computer, presumbly used to make silly photoshops of Spartans	(42)
		Time Warner plans to use interactive ads to make your cable television viewing experience as annoying as web browsing has become	(32)
		Canada to barcode species. Now you can be 100 percent sure that's a cow you're looking at	(17)
		Female astronauts on the space shuttle can pee standing up. Submitter hopes this space age technology one day becomes available to us earthlings. It's not news, it's the BBC	(51)
		Poochie gadgets: Your dog wants a cellphone, digital camera, virtual steak	(6)
		Google Maps may soon incorporate sound from each location. Submitter suggests “mute” when viewing your mom’s house	(14)
		Queen evokes gravity at NASA: "Let them derive F = GMm/r², where G = 6.67*10-¹¹ N-m²/kg²"	(118)
		Shredded East German secret police documents to be reconstructed using advanced optical recognition algorithms	(8)
		Scientists develop powerful new crimefighting tool that "freezes" the memory of crime scenes in the minds of potential witnesses. Philip K. Dick predicted this	(10)
		Swedish snuff known as "snus" as effective at cutting cancer rates among smokers as IKEA chairs are at preventing comfortable seating	(11)
		Rationality (Bashir) kicks the crap out of douchebaggery (Cameron)	(102)
		Opossum may be the key to curing cancer, heart disease, extraneous vowels	(11)
		Oral sex linked to throat cancer	(329)
(Some Guy)		Coolest picture of the Milky Way as seen from Death Valley you will see today	(108)

		Lander to probe Mars for life. That's quite a bit of stamina you have there, lander	(15)
		Scientists start working on free, online catalog of all Earth's 1.8 million documented species. Now Drew's wife can quickly identify that giant spider behind the clock	(120)
		Fruit juice not linked to obesity. Fatties worldwide rejoice by eating healthier	(22)
		Chips on DVDs will prevent piracy... for about 10 hours, until some Chinese kid hacks it	(39)
		"You can not accurately predict if and when a given virus will become a pandemic virus," said Chicken Little as The Boy Who Cried Wolf nodded agreement	(46)
(Latino Review)		The part of Chun Li in the upcoming "Streetfighter" movie will likely be played by noted Asian actress Jessica Biel	(84)
		EBay in talks to acquire StumbleUpon for $75 million. In related news, Fark.com in talks to acquire Heineken for $24 a case	(63)
(Some Guy)		Michael Shanks talks about the the upcoming "Stargate SG-1" DVD movies	(26)
		Doctors are given hundreds of millions of dollars by drug companies to prescribe their potentially unsafe products. What could go wrong you say? Romero has no clue	(29)
		Scientists discover protein that originally made human brains highly intelligent, and decide to artificially induce its production in laboratory chimps' brains. We all know how this one turns out, with the Statue of Liberty and everything	(170)
		Your genes are not your fate. Also, your date is not your beer coaster and your mama is not that good at teh buttsecks	(20)
(Some Artist)		Not news: Bartender confiscates underage drinker's fake ID. News: She posts it on her website. Fark: Underage drinker files DMCA complaint	(231)
(Associated Content)		Air conditioners might pose a threat to hard drives, although probably not much since submitter's AC has been on full blast all day and there hasn't been a prob **AAGAAG*<<	(24)
		EA having a not so good year. Shocking when you consider the quality of the product they deliver to their customers	(45)
		German police investigate "Second Life" kiddie-porn ring, hope to nab suspects before they fly away	(13)
		Driving remote-control cars is now like arguing on the Internet	(13)
		Yahoo to shut down U.S. and Canadian auction sites. Now can focus more attention on developing revolutionary new earth-mapping service	(11)
		Clamp it on and start screwing your way to a bigger willy	(44)
		Comcast CEO shows off new modem, capable of 25x current cable speeds. Of course, operating as a monopoly in most markets, they will have plenty of incentive to offer this service	(56)
		Study finds obese women less likely to be screened for cancer because their doctors don't want to see them naked either	(16)
		Medical imaging specialists have created the first Terapixel image and it's of a boob. However, these guys clearly don't understand anything about boob photography because it's taken way to close to do anyone any good (SFW)	(18)
		Scientists in Hong Kong send cancerous cells to Australia for training to fight cancer	(4)
(Bad Astronomy)		French photographer photographs International Space Station in broad daylight. No word if he has surrendered to NASA	(15)
		If you've got milk, you've probably got acne	(12)
		Submitter is shocked that electric cars may not be safe in an accident	(23)
		The plastic cassette tape: 1965-2007. Hundreds mourn the obsolesence of a machine munching their tunes	(220)
(GAAAAAA!!!)		The computer protocol used to control dams, oil refineries, railroads and nuclear power plants is "completely open to attack" by remote hackers. IS IT can it be panic tiem now plees?	(37)

		Rudimentary replicator may soon be able to create plastic objects using downloaded specs. Whatever. Call me when there's an Ashley Judd holodeck program	(45)
(Some Guy)		Bipolar disorder may be polygenic illness	(22)
		Top 11 reasons they will make "Spider-Man 4"	(44)
(Some Guy)		Wii version of game review grouped with PS2 version. Xbox 360 and PS3 versions high five each other, point and laugh at Wii	(108)
(Some Guy)		Mario creator complains outside developers are screwing up his Star Fox and F-Zero series	(45)
(Some Guy)		"We've reached an apex of technology -- and an iPod Shuffle case that can also open your beer on a sunny day proves it"	(22)
		Ericsson and Sun to develop open-source-based server	(9)
		Study finds that most parents let babies watch TV to allow themselves to take the occasional break, despite advice from presumably childless scientists	(131)
(Automobile Guy)		Dodge proves its marketing genius by providing yet another four-door sedan that looks exactly like all the other four-door sedans in their inventory	(41)
(National Geographic)		Turns out Emperor Commodus was a fan of gladiator porn. Joaquin will be in his lectus	(23)
		The latest thing killing the planet? "Binge flying." Al Gore goes wheels up to England to have a chat with article's author	(171)
		New on the PSP: The PlayStation Koran	(21)
		Methane rocket successfully tested, proving that life imitates Fark photoshops	(6)
(Some Guy)		Scientists create odor-sensing yeast. So now you can smell you beer and your beer can smell you	(7)
		Wal-Mart to harness the power of the sun for evil	(19)
(eCanadaNow)		Legendary Pictures are looking at Brad Pitt to become the most power man in the universe: He-Man	(46)
		New study finds plants don't produce greenhouse gas	(34)
(NASA)		NASA finds "The brightest supernova ever." The sun is no longer there	(110)
		Nooooo, they be stealin' my photobucket	(38)
		Welsh children track polar bears to learn about global warming, failed presidential hopefuls	(4)
		New alien submarine can stay underwater forever and never needs refueling. Roy Scheider sent to investigate	(34)
		Company develops underwear designed to prevent people from taking see-through shots with infrared cameras. Now if they could just make them gnomeproof, they'd be golden	(24)
		Gila Monster spit can help control type 2 diabetes	(21)
(ars technica)		Verizon claims giving phone records to NSA is free speech protected under the First Amendment. Ironic tag sees what they did there	(35)

		Astronomers report biggest bang in universe. Eccentrica Gallumbits unavailable for comment	(14)
(Cinematical)		Seven ways "Spider-Man 3" could have been done better	(112)
(Some Guy)		U.S. and British scientists have used coherent X-ray speckle patterns to investigate nanoscale dynamics of anti-ferromagnetic domain walls. Got that?	(25)
		EA cuts deal with The Weather Channel, so all games played in NCAA Football '08 will be played in real-time weather conditions. (Halfway down the page)	(112)
		Wired's "Smarter Emergency Kit." Fans of "Jericho" probably have already most of this stuff	(44)
		Second Canadian-built nuclear reactor turned on in Romania. In other news, Canada can build nuclear reactors	(42)
(Some Guy)		NASA awards heat-shield contracts to the lowest bidders. In other news, NASA awards pretty much every contract to the lowest bidders	(16)
		Wiis are too popular to produce enough product	(64)
(Wizard Universe)		Wizard Magazine profile of Bruce "Evil Dead" Campbell	(30)
		Fat, eccentric planet discovered, believed to be intrinsically superior to neighboring lazy, liberal, welfare planet with eight moons	(13)
		New study shows that same-sex couples are better than nuclear families when it comes to parenting, being gay	(50)
		Scientists develop cap that shoots magnetic pulse through your skull so you can cram a full night's sleep into three hours	(118)
		A summary run-down on new diesel technologies and all the new cars that will offer them by 2008. Suck it, Prius	(127)
		I'm in ur chandelier, randomizin ur light display	(4)
(Some Guy)		Comcast announces deal with Zimbra to integrate voicemail, email and extortion-like pricing services	(17)
(Some Guy)		Actual headline: Dell to join the axis of evil. "Exploding laptops will be our weapon of mass destruction"	(12)
		Microsoft is developing software that splits a computer screen in two halves, each side with its own operating system, allowing a single computer to crash twice as often	(67)
(Some Guy)		Strange pinball machines you don't see everyday	(19)
		Firefox has shown the world that open-source software challenges the establishment. Headline tagged with Obvious add-on	(39)
		Face masks may not slow spread of super flu, still considered effective against extreme butterface and Ed Zachary disease	(15)
		CσmÞµŧərς rəςÞσŋςibℓə ſσr a dəcℓiŋə iŋ haŋdщriŧiŋg ςkiℓℓς	(36)
		Ever wonder how the annoying sounds of chalk squeal and fingernail screech are produced? Neither does submitter, but the science shall proceed undeterred	(6)
		"What seems to be happening is that information is coming from the future"	(47)
		Kissing makes you live longer. Here comes the slightly questionable, but extremely hot, science	(20)
		Study finds that hormones may help prevent dementia, apparently forgetting what exactly causes women to become raving lunatics once a month	(5)
		Babies born in spring are going to be dummies when they grow up	(18)
(Iran News Agency)		Stephen Hawking to take part in physics competition in Iran, which is like bringing in Big Papi to hit against your kid's T-ball team	(13)