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Sun April 27, 2008
Starpulse Unlikely Good news, guys: when Pamela Anderson finally gets around to calling you, condoms are optional (12)
Washington Post Unlikely Sure, Ronald Reagan helped, but the man who really destroyed communism was J.R. Ewing (157)
Contact Music Stupid After unlearning what she has already learned, Britney Spears wants to learn how to sing again. She'll never become a Jedi now (31)
LA Times Sappy Jennifer Aniston eats some of John Mayer's ham sandwich. No, that's not a euphemism (20)
(The Superficial) Asinine Obama sews up the "slutty Hollywood attention whores" vote (43)
(Slash Film) Cool The best book of the millenium is about to be unleashed. "Seagalogy: A Study of the Ass-Kicking Films of Steven Seagal" (23)
Guardian.com Strange New movie depicts Scotland overrun by mutant cannibals. "An opportunity to market Scotland to a massive worldwide audience", raves Scotland's tourist industry (23)
Starpulse Obvious Five best & worst Quentin Tarantino films. Difficulty: author obviously struggled with "worst" list (74)
(Some Guy) Ironic Jerry Seinfeld is not master of his own domain (30)
YouTube Amusing Neil Patrick Harris discusses knockers, two-headed cow fetueses, porn and boobies on Jimmy Kimmel Live (20)
(Some Guy) Cool Top 10 great guitarists you probably don't know (150)
Bitten and Bound Amusing Raquel Welch is lobbying Desperate Housewives to play Eva Longoria's sister. The negotiation stalled when ABC countered with the role of great-aunt (26)
(Some Guy) Scary Chanel's top fashion designer wants Kurt Cobain's daughter to be the face of the new Chanel campaign. This news probably would have blown Kurt's mind (169)
Entertainment Weekly Amusing Twenty-three best performances by actors playing themselves. "It's too late, I've seen it all" (slideshow, or full list in first post) (74)
(Some Guy) Hero Seth Green says "Austin Powers 4" is just something Mike Myers talks about during "Shrek" publicity tours (42)
(ticketnews.com) Amusing Iron Maiden's Bruce Dickinson is a licensed pilot who flies the band to gigs on Ed Force One, flight 666. Pretty soon, they'll be wearing gold-plated diapers (includes video interview) (39)

Sat April 26, 2008
(The Objective) Stupid From the director of "The Blair Witch Project" comes...um..."The Blair Witch Goes to Iraq"? (31)
Contact Music Cool In a world where TV shows dominate the present, ONE WEBSITE will look to the future by returning to the past. "Trailer Land" - this time, it's for REAL (11)
MSNBC Cool "Neil Patrick Harris should be nominated for Best Supporting Actor for Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay" (43)
Entertainment Weekly Spiffy 12 Mighty Pop-Culture Trees. Yeah, it's a list of trees (61)
Slate Dumbass NBC discovers a flaw in their cunning plan to save money by not doing pilots: you might discover that a show you've already ordered and pitched to your affiliates isn't the show you thought it was (20)
Defamer Interesting Take your stinking paws off Stanley Kubrick's prosthesis, you damned dirty ape (10)
YouTube Silly Uwe Boll challenges Michael Bay to boxing match. Whoever loses, we win (30)
(PopEater) Followup Kelly Clarkson prances around naked even when her home is "filled with strangers" (64)
(Newsweek) Stupid When an American Idol contestant is booted after singing "Jesus Christ Superstar," there's only one logical conclusion: Southern racists control America (92)
CBC Ironic Even God hates "Christian Rock" (364)
(Some Guy) Silly J.J. Abrams to adapt Van Halen's "Hot For Teacher" for big-screen. I brought my pencil, give me something to write on, man (35)
(Some Guy) Spiffy Video for new "Speed Racer" theme song. Pops is speechless (80)
(Some Guy) Wheaton The lego Wil Wheaton. Needs moar clown shirt (24)
Daily Mail Amusing John Cleese's soon-to-be-ex-wife is demanding £71,250 a month to live on, including £2,000 for clothes. Cleese is said to be 'beside himself with buttock-clenching rage' (42)

Fri April 25, 2008
Entertainment Weekly Interesting Entertainment Weekly's odd-numbered list of the 21 best movie characters with tattoos. Mr. Cool Ice inexplicably absent (43)
Wired Sad Bad news: Hollywood destroys your memories by making a War Games sequel. Good news: If you have to see it, you won't have to spend $20 at the theatre (27)
Chicago Sun-Times Misc Roger Ebert explains why Tom Hanks' "Joe Vs. the Volcano" is a failure "in every possible way except that I loved it" (44)
(Some Guy) Hero Bill O'Reilly calls for media conference to discuss Miley Cyrus posing in lingerie in great detail. Finally, an issue that can bring America together (93)
Defamer Sad Ewan McGregor to choke his career to death with the least anticipated sequel of all time: The Da Vinci Code's Angels & Demons (59)
I-Mockery Amusing I-Mockery discusses some good and bad things about "The Phantom Menace" you may have never considered (120)
Stuff Interesting Breaking news: Dita Von Teese is a vampire: "I have brought my own curtains to the hotel to stop the sun getting in, and I have only used the hotel pool at night" (82)
AP Spiffy Stock up on couch cushions: Tom Cruise is returning to Oprah (23)
Wikipedia Cool The comedic brains behind 'Date Movie' and 'Meet the Spartans' set their satirical sights on 'Superbad'. Judd Apatow, you're about to be Apatown3d (91)
Starpulse Sad Joe Pesci and Angie Everhart split, ending seven years of "what the hell is she doing with Joe Pesci" comments (78)
Daily Mail Amusing Meet the real Jane Austen - a drunken floozy (31)
Deceiver Sad How come Wesley Snipes is in jail but Willie Nelson isn't? (79)
Newsday Obvious Michael Jackson's 'Thriller' turns 25 today, which explains why he's lost all interest in it (13)
AP Scary CaЯmen ElectЯa is maЯЯying Яob PatteЯson of KoЯn (68)
(Radar Online) Dumbass Northwestern University law school students practice their chair-throwing skills on news that Jerry Springer will be their graduation speaker (33)
Minneapolis Star Tribune Interesting Al Franken may soon be writing a comedy film with Wesley Snipes in prison (27)
Telegraph Obvious 50 best cult books (128)
NYPost Asinine Michael Jackson says he has sworn off women. Women surprised to discover that they were in play in the first place (27)
Daily Mail Scary Come see what $20,000,000 looks like (117)
BBC Asinine I watched as he opened the sixth seal. There was a great earthquake. The sun turned black like sackcloth made of goat hair, the whole moon turned blood red (51)
Slate Obvious Things have gotten so bad for CBS News that it might just be time to shut the entire news division down (37)
(Popular Mechanics) Interesting The real science behind "Lost." With photo that explains a whole lot about everything except for that dang smoke monster (126)
Aint-It-Cool-News Spiffy It's now official. Guillermo Del Toro on board to direct "The Hobbit", and its follow up "The Hobbit 2: Electric Boogaloo" (47)
(Some Guy) Florida Ewan McGregor and Jim Carrey cruise Miami gay bars for "field research" (36)
FARK Survey If you have the power to make one change to a currently running TV show, what would it be? (212)

Thu April 24, 2008
Deceiver Ironic Christina Ricci criticizes Lindsay Lohan for playing a stripper and setting a bad example for girls, despite the fact that Christina Ricci has never gone out in public without showing off her shiat (pics may be not safe for work) (75)
(If It's Movies) Cool Uma Thurman confirms there will be more "Kill Bill" in animated form (46)
Starpulse Strange Randy Jackson's new eyewear line for large-headed men is a huge hit and stores are having trouble keeping the specs in stock. In related news, there are a lot of large-headed men out there (57)
AFP News Wesley Snipes sentenced to 3 years in prison. 1 for each Blade movie (418)
(iF Magazine) Ironic Movies from the 80s that should have been big hits, but were huge flops (139)
(The Futon Critic) Interesting Cast member of "CSI" to appear on "Two and a Half Men," though, unfortunately, not to investigate Charlie Sheen's painful and horrible death (18)
AZCentral Strange Gwyneth Paltrow doesn't want X-ray vision because it's unethical and morally wrong (9)
The New York Times Unlikely News: Spike Lee to shoot a new movie for Nokia. Fark: On a cellphone. Nokia: “This is not a marketing gimmick" (8)
Bitten and Bound Obvious Gary Coleman is taking his extremely large, redheaded wife to divorce court. will be distressed to find out he cannot have his virginity back (33)
Variety Silly HBO picks up new series called "Hung." And, yes, it's about exactly what you're thinking it's about (61)
Fox News Stupid Jimmy Fallon officially announced to replace Conan O'Brien in 2009. Show to be renamed "Late Night With Some Jerk Who Laughs at Inappropriate Times & Flubs His Lines" (78)
SFGate Interesting Only in a story about a female country music singer can the words "attack," "barstool" and "fan" be used and her still be referred to as a "sweetheart" (10)
(Bradenton Herald) Followup Snipes' attorneys ask for no prison, no fine, cryogenic freezing (22)
FARK Interesting For the DVD release of "Charlie Wilson's War," Fark interviews the Charlie Wilson but not his war (93)
Seattle Times Obvious Danny Glover urges moviegoers to see his two new indie films before he gets too old for this shiat. Over-the-hill African-American actors trifecta in play (19)
Rolling Stone Asinine The Award for Most Pretentious Award at the NME Awards goes to "Godlike Genius Award for Extraordinary Services to Music," which went to Jane's Addiction (49)
(Some Guy) Unlikely Geordi Laforge hopes for one more "Next Generation" movie. What, is he blind? (98)
Entertainment Weekly Spiffy Preview of return of "Lost" tonight, with producers already apologizing that Season Five won't be as good (52)
Starpulse Strange Harrison Ford has officially joined the "Tom Cruise Is Batshiat Crazy Club" (67)
(Some Guy) Silly "Deal or No Deal" will air a "Star Wars"-themed show with Darth Vader as the banker (44)
Daily Mail Strange Drew Barrymore hires surviving members of The Fat Boys as bodyguards (pic) (51)
(Awful Announcing) Amusing "Law & Order: SVU" used a Tom Brady clone as prime suspect in a gay murder (seriously) (44)
(Insider) Interesting David Blaine plans to beat the current world record for holding his breath live on the "Oprah" show. If only he knew Natalie Wood was still going (49)
WTAM Followup Missing Disney Channel actor turns up, saying he needed "some time alone." Company recalls detective trio of Huey, Dewey and Louie (17)
(egotastic) Boobies Billie Piper on the beach without her TARDIS (Not safe for work) (18)
(Music-News) Asinine Yoko Ono is heading to court again because footage of John Lennon smoking pot might tarnish the honorable Beatles legacy (31)
The Smoking Gun Followup In character reference letter to judge, Denzel Washington compares his pal Wesley Snipes to "a tree -- a mighty oak." Exactly, trees don't pay taxes either (74)
MSNBC Scary MSNBC: It's not news, it's slideshows of celebrities with bad plastic surgery (81)
USA Today Obvious Ratings for "American Idol" have dropped seven percent, which means that next season, they'll be broadcasting scenes from the house hot tub and feeding the losers to lions (125)
Daily Mail Strange Ashton Kutcher has webbed feet, goes on TV to show them off. The Daily Mail is there (13)
SFGate Interesting Porn star talks about the differences between sex work and sex not-for-work. Warns that no matter how hard you try everyone you know will eventually find out what you do for a living and how hard you try (325)
Daily Mail Obvious You can now get your $300 Victoria Beckham dVb designer jeans for $69.99 in the bargain bin at Loehmann's (13)
Canoe Amusing Reason why editors should not rely only on spell-check, No. 10042: "Megan Fox voted sexist woman" (45)
Boston Herald Stupid Amy Winehouse offered $2 million to pen a tell-all book. The six people who understand her crack-addled writing are thrilled (13)
FHM Spiffy FHM's 100 sexiest women in the world. Surprise: First place goes to a non-Jessica (243)
(TMZ) Sad Billy Blank's wife Tae Bo's his ass to the curb. See divorce in seven days. GUARANTEED (21)
(WWE.COM) Stupid Professional wrestler responds to Keith Olbermann naming him the worst person of the week. It's not real to him (74)
News.com.au Amusing Chimpanzee fails to find sammich in Christina Ricci's bra (28)
Stuff Interesting Heather Mills' dad says her childhood abuse claims don't have a leg to stand on (15)
LA Times Obvious Hollywood is out of ideas: 22 film projects born of graphic novels or comics have been announced in the last six weeks (66)
(Some Guy) Amusing God is punishing Naomi Campbell for her tantrums by smiting her with hair loss (9)

Wed April 23, 2008
Telegraph Silly Ten worst musicals of all time. They're all going to laugh at you (112)
(dgc360) Stupid American Idol thread: six down to five (210)
(Some Guy) Spiffy Henry VIII to get more wives and smokin' hot Anne Boleyn to lose her head as Showtime announces "The Tudors" will continue (42)
(Some Guy) Misc Colm Meaney talks about being the rare actor with a fanbase that has no idea he was in "Star Trek" (56)
(x17online.com) Sick Dear Cindy Crawford, Your six-year-old daughter doesn't need make-up, she looks skanky. Thank you (72)
Orlando Sentinel Florida Wesley Snipes hopes the combined star power of Denzel Washington, Woody Harrelson and Judge Joe Brown will keep him out of jail (67)
io9 Dumbass Turns out new sci-fi movie that director claims is based on "hard science" is actually about as scientifically accurate as that "South Park" featuring Mr. Garrison's penis (73)
AZCentral Asinine Tom Cruise spends $100,000 on his daughter's second birthday party. You probably shouldn't tell him she'd have been just as happy with a night at Chuck E. Cheese and a copy of "Finding Nemo" (64)
Fox News Stupid The dierctor of "Showgirls" and "Basic Instinct" wants to make a film about Jesus that reveals his real father is a Roman soldier who raped Mary. This should go over well (101)
AP Ironic Star Jones asking for the media to respect her privacy as she seeks to end her marriage. That'd be the same marriage she whored to the media three years ago (114)
(Music-News) Ironic Amy Winehouse voted heroin of the year (131)
Yahoo PSA Shirley Temple celebrates her 80th birthday by breaking her arm (127)
(All Headline News) Stupid Janet Jackson: "I'd be upset if Jermaine was gay." Methinks the lady is concerned with the wrong brother (36)
Now Magazine Interesting Ginger Spice Geri Halliwell's new boyfriend Ivan Velez tries to impress George Michael and his lover Kenny on a double date by turning up as a dead-ringer for the Wham musician, complete with an impressive goatee (12)
(Some Guy) Amusing Britney Spears dresses up as the world's first Amish hooker (57)
Starpulse Dumbass Paris Hilton gets banned from a Russian hotel after thinking that signing her name on the wall of her luxury suite might be a cool thing to do (32)
London Times Asinine Sting wants you to reform your crappy, went-nowhere band so you can have all your dreams and hopes crushed all over again, in front of 60,000 Police fans this time (27)
(Some Guy) Video James Franco teaches his brother how to act in front of a green screen (12)
Now Magazine Interesting British glamour model Kelly Brook calls off her engagement with Billy Zane, with insiders claiming she wants to reassess her life after the death of her dad. It's easier than telling him he's an overweight, balding, B-movie actor (85)
NYPost Amusing William Hung finally realizes he wasn't "in on the joke," hangs up his showbiz hat and goes back to college (57)
Wired Cool The director of "Watchmen" is soliciting for fan-made material to make it into the film (37)
Variety Scary And the No. 1 threat this week: Bears. The bear from Semi-Pro kills trainer for making him a part of Semi-Pro (123)
IndyStar Asinine In his hapless struggle for relevance, John Mellencamp goes both ways (27)
MSNBC Obvious Ali Lohan plans to follow in her sister's foot steps by starring in a movie that people will only watch to see if she shows the goods (34)
(Some Guy) Misc David Duchovny talks "X-Files." "It was never my intention when I wanted to leave the television series to sabotage the show in any way" (37)

Tue April 22, 2008
Starpulse Unlikely Fall Out Boy's Pete Wentz is in talks to bring his emo clothing line to "Sesame Street." EVERYBODY PANIC AT THE DISCO (36)
Deceiver Asinine Heather Mills: "Well look at me, I'm marrying an old man with bigger tits than me" (52)
NYPost Amusing Dog unable to tell the difference between Natalie Portman and a fire hydrant (76)
DallasNews Amusing Edward Norton won't give an interview about "The Hulk", so here's an interview with him about how he won't give an interview about "The Hulk" (47)
Fox News Dumbass Amy Winehouse has really straightened herself out since going to rehab. Just kidding, she was spotted smoking a joint in public (71)
Daily Mail Dumbass Mariah Carey says she doesn't want kids because they would make her feel "violated". Whoring herself out to record company boss in exchange for career still okay (63)
(Egotastic) Followup Fergie bikini pics part II: Methface Boogaloo (49)
MSNBC Followup MSNBC: that chick showing her bra was NOT 15 year old Miley Cyrus. Offers no evidence however (506)
London Times Unlikely So who killed American television? Looks like it was Steve Jobs (68)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Sign of the Apocalypse no. 3: New York Magazine declares "Gossip Girl" to be the "Best Show Ever." (21)
(Some Guy) Spiffy Guillermo Del Toro's next movie to answer the question: "What would happen if the Apocalypse was viewed while you were doing errands?" (29)
UPI Amusing Comic pleads guilty to giving a woman's breast a "high five." (61)
(There's No Time) Cool First promotional image of the upcoming season of "24" released (50)
NJ.com Misc Eighty-five-year-old Stan Lee surprises fans by announcing he's returning full-time to writing and editing comics (27)
WTAM Ironic Kanye West's fiancee doesn't like black people - well one of them, anyway (28)
(Some Guy) Scary Spice girl Mel B to keep her knickers on for £100,000. Eddie Murphy wonders why he didn't pay her to do the same (9)
USA Today Misc Beetle Bailey hugs a tree and Dagwood Bumstead takes nap to conserve energy as the comics page unites to celebrate Earth Day (55)
ABC News Ironic Turn about fair play: India outsources cheerleading jobs to the US (25)

Mon April 21, 2008
(Some Guy) Amusing Coming soon: "An Inconvenient Truth, Electric Car Boogaloo" (32)
Chicago Sun-Times Obvious Artie Lange returns to Howard Stern Show after meltdown that could not possibly have been a staged radio stunt (113)
(Some Torrent Guy) Dumbass Biohazard bassist blasts BitTorrent, forgets most of his income is derived from live shows that people will buy tickets for because they've heard his music (105)
(MediaWeek) Interesting Paramount Pictures breaks away from corporate cousin Showtime to form their own premium movie network. In other news, people still subscribe to premium networks for the movies (18)
Starpulse Ironic Too many stars are more interested in being famous than making great movies. So says recovering coke addict and star of "Iron Man," Robert Downey Jr (41)
Fox News Spiffy In yet another installment of "Why couldn't this have happened eight years ago?": Former "Law & Order" babe Angie Harmon to do nude magazine shoot (53)
(E! Online) Cool Amy Acker to join Eliza Dushku in cast of "Dollhouse." Still has blue paint in hard to reach places (52)
Entertainment Weekly Amusing "We were not interested in drawing attention to ourselves. Again, this outing was purely for research. To this end, we secured ourselves a stretch limo and a crate of liquor." (22)
Daily Mail Amusing Gordon Ramsay is being sued for $18 million for humiliating a maitre d' on his show, calling him a "lazy t*****" (96)
Starpulse Dumbass Christina Ricci is upset over the way that "Black Snake Moan" was marketed, says it exploited women. Unlike her character, who was naked and chained to a radiator through three-quarters of it (43)
Starpulse Amusing Shannon Elizabeth's boyfriend feared she'd cheat on him if she was paired with the "sex symbol" dancer on "Dancing with the Stars." He was relieved when she wasn't, but she cheated on him anyway (55)
Starpulse Interesting “Chevolution,” a new documentary on Che Guevara, addresses the burning question: Why would so many stupid white kids want a Cuban revolutionary on their shirts? (400)
(Music-News) Obvious Amy Lee denies Metallica duet rumors, which is good news for Evanescence’s fans who have enough reasons to slash their wrists already (75)
Starpulse Obvious Tiny membered Enrique Iglesias regrets making a joke about having a "small penis" as it blighted his love life. Small penis (31)
Contact Music Interesting The Rolling Stones’ Hell’s Angels who cracked skulls at Altamont suing HBO for stealing ideas for TV series. Mick Jagger seen cowering in a corner (29)
WTAM Amusing Ewan McGregor tired of sex (47)
NYPost Strange Director John Waters says he is erotically obsessed with Alvin the Chipmunk and even has a pornographic picture of him. Waters’ last crush, Lemiwinks, still missing and presumed crushed (29)
USA Today Cool Actor Ed Begley shows how to live a truly environmentally friendly life with bicycling, solar panels and water that is warmed naturally by the heat radiating off his unbelievably hot wife (68)
(Some Guy) Cool Robert Downey Jr. is not a poster boy for rehab. He's just ridiculously lucky (14)
(Some Guy) Obvious Dolly Parton says she had to work twice as boobs as her chart competitors to break into the music industry (31)
Kotaku Amusing Uwe Boll contacts Blizzard to make a "World of Warcraft" movie. Their response "We will not sell the movie rights, not to you... especially not to you" (59)
(Some Guy) Amusing Minnie Driver asked, "Who's the daddy?" (17)
Metro Obvious Lohan's fallen off the wagon again. No, not that wagon. Or that one. The original one (23)
(Some Axl) Dumbass Like the rest of America, Guns N' Roses doesn't know who their guitarists are (10)
MSNBC Strange Signs of the Apocalypse, No. 37: The new Harold and Kumar film is getting rave reviews (40)
SFGate Spiffy Sex-advice book author who became a model at 63 says she gets hit on a lot by guys of all ages: "It's nice when you're my age and things like that happen to you. You're filled with appreciation" (38)
Local6 Misc Guess the celebrity tattoo (pics) (13)
The Sun Amusing Harry Potter and the 19 Liters of Vodak (The Sun is there) (61)
Contact Music Unlikely Paris Hilton is a genius... at least according to someone who plays a cheerleader on TV (33)
AP Interesting Eddie Izzard eyes career in European politics. He's very concerned with the European Dream, toasters that lie to us, being covered in bees (45)
(Some Guy) Weird Jessica Rabbit "untooned" (40)
(Bloomberg) Sad Ray Charles' wife and kids are fighting over his estate. Should've just put it all in a blind trust (13)
(Vanity Gossip) Cool Fergie has killer bikini lumps (61)
Telegraph Strange "It's not every day that you get to see Isabella Rossellini dressed as a male house fly and mounting a female as she cracks jokes to the camera." (With WTF pic) (12)
Wired Silly Coming soon to a comic book store near you: "Marvel Apes," starring Spider-Monkey and Iron Ape. The ending of that Tim Burton movie finally makes sense (41)
(cinemablend) Strange Jean-Claude Van Damme and Dolph Lundgren might be signed on to another "Universal Soldier" movie (23)

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