Drew Curtis' FARK.com -- Entertainment Archives for '2007-02-18 23:59:59'

# of Comments

With a house hunting budget of only $20 million, the Beckhams are facing homelessness in L.A. All together now: Awwwwwwww

(7)

Daniel Radcliffe wants Harry Potter to die. "I have a melancholy yarning for a death scene," he explains

'Ghost Rider' tops box office with $44.5 million on opening weekend. In related news, people so stupid that they move their lips when they think have $44.5 million to drop at the movies

(49)

(TMZ.com)

Free Zsa Zsa

(10)

Patriots QB Tom Brady goes long and deep to former wide receiver Bridget Moynahan. He scores

(Some Likeable Scientologist)

Travolta to donate proceeds of private screening of "Wild Hogs" to FL tornado victims

(26)

Office of the Blatantly Obvious latest press release: Celebs find ways to skirt prescription laws. With pic of current flavour of the month

"'Lost' is the tragedy of the season...It's too late to save it"

(119)

(Irish Examiner)

Grant and Khan split. Wrath expected to arrive shortly

(7)

(NY Daily News)

Mental health experts weighing in on Britney freakout: "I think what you are seeing is her anger being turned against herself" says Dr. Noshiat Sherlock

(165)

Top 12 movies in history that were ahead of their time

(112)

Guitarist Vito Bratta would love for a White Lion reunion to happen. Then the children cried

Dominic Monaghan believes he should have been a homosexual

(19)

Sat February 17, 2007:

# of Comments

What dead historical figure would you like to tell about our incredible state of technology and this wondrous internets? VE

(138)

(NBC-2.com)

Multi-millionaires creating traffic gridlock in the skies. And you thought weather and crappy airline service was to blame (link not working - article pasted in first post)

(70)

Contemporary Art Museum opens in Detroit. Both contemporary art fans in Detroit said to be ecstatic

(7)

(TMZ.com)

Celebrities picking their nose. That's entertainment

(Funhouse)

Battlestar Galactica Intro - World of Warcraft Style

(Some Porn Again Guy)

Meet Klaus Harmony, the "Mozart of Porn"

Sylvester Stallone detained for "contraband" at Sydney airport. That's not his bag, baby

(5)

Nothing makes an unknown actress known better than a slutty black dress (w/pic)

(47)

Embalamers won't work on Anna Nicole Smith's body unless they're allowed to take pictues of the festering corpse

(29)

(Daily Star)

Beckham facing stiff competition in the U.S. No, not David, Victoria Beckham is the one that has to compete for tabloid space with serial attention whores Britney Spears, Paris Hilton, and Lindsay Lohan

(9)

Top 10 evil characters from horror films (each with video links)

(40)

Cost of a man-date with Anderson Cooper is now $21,000; no guarantee you get 360

236 Perfect Words. Thing 1 and Thing 2 count as one

(10)

Redneck chicks everywhere rejoice as Hank Williams Jr. is back on the market

Jenna Jameson thinks mainstream movie based on her life is every actress's dream, and role could win them an Oscar

(21)

(WWL-TV)

James Gandolfini arrives in New Orleans to preside as King of Bacchus. Dr Melfi on hand in case he passes out and topples into Katrina debris

(2)

Britney Shears

(368)

Ex-Atomic Kitten star spends wedding night alone after new taxi driver husband can't stop farting on their wedding day. Didn't Alanis Morissette sing about this?

In what is sure to be the best move in relations with N. Korea ever, a bunch of American fashion "experts" give Kim Jong Il a makeover by doctoring photographs. Bonus: Commentary from the fashion experts

Fri February 16, 2007:

# of Comments

What's Leo gonna tell Jack?

(122)

(bizofshowbiz.com)

Disney pays two women to sue for rights to "Winnie the Pooh," it's enough to get eeyore in a bad mood

(91)

(Monterey Herald)

♫ El Grapes of Wrath-O / gets score and libretto / Opera Man-o not too keeno / All whitetrash-o, not about vino ♪

(5)

R&B star AKON has ruled out becoming the next president of Senegal - after watching the dangers the fictional US leader on TV drama 24 went through

"Reality" show based on hunt for Bigfoot in Texas. Reality has a whole new meaning now

Posthumous Mother-of-the-Year: Anna Nicole Smith's will leaves everything to her dead son and intentionally omits her five-month old daughter

(134)

First rule about Daniel Craig in a speedo is you do not talk about Daniel Craig in a speedo

(TMZ.com)

For those of you who had February 15th as the day Britney checked in to rehab, congratulations. For those of you who had the 16th as when she checked out, claim your prize

(75)

Actual headline: "Paris Hilton looks bored at Vienna Ball". Which brings to 12,345,678 the results returned when you google the words "Paris Hilton" and "Ball(s)"

(54)

Law school to hold "mock trial" for Michael Richards' racist rant. Lawyer representing the black audience members invited Richards. In related news, a wolf invited a sheep over for dinner

(14)

Spike TV strikes deal with Major League Eating to show four competitive eating events this year, proving there actually is a network with lower standards than Fox

(71)

Paris Hilton would like you to know that it's okay to throw thrash at her

(24)

(Badmouth)

Reviewer unsurprised that Ghost Rider movie, like main character, has no soul

(59)

Judge orders Smith's body to be embalmed, even though it takes thousands of years for plastic to disintegrate

Caption this karaoke kitty

(152)

Shaun Of The Dead star Simon Pegg embarrassed after accidentally showing his family a video in which he flashes the camera. Bonus mom quote: "Ooh, that's changed"

(Associated Content)

Another day, another Anna-baby daddy. FARK.com: He's in jail for stalking her

Qantas attendant/Lord Voldemort flight of passion had two segments

When master thespian Tony Danza notices theater patrons filming his performance, he deftly improvises "get the hell out" line of dialogue

(19)

Ricky Martin gives President Bush the 'F-you' treatment, in shameless attempt to win next year's Best Album Grammy

(26)

(NY Daily News)

Anna Nicole may receive posthumous Mother of the Year award: instructed nanny to underfeed her baby so it'd be "sexy"

(111)

Brad Pitt finally wakes from hotness hypnosis, starts to realize that Angelina is batshiat crazy

(68)

Ian Astbury hangs up the leather pants and restarts The Cult

(32)

OMG have you been watching these RIVETING new episodes of "Lost" since it's been back from hiatus? Oh...you neither, huh?

(80)

Thu February 15, 2007:

# of Comments

(todays thv)

Doc Severinsen, bandleader for Johnny Carson's Tonight Show, is contemplating a name change. Kwame Severinsen has a nice ring to it

(26)

(Blabbermouth)

Chris Cornell quits Audioslave

(92)

Who is watching our cats?

(34)

Kenny Chesney denies gay rumors. Translation : gayer than a bag of penises

(39)

Milli Vanilli movie gets greenlight. Producer will just slap new title on Ray submaster

(6)

(Bearce)

Jim Carrey invites number 23 to the premiere of "The Number 23." Carrey personally invited him because if he just sent tickets, they would have been returned

(Some Blogger)

Sad: Wii is on the fritz. Spiffy: Nintendo replaces it in 30 minutes for free

(61)

With reality TV programs under his belt, Ron Jeremy wants to be taken seriously with his clothes on

(31)

CSI team currently at Anna Nicole Smith residence in the Bahamas. After turning on special light that illuminates semen, the house could be seen from space

(210)

Peter Gallagher says, "[The O.C.] gave families the chance to watch a show together." Because teen sex, murder and growing up as filthy rich snobs is wholesome family entertainment. Apparently, he's never even seen the show

(41)

Kenny Chesney: I'm not gay; but the guy interviewing me is

(29)

Judge: All Anna Nicole's boobies are belong to me

"Hangin with Mr. Cooper" star considered suicide, which was the typical reaction after watching his show

Without being able to get around her lack of talent by flaunting her booty anymore, JLo turns to Scientology

(67)

Sharon Stone shocks Berlin audience by calling them "nasty little Germans"

(39)

The winner of the "My Grammy Moment" singing contest, who performed live at the Grammys, was cut in the preliminary round of "American Idol" two days later

Tracy Morgan of "30 Rock" pleads guilty to DUI, being a Jedi

(41)

Actual headline: Courteney Cox there was "no tongues" when she kissed Jennifer Aniston

Aussie porn industry body wants to know why X-rated films are illegal to sell but legal to buy

(90)

Farker Keith Olbermann set to sign new long-term deal to keep him at MSNBC and snarking at Bill O'Reilly for years to come

(66)

(NY Daily News)

Employee uses record-company interns to sell stolen pre-release Justin Timberlake CDs on eBay. What could possibly go wrong?

(4)

(Joe Rogan)

After owning Carlos Mencia onstage over his joke stealing, Joe Rogan gets banned from the Comedy Store

(115)

Do your part... name this new show for NPR (really)

(27)

Keeping up with Marvel and DC, comic-book strife hits Riverdale as former best pals Archie and Jughead square off in "Civil Chore"

(21)

(itwire dot com)

The main reason record labels fear Apple

(33)

(Some Body)

Twenty-two actors that have never been nominated for an Oscar. Bonus: Twenty-two of the worst pictures of said actors ever taken

(33)

The Arctic Monkeys win for best British group and best British album. Unfortunately, in America they will always be known as "That band from MySpace"

Eight thousand cans of counterfeit Red Bull confiscated by French customs officials

Wed February 14, 2007:

# of Comments

(TMZ)

Heather Mills goes crazy at papparazi, screams and yells at photographer and then kicks him all while videotaping herself. (with pic goodness)

(34)

Police will headline the four-day Bonnaroo Music Festival in June, which will also include the White Stripes, Tool and Wilco and WIDESPREAD PANIC

(36)

Patrick Stewart describes landing "Star Trek" job as a "calamity"

(63)

From the "Not that we're cashing in or anything" file: Anna Nicole Smith's last movie going straight to DVD release. Producers begin squabbling over who in fact actually produced the film

"Lost" footage lost

(45)

Author asks famous actor-director pairings to share the secrets of their partnerships, gets gems like "He wouldn't shut up - so I threw plates at him"

(Variety.com)

NBC all but cancels Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip

(80)

Rumor has it, J.J. Abrams, creator of Stephen King's favorite show "Lost," in line to direct TV version of his Dark Tower series. Good thing we already know how this story ends

(51)

Burglars hit L.A. home of Faith Hill, Tim McGraw, steal a large amount of cash. If only they'd taken the truck and dog as well, they could have made a classic country song

(23)

(Wonkette)

24 writer responds to US military complaints: they'd do it differently but THEY DON"T HAVE TIME

(43)

Another former Bond sticks his head up the ass of the franchise and says Daniel Craig was wonderful in the role

(34)

Eric Idle to follow up Spamalot with musical based on Life of Brian titled 'Not The Messiah (He's A Very Naughty Boy)'

(24)

Members of Glasgow Rangers football team flying to Israel surprised to discover their pilot is Iron Maiden's Bruce Dickinson. 'We were wondering if the cabin crew would be Ozzy Osbourne,' says one

(25)

Why Wh_ _ l of Fortun_ is still the most popular gam_ show of all tim_

(39)

Dominic Monaghan worries about the quality of "Lost" with all the plot twists the writers keep throwing in. Charlie finds more heroin and dies of an overdose in 3...2...1

(21)

Hugh Grant makes romantic comedy comeback. Celebrates with hookers and blow

The top 12 ugliest musicians ever

(473)

Howard Stern celebrates Valentine's Day by getting engaged to his supermodel girlfriend. Baba-booey

(48)

Oasis hint at change in career direction, figuring they've exhausted the vein of suck they've been mining for the past decade

Leo DiCaprio to star in another film about a sinking ship

(PR Inside *snicker*)

Ben Affleck's colonic irrigation felt like he "lost his virginity all over again", but recalls that Matt Damon was gentler

Clive Cussler suing producers of "Sahara" for butchering his book. Sadly, still no recourse available for fans of Daredevil

(24)

What lead Robbie Williams to check into rehab: 3 packs of smokes, 36 double espressos, 20 cans of Red Bull a day, Submitter got a buzz just reading that

(30)

Test your knowledge of Boomer Era comedians with this (15 question) interactive quiz. Difficulty: no Unknown Comic

(Bumpshack)

After five hours of airbrushing, the subscribers of Sports Illustrated are given Beyonce Knowles as the cover girl of the 2007 Swimsuit Issue

(19)

Marianne Faithfull winning raves for playing granny hooker in glory-hole movie

(9)

George Michael and Kenny Goss - beyond the world of private planes and screaming fans, there's an everyday love story

(9)

TrimSpa guy not all that happy to find out Anna Nicole's fridge was full of SlimFast

Former Geaux-Geaux Belinda Carlisle says years of smoking and drinking prepared her for singing album in French

Carlos Mencia is finally busted for stealing jokes. Fear is not a factor for Joe Rogan (Not safe for work language)

(152)

Paula Abdul claims she's "never been drunk", a claim only slightly less credible than if you heard it coming out Drew's mouth

(23)

Tue February 13, 2007:

# of Comments

Costume worn by Jolene Blalock in "Enterprise" up for sale, only $10,000. That sound you hear is the raiding of thousands of couches in basements worldwide

(101)

Jon Bon Jovi wants to ban Sambora's squeeze Denise Richards from joining the tour, says costumes based on the zodiac are ridiculous (pic)

(Some Messenger)

A Weird Science remake? Excuse me, while I go put a bra on my head

(Tabloid Baby)

And Lo, the 4th Horseman of Reality TV appears when Heather Mills McCartney hops onto the next "Dancing With The Stars"

(Some Brain Hunter)

What animal (other than human) would make the scariest zombie?

(292)

(Some Policemen)

The Police to earn over 300 million dollar on reunion tour

Former "Doctor Who" sidekick Billie Piper to strip for role as internet prostitute. Fans prepare to wield their sonic screwdrivers

(51)

Ron Goldman's family working to take OJ's Naked Gun royalties. Lawyers say they have a 50-50 chance of collecting, though there's only a ten percent chance of that

(56)

Christina Aguilera has recorded a song about oral sex. Called "F*** You, Suck You." She wont release it as it may be a bad blow for her career. Arf

(87)

(Associated Content)

The King of all Media formerly known as Howard Stern, asks listeners to call him "The Howard" due to confusion with Anna Nicole's Howard K Stern

(75)

Larry King's comment on movie: "I didn't understand the damn movie. I'd have to see it over and over again to figure out what happened." Supplied CNN blurb to studio: "A movie worth seeing over and over again"

(290)

Director John Waters recalls career of bad taste. Having seen all of his movies, submitter agrees that "bad taste" is all Waters will ever be able to recall

Britney Spears goes to a club in Manhattan, gets drunk, takes her clothes off, writhes around with another nearly naked dancer, passes out and has to be carried out. Submitter is so taking her in the next "dead celeb" pool

(82)

Hasbro releasing brand new Transformer toys

(30)

Not even waiting for their movie to bomb, Nic Cage wants to cast Eva Mendes in "She-Hulk"

(32)

Alright -- stop, itemize and listen: Vanilla Ice to rap for TurboTax

(28)

Christian activist and "former" homosexual says film about gay hockey player promotes "homosexualization of small children." Difficulty: 1) hasn't seen the film; 2) not Ted Haggard

(60)

(some bored guy)

One of those addicting "falling sand" things. With lots of extras

(30)

(AutoBlog)

Billy Gibbons of ZZ Top has a ball with a VW bus

Super geeks come together to talk about the space travel featured in movies

(10)

(WWdN:iX)

Wil reviews TNG's "The Battle": Hey, remember when this was in theaters, and it was called "Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan"? Once we get past that, it's actually not that bad

(114)

4,000 hours of classic TV shows heading for YouTube. If by "classic" they mean "sh*tty" and by "YouTube" they mean "obscurity"

(6)

(Egotastic!)

Heather Graham kissing Bridget Moynahan: Better than a kick in the nuts (SFW video)

(51)

Hollywood is out of ideas: "Capricorn II" in works, in which O.J. explains that if he really went to Mars, this is how he'd do it

This list of the 10 best college pranks brought to you by Fark. Well, except for No. 10, which was brought to you by submitter himself

(129)

Mon February 12, 2007:

# of Comments

(Rod Standish)

Guitar player for Canadian band Rudy Quazar to attempt to break Guiness record for longest guitar marathon to raise money for United Way... and chicks

Nicholas Cage tries to bail out drowning movie career with live-action "Sorceror's Apprentice"

MTV Networks, in a move to further distance themselves from any form of music, will cut 250 jobs nationwide to focus on the growing field of digital entertainment

Joss Whedon promo for "The Office." Shiny

Mission accomplished

"Battlestar Galactica" renewed for fourth season. Fans everywhere breath a cylon of relief

(56)

MTV to post all twelve of its music videos on the Web

Zsa Zsa Gabor's husband to file paternity challenge over Anna Nicole Smith's daughter. No word on how long it will take Fox to turn this into a reality show

(61)

Sharon Stone manages to make a movie without flashing her cooter

(6)

(New of the World)

Recent ex-boyfriend of Britney Spears cashes in, reveals her sad, sex-and-booze-filled life

(32)

Tara Reid at Jermaine Dupri's Grammy party doing her best impression of former Canadian Prime Minister Jean Chretien

(28)

(Zap 2 It)

Tim Allen will work again as Pixar announces "Toy Story 3" to be released in 2009

(29)

Grammy fashion do’s and don’ts

Bob Dylan becomes oldest living person to have an album debut at No. 1. If you call that living

(35)

News: Kate Winslet is suing a magazine that claimed she visited a diet doctor. Fark: Like there was any way the public would believe she had ever been on a diet

(28)

London restaurant offers size zero models free food. They'll have to bring their own purge bucket though

(105)

Jennifer Love Hewitt likes people staring at her breasts. Funny you should mention that, Jennifer

(114)

"Girls Gone Wild" guy claims Tara Reid isn't even good at the only thing we assumed she'd be good at

(47)

(Wikipedia)

What piece of literature has had the greatest impact on how you view the world? LGT submitter's choice

(346)