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Sun March 22, 2009
(The Tennessean) Spiffy New reality show "Hottest Mom in America" is auditioning "Momshells", sexually confusing contestants' kids (42)
(ABC News) Sad ABC News radio anchorman George Weber, 50, found dead, homicide suspected (40)
(Contact Music) Obvious Jeffrey Dean Morgan hated his Comedian costume from "Watchmen." At least he had a costume (76)
(Yahoo) Obvious Nicolas Cage's hair is a bird. His box office competition is irrelevant (225)
(Contact Music) Spiffy Yippee-ki-yay, matrimony (27)
(Daily Mail) Spiffy Anne Hathaway in talks to play lead role in Judy Garland biography. Submitter looks forward to Anne's heartfelt portrayal of Judy's "giving hand jobs for crack" phase (148)
(Aint-It-Cool-News) Video Maurice LaMarche (voice of "The Brain" and wicked Shatner impressionist on "The Critic" and "Animaniacs") declares today "International Talk Like William Shatner Day." Bonus: He's ... even ... Canadian (106)
(Onion AV Club) Obvious 13 failed attempts at starting movie franchises. Frost & Nixon and The Temple of Doom curiously missing from list (151)
(Contact Music) Followup Jurors in the Phil Spector murder retrial have the option of a manslaughter conviction, are advised not to post one more farking NewsFlash about the story (13)
(People Magazine) Obvious Tired of her blowing away all the time, Harrison Ford puts large metal ring on Calista Flockhart  T-Shirt (25)
(MTV) Obvious Lindsay Lohan to Seth Rogen: "Tee hee, why don't we do a film together?" Rogen: "Dude... wait, what?" (27)
(BBC) Sad British reality TV "star" Jade Goody dies, aged 27. UK tabloids now officially have nothing to write about (77)
(Topless Robot) Sad The seven most depressing songs ever sung by a Muppet (72)
(BBC) Silly Warren Beatty sued over rights to "Dick Tracy." Pruneface, Mumbles, Itchy, and Madonna all line up for revenge (9)
(Daily Mail) Strange Wallace stars in his first nude plasti-scene... with Gromit on hand to spare his blushes and hide his bone (13)

Sat March 21, 2009
(Time) Misc James Cameron's "Avatar" to have over one thousand credits and cost more than $200 million. The boat sinks in the end (56)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Unlikely Roger Ebert calls Nicholas Cage's "Knowing" "among the best sci-fi films I've seen" (122)
(Some Poughkeepsie) Stupid After being out crazied recently by the Mormons (prop 8) and Fox News (24hrs a day), and wanting more publicity, Fred Phelps has decided that "God hates Natasha Richardson" (236)
(Yahoo) Silly "Twilight" DVD release reminiscent of "Harry Potter" releases: record crowds of virgins gather around Blockbuster dressed in capes  T-Shirt (118)
(Zombie Room) Cool The Green Hornet vs. Green Lantern (54)
(Entertainment Weekly) Misc But who is Mysterion?? (116)
(Yahoo) Obvious Kim Basinger embarrassed her daughter's teen friends know what her hoo-haa looks like (94)
(NJ.com) Cool Post-finale interview with Ronald D. Moore. Questions answered, answers questioned, and spoilers abounding (234)
(LA Times) Silly The Dark Knight returns: Adam West crawls back into the Batmobile (pics) (65)
(3 News New Zealand) Weird United Nations takes a break from saving the environment and feeding the world to... discuss the latest episode of Battlestar Galactica? (192)

Fri March 20, 2009
(Gawker) Amusing While Obama was mocking retards on Jay Leno, McLovin was F-bombing Jimmy Kimmel(Not safe for work clip) (39)
(Portfolio) Interesting CNN's March ratings now somewhere between Sham-Wow Infomercial and "According to Jim' reruns (54)
(Entertainment Weekly) Stupid Some character on some show on some network is going to commit suicide (185)
(Philly) Unlikely Joss Whedon insists that tonight's episode of "Dollhouse" finally achieves the nerdish coolness his unhealthily obsessed fanboys expect from him (134)
(Mental Floss) Interesting Some things you didn't know about "Leave it to Beaver," including that Hugh Beaumont was a pastor and Lumpy got more tail that you and your friends put together (45)
(Mirror.co.uk) Sad Gwyneth Paltrow wants you to know that she feels guilty for having to leave her kids and jet off for movies and other obligations that come with being rich and famous (31)
(that's my skull) Interesting Green Lantern is the Troy Aikman of super heroes (38)
(Metro) Unlikely Lindsay Lohan blames tabloids for ruining her acting career. Because all the cooter-flashing episodes, the drugs, and the ugly lesbian girlfriend have nothing to do with it (72)
(New! Magazine) Dumbass Even though Mariah Carey got married less than a year ago, she's so happy she wants to marry the same guy again this year (22)
(Comedy Central) Silly Feeling left out, Colbert decides to lay the beat down...on Michael Steele. Wait, who? (25)
(NYPost) Amusing Broadway babe Kristin Chenoweth writes a book about her stage career, tells about the man who was thrown out of "You're a Good Man Charlie Brown" for masturbating during the song "My New Philosophy" (70)
(New York Daily News) Wheaton In honor of BSG going off for it's final cylon attack, the top 10 sci-fi shows of all time. Tag is for #3 (167)
(Cracked) Amusing Six evil henchmen who sucked at their jobs. THOSE INCOMPETENT FOOLS (86)
(Starpulse) Amusing Nicolas Cage's "Knowing" is a contender for worst movie of 2009: "It's not even remotely terrifying when [Cage] screams, 'How am I supposed to stop the end of the world?' - it's just laugh-out-loud funny" (136)
(Telegraph) Obvious Bourne Ultimatum director admits to using camera tricks to distract commuters while filming on location. Apparently it was quite a shaky start for the film (18)
(Den Of Geek) Fail Bryan Singer will be directing the next Superman film. Not that there's anything wrong with that (118)
(The Sun) Interesting Producers of "The Simpsons" want Barack Obama to appear on their show. And mock the disabled (52)
(TMZ) Sad Don Cornelius pleads no contest to charges of beating his estranged wife. Required to commit to 300 hours of community service, apologize for giving us Rosie Perez, Nick Cannon and Jodi Watley (16)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Strange Christopher Nolan's brother arrested in alleged kidnapping/murder case. But that's not how he remembers it (17)
(Starpulse) Dumbass After a long battle with drug addiction and legal trouble, Tom Sizemore is finally getting his life in order. Just kidding, he got busted for stealing pens and cell phones (18)
(monsters and critics) Strange The nine most terrifying words in the English language: "We're the Baldwin brothers and we're here to help" (7)
(Den Of Geek) Interesting Serenity 2: the reasons why now 's the right time to finally green light it (163)
(Some Guy) Weird This headline almost makes sense: "Obituary guitar being auctioned for decapitated singer" (33)
(News.com.au) Followup Rihanna may be able to take a punch but she can't stand the idea of her wild sextape hitting the internet (123)
(People Magazine) Scary Jessica Lange follows King Kong (27)
(Yahoo) Interesting Tyler Perry announces that Mary J. Blige will star with Tyler Perry in Tyler Perry's "I Can Do Bad All By Myself", an adaptation of a play by Tyler Perry, directed by Tyler Perry, to film at Tyler Perry Studios. Tyler Perry (30)
(Salon) Ironic Dane Cook's half-brother indicted for stealing millions from him. Ironic tag explodes  T-Shirt (75)

Thu March 19, 2009
(Canoe) Spiffy Spock detects large quantities of win in small Canadian town's sector (27)
(The New York Times) Amusing Captain's Log, Stardate 4578.86: I'm sitting in my living room wondering why my wife left me when I brought home this awesome replica chair (69)
(Funny Or Die) Weird Man Willy Wonka really let himself go. Slugworth is even getting tortured (53)
(Entertainment Weekly) Spiffy Did you like the muppet episode of "Angel"? You'll love the Family Guy episode of "Bones" (61)
(TMZ) Amusing Stephen Colbert and Meredith Viera both admit to "twatting" on the Today Show (40)
(Aint-It-Cool-News) Cool Someday they'll make it, the new Muppet Movie, for the lovers, the dreamers and Subby (39)
(FilmDrunk) Silly Pineapple Express director David Gordon Green set to cast James Franco in "medieval stoner comedy" (28)
(IGN) Spiffy Natalie Portman the front runner for the female lead in Paramount's "Thor" adaptation. You'd hit it like an angry..well, Thor (166)
(Comedy Central) Amusing "That's a hate term and insensative to butt pirates" (103)
(Denver Post) Followup Media Whore Ted Haggard and wife to appear on Divorce Court. Expect irreconcilable differences and she does not have a penis to be the basis of his complaint (122)
(Den Of Geek) Interesting One man's defence of Jar Jar Binks (121)
(My Fox DC) Cool Frank Zappa fans in Lithuania give bust of singer to his hometown Baltimore. Will not accept Spiro Agnew bust as a return gift (37)
(Breitbart.com) Spiffy Who is the third most popular movie star in America today? Hint: He has been dead 30 years (132)
(People Magazine) Obvious As a kid I used to lie awake and think / When would Justin Timberlake make a drink? / Now I'm all grown & my dream's come true / Timberlake 901, from him to you (46)
(www.celebuzz.com) Amusing Nothing says "I lost a reality show contest" better than assaulting your sleeping ex with a laptop, apples, water and a cat (47)

Wed March 18, 2009
(Metro) Obvious Michael Jackson, 50, is so pleased with the way tickets are selling for his London shows that he feels like a kid again. Also feels more youthful (45)
(CNN) Sad Love Actually will never be the same (updated link) (364)
(Comedy Central) Hero Colbert is either going to Iraq or the Bahamas (44)
(The Hollywood Reporter) Stupid Plastic-breasted cementhead Audrina Patridge gets a reality show about her vapid, lip-liner-and-lunch-focused life (72)
(Aint-It-Cool-News) Obvious Tom Cruise either needs the money or needs an image rehab, because here comes Mission: Impossible 4 (60)
(Blender) Spiffy Geddy Lee on Canada: "It's really farkin' cold." No, really, he said "farkin'". Speculation about his Fark handle to the right (206)
(Variety) Interesting More than half of the 39 TV pilots currently filming have fled California as if they were being chased by an angry mob of Scientologists carrying flaming syringes of salmonella (71)
(New York Daily News) Asinine Live Nation's $6 per-ticket parking fee "is in place to alleviate traffic issues ... to ensure that all fans can enter the venue in a timely and safe manner" (73)
(USA Today) Spiffy Rough economic times are forcing major artists to lower concert ticket prices. "I don't think anybody is looking around and going, 'Boy, I think I can sell out at $150 a ticket.' That's just not today's reality" (60)
(MSNBC) Spiffy Recommended for American Idol: South Park Night (88)
(Some Guy) Cool A behind-the-scenes look at the six day process of the creation of an episode of South Park (86)
(Starpulse) Obvious You know you need a sammich when you're asked to put some pounds on to play a supermodel (39)
(Village Voice) Amusing And now, sexually explicit audio, courtesy of Bill Orally. O'REILLY. Bill O'Reilly (60)
(Some Guy) Interesting Kanye West is playing a failed rapper on the Family Guy spinoff 'cause playing a failed singer would be too easy (44)
(The Business Insider) Cool Salma Hayek is in talks to play another woman Adam Sandler could never get in real life (56)
(Contact Music) Silly Nicolas Cage takes up hang gliding, will use his hair instead of a glider (71)
(Yahoo) Sad Co-creator of Mr. Magoo dies of heart failure. Doctors say he never saw it coming (16)
(Sky News) Obvious "The cheese made famous by Wallace and Gromit has seen a huge surge in sales despite the economic downturn." Unlike the Wrong Trousers, which never caught on among consumers (32)

Tue March 17, 2009
(UPI) Sad Apparently horny but a little confused about her memes, Oprah keeps killing puppies (51)
(Starpulse) Scary David Prowse, who played Darth Vader in the real Star Wars trilogy, diagnosed with prostate cancer. The force is strong... on his bladder  T-Shirt (63)
(London Times) Cool 10 brilliant one-hit wonders from the world of books (130)
(Google) Asinine 'American Idol' launching trading card line. Move over Honus Wagner, here comes Brian Dunkelman (28)
(Daily Mail) Scary Sarah Jessica Parker has veiny hands. The Daily Mail is there. (with "do not want" pic) (89)
(Variety) Interesting "Marley and Me" tops the foreign box office, while "Watchmen" descends to the popularity of a Russia documentary about buckweat (206)
(UPI) Ironic Former "Jackass" star Steve-O sits out of "Dancing with the Stars" due to injury that apparently didn't involve a baseball bat and his genitalia (34)
(Starpulse) Interesting Judge throws out Disney's copyright case against "Family Guy" producers. Story to be written in to a future episode: "It's like that time Disney tried to sue us..." (105)
(Houston Chronicle) Spiffy Beyonce is only one of a handful of black celebrities to appear on the cover of Vogue; "It's our annual shape issue, and Beyonce has arguably the best shape in the business" (84)
(News.com.au) Spiffy Monica Belluci has world's best pair of lips. For some reason, this article has a picture of her face (108)
(Free Press) Sad Even comic book fans are cutting back during our recessionary times. "Instead of seeing the Batman movie three or four times, they'll see it less" (64)
(The Hollywood Reporter) Followup "SyFy makes me vomit tears" -- fan outrage over Sci Fi Channel's new name (213)
(OK! Magazine) Ironic Christina Ricci is appalled to discover people know where she lives. So, in a bid to protect herself, she publicly announces details of her security protection (64)
(Gawker) Sad Natasha Richardson auditions for the Sonny Bono club (107)
(Variety) Stupid Though fans have yet to biatch in disappointment at "Transformers 2," Dreamworks announces 2011 release date for "Transformers 3." Even the Mayan calendar can't ease your pain (81)
(Cracked) Interesting Six movie remakes that missed the point. Or how studio execs learned to stop worrying and fund some bombs (129)

Mon March 16, 2009
(The Hollywood Reporter) Silly J.J. Abrams to adapt Wired magazine article into big-screen feature. Drew to start shopping Fark headlines around Hollywood (19)
(Canoe) Amusing Letting Sacha Baron Cohen in was "an embarrassment to the Alabama National Guard." Putting Squirrels down your pants for the purposes of Gambling still considered "Respectable" (32)
(Daily Stab) Obvious Jenna Jameson gave birth to twin boys on Monday after an unexpected sneeze  T-Shirt (42)
(Warming Glow) Cool There won't be a sixth season of 'The Wire,' but David Simon is currently working on 'Treme,' a post-Katrina look at poverty, corruption, and music that will re-unite Clarke Peters and Wendell Pierce (52)
(Entertainment Weekly) Cool David Chase to develop new mini-series for HBO, focusing on (61)
(Starpulse) Obvious Andy Samberg to host 2009 MTV Movie Awards. He used to write for the show and now he'll be completing the circle of suck (63)
(London Times) Interesting Confucius say: "Hollywood is out of ideas" (48)
(Deceiver) Dumbass Alec Baldwin thinks taxes are good, but only if other people are paying them (96)
(TVWeek) Silly Sci-Fi channel tries to shed geek image and become more "cool" by changing name to "SyFy". You're doing it wrong (262)
(UPI) Scary Mary Kate Olsen is looking paler than Robert Smith on a rainy day (86)
(CBS Miami) Sad Don Imus announces he's battling nappy-headed prostate cancer (96)
(Chicago Tribune) Obvious "Why you shouldn't take kids to see 'Watchmen'" or "Why common sense needs to be spelled out for people yet again" (201)
(FilmDrunk) Unlikely George Lucas wanted Indiana Jones to be a rapist. Steven Spielberg talked him out of it (61)
(Oregon Live) Obvious Portland TV station can do anything it wants with its programming, except take Perry Mason off the air at noon:"It's untouchable. We can add shows and take others off the air, but 'Perry' is nothing to fool with" (34)
(IGN) Sick The 15 Most Disturbing Movies, and not a single Larry The Cable Guy movie on the list (444)
(The Hollywood Reporter) Cool MacGyver movie in the works. Patty and Selma will be in their bunks (48)
(Variety) Amusing Harlan Ellison's bitter, cybernetic corpse sues "Star Trek" over 1967 TV episode. "It ain't about the 'principle,' friend, it's about the money! Pay me!" (105)
(Salon) Followup Charlie Sheen's wife has a great set of twins. No, not that kind, the other kind (28)
(OK! Magazine) Scary Harry Potter's stunt double is paralysed for life after a horrific 'broomstick accident' (87)

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