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Sun July 20, 2008
The Dark Knight proves what we knew all along: Batman would beat Spiderman in a fight
Get ready for massive amounts of "Saturday Night Live" to be crammed down your throat before the November election
Shannen Doherty back on "90210". In other news, TV execs have obviously run out of ideas if they're bringing back "Knight Rider" and "90210" in the same season
Kim Cattrall has vowed never to have plastic surgery because she fears she'll end up looking like The Joker from Batman. Or worse, like Sarah Jessica Parker
Have anti-Wall-E emails replaced anti-Obama emails in your inbox? Here is the AV Club's guide to the controversy
Show creator says "X-Files" ended when it did because of "the post-9/11 mood of the country," and it's returning now because "we're now in a 'post-post-9/11' frame of mind"
Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon realise they were off their trolleys to get married after dating 5 weeks
(Some Hergé Fan)
Steven Moffat breaks deal with Spielberg to write second Tintin film, preferring to run Doctor Who. Incensed and inebriated Captain Haddock seen calling Moffat "turncoat", "sea-gherkin", and "fancy-dress freebooter"
Yes, nerds, "The Dark Knight" was good, but better than "Godfather" good?
John Cleese having relations with a woman half his age, guaranteed to be participating in silly walks for some time (with "what an unfortunate face" pic)
Jon Lajoie discusses his potential jump from YouTube to television and talks about his hopes to star in Will Ferrel-type comedies. Dear God... if you really are God, please don't let this happen to such a talented comedian. Amen
A slideshow of Jokers from 1928 to 2008, from a Victor Hugo inspiration to Cesar Romero's ostentation to Alan Moore's gestation and Jack Nicholson's wild inflation ending up with Heath Ledger's exhumation
You can buy almost anything on Amazon.com. Except any books by Britian's largest publisher
New $20-mil Houdini biopic starring Catherine Zeta-Jones and Guy Pearce scores $5000 in weekend box office. Now that's a disappearing act
Sat July 19, 2008
Only IMAX theater in Georgia overheats thirty minutes into afternoon showing of "Dark Knight," upsetting fans who drove for miles. "I'm beyond bummed. I'm really pissed"
Not only is it a complete chick flick but "Mamma Mia" also sucks
Sales go through the roof as U.K. flips out over "finest television programme in TV history," HBO's "The Wire." Emmy voters still fall asleep halfway through second episode
Dreamworks sued for insulting the country's national symbol in "Kung Fu Panda": "Designing the panda with green eyes is a conspiracy. A panda with green eyes has the feeling of evil"
Before he was an E.R. heartthrob, he was an ubernerd. And today he turns 46. Happy birthday Anthony Edwards. NERRRRRRRRRDSSS (LGT nerdy video)
What do you do if the movie you starred in is banned? Become mayor of the town that banned it, of course. With Monty Python bonus goodness
I have here, in this hermetically sealed mayonnaise jar, never before seen by human eyes, sealed by Funk and Wagnall's and on their porch since noon today, a lawsuit
(Some Guy)
"The Dark Knight" shatters the single day box office record with $65 million dollars on Friday. Ha ha ha ha ha
(Some Guy)
George Romero's zombie franchise just keeps crawling out of the grave
Paul Simon sues clockmaker for illegal use of his songs, breaking his heart, shaking his confidence daily
Jessica Simpson could be the next celeb to have a sex tape leaked. Joe Simpson seen stocking up on lotion and kleenex (contains somewhat Not safe for work links/ads at the site, be careful)
Batman is this guy's hero. In a really sad, pathetic and creepy way
Fri July 18, 2008
Two tickets to "Dark Knight," $17. Popcorn and drinks, $15. The sleek Belstaff leather blouson jacket Christian Bale wears in the movie? Price... -- er, actually it's $1,250. Want
(Some Guy)
IMAX trailer for "Harry Potter & the Half-Blood Prince" is now online. Forget "Watchmen," this trailer will really blow you away
New "CSI" character replacing William Petersen will have serial killer DNA. So great, now the "CSI" team will stare into microscopes at their own blood
(Spin)
The five creepiest musical cameos in "Sesame Street" history: Hootie and the Blowfish offering kids "a little hand from a grown up friend" or James Taylor's sing-along "Jelly Kelly come"?
F'n Dennis Farina gets f'n probation for carrying a f'n loaded gun into a f'n airport
"Mad Men," a show watched by very few Americans, gets 16 Emmy nominations. What's next for the out-of-touch Emmy voters, a lifetime achievement award for Jethro Tull?
Paul Verhoeven, the visionary pervert who brought us "Flesh+Blood", "Robocop", and "Starship Troopers", turns 70 today. Happy birthday, Paul - we forgive you for "Showgirls"
Salma Hayek is back on the market. Lets celebrate with our fondest mammaries of her acting career
Top 10 TV scientists. Does not include the professor from "Gilligan's Island," who should get a frickin' Nobel Prize for his work with shells, palm fronds and idiotic lab assistants
(Fantasy Moguls)
New Batman film already setting records. George Lucas last heard to be amassing his army of lawn gnomes, setting off towards Nolan's house
(Console Central)
Most inarticulate defense of GTA 4 you'll ever read: "I don't think game sends that message that you should drive drunk and what the drunk or the person wants to do then blame them don't blame video games"
"POW BANG KAPOW" *skkrrttt* "Over."
Step 1: Report (fake) fire in Maggie Gyllenhaal's apartment complex. Step 2: Take pictures when she runs out with her baby. Step 3: Profit
Who's watching "Family Guy" on Hulu? A bunch of dudes
Warrant issued for Pete Doherty's arrest after he misses court appearance. Reports that he's planning to use Amy Winehouse as an alibi yet to be confirmed
(FMQB)
"I'm trying to reinvent her. I think it's about to be her time again." Madonna? Nope. Cher? Nope. If you guessed Britney, you win custody of her childr... er, a fabulous No-Prize
Tom Cruise, apparently unaware of his change in status in the Hollywood community, loses another role over money
CNN, owned by Time Warner, publishes second straight top headline about "The Dark Knight", a film made by Warner Brothers, owned by Time Warner, and based on Batman, published by DC Comics, also owned by Time Warner
Barenaked Ladies forced to cancel Disney gig after singer's drug arrest. In other news, you probably didn't know that BNL were doing kids music now
The Emmy snubs and bad selections. "Two and a Half Men" looking forward to winning "Odd Couple Rip-Off With Child" for fifth straight year
(gainesville.com)
In addition to the superficial similarities between Batman and Hamlet - the mournful attitude, the black outfits, the upper-class backgrounds - both characters are avenging the death of a parent using methodical detective tactics
Oregon State Hospital, site of the movie "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest" to be torn down. Nurse Ratched unavailable for comment
David Tennant to continue as Doctor Who for a fifth series after being offered $3m contract
(Some Guy)
"The ideal male superhero is a muscle-bound, Olympian ideal, whereas their female counterparts are... well, ready to pole-dance"
Just days after unplugging his iPod from Drew Barrymore, Justin Long is now iMac-ing Kirsten Dunst
Eight badass sci-fi predictions that came true in lame-ass ways
Star Wars + Rush Hour = Hilarious
Penelope Cruz says she's ready to start a family... any takers?
Porn star Belladonna says priests need to watch porn to help them learn more about sex, prevent sex abuse cases. Offers to donate 300 of her own movies and donate her own time time to help priests learn to deal with sexual tension
Shirley Manson says she's not sure which character she will play in "Sarah Connor Chronicles," presumably a stupid girl from the future
The just-released "Watchmen" trailer atomizes your puny "T4" trailer
Thu July 17, 2008
Stephen Colbert gets new species of spider named after him, despite being slightly disappointed when he learns that they don't shoot poison darts or lay eggs in your ears
(Some Guy)
Barenaked Ladies singer arrested for cocaine possession (with oh so precious mug shot)
Q: Who watches The Watchmen? A: Whoever has YouTube
Story the media is suppressing: Apparently there are 134 people in "The Dark Knight" who are NOT Heath Ledger in ANY WAY
Barry Manilow's weight drops to 100 pounds. Your mom would hit it anyway
(Broadcasting and Cable)
"Keeping up with the Kardashians" picked up for a third season, Kim's ass to get a producer credit
Christian radio warns FCC that "local community standards" rule could force them to take programming advice from morans who don't believe that Earth is 6000 years old, Jesus rode dinosaurs or gays are destined for hell
Here's another Fark interview. Bonus: It's with a hot chick
(Themovieblog)
New live-action "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" movie in the works and set to be released in 2010. Vanilla Ice said to be overwhelmed with excitment at the prospect of potential employment
After deeming Sarah Jessica Parker "The Unsexiest Woman Alive," Maxim magazine backtracks and brand the star their "Unexpected Crush" in the August issue
Zach Braff is leaving "Scrubs" after the upcoming season. Producers say they may just end the series then, which is sad because they could probably make it into a great sitcom
Filmgoers shocked to discover that "Donkey Punch" is a vile, soft-core slasher pic and not the uplifting story about a young donkey and his fruit punch recipe
Seth Rogen had no idea what went on in "Donnie Darko" despite being in it, never watched "Dawson's Creek" and questions his own sanity: "Our HBO pilot isn't funny but 'Entourage' is?"
Because making actual songs would just be too artsy, Gene Simmons fronts a new reality show which will see contestants composing music jingles for commercials
Remember the kid who played Andy Keaton on "Family Ties"? Well the Boulder court system sure does, and he's not exactly cute anymore... (with scary pic)
Natalie Cole has the Everlasting and Unforgettable Hepatitis C
(Some Guy)
Twenty-five villanous Batman casting suggestions. John C. Reilly as The Penguin, anyone?
"Battlestar Galactica" and "The Wire" lead this year's Emmy nominations. Just kidding, but here's what they really did nominate
Neat: Trailer for new Coen Brothers movie. Fark: An angry John Malkovich punching Brad Pitt in the face and George Clooney making a buttsecks faux paus
Life with Reese Witherspoon is one big barrel of laughs: Jake Gyllenhaal is told off for swearing, has to take his shoes off at the door and must take the trash out when it's three quarters full
Will Ferrell's next project has him playing a racist and a bleeding-heart liberal. Simultaneously
Terrence Howard thinks Bill Cosby had him blacklisted as a young actor
The greatest movie ever made, summarized by a three-minute rap song (an oldie but goodie)
Wed July 16, 2008
The 20 worst movie endings in history. And yes, Blade Runner made the list. Deservedly
Val Kilmer on bat nipples, a "Real Genius" sequel, and "Willow" being the largest gathering of little people in history: "They would flee, and "date" in the middle of the day. Think about that"
Today's Fark-ready headline: "Rumer Willis Takes Criticism On The Chin"
Kate Beckinsale explains the extent of her Hollywood transformation - "I thought the first thing that would happen is they'd file my teeth down, inflate my bosom and just be mean to me - and that's what has happened"
Open chest jumpsuits and "Sex Machine" beltbuckles getting warm reception at James Brown auction; Crack pipes are hot
Ebert gives The Dark Knight a **** rating. On the downside, that's the same grade he gave The Cell (warning: spoilers)
(Shawarma Mayor)
With Miley Cyrus in hot water this week, it's time for the Jonas Brothers to feel the heat: Neocons accuse them of supporting terrorist lifestyle...with their scarves
Creator of Backstreet Boys and N*SYNC ordered to pay victims $300 million, or roughly one dollar each
All you chubby chasers get ready, Megan Fox is ordered to gain weight for new Transformers movie
Steve Guttenberg claims his body is his instrument and that he likes to play his instrument, you know, to keep it in tune. Adds "I go in spurts"
Jason Alexander to direct the first comedic episode of Fox's Brad Garrett vehicle, "'Til Death"
Victoria Beckham admits she's pretty much uglier than homemade soap. "I just make the most of what I have"
Michael Bay says new "Friday the 13th" remake will combine plots of first two original movies. We're all doomed. Dooooomed
Andy Dick arrested. Finally, some justice in this world (mugshot)
How much for a slightly burnt 40-year-old guitar? It's a leftie
Nip/Tuck gets amputated
Virgin Miley Cyrus says she wants to make a squeaky-clean version of "And The City"
Miley Cyrus vows to stay chaste until marriage, or at least until she gets out of her Disney contract
The Governator appoints Bo Derek to California Horse Racing Board, presumably in recognition of her demonstrated skills in riding bareback
Mark Ronson lets slip that he turned down Joss Stone because she is a "very boring English soul chick." She's also from Devon, which is reason enough for not wanting to get jiggy with her
Get your pliers, duct tape and lamp cords ready, 'cause producers of Fox's "24" promise next season will have just as much torture as ever. U-S-A, U-S-A
(Some Guy)
Group of elderly Swedish tourists chase Ricky Gervais down the street because they thought he was Robert DeNiro
Universal confirms there's a remake of "The Monster Squad" in the works. No word yet if Wolfman will still have "nards"
Amy Poehler goes from "Baby Mama to a real job in "The Office" spinoff
GILF Helen Mirren, with "you would hit it like a retiree hits a rice pudding" pics
Tue July 15, 2008
(Some Guy)
Fifty terrible movies that still grossed more than "Meet Dave" in their opening weekends
Jerry O'Connell is pussy whipped
(Some Attorney)
Cleveland woman shocked and UNEMPLOYED AND LITIGIOUS after Perez Hilton posts her gay hate email
Rush to appear on Colbert Report. Submitter was going to make some sort of "2112" or "Moving Pictures" reference before realizing this is, in fact, Rush the band, not Rush the Limbaugh
Khloe Kardashian to kool heels in klink for kareening in kar after kopious kups of Kahlua
"The Shield" series finale airs this fall. The cast swears their ending is way better than "The Sopranos" ... which is to say, they have one
Matt Groening says "The Simpsons" will stay on the air for so long that they'll run out of plots and will have to blind Lisa, add cousin Oliver, and replace Homer with Ted McGinley to keep it going
(iF Magazine)
The 10 characters you might see in "Hellboy 3" - be prepared, this one gets obscure
William Petersen says BYE to CSI
New postage stamps honor early black cinema. That's not the same thing as film noir. Or black comedy, which is not the same thing as Big Momma's House
Keanu Reeves and Wachowski Brothers possibly set to stretch the boundaries of suckiness with "Plastic Man"
Prosecutors in Phil Spector murder say they have a new surprise witness against him. Must. Not. Use. Newsflash
Today's unlikely Hollywood couple is Seth "Family Guy" MacFarlane and Amanda "We Would All Hit That" Bynes
Fox TV executive not ashamed of "Moment of Truth," a show so sleazy and degrading it makes Paris Hilton look like an even classier Princess Di
Actual headline: Christopher Knight slams Florence Henderson. And all the while we thought it was Barry Williams
(Some Guy)
Joe Rogan didn't enjoy watching people eat desiccated bull penis anymore than you did, but he at least got paid a crap load of money to do it
The 22 most appalling TV shows ever
(Some Guy)
Why Tilda Swinton should play Catwoman in the next Batman film. And why Jessica Alba shouldn't
Tom Cruise is trying to teach his son to fly. It is unknown whether aircraft are involved in the process
Victoria Beckham says she hates all the attention she gets. We're going to need a bigger Unlikely tag for this one
Gary Oldman: "Look at me. I mean, when I'm naked, I look like a bald chicken. How did I get to be a scary bad guy?"
(nbc10)
As if the headline "14 child stars who grew up hot" isn't sick enough, Britney Spears makes the list (w/ slideshow pictures)
Kristen Bell will be returning to "Heroes" for season 3. No word if any of the crappy story lines from season 2 will also be returning
Comedian prank-calls police on stage to report sighting of wanted sex offender. Hilarity does not ensue
(Martians Attacking Indianapolis)
Die Hard is 20 years old today. Yippie-ki-yay, motherfarker
Christina Ricci headed to "Saving Grace." Judging from the photo Christina apparently needs the paycheck so she can stop dressing in Saran Wrap
(Some Guy)
Spike Jonez's "Where the Wild Things Are" movie may be forever left to our imaginations after Warner Bros. tables it indefinitely because it makes children cry in terror
Cast for The Office was picked to balance out the extreme good looks of Brian Baumgartner
Pros and cons of who should be the next Batman villian
As mortgage crunch hits, even reality TV home makeover shows being affected. In related news, tonight at 10, don't miss Pimp My Refrigerator Box
Seth MacFarlane wants "Family Guy" to parody "Star Trek: The Wrath of Kahn" next, if Paramount would stop being such jerks about the whole massive copyright violation thing
(www.sffmedia.com)
Hancock proves two things beyond a shadow of doubt: any attempt to do something different in Hollywood is a risky business, but it's a damn sight less risky if you can convince Will Smith to come along for the ride
Wait... could the movie version of Watchmen actually be... good?
(Some Guy)
Hollywood is out of ideas: New Weinstein greenlights include "Scream 4," "Piranha 3D," "The Six Billion Dollar Man," and remakes of "Scanners" and "The Seven Samurai"
Mon July 14, 2008
(Some Drunken Misogynist)
Tucker Max accepts Michael Ian Black's challenge to a fist fight. And it gets better from there
What's the world record for willingly listening to Sarah Silverman's voice? Five years
Lindsay Lohan's new fashion line: leggings with kneepads, for, well you know.... comfort
(eGM Cartech)
Like other rappers before him, Bow Wow rents some luxury cars to display when the "Cribs" camera crew came by
South Carolina judge to decide whether the general public be able to bid on James Brown's memorabilia, so you too can have a shot at his "SEX"-emblazoned jumpsuit sprinkled with horse tranquilizers
Good idea: Pete Doherty plans to win back Kate Moss with a diamond ring. Bad idea: The ring is to be made from the ashes of his dead cat
(if Magazine)
"24" producer on new TV movie: "It's the day of the election of the president and swearing in. It's a self-contained two hours"
(Some Guy)
You can't write your own stories involving other authors' characters, so Mr. Spock probably won't meet Dumbledore
Forget Speed Racer, The Love Guru or Meet Dave. The worst movie of the summer is coming. High School Musical 3 trailer hits the web
Writer explains why 60s TV series "Batman" was written in Spain while hopped up on sangria and without any concern for Bruce Wayne's psychological problems
No wonder people are getting stupider every year: U.S. TV has gone from fewer than 50 reality shows on the air in 2002 to 172 just six years later
Former presidential candidate Mike Huckabee in talks with Fox for his own show. Possible titles include "Huckabee Idol," "When Huckabee Attacks"
Minnie Driver wants to give her child a traditional name. The fact that this is news is pretty damn sad
(BLOCKBUSTER BUZZ)
The Dark Knight's effects guy talks Heath Ledger, CGI, and the Chris Nolan method
Gary Oldman wants to star in a 007 spin-off entirely about Q. Finally the equipment will be returned in pristine condition
Insanity, scarcity of black models keep Naomi Campbell going
Creator of the "Law and Order" empire claims NBC cheated him out of money, pointing out that he had to dip into principal to make his Maybach and yacht payments
(ComicMix)
Interview with writer Wil Wheaton
"David Lee Roth wasn't David Lee Roth, says David Lee Roth"
Peter Cook tells Geraldo he regrets cheating on Christie Brinkley because; "Mawage, that bwessed awangment, that dweam wifin a dweam... should be bwased on wuv, tru wuv"
"Hellboy II" rules weekend box office, while Eddie Murphy's starship comedy "Meet Dave" crashes and burns. Sometimes the movie-going public gets it right
GLAAD names ABC and FX the most gay-friendly networks; other networks counter by claiming that they like gay people, they even have one gay friend
CNN and Mental Floss present "Five Murders and the Movies They Inspired". Uh, make that four murders and a kidnapping
Megan Fox wants to film an entire movie in the nude. There is a God, and he loves us
Miss USA wipes out during Miss Universe competition. No, it's not a repeat from last year
Miss Universe 2008, "When I go back to Venezuela I will jump on my family and they will jump on me." With jumpable pics
(Some Guy)
American "Friends" and British "The Office" producers unite for new "extremely violent" sci-fi comedy starring "Brazil"'s Jonathan Pryce. I'll be there for you, Tuttle, er, Buttle
The Darrin Effect: 20 jarring cases of recast roles
PeTA angry over Sharon Stone's insistence of amputating a tarantula's pincers before filming a scene-in 1981; "She chose to make a tiny insect an amputee"
Chris Rock's world record for biggest audience at a comedy performance has been bested more than 4-fold, by a German comedian. In related news, there are German comedians. Try ze schnitzel, it is fresh
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