Drew Curtis' FARK.com -- Tech Archives for '2007-03-11 23:59:59'

# of Comments

Recently discovered hormone may explain why teens are so moody. Listening to My Chemical Romance still unexplained, however

(79)

Global warming causes growth of new arctic inhabitants: trees

(EurekAlert)

New finding challenges the widely accepted theory of genetic drift, as demonstrated by a small sheep population on a remote island. Oddly, the sheep still managed to learn "Dueling Banjos"

(51)

(EurekAlert)

Any article with reference to a historical Viking named Ragnar Hairybreeks is worth your time to read

(51)

$20 billion telecom contract -- the biggest in the world -- is up for grabs in next week, and AT&T, Verizon, Sprint and others are salivating at the prospect of getting it

(23)

Cool things you can do with a Tesla Coil -- just don't kill yourself

(57)

7 reasons why you should switch to Linux

(90)

The MIT course which explains that "protein-folding" screensaver you have

Rice University chemists have discovered that tiny building blocks known as gold nanorods spontaneously assemble themselves into ring-like superstructures. Scientists now building one ring to rule them all

Eating large quantities of chocolate might be good for you. This completely objective research brought to you by the M&M/Mars Company

Launch of Skynet satellite postponed after successful resistance attack on launch pad

Sat March 10, 2007:

# of Comments

Polar bear population is thriving and has doubled. Where is your Gore now?(second item)

(54)

Because we need more politicians to get involved in Science, here's one trying to pass a law about Pluto

(38)

Scientists unveil mathematical blueprint describing the most beautiful women and men in the world. Submitter would get snarky like usual, but damn, it's like looking into a mirror

(249)

Old & Busted: Tallest building in the world. New hotness: Greenest building in the world

(27)

Fight pollution with this toilet/urinal combo

Women develop deeper, more meaningful friendships than men. Submitter thinks it's because they're all lesbians

(42)

Danish scientists claim nerve impulses are conducted by sound waves, not electricity. So, when the tazer hits you, it's not the high voltage current that hurts, it's that ZAP sound

(45)

Brain may be blind to excess body fat stores. Ankles and feet are a bit more certain

Conjoined twins developing normally, except for that abnormal conjoined thing (link includes pic)

Military system "Skynet" to be launched by the UK. The search for Sarah Connor begins at 5:30 EST

(22)

(Slater Online)

Americans are no longer the tallest people on Earth. At least not if measured vertically

(178)

Apple's next laptop might use flash memory instead of a hard drive, leading to faster boot times, insta-porn

(48)

(NASA)

Coolest picture of a volcano spewing snow you'll see all day

(13)

Attack of the killer rhododendrons

Fri March 09, 2007:

# of Comments

Four words: USB-powered office cannon

Meet the first ever Android, a life-like humanoid robot with low level AI. Amazing video

(53)

Familiar scents wafting in the bedroom are important for improved memory, so help out your SO with the gift of a Dutch Oven tonight and they'll remember it forever

God's coolest design this week - a snake with more teeth on the right side of its mouth, so it can pry snails out of clockwise-spiralling shells

(33)

Beating out reigning champ Peter North, exploding star sets longevity record

(Some MIT Guys)

Some MIT students one-up the Mythbusters, demonstrate Archimedes' solar death ray could actually set fire to a ship

(33)

Nintendo guru wants more "happy games" that bring "joy and positivity and glee" to gamers. Super Mario Kumbaya Karaoke first game to be released

(40)

Army of R2D2 Mailboxes set to invade a corner near you. No word on overnight delivery of power converters from Tosche Station

Scientists discover what husbands have known throughout history: "Marriage spells death to the lady's libido."

(14)

(eCanada)

A new study has shown that if you have a partner sleeping with you that snores, you are deprived of two years of sleep or two hours each night. Selfish bastards

(tech tree)

Microsoft accuses Google of copyright violation. In other news, a 2:00 p.m. newsconference is scheduled by my kettle to say a thing or two about my pot

(65)

(pcworld)

Microsoft says HD Photo's lightweight algorithm causes less damage to photos during compression, with higher-quality images that are half the size of JPEG

(161)

Programmer aims to "put love into a computer game". Which will make a change from putting it into an old gym-sock

Microsoft has admitted that the latest update to Windows Genuine Advantage will connect back to Redmond even if the user clicks cancel, adding that they don't collect any information about you, honestly, trust us

(135)

A gene that suppresses cancer also turns out to prevent skin damage and helps in tanning. George Hamilton basks in a deep golden glow of approval

(5)

Get your sourdough on and pack your mule for the Yukon Uranium Rush of Ought-Seven

(EurekAlert)

Study finds that hospital equipment is unaffected by cell phone use, so go ahead and return that lawyer's call

(51)

EU to do a doubletake regarding cloned meat

The Super Donut is packed with 14 vitamins and minerals. Homer weeps glazed tears of joy

(50)

How SMS could be sabotaging girls' chances of finding love. alwys th brdsmd nvr th brd

(30)

At last it's official: scientists say that traveling backwards in time is impossible for human beings, even if you bring your own guns and have done it once before

(260)

suBliminal ads foUnd to be remarkablY effecTive and OfTen result in people purchAsing Little items, oFten AfteR unKnowingly watching the ads

(107)

(IHT)

According to the DNA of body lice, humans first started wearing clothes 107,000 years ago

(13)

Luxembourg dismisses a report suggesting that the country has a dire shortage of toilets, claiming that the researchers had nothing to go on

Thu March 08, 2007:

# of Comments

(Science Daily)

Drunken rhesus monkeys may hold the key to alcoholism

(11)

(VOA News)

You're going to have to choose - inexpensive gasoline or corn on the cob

(34)

Scientists develop new compound that forces cancer cells to commit suicide. May also kill off a long-standing Fark cliche

(37)

(Birmingham News)

If you're the Department of Homeland Security, where would you put the most sophisticated Cybercrime training center ever? How about the city that gave us "Two-a-Days" and Taylor Hicks?

On the sixth day God optimized the code for the dinosaurs. On the seventh, He discovered Fark, and He hasn't done a thing since

"A U.S. engineer said some day every home will have a machine, he calls a Fab@Home, that can replicate objects from plans supplied by a computer"

(44)

Three guys claim to have invented first 'Internet pub' where people can interact with each other from home while drinking heavily. Drew last seen preparing strongly-worded C&D letter

(gizmodo)

Bulletproof raincoat. Still no cure for headshots

Adobe to roll out technology that will prevent photo forgeries. Photoshop contests will require non-detection

New study concludes "Britain's drug policy has failed and should be replaced with a system that recognizes drinking and smoking can cause more harm than some illegal drugs"

(Popular Science)

Pentagon researchers turning to cockroaches, bees and fish in the war against terrorism. With great graphic of a gun-toting soldier bee

(94)

China needs artificial leg for female panda so she can get on all-fours for hot panda-style action

"Internet Real Name" law in South Korea will mandate that forums post the real ID of users. Activity by Seymour Butts and Amanda Hugginkiss expected to skyrocket

Why the hell won't the cocoa powder disolve when I stir it into the milk? ...Huh, you don't say

(35)

Scientists determine that cheaters never win. Except when playing video games. There cheaters make out like bandits

(34)

Israel defense firm unveils portable killer robot that can carry Uzi, plant grenades, hunt for Sarah Connor

(34)

New helmet allows players to manipulate games with their minds. Dr. Emmet Brown still working on Flux Capacitor

(98)

Developers aim to lure women to adult games. Giggity

Microsoft advises shoppers not to buy its Zune MP3 players

(44)

You can now buy ripe bananas at convenience stores. All it took was 6,000 scientists, engineers, and experts to invent a semi-permeable membrane that selectively excludes the flow of carbon dioxide while allowing oxygen to pass freely

Once is an accident. Twice is a coincidence. But, when 80 of the world’s top scientists are found dead, it's a conspiracy theory (video news story)

(122)

Guy transforms studio apartment into the ship in "Star Trek: Voyager"

The weight of sunlight is shaping our solar system

HP and Dell: 55 percent of U.S. desktop market, made $2.5 billion. Apple: Five percent, made $1 billion. Suck it, MS

(147)

Company to receive $100 million to research genetic links to schizophrenia and bipolar disorder. I can't decide whether I'm happy or sad about this, and neither can I

We got Crabs from gorillas. Ewwwwwww

(22)

Wed March 07, 2007:

# of Comments

(Some Ugly Spy)

How to check if your camera can take infrared photos

(29)

(Capt. Kirk)

Old and busted: Flash memory. New hotness: Phase change memory

More teenagers asking for obesity surgery, third helpings

Vonage being sued by Verizon for patent infringement to the tune of $197 million. Boo hoo! Boo hoo hoo hoooooo!

You know how you've got burned copies of every song you've ever heard and every movie you've ever seen? Yeah, it's called syllogomania, and it's a problem

(41)

(Some TFer)

MySpace usage linked to lower grades. In related news, Slashdot usage linked to virginity and TotalFark usage linked to awesomeness

(36)

First woman in space dreams of flying to Mars. That place needs a lot of tidying up

Microsoft's website -- offering Office Ultimate at a 93 percent discount -- gets flagged by their own phishing filters

(29)

Microsoft sees billions in sales from VoIP shift. As if Bill Gates needs any more money

(VGB)

If the World of Warcraft were a nation, it'd be the 91st most populated country on Earth, after Rwanda

(35)

Man sues company for sending him spam email; wins $1,445 in damages plus $1,190 in court costs

South Korea drafts laws restricting abuse of robots by humans. Sex tourism, forced prostitution and human trafficking stll okay

(Some Old Virgin)

A pictoral presentation of how a solar-powered wireless Internet tower was put together. Yup, not a woman in sight

Studies show that whales from different regions have different "dialects." In related news, Fox News accuses blue whale of adopting phony dialect when visiting southern whale territory

Water now to be made out of thin air. Naturally, hardcore porn soon to follow

Funk shui: Nevermind putting dubs on your ride... pimping out your living-room furniture is the next frontier

GM: $6 per gallon gas would make more fuel-efficient cars available

(63)

Yahoo sees smooth sailing for Panama. Time to reach down... between your legs... ease the seat back

The truth about sticking with Windows

(49)

Tired of Scotland getting all the glamour, photographer gets a picture of Windie, the monster in Lake Windemere, UK. With picture of a tiny wave people think is a huge lake monster

(24)

'Flip Ship' designed to float equally well horizontally and vertically when it's standing on its hull (pics)

New headsets will detect patterns in gamers' brains to allow them to more fully interact with characters on screen, aid in search for Sarah Connor

Wabbits waise heww, woot out wapscawwions

(Computer World)

By 2010, storage for TPS reports will require a zettabyte

Didn't think Toyota could make anything uglier then the Prius? Think again

(76)

UK's new "biometric passport" can be hacked without taking it out of the delivery envelope

The term "Stone Age" is now considered politically unacceptable. The GEICO cavemen seen nodding in agreement

(263)

Tue March 06, 2007:

# of Comments

Post-modernist French philospher Jean Baudrillard, 77, is reported to have died. Then again, I didn't see him die, so it must not have happened. You submitted this with a more hyper-realistic headline, but I didn't see it, so

(37)

Backed by both federal and state tax cuts, literally tens of Wisconsinites switch to solar power. Al Gore gives a deadpan "booyah"

(13)

Atkins diet performs best in longest-running, largest head to head comparison of popular diet plans. Suck it, vegans

(256)

BMW unveils V8-powered M3 concept at Geneva

Scientists name a salamander as having the world's most explosive tongue. Gene Simmons inconsolable

(ExtremeTech)

Company to release optical-based server that connects multiple processors with mirrors and lasers. SkyNet one step closer to becoming self-aware

(5)

(Some Boris)

Spokesman says GoldenEye 007 could be coming to the Wii's virtual console. Wiimote + RCP90 + complex = Unbridled joy

(75)

(Some Chuzzlin Nun)

Im in ur convent, Chuzzlin ur nuns

(14)

(Neatorama)

Laws of physics that don't apply in Hollywood

(38)

The domain name aftermarket -- or, if you prefer, speculation/ransom market -- eclipsed the $100 million mark for the first time in '06. Five names went for more than a mil, including a record $12-million undressing for sex.com

(www.nume.com)

Cool little embeddable video jukebox thingy

(3)

New high-tech umbrella based off stealth technology put to the test, passes with flying colors. The Sun is there, even on rainy days

Green sex -- it's not just for Captain Kirk anymore

(91)

In the quest to find a rare woodpecker, scientists have begun to use a robot that can track a "Heh-heh-heh-HEH-heh" for miles

Study shows most women too stressed out to focus on life's most basic tasks, such as getting their husband a sandwich and beer while he relaxes in front of the TV

New device detects shape shifting. Rebecca Romijn now missing and presumed scared

(New York Times)

Wikipedia administrator caught lying to media about his education, ends up Wikipwned by Jimbo Wales

(95)

Weathermen don't have a farking clue

US give go ahead to human/rice hybrid. You don't want to know where they're attaching the spoilers

Nintendo Wii to get online multiplayer support for third-party titles... in 2008

(61)

Turns out that when we banned CFCs in 1987, we slowed global warming. If only we had developed some international plan -- a protocol, if you will -- to continue the job

(36)

China and India develop weather machines to change the West Coast's climate. And by "weather machines" submitter means "coal plants" and by "change" he means "fark up beyond recognition"

(11)

(Redding.com)

NASA says it could find all potential "killer asteroids" by 2020, but they don't have the funds to do it, so they won't. In the meantime, just hold your breath and pray

(30)

Warning: A person sitting next to you wearing red may cause you to achieve lower test scores

(18)

2008 Ford automobile operating software developed by Microsoft. Get ready to Crash Different

(28)

New study says white teens more likely to smoke after viewing R-rated movies

(18)

Guy builds one-lane bowling alley in living room, doesn't need servicing

British sportscar maker Lotus develops plug-n-play hybrid drivetrain for older cars

Mon March 05, 2007:

# of Comments

(Physorg.com)

Build a home replicator machine for $2300. Make yourself tea, Earl Grey, hot, followed by a Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster

(31)

The world generated 161 exabytes of digital information last year. That's 161 billion gigabytes

(126)

Study links Asian pollution to more storms, giant lizard sightings

Moderate drinking in older men found to improve fitness

Brushing your teeth is about to get a whole lot easier after research finds that you can hold the brush still after a few strokes and the following epileptic seizure will take care of the rest

(27)

Reuters to start Financial MySpace. "Its like mixing Dilbert with suck," notes exuberant soon-to-be-ex CEO

(informationweek)

U.S. DOT bans Vista, Office 2007 and IE 7 as "there appears to be no compelling technical or business case for upgrading"

(66)

One of the founding prophets of the Church of Global Warming questions his own faith

(174)

IBM said today it is creating a computer system for use in schools to help educators teach, date students

Researchers discover spider "chastity belt." Still no cure for cancer

Taking a bath reduces sperm count, which explains why K-Fed is so fertile