Drew Curtis' FARK.com -- Tech Archives for '2007-01-28 23:59:59'

# of Comments

US urges scientists to block out sun. Mr Burns to demonstrate prototype

(3)

(News-Medical.Net)

Scientists finally beginning to understand how tears work

(8)

(The Oil Drum)

Greenland, or why you might care about ice physics

(American Chronicle)

10 most influential Internet marketers

(www.thestate.com)

According to the RIAA, USC is one of the top music pirates among colleges

(104)

Bathwater chlorine : It's in ur bladder, giving u cancer

Five outrageous gadgets you shouldn't buy, includes $300,000 cell phone

(23)

10 free apps every Mac user should have

(43)

Youtube classic. Tech TV guy destroying his thigamajigger (mild profanity)

(34)

Learn how to make the U.S.S. Enterprise using an old floppy in 2-min or less

(18)

Guy selling original Ghostbusters Ecto-1 car for $149,998, proton pack not included

Sat January 27, 2007:

# of Comments

New study finds that contrary to the results of an earlier study, women may drink a moderate amount of caffeine during pregnancy without harming their baby

(This is London)

DVD players now cost less to buy than the DVD movies themselves

(31)

Pasty-assed Yorkshire resident found to share exact same DNA as tribe of African warriors (w/ pic of said Englishman who's so pale you may have to adjust your monitor's contrast to see him)

(37)

Scientists find that hot chili peppers kill cancer cells with no side effects. Still no cure for explosive diarrhea

Coolest video of a bouncing ball you'll see all day

(28)

(ITWire)

NEC introduces new VoIP spam detector, which is supposedly capable of determining whether callers are humans or machines. Difficulty: there is still no known computer system capable of passing the Turing Test

Here we are in 2007, and the interstellar space travel depicted in 2001 is still a sci-fi fantasy. Hell, we haven't even reached the society of mind control imagined in 1984

(29)

(PC Magazine)

$100 pad lets you wirelessly charge your tech gadgets

(Tech.Blorge)

New "wiinja" mod chip allows Wii and Gamecube backups to be played back. Here comes the Wii piracy

(NY Journal News)

IBM announces that it has found a way to continue shrinking transistors: abandoning silicon dioxide as an insulator and switching to hafnium oxide

(Top Tech News)

Researchers announce another microcircuitry chip breakthrough that will allow chips to be 100 times denser than they already are, while remaining as small as a white blood cell

Say Halo to the future of body armour, Master Chief is not not impressed with where they put the clock

(69)

Switching more land from food to biofuel production raises the risk of future famines. Food or clean air ? Food or clean air ? Tricky

(30)

Strange gadget bags you don't want to be seen carrying around

(Technology Review)

Tiny robotic hand might someday be used for microsurgery and giving the world's smallest reacharounds

The iPhone. It's everything you need it to be

British army soldier whose arm was ripped off in bomb blast given artifical one based on The Terminator's. Side effect of saying 'Come with me if you want to live' unanticipated by doctors (pic)

(9)

Italy's high court to Lars: Shove this boot up your ass. Downloading music legal in Italy unless for profit

Mars may have a more habitable atmosphere, it's just bottled up underground. Vilos Cohaagen not amused

Fri January 26, 2007:

# of Comments

IBM to Open Source Novel Identity Protection Software. Finally, your novel's identity is safe

Multi-core processors are the result (or reflection) of Moore's Law losing steam

(36)

(Evil Avatar)

Sony Execs meeting: Our Playstation 3 console isn't selling very well. What can we do to increase sales? I've got it, we can raise the price by $40 As with most PS3 news, public left dumbfounded

(88)

(Googly)

Google updates algorithms and defuses "google bombs". Finally, no more "miserable failure" headlines

(21)

Study finds one in eight Americans may be addicted to teh Intrawebs

Wii News Channel releases early. Sadly, Wii Fark.com channel must still be in beta

How is a BMW different than a porcupine? Porcupines didn't see all-time record sales for 2006

(172)

Alternative medicine rarely discussed with doctors. In related news, flat earth theory rarely discussed with geographers, Lunar Cheese theory rarely discussed with astronomers

(364)

Researchers display how to kill germs in a wet sponge by microwaving it. People watching show immediately try it out, forgetting crucial adjective "wet". Combustularity ensues

Internet trend of "direct navigation" making generic web addresses "the beachfront property of the Web"

Olmec-influenced city found in Mexico. Discoverers reportedly used all their pendants of life escaping the temple guards before finding the artifact

(219)

Earlier daylight-saving time to be royal pain in the ass for I.T. departments

(200)

"Brain damage kills craving for nicotine"

(160)

Scientist develops doughnuts containing the same amount of caffeine as two cups of coffee

(107)

Top five high-tech watches

(28)

Woman's Wii water wipeout due to Washington weenies' dewegulation, says Wired

(34)

Ten predictions about the mobile-phone industry for 2007

It's never too early to start screwing up the 2008 election. The latest: Diebold voting machine key that can open every machine is copied from photo on company's website -- and Diebold doesn't give a hanging chad

(70)

Ultraviolet light influences the sexual behavior of jumping spiders in much the same way Long Island iced tea influences the sexual behavior of college girls

Coolest animation involving Windows XP you'll see today

(18)

The Internet's most wanted scumbags (with pics)

Book your surgery online in the UK

Thu January 25, 2007:

# of Comments

Not Satisifed With Their Own Suck Goodness, Sony Resorts to Stealing Microsoft Images To Promote New Game

Spider sex includes disco dancing with ultraviolet light. Nice web, Mr. crack spider

(19)

More evidence that the idea of native peoples' being one with nature is a load of dead wombats

(30)

Luckily for passengers, the Boeing 787 will not have to tell itself to turn off all wireless devices on take-off/landing

(13)

Nissan marketing new minicar to females in Japan, includes accessories like pastel-colored tissue boxes, stuffed animals, and pink Sony PSPs

A virtually eradicated disease that eats through people's skin, cartilage and bones is reappearing in Africa, Asia and South America EVERYBODY PANIC

(203)

(Bloomberg)

Nokia generated revenue last year that exceeded Finland's government budget, underscoring the company's rise from a producer of toilet paper and rubber boots to the world's dominant maker of mobile phones

While the maker of that combustible cellphone was still a burning mystery, a Nokia PR guy was blowing smoke up the backside of an inquiring journalist, who posts their email exchange as his thank-you note

With "Burning Crusade" out, Blizzard is already working on the second expansion for World of Warcraft

(56)

(Metro.co.uk)

Company selling robotic "lifeform" that is said to "feel" pain, has its own rudimentary emotions and develops its own "personality" depending on how its owner treats it -- pretty much a child with a reset button

Of the 600 million computers connected to teh intranets, 150 million are zombie-bot slaves searching for Sarah Connor

(52)

(gamespot)

What does the pope find "repulsive" and "a perversion" when targeting minors? No not that, the answer is video games

Learn how to take x-ray pictures with your digital camera

(31)

(telegraph.co.uk)

Newly released study says mobile phones cause brain cancer, but other studies conclude they don't cause brain cancer. I hope that clears things up for you

(40)

Crisco removes trans-fat from it's shortening recipe. Still not exactly health food

(60)

(EurekAlert)

The sun may have a "dimmer switch" at its core that causes its brightness to oscillate in timescales of around 100,000 years -- exactly the same period between ice ages on Earth

(36)

(Carnegie Mellon)

For decades, many scientists have criticized string theory, pointing out that it does not make predictions by which it can be tested. Guess what just changed

(70)

On this day in 1921, the word "robot" was invented -- 86 years later and submitter still doesn't have a jet-pack

(Earth Times)

Workers at the B612 Foundation have formed a three-step program to help prepare for the eventual collision of an asteroid with Earth. Their program contains considerably less tequila, carne asada and wild monkey sex than submitter's program

(3)

Genetically modified chickens lay drugs in eggs. Suddenly, hippies everywhere start celebrating Easter

How static might actually be good for wireless networks

Bird flu could possibly infect cats and mutate. Our only defense is to get a dog to eat the cat, a goat to eat the dog, a cow to eat the goat, and then a horse to eat the cow

(46)

Time out, extra chores and taking away privileges are more useful forms of disciplining naughty children than spanking or hitting, according to some mollycoddled scientists

(22)

China aims to "purify the Internet" by filtering out obscene material, thereby lowering the grand total of websites to three

(11)

(Gizmondo)

Mac OS X Leopard screenshots leaked for you nerds. Leopard > Vista

(418)

New squirrel-like rodent discovered in Peru. Tiene bolas grandes

Wed January 24, 2007:

# of Comments

Who ya gonna call for a proton pack neutrona wand? The U.S. Army, that's who, with their new "active denial system," a ray gun that shoots a "heat blast" beam

(33)

Fungus covering 2,200 acres is world's biggest organism. Sounds like Submitter's mom needs to see the gynecologist

(75)

Google receives over one million employment applications each year. No explanation for why Gmail is still in beta

New wiki answers the biggest questions of the multiverse in ADD friendly short paragraphs. All new bonus material: Stupid people get to comment on the articles

(20)

(Some Conglomerate)

CingBellularAT&TSouth or whatever the hell they're called this week just reported $782 million in profits, plans to blow it all on hourly name and logo changes

From the "Who the hell funded this?" files: German scientists have spent the past three years trying to get a sloth to move

(98)

Intel's Centrino adopts 802.11 draft N. Submitter unsure what this means, but his co-workers with laptops are apparently really happy this morning

(33)

Researchers in South Carolina have begun experimenting with MDMA, or "ecstasy," for patients with post-traumatic stress disorder. Also testing loud music, colored lights and dancing in foam with semi-naked girls

(22)

John Hodgman of "The Daily Show" and Wired answer 42 of the biggest questions in science

(32)

Microsoft bows to appeals and will continue XP support until 2010, which is fortunate since Vista is a steaming pile of hyena crap

(99)

French doctors perform partial face transplant on man riddled with tumors. Say patient should be up and surrendering in no time

Ugly-ass prehistoric shark discovered off Japan's coast. Mothra unavailable for comment

(160)

NASA astronaut and solar physicist Edward Lu calls for new 300 million spacecraft that would divert asteroids on path to slam into Earth. How about start with printer/copier that doesn't jam for $125.00?

(21)

By snakes and toads I command the admins to greenlight this headline. Nuohwoo nuohwoo

(66)

China to overtake the U.S. in internet usage in two years. Everybody download more porn so we can stay No. 1

(29)

Italians believe they have found the grotto in Rome where legend says Romulus and Remus were raised by a mother who smelled like dead bunnies

(13)

Ugly-ass calf with two faces wins over dairyman (with pic)

Tue January 23, 2007:

# of Comments

Researchers develop patch to deliver vaccine for Alzheimer's. In other news, researchers develop patch to deliver vaccine for Alzheimer's

(21)

Texas court rules that linking to another site's copyrighted material is illegal and subject to damages. Now who would create a website that just offers links to other people's content? Has anyone seen something like this? Oh, DEEP-linking

(141)

Universal music downloads for all players not expected for some years. Oh, except for MP3 format

(42)

(Some NASA Guy)

NASA astronomers have been watching the night side of the moon for more than a year, and they've just released highlight videos of some of the surprising things they've seen

(35)

AOL appoints new international chiefs in a desperate fight against obscurity

(11)

(AllAfrica)

Miracle shrub being grown experimentally in Africa feeds livestock, stops soil erosion and produces oil

Despite (or because of) the Web, we watch more television than ever

Earth's moon destined to disintegrate. EVERBODY PANIC. In five billion years. NEVERMIND

(113)

Microsoft said to offer payment for Wikipedia edits

Cardiff cracks secrets of 2,000-year-old computer. 42

Man memorizes 12,887 digits of pi to become U.S. record holder, adding to his world records for 905 digits of "e" and 5,544 digits of the square root of two. "I was really proud of him," says wife. Wait, wife?

(Ken Levine)

Blogger weaves story out of most searched-for words. Hitilarity ensues

(47)

In order to stay current, effective today the phrase "global warming" will be changed to "human-caused warming," per the United Nations. Please notifiy the "climate specialists" at the Weather Channel

New Mooney airplane hopes to be fastest in class at 272 mph, offer most butt-cheek-flap per mile

Former CEO of Take-Two Entertainment, publisher of "Grand Theft Auto" series, suspected of back-dating stock options. Last seen throwing someone out of a car and taking off for Liberty City

(70)

Linux geeks merge into single group designed to maximize smugness output

(65)

MySpace users will now have Amber Alert popups of other MySpace users who've been abducted by predators they met on MySpace

(80)

(C&EN)

"Hairy-ball" theorem used to make nanoparticles act like atoms

Scientists at UC Irvine have mapped fossil fuel air pollution in the United States by analyzing corn collected from nearly 70 locations nationwide, finding a kernel of truth in a maize of data

(50)

(ZP Energy)

Battery that is 10x more powerful and 2x cheaper than anything on the market is ready to ship. Exxon CEO boils, fumes

Portable solar power for laptops. Finally, I can Fark in the park

(57)

Microwaves kill kitchen germs. The only problem is that the manufacturers don't like you running them with the doors open

(M.E.N)

“The physics-defying material that gets thicker as it’s stretched could be used for aeroplane wings that change shape mid flight.” Where is the Awesome tag?

Facts and myths behind premium-grade gas

(238)

Second Life, the No. 1 spot on the Internet for furry pr0n, has announced plans to open-source access to its backend

Selenium supplements may slow progression of HIV, function as an antenna to draw surrounding psychokinetic energy in order to bring Gozer into our world

Now you can play against your pet in video game. Your dog wants "Quake"

British scientists have found a new way to treat inflammatory bowel disease: Stop eating British food

How not to mod a car: "A-Wing" edition

(119)

Scientists claim feathered dinosaur flew like bi-plane, proving some people get paid grant money to play dungeon master

(49)

Mon January 22, 2007:

# of Comments

New study due out tomorrow says man-made global warming a fact. "This isn't a smoking gun." It is "a batallion of intergalactic smoking missiles."

(71)

(Journal Star)

New Ethanol plants to run entirely off of cow poop, smug

2007 Top 10 weirdest USB drives

(58)

(NewsDaily)

Spaceship hovering over Iran

(72)

New "walking molecule" capable of carrying other molecules, finding Fark cliches

Domain name Baltimore.md sells for $3,000 and comes in #2 in the DNVW Weekly Domain Poll. Residents of the country of Moldova looking for this place called Baltimore that is using their .md domain extension

(Macworld)

The intertubes may well be the world’s greatest natural resource. But if you can't learn 'em good, what good is they?

James Hillier, co-developer of the electron microscope is dead at 91. Bet that is one thing he didn’t see that coming

Bionic eyes developed for cats, may help humans. Next up, a bionic ' land on feet' thingee

(computerworld)

Micro$oft tried to build a rival to the iPod, or forge a partnership with Apple

(31)

7,800 Pfizer employees will be getting pink slips in the coming months. Well if you can't trust a sprawling unregulated price-gouging industry like pharmaceuticals, then who can you trust?

(33)

(richard dawkins.net)

Scientists consider establishing "Church of Science." Hari Seldon hologram briefly appears, is heard muttering "I told you so."

(182)

Sexy nurses to be replaced by sexy robot nurses in three years, say scientists

Unlimited source of power living right under our feet

(45)

MRI study by Harvard researchers proves that people daydream when they're bored. Here comes Beyonce with Superbowl tickets and...what's that other thing? The science

Scientists fear they may have over-hyped manbearpig reports

(51)

Top five coolest gadgets of CES 2007, includes display that lets you experience pr0n in 3D..without the glasses

(Examiner)

Australian Archaeologists explore ruins of 150-year-old "Female Factory", presumably to figure out how to make 'em like they used to

Five Things Nortel must do to complete turnaround

Make a tattoo gun in 5 minutes or less using an electric toothbrush

(13)

(EurekAlert)

Researchers have developed a novel computational image-forming technique that can produce crisp, three-dimensional images from blurry, out-of-focus data. All those UFO pics out there are now pwned

Three person crew on ISS receives new shipment of astronaut ice cream

Alpine glaciers may disappear by 2050. When asked what people can do to prevent it, scientist replies, "Every little bit Alps", is promptly beaten to death by angry reporters

Scientists find the part of the brain that leads to altruism. Submitter hopes Moderator has a big posterior superior temporal sulcus

(9)

Dogs are better for your health than cats. Your dog wants a co-pay

Huge breakthough in medicine. Drug treats any of your sick mice, who have muscular dystrophy

(11)

(south bend tribune)

This guy doesn't just believe in flying saucers, he built one. "His work caught the attention of NASA, which invited him to a conference where engineers scratched their heads when he confessed he knew nothing about computers."

(116)

Pollution destroying pre-Aztec Mexican ruins. That's what happens when your area is represented by a guy with a crappy power like 'heart.'