Drew Curtis' FARK.com -- Tech Archives for '2007-04-01 23:59:59'

# of Comments

Even more proof U.S. carmakers have not only jumped the shark, they netted it, definned it, and left it to die while even school bus manufacturers greened faster than they did

Firefox to be more popular than IE in less than 3 months

(161)

Working from home makes you fat and depressed. Or, in your case, fatter and depresseder

(Rocky Mountain News)

Colorado State University says within 8 years it will get all of its electricity from its own wind farm. They will of course pass on the savings in lower tuitions. HAHAHAHA

$cienti$ts clo$e to di$covering viagra for women

(23)

Google now branching into ISP business with fiber to your home (you need to lay the cable)

The trailer for Grand Theft Auto IV shows a city with an uncanny resemblance to New York City. Give ya three guesses as to who's pissed off about it

(141)

Pong on acid

NASA will have a 5-year gap without a manned space flight. Dilithium crystal shortage worse than originally thought

(20)

Actual headline: "Global warming could bring hunger, melt Himalayas". Damn, that's hot

Virus disguised as Internet Explorer 7 Beta 2 making the rounds. Some may wonder what the difference is

Call for blogging "Code of Conduct." Big Brother nods approvingly

(3)

Texas may make recycling of TV's and computers mandatory

Apple scraps iPhone, will collaborate with Google to develop ultimate device codenamed "ID" (pic)

(31)

(Some Shark)

Disappearance of sharks proves mankind's detrimental effect on the planet

(27)

Remove car dents with dry ice (video)

Shy New Zealand bird found to overeat, be willing to fly more than 10,000 km to have sex. If they could type, World of Warcraft would have a whole new target market

(Mugglenet)

Your tax dollars at work: astronauts play quidditch in space

(15)

Philips set to launch their first device powered by electricity broadcast through the air

(37)

Sat March 31, 2007:

(Some High-energy Physics Lab)

# of Comments

(Some Frozen Guy)

Coolest pictures of a frozen antarctic tsunami you'll see today. (Not safe for work banners)

(44)

Juice from a "miracle fruit" can make sour things taste sweet - lemons taste like lemonade, rhubarb tastes like a pixie stick. So why is the FDA being such a sourpuss about it?

(38)

(590 KLBJ)

Step 1: Charge up your plug-in hybrid at your home in Austin. Step 2: Plug in your hybrid at work and let Austin's electric utility draw power from your hybrid to power the city. Step 3: Profit?

(21)

Critical magnet failure at CERN jeopardizes the multi-billion dollar LHC. Oh, did I mention that the magnets were built by CERN's US competitor, Fermilab?

Sydney turns out the lights for one hour to raise awareness of Global Climate Change. Throw another strawman on the barbie ------>

(190)

(Some Deepfish)

Microsoft wins the award for the stupidest product name of 2007 so far

(76)

(NBC10)

Manopause - only 5% of angry old men are getting treated for it. Have you hugged your irritable ass today?

(40)

.XXX domain flops, ICANN reassures ICM that it happens to all registries

Doping up dementia patients only kills them faster. In other news, doping up dementia pat

Danube not-so-blue anymore. Here come the hippies

New ultracomputer utilizes forecasting model that can predict how violent a storm will be when it arrives to a degree of accuracy never seen before. Sadly, it only works on the weather, not women

(Popular Mechanics)

Popular Mechanics to Rosie O'Donnell: You're an idiot

(78)

Thousands may die in Zimbabwe for lack of maize. Here in North America, we're planning on distilling it and running it through our cars

(47)

Self-perfuming suits, and other award-winning weird science

(3)

Palaeontologists predict we are entering a golden era of dinosaur discovery in which our faith will be tested on an almost daily basis

(20)

Fri March 30, 2007:

# of Comments

Teens who can manage their emotions found to be best at using condoms. In other news, the vast majority of teens are doomed to suck at using condoms

(82)

California geniuses report that windblown desert dust is polluting their cities. Ralph Nader announces plan to sue nature

(57)

Large asteriod to pass close to Earth tonight. It won't hit, but if it did it would "likely upset global commerce". EVERYBODY PANHANDLE

(94)

French scientist waves his little white flag in celebration after discovering that the Great Pyramid was built from the inside out

(21)

(Consumerist.com)

Why Are Text Messages Marked Up 7314%?

(206)

New Eurofighter can't blow the crap out of civilians on the ground, but they're working on a fix for that

(122)

Adult minds keen at spotting race, gender and age in features from simple black-and-white silhouettes. Still only The Shadow knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men

(Unisci.com)

Good news: scientists find possible cure for cancer. Bad news: it's herpes

(124)

A constipation drug has been linked to heart attacks and chest pain forcing users to choose between a pain in the butt or pain in the chest

Shareholders tell Take Two CEO Paul Eibler to GTFO

(12)

Betting on a Florida-Ohio NCAA basketball finals? Here's how their computer networks stack up

Arthritis pain processed in brain’s "fear zone"

I for one welcome our new James Dyson Robot Vaccuum overlords

(26)

Once again, ICANN cockblocks ".xxx" domain names

(118)

(WWEEK.com)

Putting the search for a cancer cure aside, scientists consider the truth to "Beer before liquor, never sicker. Liquor before beer, you're in the clear"

(141)

New study finds that spiders need UV light to get their freak on. With very creepy close-up photo of an amorous eight-legged Casanova

(20)

Video game fanatic builds ultimate home arcade

(58)

(News Vine)

In an attempt to manipulate aluminum foil futures, Google replaces satellite pictures of New Orleans with Pre-Katrina images

Astronaut will run the Boston Marathon...while in orbit

(eWeek)

Bush Sr. and Bill Clinton united in belief that wireless communications will bring peace, democracy to world. Clearly, neither has ever had to try and get out of a cellular contract

(15)

Weirdest tree you'll see today

(24)

New study examines why we get distracted so...ooh, shiny

If you use the thesaurus in MS Word 95 on the phrase "I'd like to see you naked" it'll offer "I'll drink to that". See also "I like Bill Clinton". Know any other obscure technofacts?

(44)

The mandatory switch from analog to digital TV may be unpleasant

(39)

Remember all those times when you downloaded a single from iTunes and then later bought the album and got a duplicate of the single? Well, that's about to change thanks to new 'Complete My Album' feature

(24)

Dyslexic headline: Viagra may help stroke patients

Thu March 29, 2007:

# of Comments

Rockstar releases offical GTA IV trailer, internet slows to a crawl

(155)

400,000 Brits will not get paid tomorrow because the bank's computer system has been running slowly. Looks like a quiet weekend in for the UK

Star Wars double-sunset could actually happen. Jar Jar still thought unlikely, thank God

(19)

Scientists unhappy with skull that doesn't fit their preconceived ideas of human evolution, so they "fix" it with a digital facelift

(43)

(NASA.Gov)

Spectacular northern lights on Jupiter, which has auroras bigger than our entire planet

Now this is a piquant Chardonnay, with a bold, fruity nose and smooth aftertaste with strong notes of vanilla and sturgeon bladder... Wait, what?

(8)

(Space Daily)

China and Russia agree to launch Mars mission. Suck it, NASA

(38)

$20 billion for telecom and this government agency can't complete a simple conference call

Headline: Chemicals may play role in rise in obesity. In other news, sucrose, cholesterol, fat among those things we call "chemicals"

(34)

(Some Slow Guy)

MIT nerds figure out that certain light patterns slow down brain activity. Specifically, two blue columns, with a wider white column in the center. Now where have I seen that before?

(114)

Genius selling Javascript on eBay includes said Javascript on auction page

(105)

ISP technicians are having a field day messing with conspiracy-theory websites

(41)

You know that new car smell? Well, turns out it causes cancer and birth defects. Breathe deep the wonderful smell of flipper babies

(Gamespot)

Infant child has a seizure after mother let him play a video game. Mother immediately takes responsibility for making a bad choice. Just kidding, she's suing Vivendi, Sony, Sierra, and the defunct rental store

(46)

Dinosaurs' demise didn't trigger mammals rise 6000 years ago

(wdcs.co.uk)

Ever seen a life-size blue whale? Here's one, brought to you by the internet

(43)

Study finds that smokers make poorer workers, though you'd have a harder time working too if people wouldn't shut up about your bad habits

(135)

School replaces student books with PSPs saying it will help them learn history, save the princess

Just a month after its introduction, Google Apps suite of hosted pay services cannot keep up with customer's demands

NASA tests inflatable lunar shelters, looks to Duke to supply astronauts who can blow even when there's no atmosphere

(IT Week)

"Judge dismisses Google ranking lawsuit" Google proceeds with plans to build second Deathstar

New science: burning lungs away reduces asthma. Scientists also announce that leg amputees suffer fewer twisted ankles

Wed March 28, 2007:

# of Comments

Researchers conclude that 18th-century Brits more licentious, consumed more "erotic literature" than previously imagined. Still no cure for cankers

The demise of dinosaurs didn't lead to a boost in mammalian evolution, though the Garden of Eden probably did seem more spacious after they were gone

(27)

Thailand hopes to extract fuel from deadly nuts. Peter North enrolls in witness protection program

(ucl.ac.uk)

Where the white women at? We have your answer. Welcome to the Ethnographic Database Project

This just in: Humans have a tendency to settle in low-lying coastal zones, despite the risk posed by fluctuating sea levels

(55)

News: "Expert" calls for blogger code of conduct after disturbing amount of nihilism and anger. Pansy can't take it

(139)

Female astronaut will have to use diapers just a little longer. No, not that one. The other one

(3)

The next in a long line of Fark circumcision flamewars: World Health Organization hails circumcision as vital in HIV fight

(854)

(Engadget)

Xbox 360 Elite is now official. And it's all, like, black and stuff

(105)

How the feds are screwing up their multibillion-dollar wireless network

(8)

Think the Ghost Rider movie was bad? Check out the video game. Bonus: Morgan Webb in a tight sweater

(53)

(Popular Science)

All those "studies" that show our favorite sinful foods and beverages are actually good for us might not be all that scientific. Except for the beer one, because everyone knows drinking beer makes you smarter and better looking

(19)

Yahoo Mail whips out unlimited storage, tells Gmail to suck it

(78)

Cities at sea level worry about global warming while Denver laughs, laughs and eats bovine balls

(39)

Tue March 27, 2007:

# of Comments

Light can bend liquid

(83)

John McCain's MySpace team finds out what happens when you direct-link images off some guy's website. In other news: John McCain supports lesbian marriage (so long as they are hot)

(55)

Video of monster hail taking out a car's windows as the occupants cower in terror. (Not safe for work language)

(58)

Twenty surprisingly useful Vista tips

(93)

(Some Greenie)

Concept hybrid car with 100 miles per gallon, 100 mph and 100 percent chance of death in the event of a collision

(33)

Mount St. Helens is now an "open system" volcano which means lava has a direct, unobstructed path to the surface. EVERYONE PANIC

(21)

Many members of this generation of over-indulgent parents will outlive their fat, unhealthy kids

(109)

Scientists spot "bizarre hexagon" on Saturn. As opposed to all the other normal hexagons on Saturn. In related news, Yahoo science writer actually writes, "This thing is a hexagon"

(289)

Google's next frontier: Getting into TV

Justice Dept fines ITT $100 million for illegal exports of night-vision technology, gratuitous advertising of night-school technology degrees

(71)

Mount St. Helens becoming an "open-system" volcano like Kilauea in Hawaii. In related news, Stitch spotted driving a gas tanker on I-5 in Washington state

"How can we encourage teachers to allow students to use Wikipedia as a resource?" "Oh, they shouldn't, that would be a terrible idea," says Wikipedia founder. Or co-founder. Whatever

(38)

IBM prototype set to unclog the tubes by 2010: "A PC using that board would be able to reduce the download time of a typical high-definition feature-length movie from 30 minutes to ONE SECOND, the company said"

(32)

A laptop to go with that Hummer H1 and depression you call a penis

(16)

Tough guys may heal faster from injuries. What, you don't believe me? Wanna fight about it?

New cellphone rings you when it's the best time for baby-making sex. Submitter's wife's phone hasn't rung for a year

(16)

"Semi-identical twins" discovered. Scientists are just making stuff up now

(31)

Scientists develop healthier pizza. Scots to deep-fry it as usual

(6)

(The Last Boss)

PS3 beats UK next-gen sales records. Suck it, Wii-boys

(89)

Vista file copy/delete performance is 40 times faster than XP. Just kidding, it's actually crap, more like downloading via modem

(101)

Swedes propose floating pyramid made from high-tech air force material. Ja ja, dee Seestim Loords weel bow to mie poowir, bork bork bork

(CSOonline)

How to crash an in-flight entertainment system

(41)

New protein implicated in Autism. To be named Wapner

(17)

Science develops anti-fogging windshields. Still no cure for bug guts

(8)

New study finds that smoking is actually less prevalent than most people believe. Of course, the researchers still find a way to blame it on the tobacco companies

(33)

You know a computer is Windows-ready when it has a "Ctrl Alt Del" key

Scientists are tracking the Inca empire using Llama dung mites

(2)

(Science Daily)

If you have a bad bottle of wine, it might be because ladybugs peed in it. No, really

Oddly enough, scientists don't endorse choosing your lover by their zodiac sign

(194)

Mon March 26, 2007:

# of Comments

Are more people alive today than at all other times combined? Nope

(31)

Eco car runs on bio-fuels and bio-lubricants, has tyres made of potatoes and brake pads made of cashew nut shells. Seriously

(57)

As expected Vista sales at one month were double those of XP over its first month

(374)

Bush "praises" US automakers for flex-fuel vehicles. Aparently getting WORSE mileage and driving up food prices is worthy of praise. Bring on the locusts

(30)

Would it surprise you to find out Windows XP is not optimized for Dual Core processors? The following link will explain how to fix this. Bill Gates needs a good kick in the pills

Proctor & Gamble set to roll out "horny patch" for surgically menopausal women in the UK, disproving the notion that you can't teach an old dog new tricks

(12)

(Some Blu-Ray hater)

Time to return all those Blu-Ray players... new features required for movies by fourth quarter that none of the current models support. PS3 fanboys seen screaming in frustration as another point in their checklist falls

(53)

Researchers: Don't trust Google, Yahoo to show you the good stuff

(17)

ZOMG YouTube is doomed now! But first, a word from our sponsors

(6)

(www.gamespot.com)

Mexican governor orders the state-wide seisure of an American video game that makes the Mexican government out to be corrupt, tyrannical and childish. Zing

(71)

New research suggests that bigger-brained people evolved in colder climates. This news should go over about as well as a series of cartoons about Mohammad

(77)

Gamer gets thrown out of GOW tourney for crapping his pants; calls police to complain; police shut down illegal tournament. Moral: Gamers will smell of poo, don't disturb the natural order

(112)

(Namco Bandai)

"Time Crisis 4" revealed for PS3

(29)

Guy that helped create the DMCA for the RIAA now says the RIAA has no clue how to deal with the internet

(4)

Mount Saint Helens could continue erupting for a century, or in layman's terms, 53 Peter Norths

(24)

Health Canada says that OTC penis pills are great for men who want to get a little angina. Wait... what?

Discovery enhances coLor viSion insiDe mice

Scientific meeting to address how chimpanzees think is being held in preparations for impeachment hearings

(12)

Wikipedia co-founders accuse each other of trying to get undue credit for creating the website. Smells like nerd in here