Drew Curtis' FARK.com -- Tech Archives for '2007-02-25 23:59:59'

# of Comments

Wearing a space condom? The European Space Agency's Rosetta vehicle probes backside of Mars

(1)

Teenage girl finds bed of mammoth bones, anointed "Fossil Girl" by Leno, DeGeneres

(nzherald)

Female koalas indulge in lesbian "sex sessions", rejecting male suitors and attempting to mate with each other, sometimes up to five at a time

(116)

Thursday marks the official start of the International Polar Year (IPY), an unprecedented research assault on Antarctica and the Arctic. The war on cold has begun...wait, what?

Scientist develops first Photonic Laser Thruster that could move spcecraft at near light speed. The science? Just a little

(NASA)

Aftermath of last week's Northeast snow storm, from space

(64)

Mexico adopts "zero tolerance" policy against loggers to save butterfly habitat

(8)

(TurnTo23)

Ugly-ass five-legged lamb born in Osawatomie, KS. What an odd... name for a town (pic)

(10)

Yahoo attempts to patent Web 2.0

(Chicago Tribune)

The intertubes are full

(367)

Why Wikipedia's notability guidelines for inclusion are asinine. Bonus discovery: If you're in danger of exclusion, writing about Wikipedia seems to fix problem

(Some lost guy)

I just got an iMac. What programs do I want to get for it. Mac illiterate and can't even figure out how to get The Gimp (LGN)

(206)

Scientists develop Transformer-like robots that reconfigure into different systems by plugging into each other. Tears of happiness drop along submitter's cheek

(Med News Today)

Single genetic link to schizophrenia, alcoholism, and parkinson's identified. Good news if you're one of many who forgets where you left that bottle of booze you you rely on when Rush Limbaugh makes fun of your illness

(61)

"Virtual terror strikes Second Life" - OMG EVERYBODY VIRTUALLY PANIC

(95)

(Psych Central)

Scientists have determined that stress can cause cravings for al-- Look, I've had a bad day, so just STFU and get me a beer, OK?

Gentlemen, we can rebuild her. We have the technology. We have the capability to make the world's first fiberglass turtle. Shelley will be that turtle. Better than she was before. Better, stronger, faster

Sat February 24, 2007:

# of Comments

Dell delaying shipments of some high-end custom computers, or installing XP on them, due to incompatabilites with some of the peripherals installed on them

(40)

The biggest problem with people colonising the moon is the people going batshiat crazy

(33)

Scientists close to battlefield laser capable of destroying missles and tanks. Your dog wants a light saber

(23)

Yamaha employees arrested for selling remote controlled crop dusting helicopters to China. In other news, there are remote controlled helicopters for crop dusting, finding Sarah Conner

Unviersity fnds lck of spellnig pucntuashun n grmmr prvnts undrstandin of emale msgs

Scientists use design of ancient chainmail in newest nano-fabrics

Air purifiers pollute the air

Four large lakes discovered under the Anarctic ice. Thousands of Yoopers head out with beer and saws

Turns out Firefox is much less secure than we all thought

(ITWorld)

Study say consumers aren't willing to pay $500 for Apple's iPhone. The obvious tag will be using its tax refund to buy one instead of paying off debt or building up savings accounts. You know, just this once

(22)

Congress is shocked, SHOCKED I say to learn that the website intended to make it easier to get off of the no-fly list was full of misspellings, nonsensical directions and asked for sensitive personal information on an unencrypted page

(9)

(engadget)

The people at International Shutdown Day want you to abstain from computers. Asking, "If they disappeared for just one day, would we be able to cope?"

Computer glitch blamed for shutting down Amtrak's entire Northeast corridor. Shoulda bought a Mac

Geeky alarm clocks you don't see everyday

(15)

"No one needs to see a man getting sexual relief from a cat in slow motion. Trust me." - Warren Ellis explains all about sex in Second Life

(43)

Not even your obnoxious basement dwelling brother-in-law could come up with a movie flub list to rival CNet's nitpicking

Fri February 23, 2007:

# of Comments

Visual HTML jokes

(41)

(Al Gore)

Texas MP3 Tech invented the MP3 player; suing everyone to prove it. Refer all questions to their lawyer, who shares their office, but please wait until he's done filing the patent application

(28)

Who will be the next Drew Curtis?

(30)

Mentally unstable astronauts in space? NASA has a plan

New study claims human/chimp evolutionary split was more recent than previously thought. Your grandmother wants a banana

(60)

Merging stars may have hatched nebula rings (with awesome pic)

Under new EPA milage guidlines the Prius drops by 12 MPG. Actual quote: "Buyers who are comparison shopping can clearly see that the Prius is now a better deal"

(49)

British scientists try to make robots feel emotion, find Will Smith

Private entrepreneur plans Moon base. First goal will be to look for Tommy Lee Jones since Clint Eastwood didn’t go back to get him

Contrary to popular belief, people still interact the same way in virtual worlds as they do in the real world. Submitter still wishes he'd taken the blue pill

Toyota to make spinning hubcaps standard equipment on all of its vehicles. Just kidding-- they're adding massive blind spots instead

(53)

Largest fatty ever undergoes gastric bypass surgery in Texas

(187)

Pentagon abaondons 700 ton, non-nuclear bomb test in Nevada desert on news that it might get to try out its toys in Iran soon

(89)

Run your car on hot air

Having cured cancer, scientists discover that like humans, ants hate each other but continue to coexist

In all liklihood, Microsoft will continue to smile on with bemused sufferance while Google plays with its big boy software

Jury renders $1.5 billion judgment against Microsoft

(46)

"Circumcision is the most potent intervention in HIV prevention that has been described," says Dr. Kevin de Cock, director of the WHO's AIDS department

(58)

(Some Blog)

Mac program destroys your home directory if it thinks you're using a pirated version

(55)

(Physorg.com)

New evidence that North America was not settled by the Clovis people. Instead, it was probably the Beavis people

Google Apps takes aim at Microsoft, but company admits it's hard to build in enough vulnerabilities and bugs to satisfy hardcore MS users

(34)

Rofl n then she sed dbl dbl toil n trbl fire burn n cldrn bubbl n i wuz like wutever

(63)

Thu February 22, 2007:

# of Comments

Research shows meetings make us dumber, crave doughnuts

Now I can die a happy man: "How to make bacon soap."

(Some Shopaholic)

I'm a Mac, I'm a PC, 1996 style: "Does the Mac user also have a fake tan?"

(38)

Teen sets up website for people to hire parking spaces in city

(22)

Flood of spam coming out of China and South Korea means 90 per cent of all email traffic will be spam by year's end

(18)

Medieval Muslims discovered "quasicrystalline" mathematical model 500 years before Western world. Unfortunately, they then declared jihad on the discovery and asploded it

(58)

Traumatic memories easier to recall than happy ones

(28)

(kirotv.com)

MySpace.com says NO to breast-feeding boobs

(574)

Man spends a year tracking down the location where a Windows XP wallpaper photo was taken

(142)

New insulin pen has memory chip to track doses, but may be too pricey. Wilford Brimley does not approve new pricey diabeetus testing supplies

(itwire)

Internet to be extended to Mars by 2008. Expect your first 419 scam from the son of a deposed Martian emperor shortly afterwards

Vista: `Hey, consumer, when you connect your PC to the Internet, there is a chance you can download adware, spyware or malware so we don't think you should connect to the Internet using a browser.'

(49)

Chimpanzees hunt using spears

(100)

Canadian music store Puretracks dumps DRM like you dumped off that ho last night

Billboards that have changing messages are too distracting: The chick in the lane beside you putting on makeup, drinking coffee and using her cell doesn't have time to read them

(spacedaily.com)

NASA and Virgin Galactic to explore future cooperation, which is not the first nor last time NASA will deal with virgins

(10)

U.S.-Russian international space station crew venture out for spacewalk to fix an antenna with a wire hanger and tin foil

(48)

Former judge sentenced to 27 months in PMITA prison after an anonymous hacker raids his box

(28)

"Huge numbers of employees are still going to MySpace or browsing porn at work because they’re less afraid of getting caught there than at home by their wives"

(116)

New Zealand fishermen catch world's largest squid, continue search for square, yellow sponge and pink starfish

(184)

LucasArts going after Digg.com for trademark infringment. Fanboys' heads asplode

(Technology Review)

Researches have found ways to use stem cells to regrow teeth. In other news, the red states are now seeking to change child labor laws

(11)

British research budgets threatened by financial collapse of Rover car firm. Submitter surprised, thought the effect of gravity on Rover drive shafts causing them to drop onto highways while car is in motion was pretty much empirical by now

(2)

(Greenville Online)

South Carolina House approves bill to create the first statewide free wireless broadband network

(11)

Yahoo to sing the news... ♫ Ev-rrrreeeee ♫ baaaaah ♪ ddeeeeee ♫♪Paaaa ♪ nic ♪♫

(43)

If you are lucky enough to have both herpes *and* HIV, good news: You can now be treated with same miracle drug. Here comes the science

(6)

Geneticists make discovery that could save Tasmanian devils from extinction. Still no cure for dysarthria, spontaneous tornado mimicry

(6)

SETI@home project finally finds something

If the diabolical "crowd control" device that would make people feel like they're on fire didn't scare you enough, behold the paralyzing beam of light. Oh, and they're thinking of combining them

(32)

1.1 percent in one year. By 2085, we'll all be using Safari

(48)

Wed February 21, 2007:

# of Comments

Science news: 'Caffeine may be good for some aging hearts'. Grampa wants Jolt

(4)

(The Inquirer)

Man who invented microprocessor apologizes for it, goes back to building his styrofoam house

(18)

(APP)

Vonage being sued by Verizon for patent infringement and may be shut down. Woo hoo, woo-hoo-hoo

(40)

Scientists say they've solved a long-standing mystery of how yeast has sex. Turns out it's initiatiated by throwing a teeny-tiny grapefruit at the female's head (please don't try this in public)

Astronomers discover waterless planets. No word yet on who will control the spice

(175)

First woman in 40 years honored with Turing Award for computing. Pretty soon they'll be able to vote

(18)

Scientists create super-heavy element. Name it after where they discovered it: Rosieodonnellsassium

Today's "music industry citing someone for illegal downloads" story brought to you by: A) An 89-year-old grandmother? B) A nine-year-old boy? Or C) Purdue University?

(37)

Eh coople ol fasherman 'oo spake sam sarta fish-moongr's tohng ra-carded fahr pastarity ar soomthin

(54)

Skype tries to do Google one better with Jyve search engine

(4)

Modded NES and SNES controllers work with the Wii, wirelessly

Critical flaws found in IE, Adobe, Outlook... aww screw it. Look at your computer. Does it say Microsoft anywhere on it? Well then it's either going to blow up, melt down or be taken over by pirates any second now

(96)

(Google Blogs)

Google: "We like Mark Erickson's 'Infinite Solutions' webcast, it's just that on the subject of GoogleTV, he's completely full of sh*t"

(Science Daily)

Surgeons remove baseball-sized tumors through the nose. Quaid unimpressed

Rare loon deaths in New Hampshire faze scientists. I believe the politically correct term is "mentally hadicapped." Bonus: Culprit believed to be global warming

Linux installs voted No. 1 on Dell's idea storm, :~$ sudo approve link

(85)

(Some Fansite)

Microsoft: "XBox 360's replacement won't stop XBox 360 sales." Translation: "We won't replace Xbox360 for another five years"

(37)

Dutch set to ban kiddie hookers in "Second Life"

(30)

Google may have leaked your personal files to data thieves. Ha ha! Everyone got your BIE and WIE11

Google wants a TV partner for YouTube. Submitter thinks they should just buy Pax TV and air YouTube clips all day long

5,000-year-old priestess found; will join Joan Rivers as junior assistant on the red carpet at next month's Oscars

(9)

Supreme Court agrees to hear patent-infringement case between Microsoft and AT&T. In a just world, they'd lay the smackdown on both of them

(8)

We're still not sure what Jesus drives, but he apparently rolls on big chrome dubs

Bill Gates only allows kids on computer for 45 minutes with the fears that they might see that Daddy's software sucks

(39)

When is crazy okay? If you answered, "When you're a hot chick," you're right, but that's not the subject of the article

(142)

Haven't changed the default password for your home router? Bad idea

(38)

Cellphone company pulls out of porn-on-demand service, towels off

Seismologists who "predicted" an earthquake would strike southern British Columbia earlier this month now wish they hadn't

(48)

Spread of radioactivity at Hanford blamed on lack of discipline. Spankings and ponygirl training to follow

(EurekAlert)

In prioritizing health-care spending, health professionals rank childhood immunization highest and cancer treatment for smokers lowest, with breast implants firmly in the middle and erectile dysfunction up and coming

(26)

(Some Alaskan)

Have you ever seen ice burn? It does in Alaska, with video. And it may heat your home

(Cosmos Magazine)

First ugly-ass Sumatran rhino born in captivity in 100 years arrives in Indonesia to enjoy the sex trade

This is how geeks tag buildings

(40)

The Earth was warming before global warming was cool

(115)

Monkey controls robotic arm with mind. And so it begins

World's most premature baby, born after 22 weeks, is now going home

(250)

The top 10 video game franchises that have jumped the shark

(132)

iTunes uncovers musician that copied other artists and passed material off as new. No, not Creed

(26)

Study finds that when people are being filmed, they are more likely to give more, harder, over and over, OH GOD YES

New silicon chip can diagnose Parkinson's genes, forecasts course of disease. Subbyy v vneeeeeeds a;avv;v;;;;as;v v a

There is now a 12-step program for people who are addicted to checking their email. Still no cure for lurking in threads, hitting F5 obsessively

(61)

The world's largest 404 error message displayed on IKEA billboard

(16)

Tue February 20, 2007:

# of Comments

Microscopic chainmail, for the really tiny historical re-enactor

(Business Week)

Now that cellphones aren't used to make calls, the race for best mobile search engine has started

Virtual reality is being used to treat soldiers returning from Iraq with post-traumatic stress disorder

Math anxiety saps working memory needed to do math

Interview with an egghead: "So it’s black and it’s a hole, so we call it a black hole." Evidently astrophysics ain't rocket science

(29)

Lost piece of Stonehenge found, and it wasn't the mandolin solo

(16)

(Some NASA Guy)

Well, slap me on the ass and call me Judy: One pole of the sun is cooler than the other

(35)

PC World details the most annoying things about Windows Vista in a surprisingly short article

(80)

Restaurants in Japan let you feel up women dressed as office workers, take their staplers

(286)

(BoingBoing)

They've done it, they finally found a use for ear hair. Good going NASA

(61)

Apparently forgetting his track record when it comes to protecting us from viruses, Bill Gates to contribute $28 million to fund a Canadian facility to manufacture and test vaccines to fight HIV/AIDS

(courant)

Doctors recommend women take aspirin to prevent heart attacks and strokes -- unless you have a stroke, in which case it can cause excessive bleeding in the brain. You choose

"DNA analysis reveals ancient bear shift"' Damn -- one letter away from being comedy gold

DMCA being used to remove electric slide videos from YouTube. Don't want to lose it. It's electric. Boogie-woogie-woogie. But you can't choose it. It's electric. Boogie-woogie-woogie

(30)

"If a giant tornado hits Houston, 24,000 people will die," experts say. Well, if the Earth is swallowed by a huge demon goat, everyone will die

(222)

Piracy of Microsoft products is about to fall

(41)

Introducing "content recognition software," big media's latest salvo in the War On 13-Year-Olds Posting To YouTube

Surgeons who play video games more skilled, overweight

(41)

Five useful gadgets for your next camping trip

(46)

DNA tests reveal new species of owls, ravens, Fark clichés

(86)

Freshwater Australian crayfish possess a sophisticated sixth sense which alerts them to prey, predators, ghosts of Bruce Willis

(10)

Nine out of 10 Italians being killed by "poor lifestyle," presumably includes not owning a Ferrari as a leading cause of death

Mon February 19, 2007:

# of Comments

Leonard Nimoy to host Star Trek documentary on The History Channel tonight. In other news, reports of the Internet being vacant tonight are coming in

(22)

Microsoft CEO blames poor Vista sales on software pirates

(97)

(Some Coal Mining Guy)

Solar power will be half the cost of coal in a decade. Suck it, hillbillies

(39)

(Neatorama)

The world's strangest dinosaur names

Most bats still fly under the radar of scientists, but a high-tech new method using snippets of DNA is weeding out some pretty freaky members of the species

(11)

Company introduces Star Trek-like visor that gives the feeling of watching a 62-inch screen from nine feet away. Creepy, strangely addictive sex game not included

(50)

Study suggests that if extraterrestrials existed, they would have already populated galaxy, upgraded roadway illumination technology

(57)

Environment minister to ban everyday incandescent lightbulbs in an effort to cut greenhouse gases. Really good ideas will now be represented by a hamster in a wheel appearing over your head

(304)

Google founder says cars shouldn't be driven by people, but by Google. And he's got other bright ideas too

XM and Sirius to merge. What will their offspring be called? (voting enabled)

(608)

Dude, Vista stole my interface

(112)

"Now or never on climate action." Smart money's on "never"

(50)

The ocean is turning into one giant can of 7-Up, according to this article that shoots itself in the foot by leading with the old tooth-dissolving-in-coke urban legend

(101)

The ultimate USB drive can survive the washing machine, Fido's colon or a thermonuclear attack

(29)

In the latest installment of the MPAA and piracy, the MPAA caught violating licensing terms for blog software it's using

(38)

Iris scanning is useful in determining which children will grow up to be rapists and serial killers

There's some dynamite downhill skiing to be had on the moon. Bonus: Your fresh tracks will last for all eternity

Rosetta to swing by Mars, photograph streetlights

(92)