Drew Curtis' FARK.com -- Entertainment Archives for '2007-03-04 23:59:59'

# of Comments

George Michael to christen new Wembley Stadium after apparently being impressed by the quality of ballhandling he's witnessed there over the years

(2)

Kanye West orders take-out from a Wales restaurant...while he's in New York. At $3900, that better be some damn good food

(16)

Sarah Michelle Gellar - Bikini in hot tub on vacation in Cabo, Mexico 3-02-07

Sci-Fi Channel says remaining four episodes of "Battlestar Galactica" will "leave fans in stunned silence with mouths agape"

(65)

(RollingStone)

Nine Inch Nails promote album via extensive and creepy marketing. Street lights are surprisingly not involved

(16)

(Rocky Mountain News)

In yet another blow to the pro-bear movement, Stephen Colbert named the Comedy Arts Festival's person of the year

(2)

Documentary filmmaker angry at Seinfeld cracking jokes during Oscar, insists he be called Maestro

(36)

"The sad fact is Hank Williams can't get played on American roots radio these days nor can other genuine legends like George Jones, Merle Haggard and Waylon Jennings. They're too country"

(76)

Sienna Miller says "Drugs are fun"

Model trains are making a comeback thanks to Harry Potter. Wait, what?

(51)

(eCanadaNow)

Drew Barrymore claims she is “a sexual, free, f***ing nudist wood nymph” when it comes to sex

(68)

Britney Spears cranks it up a notch by yelling "I am the anti-Christ" and trying to hang herself in rehab

(440)

Director David Lynch unveils 50 years worth of work as an photographer, draftsman, and painter at a show in Paris. Viewers claim that they understood almost none of it, but liked the lesbian sex scenes

(37)

Gay Mexican pop star comes out of the closet after pictures of his gay Canadian marriage appear online. That took a lot of courage, hombre

(53)

25 years after death, John Belushi remains influence on movies, music and comedy

(32)

The "Oprah of the Middle East" flees Egypt in fear for her safety. When asked to comment, the "Dr. Phil of the Middle East" opened his mouth and was quickly stoned to death

(7)

(American Heritage)

Mel Brooks was once Sid Caesar's groupie

(6)

(WESH)

Pop svengali Lou Pearlman files for personal bankruptcy. [Insert bad pun based on NSYNC breakup song of choice here]

(7)

Sat March 03, 2007:

# of Comments

Daniel Radcliffe nude acting technique: “When he had his back to the audience he pulled on it a bit to make it appear bigger”

(143)

Device stops all images or memory of Anna Nicole Smith

Film's potential Oscar success quantified by formula (2TxA/C)F. Here comes the pseudo-mathematics

(6)

Archbishop of Newark teams up with "Roger Rabbit" creator to write sci-fi book about flesh-eating vampires

Gene Simmons to have surgery on his reality show as doctors remove whatever is left of his pride

(15)

Liz Hurley and some guy pull a swifty on the Papparazzi. Suck it media vultures

Bill Maher is sorry the assassination attempt on Dick Cheney failed

(171)

Terminator 4 is on its way

(54)

World of classical music rocked by its own Milli Vanilli scandal

Grange Hill to be made into a film. No one outside the UK will have a clue what this is about

Star Wars: 501st Legion Inducts Kevin Smith

(28)

A Norman Rockwell work stolen more than three decades ago has been found in Steven Spielberg's art collection

(59)

Australia's Kylie Minogue, "the face of Swedish beachwear." Face? Sorry, wrong end of the horse there, fella

Mick Jagger has seen better days. We should rob his ass

Series creator tries to prepare fans that "Heroes" Season Two will be a completely different story than Season One

Geeks the world over suffer nerdgasms and begin planning sexless English vacations on news that Birmingham suburb is putting up statue of Treebeard the Ent to honor JRR Tolkien (pic)

Miss USA: I will always be an alcoholic addict. Your dog says pageant queens never had brains and that "alcoholic" already means you're an addict

(39)

Fri March 02, 2007:

# of Comments

(TMZ)

The group of A-list celebs at Anna Nicole's funeral starts with Slash from Guns N' Roses, and promptly ends

Britney Spears wants to be your friend, but after she's done shaving her legs in a sink while wearing a blue wig (with pics of her new friends)

(68)

People do not remember commercials from sexy shows. Trend first noticed during "The Golden Girls" run

(Ocala.com)

Residents of Ocala, Florida can really relate to John Travolta. You know, aside from the fact that he worships aliens and has a plane in his back yard

(10)

Salma Hayek has won the "Best Breasts" gong at the Annual Anatomy Awards. (Link is not safe for work)

Peyton Manning to host "Saturday Night Live" on March 24. Jobu grimly smiles, then sets his TiVo because he loves Peyton Manning and well written sketch-comedy ensembles

(36)

Rosie O'Donnell's condescending idiocy driving emotionally fragile Elisabeth Hasselbeck away from "The View"

(91)

Angelina Jolie is adopting another one

(202)

Iron Maiden to perform in Bangalore. "We hear the Indian fans are very into their metal," says Bruce Dickinson, who clued in to this after hearing Muzak version of "Run to the Hills" while on tech support hold for five hours

(57)

Antonella Barba's friend says "She's the least slutty person I know," and that's saying something

Pamela Anderson visits Cancun for photoshoot, recognizes she's working near the site where she and Tommy Lee got married by noticing the biohazard signs and yellow tape around the area

(2)

Kate Beckinsale... something, something... lots of sex... something... submitter's head asplodes

(48)

(People Magazine)

Cliff Clavin of "Cheers" fame to join "Dancing With the Stars." Because you know dancing was actually invented by the African Pygmies as a way to confuse the lions that used to feed on them. Another beer please, Sam

(34)

(CMT)

Country artist to sing at Anna Nicole's funeral. His biggest hit? "Tequila Makes Her Clothes Fall Off." Seems about right

(64)

Victoria Beckham chased down street by pot-bellied pig, which is the closest she's ever gotten to bacon

(Variety)

Getting a sitcom on ABC is so easy, a caveman could do it

(100)

The Associated Press breaks resolution to avoid running stories about Paris Hilton after only one week

(64)

In Russia, theatre shushes you

(44)

Thu March 01, 2007:

# of Comments

(TMZ)

One more reason to hate reality TV: Kathy Griffin and Nick Carter on a date

(The Superficial)

Pete Doherty, marijuana and a pen full of penguins. What could possibly go wrong? (w/ pics)

(15)

Kathie Lee Gifford's son, Cody, tells Jimmy Kimmel he wants to do Paris Hilton

(28)

(X17 Online)

Pictures of Britney Spears leaving rehab (temporarily) for AA meeting show her wearing K-Fed wedding ring

M. Night Shyamalan's deer fence approved by Pennsylvania township. However, they didn't catch the plot twist -- rather than keeping things out, it keeps things in. Whoa. That was freaky. I just got goosebumps

(52)

Kiefer Sutherland has discovered he has a long-lost half-brother thanks to an obituary in a Montreal, Canada newspaper. Plans to interrogate him thoroughly then cut off his head

Charlotte Church completes the last step in her five-year skankification process

(Some Girl)

Heather Mills: "Unlikely my leg will fly off on 'Dancing With the Stars.'" Well, okay then...

The Batmobile from the 1960s TV series sold for a staggering $233,000 at a London auction. Holy waste of money, Batman

(25)

Anna Nicole to be buried in pink as paternity investigators sort through thousands of men who were also recently buried in her pink

(123)

Jeff Goldblum wins restraining order against your mom

(10)

If you don't read this link about "Lost," then you'll miss the biggest television story of the year

(254)

(Telegraph.co.uk)

Aussie court rules that Carson Kressley, one of the stars of "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy," is "a pillow biter" and a "pompous little pansy prig" and there's nothing wrong with that

(10)

Olympian and actor Herman Brix, who starred as Tarzan in "The New Adventures of Tarzan," swings into the afterlife at age 100

Belinda Carlisle admits to having lesbian relationships. Then refuses to explain her relationship with Alex the Seal

(43)

Actress bearing Tom Brady's child dines with fellow thesbian Mary Louise Parker, who was also dumped while pregant. Topic of discussion: Best brand of nut-cutter knife. (Uh, "thesbian"?)

(21)

As predicted here on Fark, K Fed single handedly brought down the entire rap industry in 2006

(122)

People have stopped buying Taylor Hicks's album. Maybe there's hope for us after all

(Bella Online)

Realizing that the public no longer accepts rehab as a cure-all, Britany Spears' PR team gears up her "post-partum depression" defense. Johnnie Cochran and Chewbacca nod in approval

Jake Gyllenhaal traumatized by niece's diaper, sister's freakishly large head

(40)

In a desperate effort to stay in the news, Lance Bass has praised Ellen DeGeneres for hosting the Oscars, declaring her role was a positive move for the acceptance of homosexuals in mainstream culture

(13)

(Female First)

Paris Hilton finally admits she is a porn star

Former "Neighbours" star Alan Dale hates the ubiquitous soapie, saying he feels the show "ripped him off." Conversely, his new role on "Lost" rewards and satisfies viewers. Just kidding, the polar bear's ghost told me tha

Alan Arkin cast as The Chief in the upcoming "Get Smart" remake. Cone of silence unavailable for comment

(26)

The latest fad in Japan: Cleaning the toilet for good luck

Obese 26-year-old man in northeastern China dies after a marathon online-gaming session. Guess that bright light at the end of the tunnel wasn't another magic missile

Comic book civil war rages on. Where is your Zod now?

(49)

Wed February 28, 2007:

# of Comments

(TechDirt)

The MPAA figures that yanking all of this year's Oscar clips off of YouTube will make more people want to watch the show next year

AP entertainment editor institutes bans on Paris Hilton. That's hot

(197)

(People Magazine)

Vincent Pastore tells "Dancing with the Stars" to fuggedaboutit

(13)

Elizabeth Hurley's four-year-old son is her bodyguard. How cute

While John Travolta covers his dome with a rug, Bruce Willis bares his with pride and threatens to beat up anyone who makes fun of it

(30)

Anna Nicole will not rot in Texas. Somehow this rates a Breaking News Alert on CNN and FoxNews

(108)

(Orlando Sentinel)

Season's highest rated TV show is "Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?" Clearly, the answer is "no"

(239)

Mall of America deemed sponge worthy

(56)

Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen make Forbes list of wealthy celebs. Subby would hit it like the fist of an angry Sean Combs

(59)

City drops Tyra Banks ads from buses as un-hot women complain

(52)

(Pete Zahut)

Strange... there haven't been any Britney stories the last couple of days. Oh wait, here's one: K-Fed's ultimatum is what led to Britney to return to rehab

(20)

(newsnet5.com)

Police say that Paris Hilton didn't have her headlights on. It must not have been cold outside

Robert Downey, Jr. credits rehab for helping him get through the filming process of his latest movie -- unlike his last movie, where he credited rehab with getting through the filming process. And the one before that... and the one before that...

(Entertainment Weekly)

Teaser for tonight's "Lost" episode, so you can be massively disappointed prior to viewing episode, not just after

(71)

Plot of next Pixar animated movie revealed. Douglas Adams approves

(77)

Opie & Anthony read writing on the wall, get ready to pack their bags

(113)

Nicolas Cage wants title role in upcoming remake of "The Fly." He better avoid the bees this time

Voice of Wally Walrus, Ernie the Keebler Elf, Dr. Blinkey and Orson the Vulture on "H.R. Pufnstuf" has died

(9)

Carrie Fisher narrowly beats out Dana Scully and Carrie Anne Moss as the hottest nerd crush of all time. Millions of fat, pasty basement dwellers are "polishing" the "ol' lightsaber" as I speak

(78)

(Crave Film and TV)

A new and very cromulent interview with Matt Groening on all things Simpsons. It will embiggen your hearts to read it

(Some Bollywood Star)

Subtitle your own Bollywood movie

(97)

John Travolta says Scientology would have saved Anna Nicole

(52)

(Access Hollywood)

Michael Jackson dispels several popular rumors, including the one about the next documentary being called "An Inconvenient Youth"

(7)

Liz Taylor marks her 75th birthday with a shot of Botox and a bucket of KFC

Tue February 27, 2007:

# of Comments

(WSB TV)

Actor and producer Tyler Perry fined more than $175,000 for illegally moving trees on his $24 million Atlanta estate. World's tiniest violin reportedly playing

This year's Oscar goodie bag includes a bunch of energy credits so our poor celebrities can keep using their limos and private jets guilt-free

(27)

(Some Jersey Guy)

The greatest band in the world, TENACIOUS D get a bluegrass makeover by the band Dust Bowl Cavaliers. Listen to it for it's farking fantastic

(29)

Helen Mirren admits she didn't wear any underwear to Oscar ceremony. There, now get that image out of your head. You're welcome

(42)

(Orlando Sentinel)

"Studio 60" crapped out, and its replacement, "The Black Donnellys," is sinking faster than an Irishman after his 20th Guinness

(65)

Proving you can never be too thin or too rich, bag'o'antlers Victoria Beckham signs 10 million dollar deal for her own U.S. reality show

(13)

Prince Charles says Big Macs are the reason for obesity, wants to ban all McDonalds' restaurants

(39)

Jessica Simpson says she always wears underwear because she doesn't want pictures of her genitals all over the internet. Apparently has no clue that it's her boobies, not her vagina, that many want to see

(42)

Links to apply to become a contestant on all the major reality TV shows. Those with an ounce of self respect need not apply

(25)

Martin Scorsese and Brad Pitt both not credited for a "Departed" Oscar. Wait, what?

Eddie Murphy reportedly storms out of Oscar ceremony in a huff after losing Best Supporting Actor to Alan Arkin. Because, obviously, there's no way anyone else would have been a better choice

(74)

70's teen hearthrob David Cassidy's new autobiography details his sexual exploits with Gina Lollobrigida and a beauty Queen covered in butter. (2nd article)

Harrison Ford has taken on a gruelling fitness regime to get into shape for Indiana Jones and the Adult Diaper of Doom

(40)

Actress makes documentary praising Woody Allen after he fires her and calls her 'retarded'. That guy is good

Christina Ricci nearly quit acting due to the crappy roles she was offered. But then someone came to her with the brilliant role of a nympho running around in her underwear in a film called "Black Snake Moan"

(54)

Steven Soderbergh had to report for jury duty but was shocked when the judge refused to believe his Hollywood status

(21)

Singer George Michael says pot killed all his memories of "Wham" era but it keeps him creative

(41)

Bobby Brown looking to beat charges for overdue child support, Whitney Houston

RIP Bill Hicks, Fark's favorite dead comedian

(127)

Mon February 26, 2007:

# of Comments

(Access Atlanta)

Jeff Foxworthy's television failures will soon include game show host

(26)

Caption what P Diddy is really thinking

(108)

Hit and run suspect last seen fleeing covered in mud. Police, not having seen Predator, search with thermal imaging camera

(59)

That money train just keeps on a rollin' - Metallica shows in Sweden and Norway sell out in 90 minutes. How much money have you made today?

(Idolator)

Having already gotten rid of music videos, MTV2 gets rid of VJs

(Variety)

NFL trying to get Bruce Springsteen to perform at next Super Bowl halftime. The way it's been going recently, the halftime stage will need a wheelchair ramp

Rich boy Brandon Davis ruins Paris Hilton's birthday dinner by acting like a complete drunken fool

Ancient pornographer Hugh Hefner may marry one of his pneumatic blonde bubbleheads on TV

(26)

Bobby Brown arrested at cheerleading competition. R. Kelly says "Niiiiiiice."

Angelina Jolie travels to Africa to raise Darfur awareness, which is secret code for 'take another child'

James Blunt involved in car accident. No word on whether he was playing his own CD, but it's quite probable

Congrats to farker xbook for winning two Golden Reels for sound editing "Letters From Iwo Jima". Oh yeah, he also won an Oscar

(87)

(hollywood.com)

Jason Alexander: Britney is a drug addict and has been involved in wild bisexual sex orgies with her dancers, I hope she doesn't die. I care about her

(40)

Deep Purple says don't but their newest album, it sucks the big one

(25)

"Gone With the Wind" to be remade as stage play. The very heterosexual and not at all gay Aussie Hugh Jackman will star as Rhett Butler

(16)

(katv)

Extreme Makeover, Home Edition is in desperate need of people in the Murfreesboro, Tennessee area to help, to assist, to aid, in the finishing of a home. If only they had a word for people who give of their time for others... in Tennessee

(31)

Rob Zombie shows off his new Michael Myers in upcoming "Halloween" remake. Captain Kirk approves

(Molly Good)

Not content to let Mischa Barton get all the press, Cameron Diaz and Drew Barrymore share a bit of the herb while sunbathing (pics)

(43)

Stallone disciplines his children by threatening to make them watch his old movies. “If the kids are acting up, I’ll say to them, ‘Pack that in or I’ll make you watch Stop Or My Mom Will Shoot,'" he says

(38)

Here are the 2007 Oscar winners

(467)

Voldemort may have fathered a child