Drew Curtis' FARK.com -- Entertainment Archives for '2007-03-25 23:59:59'

# of Comments

Eddie Izzard stars as Darth Vader in "Death Star Canteen" (Not safe for work language)

(7)

You cannot simply put all the blame on the media for lying to to the public when the fact is that the public often WANTS to be lied too. Don't like it? Quit buying it

(20)

Mama, he's crazy (with mugshot)

(3)

Early review of the movie "Grindhouse" says it will "explode in (y)our balls like a shotgun filled with handjobs". Who else can't wait for that pull-quote to appear on the theatrical posters?

(39)

Ninja Turtles overthrow Spartans for weekend box-office supremacy. "It's sequel time, dudes," says Harvey Weinstein

(28)

H8ers rejoice - Avril Lavigne won't be throwin' anymore cockpunches

(35)

MSNBC's Today does a hard hitting expose on the Idol fan who cried during Sanjaya's performance on Idol

(34)

How up are you on your super model trivia? Do you recognize these top models enough to be able to name them?

(70)

Remember Menudo? They're putting the band back together. Someone shoot me, please

It's just like the Year 3000 again as "Mystery Science Theater" guys reunite

(81)

(Some Booty)

Vida Guerra posed for Playboy last year to prove that the nude pics of her on the internet are fake

(40)

Rosanne Barr-Whatever finally ends up on a nut farm

(18)

Rocky I, II, III, IV, V in only 5 seconds

(25)

"Police officer" from the Village People arrested... again. [Obvironic] tag has never been needed more

Angelina Jolie's new kid adapting well. Name to be changed to Locutus

(36)

Sat March 24, 2007:

# of Comments

First pictures from "Rambo 4" set. Those growth hormones are working out, Sly

(27)

Harlequin books seeks "real men" for covers. Unknown how overweight balding guys in their tighty-whities is going to help them sell books

(12)

According to Pete Townshend, there are only 2 classic rock bands. "You’ve got the Stones and the Who. Classic rock — finished. It’s all over after that."

(74)

Snoop Dogg Dropped Like He's Hot - Britain sees the 'signs' and rejects his visa

(5)

Sir Elton John turns sixty tomorrow. In his honor, here's 60 of his biatchiest quotes

(13)

Latest sign that the apocalypse is near: Donny says the Osmonds may reunite for a TV special

Agent Smith to voice Megatron in Transformers movie. Damn you Michael Bay

(TMZ.com)

Here's a quiz Farkers should be good at: Fake or real?

"Grindhouse" ensures spectacular DVD sales by slashing itself down to theatrical "R" rating

(Joblo.com)

Christian Bale may be contractually obligated to star in upcoming "Justice League" movie. Brandon Routh cowers nervously in corner

(18)

Scarlett Johansson says, "I'll be getting plastic surgery" ss soon as she starts to look like 'old hag'

Anna Nicole hated sex. Unless, of course, it was with money

Trump decided this year's Miss USA should be tall, skinny AND a good role model. You'll have to wait until 2008 for the next trashy trainwreck

(4)

The most horrifying thing that Wes Craven ever created just made it's own movie

(Fishbowl LA)

Bill O'Reilly has Friend-Of-FARK April Winchell banned for life from her former employer for recounting the "Culture Warrior's" shenanigans on a competing station

(20)

Serbian town to erect life-size marble statue of Samantha Fox - no really

(67)

Fashion industry launches inquiry to try to get the skinny on the health of their models

(3)

Don Cheadle insists he isn't a lame and boring person who only makes serious movies and pimps the NFL

(4)

HP, Hermione, and Ronny the Weasel all confirmed to be returning for "Harry Potter" Six and Seven

(44)

If Mark Wahlberg hadn't got drunk in Toronto he would have been on one of the 9/11 planes

(44)

(Columbus Dispatch)

Lil Jon (WHAT?) makes Guinness World Records book (YEAH) by having the "biggest bling" (OKAY)

Anna Nicole Smith diaries sell for over $500K. Now that is one expensive coloring book

(23)

(BC Magazine)

Ever wonder how they find those people for Daily Show segments? Ask this guy

(8)

Being the funniest Supreme Court justice "is like being one of the shortest tall people"

(22)

Senior citizens flocking to Nintendo Wii. "I'm 82 years old, so I missed that part of our culture. Soap operas, yes. Video games, no"

(117)

Fri March 23, 2007:

# of Comments

(IESB)

Hollywood rape of childhood memories continues: Emile "Mudge Boy" Hirsch to play Speed Racer, drive CGI Mach 5

(23)

Jessica Simpson asks waiter at restaurant if there's any Italian dressing available. Oh yeah, the restaurant was in Rome, Italy

(Just Jared)

Pam from "The Office" shows a bit of skin on the cover of Wired, really does secretly wish she had one of you loser geeks as her boyfriend (SFW)

(wvmv.com)

Good news...Halle Berry comes to her senses and swears off marriage

(Lostpedia)

List of unanswered questions from "Lost," in case you have a few weeks to kill during lunch

(Times Dispatch)

In a return to hard-hitting, unbiased journalism, this intrepid reporter calls Christina Aguilera a "skank"

(42)

(IESB)

Kittens win this round: Natalie Portman's rumored nudity in "Goya's Ghosts" not hers, but a body double's

Mad Mel Gibson tells another sugartits to fark off

(256)

Marlon Brando's estate is suing a furniture maker after the iconic star's surname was used to sell a chair. A chair with five asses

(33)

Sienna Miller and Kevin Spacey were rumoured to be enjoying each other's company over glasses of champagne in a bar -- until Miller called him Kevin Bacon. Of course, she says it's just a rumor

Baggage handlers at LAX fired for stealing from Paris Hilton's baggage. No word on if her missing sense of shame was recovered

Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet, who played ill-starred lovers where Jack taught Rose to spit in the 1997 smash "Titanic," are reuniting for a drama about post-war disillusionment, how to pee while standing up

Don't call him Marky Mark any longer

(46)

(Hollywood Tuna)

Carmen Electra denies lesbian affair with Joan Jett -- she holding out for a real woman like Clay Aiken

(25)

Sandra Bernhard slams Britney Spears' parents and Disney in an interview. She was so mad, she forgot to say something bad about Madonna

(33)

(WGAL)

Marcia Brady comes clean in People interview, admitting cocaine use and bulimia. She said she really didn't want to talk about her bulimia, but it kept coming up

(46)

Warning: New Discovery Channel series "Planet Earth" will break your heart, especially if you're a big wuss who doesn't know where groceries come from

(84)

Simon Cowell threatens to quit "American Idol" if Sanjaya Malakar wins

(124)

The top five types of crying that make "American Idol" so much fun

(7)

Only known painting of Jane Austen to be auctioned off, as long as it doesn't put everybody to sleep first

(64)

In case you missed it: Zach de la Rocha introducing Patti Smith prior to her induction into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame

(39)

Hey, you, get offa my lawn: Rolling Stones to play Isle of Wight, right after this nap

New Jersey prepares for life after The Sopranos, the state's third largest source of revenue after hair gel and Springsteen CDs

(Some Superficial Guy)

Phoebe Cates has turned into an Asian teen

(78)

John Travolta promises not to mention Scientology while in Germany promoting "Wild Hogs." Will only shoot wild thetan sparks out of his eyes

Thu March 22, 2007:

# of Comments

Mark Wahlberg was such a cocky thief in his youth he once stole the same car 15 times

(LA Weekly)

First season of "Maude" released on DVD, causing massive pitching of tents on Fark

(39)

(WNBC.com)

Houdini's great-nephew wants to dig him up to determine how he died. Meanwhile, the creators of "Quantum Leap" and "CSI" have an idea

(51)

LA freaks out over movie poster for Captivity, featuring women in cages. That's Captivity, coming to a theater near you. Captivity, the film with the controversial posters. Captivity

(245)

"To be honest, all I was thinking about when I was with this woman (Giselle Bundchen) was my cattle and goats."

(TMZ.COM)

Linday Lohan finds Jesus. Jesus seen running and screaming "entrepierna de fuego"

(46)

Jessica Alba: "We try so hard at auditions and are rejected so often, so when you get to the point where you can actually get those same people to kiss you're ass, it's really great"

(45)

From the pot calling the kettle black department: Lindsay Lohan's mom says Britney Spears 'should have been better taken care of' by her mother

(73)

Marvel Comics displays the same marketing sense it had in casting Ben Affleck as Daredevil and decides to open its first amusement park in Dubai

(34)

Eurythmics' Dave Stewart joins environmental terrorist organization in hopes of converting Hollywood green

George Clooney has been offered the role of Liberace in an upcoming movie; Brad Pitt would have to be his brother George

Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt will reportedly earn almost $2 million for photographs of their newly adopted son

(27)

Carmen Electra has caught teh ghey with Joan Jett. Dave Navarro should be real proud of his accomplishment

(78)

Marvel Comic's "Iron Man" begins film production

(74)

Proving how high maintenance she really is, Eva Longoria's dog Jinxie will follow her down the aisle

Having finally exhausted the list of has-been stars to be Grand Marshall, the Hollywood Christmas Parade reaches the end of the road after 75 years

(7)

Dora the Barney Slayer

(40)

(FreeIndie)

Movie trailer for new documentary capturing life of an obsessive Starbucks drinker

Fourth season of "Battlestar Galactica" expanded from 13 episodes to 22, plus a two-hour bonus. Fanboys rejoice by burning Gaius Baltar in effigy

(81)

(TMZ)

Justin Timberlake disses his Grammy Award. "I tried so hard to be an R&B artist and it was the pop album of the year, and I was like, 'F*ck. That's the last thing I wanted'"

(62)

Top 15 unintentionally funny comic books panels

(113)

Vivica Fox arrested on suspicion of DUI, possession of lethal amount of sexiness

Wed March 21, 2007:

# of Comments

Cartoons that should be movies

(95)

Hollywood still thinks we like prequels: Pre- "Escape from New York" adventures of Young Snake Plisskin coming soon

(33)

Nick Lachey left red-faced on plane after realizing in-flight movie starred ex-wife Jessica Simpson

Letterman foil Larry "Bud" Melman is no more. Calvert DeForest dies at age 85

(150)

(TMZ)

A woman who has all her priorities in order is in the fourth day of a hunger strike to protest Sanjaya still being on "American Idol"

(41)

76... year-old... William... Shatner to STAR... versus... 26-year-old... YOUNG William... Shatner

(35)

Scarlett Johansson is so enamoured with Woody Allen she would gladly "sew his pants"

(44)

Simon Cowell’s cutting insults on "American Idol" are scripted. Shock! Horror!

(51)

(WWE)

Wrestlemania 24 will take place at the Citrus Bowl, marking the first time a wrestling event will be cancelled by rain

(US Magazine)

Apparently never having seen "Swingers," Tom Cruise takes the Jon Favreau approach to converting Victoria Beckham to $cientology by calling her 18 times in one hour

(78)

(WWTDD)

Carlos Mencia busted stealing material... again. This time from the Cos

(134)

Angelina Jolie plunges her new adoptee headfirst into his new life by having him pose for a photoshoot

(12)

Tom Cruise confirmed for WW2 drama directed by Bryan Singer. Only in this version of WW2 the Nazi's are called "Thetans" and Hitler is called "Xenu"

(34)

Matt Damon admits he "hated" kissing Angelina Jolie in his new movie. "It was like kissing my sister – really awkward, and generally awful"

(61)

For the second time this month, Nicole Richie collapses on the set of “The Simple Life” but doesn’t die. Farking tease

Man claims Prince's Super Bowl show gave him erectile dysfunction

(143)

Woody Harrelson's contract-killer dad dies of heart attack while serving two life sentences. No word if he gets a 50% discount yet

Britney uses the media to plead with the media for some privacy from.. the media

(119)

(Variety)

Gears of War movie on the way, but you'll only be able to watch a couple seconds at a time when you pop up from behind the seat in front of you

(31)

Brittney Spears "completes" rehab

(RTLC)

Zach Snyder intentionally places homosexual subtext in "300." Then, when reviewers point it out, he whines that it's a homophobic neocon conspiracy

(52)

(Badmouth.net)

American Idol contestants have more felony convictions than hit singles

(E! Online)

MTV has begun pre-taping episodes of Total Request Live which kind of defeats the purpose of an interactive, vote-for-your-favorite-video-from-home type of show

(Popsugar)

Ashton Kutcher ready to start shooting new TV show, "The Real Wedding Crashers". Oh, this will go well

(20)

(TMZ.com)

Adam Sandler to sub for sick David Letterman tonight. Everyone in the studio audience will become dumber for having listened to him. He will be awarded no points, and may God have mercy on his soul

Tue March 20, 2007:

# of Comments

Just when you thought the internet couldn't get any classier, K-Fed starts his own search engine. Popozoogle?

(28)

Bands with multi-platinum sales are often reviled by critics. I posit that future generations will worship Nickelback, and deride us for failing to appreciate their genius. I mean, we're talkin' about The 'Back, baby

(121)

Willie Nelson starts record company, immediately smokes it

After 30 unfunny years, Bernie Mac has decided to retire from comedy

(83)

Lou Diamond Phillips wants to star in a remake of "The Breakfast Club," and also wants you to cover his 12:00 to 9:00 shift at the Gas 'N' Go

Headline: "Dancing" judge on Mills: "More guts than Rambo." Less limbs, though

(24)

Ewww. Ex-Metallica roadie selling James Hetfield's burn-unit medical dlove on Ebay. No word on how much a bucket full of used Lars condoms is going for

(35)

Pamela Anderson is becoming celibate for her sons

(38)

Keanu Reeves runs down paparazzi with car. Whoa

(60)

Ray J -- the guy doing Kim Kardashian in that sex tape -- has been offered a porn contract because of his stellar performance

(47)

Superman may not be returning in his own film, but as part of an ensemble cast in a film version of the comic, "Justice League of America." Wonder Twin powers activate. Form of a sucky movie

(81)

Anna Nicole Smith's secret diaries could jeopardize her claim to her late husband's estate

Former U.S. Congressman upset that the Cincinnati Pops Orchestra has turned their back on Bo and Luke Duke

(41)

There used to be 57 cable channels on and nothing to watch, now the average is 104 channels, with still nothing to watch

(122)

Brtiney Spears is facing bankruptcy after spending a staggering $21 million in the past two years

(92)

(AdFreak)

Guy who lived out of his Nissan for an ad campaign goes to Ron Jeremy's birthday party, gets some action from Penthouse girls who think he's Napoleon Dynamite

(50)

Motley Crue's Vince Neil says Christopher Walken will play Ozzy in 'The Dirt' movie

Reminder Oshawa Farkers: Stephen Colbert Day celebrations today at General Motors Centre

(If It's Movies)

"Kung Fu" television show to be made into a movie but will lack the much needed David Carradine

Mon March 19, 2007:

# of Comments

Patrick Swayze to star in "Little House on the Prairie" musical

(25)

I'm shocked, SHOCKED i tell you, to discover that pro wrestlers are involved in a steroid ring

(98)

New CBS drama "Babylon Fields" to depict the plight of small-town residents dealing with a plague of zombies. Producers of "Desperate Housewives" sue for plagarism

(72)

Leaked video of Tomlin-vs.-director screaming matches on set of Zen comedy "I Heart Huckabees"

(73)

TMZ posts Gene Simmons post-facelift photo

(51)

Director of "Cool Hand Luke" dies at 79. States that unless you have a Ouija board, you will have a failure to communicate

Steven Seagal would consider doing "Under Siege 3: At the Nursing Home" if the original film crew could reunite

Michael Jackson attempts to go incognito at hotel by registering as a woman. Plan fails miserably when word spreads that Janet Jackson just checked in

(57)

Shaking (not stirring) the current Bond formula even further, the next Bond film will be a direct sequel to Casino Royale

(48)

Demi Moore denies she's been knocked up

Britney Spears' aunt says Brit needs some Southern Comfort, which is probably one of the things that got Britney in this mess in the first place

(16)

Simon Cowell once turned down $100,000 to watch a couple have sex

(21)

Avril Lavigne says she has "mellowed out" since getting married to that guy who looks like he ran the 50-yard dash in a 40-yard gym

(58)

That stewardess that Ralph Fiennes had sex with? She used to be a prostitute in Sydney

(53)

Tara Reid opens diner, but the damn labels keep sliding off the ketchup bottles, revealing oddly bumpy surfaces

Red capes, leather underwear, more six-packs than a package store = continued box office domination. "300" stays atop the film world, passing $100 million in just two weeks

(54)

Hollywood has ruined global-warming hysteria, according to some leading scientists in the field of hysteria... or something

Lindsay Lohan stays out of rehab long enough to turn into real estate tycoon

(13)

Phil Spector plans to ask his ex-wife for help in his murder trial, but she claims that if he sends her one more NewsFlash about it, she's banning his ass permanently