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Sun December 19, 2010
The Lindsay Lohan Trainwreck Experience pulls into a new rehab facility
In other news, Dan Aykroyd swallowed John Goodman whole
Et tu, Johnny Depp?
Pamela Anderson wants to raise awareness of hepatitis. Presumably by sleeping with and infecting lots of men
(Some Gal)
Break out the Haagen-Dazs, "Grey's Anatomy" creator to launch new pilot
Teri Polo continues the trend of moderately attractive women instantly uglying themselves up by getting a tattoo
2032's Secretary of State Lady Gaga overjoyed at the repealing of DADT
(Some Jackson)
Jermaine Jackson robbed of $150K worth of jewelry. In related news, Jermaine Jackson once had $150K worth of jewelry
Is Megan Fox "painfully thin" in this bikini? Her thumbs appear to be in excellent condition (not safe for work if you work in a convent or something)
Quincy Jones once gave Amy Winehouse a rat recipe writ for a rat and lawful service of same. Now watch the boat on the ice cream when he gets a butcher's of the Bristols on that Richard
What will make the Alien prequel awesome? H.R. Giger of course
"The Simpsons is still a funny show. That's it. It's that simple. It's still worth watching and has been for years"
If you guessed "moments" for the 'How Long Before Hugh Grant Knocks On Liz Hurley's Door After She Announces She's Divorcing Her Husband?' sweepstakes, come on up and get your prize
"Jersey Shore" star Ronnie Ortiz arrested for third-degree mediocrity
You can't accuse Michael Madsen of being lazy. He has 28 movies either announced, in pre-production, filming, or in post-production
There is a live performance of "A Christmas Carol", set in Klingon culture & language. It includes three fight scenes
The woman who made James Bond drink Smirnoff and drive a BMW is dead at 49. This headline was submitted on my Apple computer, perched on my Eames desk, while I'm sitting in my Herman Miller Aeron chair
Annette Bening wants to reprise her lesbian character from "The Kids Are Alright" lickety-split
Sat December 18, 2010
Fri December 17, 2010
Cher wants to try her liver-spotted hand at directing
(Some Guy)
Marvel Universe character to get new live-action TV series. Nope, not that one. Not that one either. Wow, some girl who once dated Ant-Man?
"Steven Tyler is the New Paula Abdul." There's no interpretation of this phrase that DOESN'T put a chill up my spine
(Cinematical)
What can $120 million buy? A metric ton of fail, apparently
Denise Richards confirms Nikki Sixx romance, future Fark headlines
(Some Oscar Contender)
Christian Bale explains why he lost weight for "The Fighter." WHAT DON'T YOU FARKING UNDERSTAND?
(Some Guy)
Tron: Where are they now? Seriously, what ever happened to that Jeff Bridges guy?
(Some Guy)
Looks like Suzanne Somers had one plastic surgery too many. Or 50
(Some Jersey Guy)
If Miramax moves ahead with "Clerks 3," Kevin Smith doesn't even have to be there that day
(Some Turn Back Time)
Cher: "I wasn't feeling Burlesque." Have you seen the box office numbers? No one is feeling Burlesque
(Some Fox Cancellation)
The Canceled Guys
Julie Stiles denies slicing up Dexter's marriage
"Boardwalk Empire" just got more killer
(Some Guy)
New "Fringe" ad declares war on Friday night death spot, parallel universe where ratings are solid
Why was "The Tourist" nominated for a Best Comedy/Musical Golden Globe? That would be the director's idea
Kevin Spacey's Jack Abramoff is a conflicted wheeler-dealer who loves the pop and flash of lobbying, but deludes himself into thinking it's all for a greater cause
Why you should be watching the best little show on TV, Supernatural. Spoilery
Behind the scenes of Kate Gosselin's visit to "Sarah Palin's Alaska." Double trainwreck, what does it mean??
Courtney Cox calls Chelsea Handler "trailer trash." With bonus 'Handler smash' pic
Khloe Kardashian says she felt 'disgusted' immediately after losing virginity at age 14 to an 18 yr old. Just think how traumatized that poor 18 yr old was
Here are the best moments from the "Larry King Live" finale, including his son's impersonation of him and a confusing oral sex joke moment with Bill Clinton
11 shallow people, 10 airbrushed suntans, 9 icy stares, 8 big fake boobies, 7 on the stairs, 6 crazy women, 5 neutered boys, 4 dangly earrings, 3 hands on hips, 2 big green furry shoulder pads, and a partridge in a pear tree
Kevin Spacey addresses gay rumors, gets back to discussing that barbershop quartet in Skokie, Illinois
(Some Guy)
CNN accidentally tweets that Morgan Freeman has died. You will now read this entire thread in Morgan Freeman's voice
Thu December 16, 2010
Gary Busey vowed to donate his brain to science. Scientists, after a four minute burst of hysterical laughter, replied "No, thanks"
Syfy cancels "Stargate Universe." Don't look so sad, that leaves more time on Syfy's broadcast schedule for pro wrestling and reality shows
Lindsay Lohan targeted by stalker with profoundly crappy taste in stalkees
Mariah Carey expecting twins. With pic of what the twins might look like
Brand new biography of Lawrence of Arabia portrays T.E. Lawrence as classical hero with singular vision for postwar Middle East
Cancel those reservations for Breakfast at Tiffany's
Seth Green talks Robot Chicken Star Wars Episode III. Lucas, you need to get this man into the directing chair
Director blames The A-Team's pitiful performance on marketing fools
Good news everybody: In addition to American Idol, the X Factor, The Sing-Off, Making the Band, The Next Great American Country Star, and America's Got Talent, NBC executives think there's room for another singing competition
The trailer for Big Fish 2 looks spectacular
The 15 best films of 2010. Yes, they got number 1 wrong
(Some Guy)
Oven-dodging Jew Winona Ryder recalls encounter with homophobic drunk Mel Gibson. Lighten up, sugar t*ts
Don Cheadle: "The time is right for a Miles Davis biopic"
Fark: Scarlett Johansson is single and hanging out w/the girls at a tropical resort. You: are no longer reading this headline. This is where I type messages to Assange in private
Ron Howard questioned at Hulk Hogan's wedding for threatening someone with a gun. Aaaaay
Former "Little House On The Prairie" star Melissa Gilbert says Miley Cyrus WANTED people to see her smoking a bong. Gee, ya think?
(Main Street Plaza)
Your disrespect for my science fiction religion merely demonstrates your intolerance
Ebert: ""Tron: Legacy," a sequel made 28 years after the original but with the same actor, is true to the first film: It also can't be understood, but looks great"
Gwyneth Paltrow: "You could fry a cockroach in batter and I would eat it." Assuming of course that she could chew, after all the botox
What is the over/under on Mythbusters assigning this task to Grant versus Kari?
Why didn't the Coen Brothers' universally acclaimed new film get any Golden Globe nominations? "Ultimately, the HFPA may simply be True Grit's version of Armond White"
In another sign of his tragically declining health a confused Dick Clark apparently thinks it is 1990, books New Kids on the Block and Back Street Boys to perform together on his New Year's Eve show
10 world cinema and independent films you should have seen this year (but probably didn't)
Casting director: "We need a child actor with subtlety and depth to portray a boy who struggles with the loss his father during 9/11." Producer: "fark it, just hire that kid who won on Jeopardy"
Wed December 15, 2010
Anna Faris baffled by vulgarity, acting
David Arquette is freaking out worse than when he lost the WCW Heavyweight Championship
The 14 biggest celebrity meltdowns of 2010, coming in first is an old favorite: Mel "I'm just strung a little tight" Gibson
Following the success of "The Walking Dead," AMC picks up "Hell on Wheels," a drama set in post-Civil War America
Shaq to conduct Boston Pops even though everyone knows he couldn't hit a free note with the side of a baton
(Bravo)
Top Chef judge Anthony Bourdain marvels at losers' lack of cool. "Snarling, snapping and sneering at Judges' Table is guaranteed to end up in final cut. One would have thought these veterans had learned this lesson already"
Bad news: Syfy to make movies for the silver screen. Worse news: we're not going to get any highbrow fare like "Sharktopus"
Denise Richards is bogarting Nikki Sixx's guyliner
"Dexter" star Michael C. Hall may have strayed from Jennifer Carpenter in favor of Julia Stiles. UPGRADE
Australia is making a gay version of The Big Bang Theory. So it would be different how?
The 15 worst films of 2010. Yes, they got number 1 right
(Some Guy)
Xander is not down with the new "Buffy" reboot. "I hope their vampires don't glitter"
In a jaw-dropping turn of events, movie critic Elvis Mitchell has been booted from "Roger Ebert Presents At the Movies"
What's the REAL reason behind "Inferno" moving forward without Lindsay Lohan? She didn't want to play a drug addict. Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight
(Some House)
Hugh Laurie "thrilled" by Golden Globe nod. Is he being honest or sarcastic? I can never tell
Happy 61st birthday to Don Johnson. To celebrate, here is the greatest 3:14 of television ever
Jon Favreau explains his decision to not direct Iron Man 3. Oddly enough, it's not just that Marvel told him to fark off
If Julia Child was the mother of the modern American interest in cooking, Avis DeVoto was its midwife
"You're in GaGa" *shudder* Oh wait, that's "Year in GaGa". much better
11 directors who went from animated films to live action films. Some days, you're Tim Burton; other days, you're the guy who directed "Jonah Hex"
(TedQuarters)
Vin Diesel, Usher, and tigers. Your guess is as good as mine
Wherever did you get that coat, Ke$ha? "A friend of mine has a big farm in the desert and she picks up feathers and roadkill for me then makes it into clothes." Allllllllllllllllrighty then
Christian Bale sings the Powerpuff Girls theme song. Your argument is invalid
Gwyneth Paltrow not invited to The Avengers party, will have to nourish her inner aspect with ice cream
Wrestlemania XXVII breaks out at Hulk Hogan's wedding
(Some Caliente Latina)
"Sofia Vergara, where were you when the Golden Globe nominations were announced?" "Een the showerrrrrrrrrr." Giggity
What doesn't "Nip/Tuck" star Dylan Walsh like about himself? His marriage, for starters
(Some Shark-Jumping Show)
Matthew Morrison is going on tour. All because Glee gave him the illusion he can sing
Heather Mills is hopping with excitement after being accepted on to Britain's Disabled Ski Team
Lindsay Lohan celebrates 100 alleged days of sobriety
Studios to Netflix: "Nice little streaming service ya got there. It'd be a shame if anything happened to it"
Not News: Woman shoots husband. News: She's a 68-year-old ex-Playmate of the Year. Fark: She was given the gun by Roman Polanski
(Attention: All Personnel)
Think you're a pretty big fan of M*A*S*H? Check out what this guy built in his own backyard (photos)
The Brothers Chaps come out of retirement to present a new holiday cartoon. It's a Decemberween mackerel
Rip Torn folds, pleads guilty to breaking into bank
Johnny Depp promised Hunter S. Thompson that he'd get "Rum Diary" to the big screen
Hey, cookies, how you doing? I'm Mark Wahlberg. You're a tasty snack, aren't ya? The perfect thing to eat after filming my new movie, "The Fighter." You ever see that? It's cool. Say "hi" to your mother for me
Tue December 14, 2010
Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart aren't afraid to exchange generic pleasantries in public
Rosie O'Donnell:"Oprah Winfrey is not gay". Or, maybe, she is just not that into you, Rosie
Kelsey Grammer's ex-wife threatens to release their sex tape. He is joined by the entire rest of the world in pleading for her to reconsider
Brody Jenner writes Joe Francis a letter: "From one douchebag to another, I am sorry"
If whimsy were radioactive, "Micmacs" would be a billion megaton amusement
Apparently being married to the world's sexist person just doesn't cut it anymore
The new Pirates of the Caribbean 4 trailer has it all, but most especially, it has a zombie Keith Richards, which--and I know this may shock some of you--he pulls off pretty well
Nic Cage tops his "Wicker Man" performance in Romanian nightclub
(Some Guy)
Which is more likely: A) Miley Cyrus is actually a well-grounded girl who is misunderstood B) Miley was bullied in elementary school C) Miley is an entitled biatch who bullied fat kids and called others dykes
Dr. Conrad Morgan says he's completely innocent of all those charges he killed Michael Jackson because he wasn't the only shiatty doctor providing him with lethal drugs
"Pee-Wee's Playhouse" was a cut-and-paste visual feast that hijacked the best parts of American pop culture and reassembled them into a TV circus that likely appealed not solely to wide-eyed TV babies but their parents as well
Natalie Portman & James Franco nab Golden Globe nominations, proving once and for all that 1 out of 2 Golden Globes recipients actually has them
Gwyneth Paltrow gets her Hollywood Walk of Fame star
Mekhi Phifer will star in the next season of Torchwood
"Where we once sat through Terminator 2 and gasped when Robert Patrick turned into a slippery blob of mercury, we now watch, say, Inception and simply acknowledge that, yes, the folding city looks quite realistic"
(Some Guy)
Remember that time, back in '89, when Pee Wee was at the Oscars and was attacked by a giant robot, so he flew over the audience until Robocop saved the day? Well you should
Hollywood rekindles Stephen King's "Firestarter" as a movie franchise, but "reinvented with a little more edge"
And the biggest failure of 2010 is,,,,
270 films released in 2010 in 6 minutes
Oprah tries to kill Hugh Jackman, says she likes Vegemite. Do we need any further proof that she's evil?
Mon December 13, 2010
A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away, Carrie Fisher slept with her fans: "Nerds will surprise you. They're way more enthusiastic. More bang with your buck"
Oral sex scenes are the key to winning film awards this year. (ORALLY?) YA RLY
Dexter stabs marriage to his sister in the heart
"Nobody's more provocative than Lady Gaga." That's an odd way to spell "annoying," but we can run with it
You thought Kristin Bell couldn't be more adorable, so she put on a cape and a big floppy hat to prove you wrong
The Assassination of Yogi Bear by the Coward Booboo
Justin Timberlake responds to Oscar buzz. He must be pretty confident about his performance as Boo-Boo in the "Yogi Bear" movie
Lindsay Lohan pissed off at CNN, Gwyneth Paltrow, and sobriety in general
(Moviefone)
'Narnia: Dawn Treader' barely treads water, still manages to be the number one movie in America
Celebrating the comedy joy of Nicolas Cage in The Wicker Man. Just beware of the bees
Kevin Feige talks about every upcoming Marvel Studios project, mentions that Punisher is back in house, and that Marvel is open to rated-R movies
Will Ferrell and his costar are into little drummers
(Pajiba)
The 10 most viewed trailers of 2010. Not only is the most popular movie of the year not there, but I'd be surprised if anyone had seen #7
Freida Pinto is shocked-- SHOCKED that the people living in Mumbai's slums didn't recognize her when she was there doing charity work
WHAM wins music poll for the 26th year straight....for most annoying Christmas song
James McAvoy may play Mr. Darcy in the only good adaptation of a Jane Austen work, Pride & Prejudice & Zombies
The most difficult special effect in Tron: Legacy? De-aging Jeff Bridges
Glee star linked to Buffy the Vampire Slayer reboot. No, not that one, no not her either, no not, oh wait...yeah, it is the girl who plays Brittany
(Some Guy)
There was a big elephant in the room at Nicole Richie's wedding
Pics, by Jeff Bridges, from the set of "Tron." Spoiler alert: It appears that the film is fiction. Repeat, the film is fiction
Yeah, Danny Boyle went there
An internet list of the 20 best internet lists of 2010 (some Not safe for work-ish material)
Because three films weren't enough, someone is making a TV series based on The Transporter
(Some Guy)
The solution to the 'Run Vs. Shamble' zombie debate: let the undead eat the drunk, and it won't even become an issue
Ebert explains why MPAA movie ratings are FUBAR, and how the only letters that currently matter are R and not-R
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