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Sun July 15, 2007
(Some Mudblood) Obvious Deathly Hallows Chapter Names + Epilogue leak (scroll down a bit) (15)
(Some Guy) Spiffy Aaron Eckhart spills the beans on Two-Face (6)
(Some Guy) Ironic Sci-Fi Channel announces new reality TV show (11)
The Scotsman Spiffy Meet the real-life Dumbledore: J K Rowling's Classics Prof at Exeter University (3)
(Some Guy) Obvious No task is more daunting to a newspaper editor than changing the comics page. "I remember when B.C. started in '58. We'd get calls saying 'What're those things supposed to be? Hoboes? Bring back Buz Sawyer" (21)
CNN Interesting CNN responds to Moore's criticisms of CNN's criticisms of Sicko, in surprisingly effective and complete fashion (96)
Yahoo Sad Just when you thought VH1's programming couldn't get any crappier, celebrity blogger and all-around douchebag "Perez Hilton" says he will have a show on the network (26)
(Duke Chronicle) Amusing Duke student newspaper incorrectly states Starship Enterprise has cloaking device; Trekkie letter to the editor hilarity ensues. Duke sucks (123)
WTOP Followup In case you were wondering, Rebecca Romijn is officially off the market again (30)
Telegraph Interesting £10 million being spent on security to prevent any leaks of the latest Harry Potter book (163)
(Some Real Guy) Hero Jennifer Love Hewitt looks like a real woman (117)
( Obvious Jessica Simpson says plastic surgery is possible later on (12)
Yahoo Strange Some rapper who you're never heard of has been arrested for attempted murder in Manhattan (35)
(US Magazine) Obvious After much searching, Britney Spears has found a boyfriend who looks just as stupid as K-Fed (35)
(Some Guy) Misc Synopsis of the most-watched episode of a TV show ever, which is almost never shown on TV (30)
Free Press Amusing Rosie O'Donnell uses giant doctored photo of Elizabeth Hasselbeck to illustrate to fellow gay cruise travelers what she really thinks of former "Survivor" contestant (66)
Toronto Star Unlikely Newspaper religion reporter determines Harry Potter is Jesus Christ (26)

Sat July 14, 2007
Yahoo Scary 65-year old Harrison Ford doing many of his own stunts for new Indiana Jones movie, "looks great" according to one producer. Apparently she hasn't looked at his face lately. He looks a Mr. Potato Head covered in burlap (37)
(Some Guy) Interesting A look inside Disneyland's Sleeping Beauty Castle, forever closed to the public after 9/11 (19)
(Cracked) Interesting 11 movies saved by their historical inaccuracy (42)
(The Superficial) Spiffy James Blunt sold his sister on eBay. You'd bid on it. (pics) (16)
(Some Guy) Caption Caption these wizards (91)
The Sun Interesting Mark Hamill and David Prowse reunite to talk about Star Wars. The Sun is there (25)
(Some Guy) Asinine Former WB affiliate: Let me show you my Pokemans. FCC: OK, that'll be $15,000. Squirtle can has fine? (36)
(Some Guy) Silly After success of newly-reinvented, realistic, gritty 007 in "Casino Royale," Daniel Craig announces next film will be going "Octopussy" route (35)
(Some Guy) Followup Joshua Bell didn't receive any donations while playing violin in Washington, DC subway because he isn't a very good street musician (15)
AZCentral Silly Just when you thought it couldn't get any worse. Britney applies for a job as a cocktail waitress (30)
(Some Guy) Spiffy Kelly Clarkson to Clive Davis. "You're 80; you're not supposed to like my album" (39)

Fri July 13, 2007
The Sun Obvious Metallica's Kirk Hammett says he never recovered from seeing a neighbour having sex with his dog when he was 11. Which kind of explains why Metallica has been screwing the pooch for the last 11 years (41)
(Digitalspy) Interesting Kiefer Sutherland says in next season of "24" Jack Bauer will turn evil. He should start growing a goatee, then, because he's RUNNING OUT OF TIME (31)
Starpulse Dumbass Why did Elisha Cuthbert cross the road? To prove she's as stupid as her "24" character (49)
Philly Cool Believe it or not, "Cops" has been on the air for 20 years, as hard to put down as a slippery naked guy on PCP (142)
I-Mockery Amusing I-Mockery's look at the 10 best things about "Star Wars: A New Hope". Han shot first (41)
AZCentral Strange Nicole Richie: "The one thing I always look for in a guy is for them to be circumcised" (77)
Reuters Scary New album will feature Barry Manilow singing "Don't Go Breaking My Heart" with Rosie O'Donnell. Suck it, every sentient life form on the planet (31)
Washington Post Spiffy "The Simpsons" to release an album containing songs and song parodies from past few years' episodes (45)
(Kung Fu Monkey) Spiffy The Transformers' screenwriter ridicules the right-wingers who claim the movie is a celebration of conservative Republican values (81)
CNN Spiffy Nintendo just passed Sony in market capitalization. Wii, God, Wii? (44)
AP Stupid Misspelling Shia LaBeouf and Cate Blanchett's names is understandable, but c'mon, AP, "Raiders of the Lost Arc?" (42)
Starpulse Obvious Producers tell Eva Longoria to keep her legs closed so they don't have to write a pregnancy into Desperate Housewives (18)
(Some Guy) Sad What ever happened to Dave Attell? Even his official site gives up after 2005 (58)
(Some horns-throwing headbanger) Misc AquaNet stock given a "buy" advisory on news of Rocklahoma bringing together Poison, Dokken, and Twisted Sister (18)
CNN Strange Top Indian illusionist to open his own version of Hogwarts. Neville expected to be shunned after double helping of Bertie Botts Vindaloo Beans (5)
(Some Guy) Obvious Movie reviewer says Harry Potter fans "narcissistic, spoiled brats", put spell on his lawn (70)
(Some Guy) Obvious CBS gives Katie Couric a full vote of confidence. Yankee fans know this to mean there will be a new anchor for CBS Evening News before long (15)
Canoe Obvious Noted documentarian Ken Burns is ready to debut his documentary on WWII, which will last three years longer than the time the U.S. was actually involved in that war (160)
(Some Guy) Unlikely Guy Pearce and Don Cheadle to star in CIA espionage thriller written by Steve Martin. Will feature sniper who really hates cans (25)
(Some Guy) Wheaton Cover of new "Star Trek" manga comic, featuring story penned by some guy with his own Fark tag (21)
LA Times Strange I'm not a full-fledged devotee of the Nithyananda group, that's what so insane about this (5)
Yahoo Spiffy New Star Wars video game makes you Darth Vader's apprentice. Dark geeks felt a great disturbance in the force (162)

Thu July 12, 2007
Wired Cool SoundExchange exec promises -- in front of Congress -- not to kill online radio on Monday (41)
The Scotsman Cool Moliere gets a "Shakespeare In Love" style film adaptation. The film will surely pump your nads, you neo maxi zoom dweebies. Hot beef injection. Answer the question, Claire (18)
CBS New York Followup Miss America pageant officials rule Miss New Jersey was not whorish enough and is allowed to keep her crown. Gracie Lee Hart unavailable for comment (67)
CNN Spiffy Broadway show gives away free tickets to virgins. So if Fark seems a little slow tonight, everyone's at the theatre (19)
(Some Guy) Amusing Some drummer and some bad actress are getting a divorce, and this time they are serious (31)
(Variety) Cool Hollwood tyrant Harvey Weinstein reacts mildly to depiction of self on "Entourage" (13)
(The Superficial) Interesting Britney not only looks like homeless white trash, she now is homeless white trash (29)
(Some Guy) Amusing Drew Barrymore is making the rounds when it comes to men. Zach Braff and Spike Jonze are out. Who's next? (50)
(Cinematical) Obvious Kevin Costner spins The Wheel of Successful Kevin Costner Movies to determine his next role. No baseball, no baseball... almost the Kennedys... it's gonna be a western (175)
Fox News Interesting Charlie Sheen gets engaged to his soon-to-be-second ex-wife (15)
(Christian Post) Unlikely When Ray Comfort isn't scaring the crap out of atheists with his banana, he's busy writing books about how to transform idol-worshipping Hollywood into a 24/7 Jesus bonanza (35)
(Some Guy) Amusing Victoria Beckham looks like a "Robo-ho" in W magazine pics (72)
(Digital Spy) Interesting Actress Calista Flockhart says she has "zero" ambition, body fat (20)
(Dread Central) Unlikely Uwe Boll's "Postal" movie gets a great review. If you can't exploit the comedic value of 9-11, then the terrorists have won (57)
Fox News Cool Bruce Springsteen to release new E Street album in fall. Record company hoping this will signal a return to their glory days (45)
Fox News Misc The Beckhams strip down for "W" magazine photo shoot. Finally we'll get to see if his tits are bigger than hers (44)
(Some Guy) Unlikely A leading expert on Marilyn Monroe is outraged. Says, "Marilyn did not stink" (31)
ITV Interesting Actor Daniel Radcliffe says he's not too old to play Harry Potter, and his new dentures are just perfect for eating at Country Kitchen (27)
Yahoo Sad Comedienne Phyllis Diller sidelined by back injury. In other news, Phyllis Diller is still alive (61)
(TV Guide) Interesting Rosie O'Donnell wanted to "gay up" The Price is Right as host by adding confetti and chorus boys (20)
(Some Guy) Spiffy "Heroes'" Sylar may eat Spock's brain (54)
(JoBlo) Interesting Michael Moore's next movie will be so ghey (282)
(Some Guy) Silly Hollywood is out of ideas but not prequels: "Dracula: Year Zero" to tell early years of world's favorite vampire (27)
AFP Spiffy Brian May completes Ph.D. in Astrophysics after 33-year detour with Queen (36)
Chicago Sun-Times Misc Muggle Roger Ebert is disturbed that "Harry Potter" movies keep getting darker. "Can the series continue to live in PG-13 land?" (56)

Wed July 11, 2007 Sappy If the thought of Michael Douglas & Catherine Zeta knocking knees isn't enough to make you barf, then the sleazy pickup routine he used to get into her pants surely will (22)
Yahoo Scary Steve Buscemi is making a film that "includes head wounds, shouting, and kissing." He is also ready to eat your soul (pic) (33)
Starpulse Obvious Court TV finally changes their name to reflect their programming since live court cases are now shown about as much as MTV shows music videos (27)
Yahoo Dumbass Nicole Richie will have to wait to follow in Paris' footsteps just a little longer. (With Nicole doing her best fluffer imitation pic) (12)
(Some Guy) Amusing Kool and the Gang: "Old people are cool." Translation: "Kool and the Gang are old" (20)
(The Superficial) Interesting Is Lindsay Lohan switching teams to date her massively ugly girlfriend? (SFW, not for eyes) (67)
NYPost Stupid The company with the finely-honed eye for talent that gave us JACK-FM and the David Lee Roth morning show has settled on its replacement for Imus . . . (drum roll) . . . Boomer Esiason (18)
Contact Music Unlikely Keanu Reeves will not star in the next Bill and Ted movie because his agent fears it would ruin his career (197)
( Dumbass New movie set to be released in 2008 titled "10,000 B.C." features man vs. dinosaur action. In other news, director Roland Emmerich awarded honorary PhD from Liberty University (37)
(KSBY) Cool Duct tape use #770: Prom dress and suit (20)
Lancashire Evening Post Interesting Pop princess Kylie is pictured as Astrid in filming for the Christmas special of "Doctor Who" (69)
(Dotspotter) Amusing Paris puffs (58)
(Ren McCormack) Amusing "I thought this was a party. LET'S DANCE!" That's right folks, they're remaking "Footloose" (48)
Yahoo Obvious Is Xanadu a stately pleasure dome? Naaaah. It's Crapadu (15)
Maxim Obvious The worst casting decisions ever made (220)
Lancashire Evening Post Weird British comedian admits from beyond the grave that he was a racist after all -- is this what's meant by having the last laugh? (25)
IMDB Strange Alec Baldwin respectfully asks that you do not go see the film he acted and directed in six years ago which is now being re-edited and released under a pseudonym because he farked it all up (24)
The Sun Amusing Daniel Radcliffe warns fans he will kick them out of bed if they call him Harry Potter during sex (39)
Rotten Tomatoes Misc The new Barbarella is Halle Berry. Here is to hoping the remake still contains the orgasmatron (43)
YouTube Amusing New "Get Smart" trailer with Steve Carell misses it by that much (80)

Tue July 10, 2007
Yahoo Sad Actor Charles Lane dies at age 102. Who? You know that guy who was in over 200 movies and on I Love Lucy. Oh, him. Who? (30)
(Some Guy) Interesting Charlie Sheen engaged to prostitute. Oops, jumped to conclusions there. She's a real estate investor (15)
MSNBC Cool Springfield, VT. chosen as the home of the Simpsons. Vermont is a state? (70)
( Obvious Lindsay Lohan stretches her acting talents by being cast as a drugged out stripper who winds up dead (21)
( Scary Paris Hilton makes children cry (16)
(Some rich dude) Amusing Denise Richards isn't a gold-digging whore with no job; she's just spending 50k to find the millionaire of her dreams like any woman looking for real love would do (32)
Yahoo Asinine Five years too late, BET finally listens to Aaron MacGruder and airs a show poking fun at the silliness that is much of Black culture. Of course, people are up in arms (78)
MSNBC Stupid "Why do you want to put a clothespin on your nuts? You know why? Because that’s what I do for a living.” (Second section down) (75)
(People Magazine) Scary Meet the Reverend Tori Spelling (183)
The Register Obvious Steve Jobs sees no reason you would want to use your iPhone as an iPod substitute (45)
(Some Guy) Boobies Jailbait Hayden Panettiere candids on the beach in a bikini (84)
BBSpot Amusing Top 11 rejected Transformers (92)
Yahoo Stupid The basement nation speaks as one and votes Gandalf England's favourite wizard (33)
ESPN Scary Live Earth sets Internet record with 10 million live streams (30)
(Some Guy) Cool Monday was the 25th anniversary of "Tron." END OF LINE (42)

Mon July 09, 2007
Defamer Interesting ABC takes a hit from the reality bong and understands their show Cavemen really IS a retarded idea (54)
(NBC5 Chicago) Scary Hollywood hotties don't always grow up to be a MILF. Some of them turn into, WTF? (133)
(Columbia Missourian) Spiffy Beyonce visits fans in ER after they were injured by pyrotechnics at her concert (20)
London Times Obvious Daniel Radcliffe says he would never date an actress because they are "insane" and "female" (61)
Wired Cool Sony/BMG to Prince: "If you give away your new CD in England, we won't let you sell it there." Prince to Sony/BMG: "My name is Prince, and you can suck it" (86)
The Smoking Gun Interesting Smoking hot Diana Krall's tour rider. No, it's not Elvis Costello. The Smoking Gun is there (56)
CBS Sacramento Amusing Harry Potter series spawns new genre of music, wizard rock. Warning: requires taking hallucinogens so you think you are Harry Potter (33)
(Some Blog) Stupid One of the contestants for this year's "Big Brother" is noted as a 'former pro football player'. So he was in the NFL? No. The CFL? No. The AFL? No. Some obscure Finnish American-style football team? Bingo (14)
Yahoo PSA Actress Toni Collette announces she's pregnant. This will be wonderful news for any of the three or four people who actually know who the hell she is (53)
Starpulse Obvious Paris Hilton goes clubbing for the first time since being released from jail. No word on how many times she was penetrated afterward (25)
(Robotech Farker) Cool Top 10 80's toys that need to be a movie. Transformers oddly missing from the list. Oh, wait (108)
Starpulse Stupid Catherine Zeta-Jones uses caviar shampoo that costs $400 each time she washes her hair; which explains why she had nothing to do with Live Earth (29)
Starpulse Stupid Moby is 'disgusted' that they were selling meat products at Live Earth concerts (106)
(Some KITT) Silly Another 80's movie about to go down the tubes. When does filming start on TJ Hooker? (39)
AP Stupid BBC fined after faking a contest winner on the "Blue Peter" childrens television show. In other news, the BBC has a children TV show named "Blue Peter" (21)
AFP Asinine J.K. Rowling says "never say never" to writing another Harry Potter book. Makes those "Harry dies" rumors a bit less believable (57)
NYPost Cool Rachel Ray may soon be single again, looking for suitors to put their EVOO into her Yum-O (81)
The Register Amusing The next time you're bored with nothing to do, consider filing a complaint with Wikipedia, and make sure you mention the lava lamp (5)
BBC Amusing Viewing figures show that UK audiences helped to support Live Earth by not watching it on television (27)
The Sun Dumbass Amy Winehouse cancels sold-out show so she can go get drunk in a pub, and The Sun is there, with pics (51)
(Some womyn) Interesting From the mighty pen of feminist Gloria Steinem comes this proposal for "prick flicks" (68)

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