Michael Lohan gets into it with Anderson Cooper, and not the way that Anderson Cooper was hoping for	(4)
(Some Guy)		New "Battlestar Galactica" prequel movie announced, starring a bunch of frakkin' toasters	(3)
		Who is wearing that absolutely horrid, ill-fitting, backless hospital gown leaving nothing to the imagination? Fashion grumpy-pants, Mr. Blackwell, that's who	(3)
		Denise Richards' show gets axed, Americans apparently having a threshold for tolerating lying, fouled-mouthed attention whore. Charlie Sheen tosses another pile of twenties in the fire and chuckles heartily	(9)
		The top 10, wait . . .um, the uh . . .oh yeah, the Top 10 Stoner Films of all time	(28)
(Christian Post)		Tila Tequila to fundie magazine: "I've found God."	(113)
		Ry Cooder completes final chapter of his California trilogy, wonders about the future of musicians:"The whole thing is dismantled. Retail is gone. Radio is gone. Okay, now the records are gone. It worries me"	(13)
(Us Magazine)		Katie Holmes is trying to start a new fad by wearing Tom Cruise's jeans	(28)
		Morgan Freeman released from hospital - and August is one damn fine month to be released from the hospital	(101)
(Some Guy)		Dave Navarro vows to keep tribute tattoo of ex-wife Carmen Electra	(6)
		New craze sweeping Internet is "web boffins" creating pictures of celebrities at their worst. Including pic of zombie Matt Damon	(58)
		Director of the film adaptation of "The Road" needed a desolate background for this post-apocalyptic tale but didn't want to use CGI. His solution? Pittsburgh in winter	(65)
		Warners Music expresses its gratitude to Guitar Hero for sparking new interest and enthusiasm for some of its artists. Nah, I'm kidding, they're demanding Activision pay more royalties for using their music	(62)
		Britney Spears says she will not be playing a killer lesbian, is content to leave that role to Lindsay Lohan	(22)
(Some Guy)		MTV gets turned down by Tila Tequila	(92)
		Apparently Jamie Winstone, the star of 'Donkey Punch', is a method actor	(39)
		NC-17 rating successfully appealed, "Zack and Miri Make a Porno" will open on Halloween, rated R	(86)
		The top 16 Manic Pixie Dream Girls in movies. FARK's favourite sexy midget squeaks in at #3	(58)
		Dear Amy, Which kitchen implement will most effectively dig beetles from under my skin? Sincerely, Scabby	(15)
(Willamette Week)		Unthinkably, TV station fires nonphotogenic veteran reporter in favor of newsbabe whose journalistic qualifications include being "a lustful and curious blonde" (Warning: target site mentioned in link is not safe for work)	(32)
		They tried to make Eva Mendes discuss rehab, but she said, "Amy Winehouse references are getting really tired and tedious. Seriously. It's not funny anymore. You can go right to Hell"	(40)
		Howard Stern sidekick Artie Lange enters rehab, no word on how much butter was used on the door frame	(91)

		Former Spice Girl Geri Halliwell says she felt "traumatized" after watching "Sex and the City: The Movie". In related news, Submitter actually has something in common with Geri Halliwell	(42)
		Feds officially close Heath Ledger case. Mary-Kate Olsen not given a subpoena, but she could still use a sammich	(29)
		Selma Blair wants to go to Amsterdam and drop acid, because Guillermo Del Toro told her it will boost her self esteem	(94)
		Amy Ray of the Indigo Girls tells CNN "Emily and I are frustrated sometimes with any kind of box."	(36)
(Some Guy)		Last comic standing contestant Sean Cullen told not to mention Canada because it would confuse American audiences	(244)
		This just in: Girls Gone Wild employees are not classy people	(128)
		If you happen to have a copy of Verne Troyer's sextape, he would like a word with you	(33)
		So that explains it: Morgan Freeman divorcing his wife	(77)
		You won't recognize these artists or albums, but you'll know every one of their hit songs. With audio	(169)
		Thirty percent of "Mythbusters'" ideas come from fans, including "Kari determines if bras are more elastic than bustiers," and "Can a Mythbusters female, say Kari for example, swim better naked than clothed?"	(336)
		CSI producers come up with a stroke of genius to revitalize the show: Turn it into Showtime's Dexter	(64)
		Wesley Snipes owes the government $217,000 for the cost of prosecuting his tax-avoiding, day-walking ass	(14)
		Jenna Jameson is pregnant. Doctors say the baby should slide right out sometime in April and she won't feel a thing	(535)
		Hollywood really running out of ideas. Zork movie that's all text. At least it's got Morgan Freeman's voice	(142)
(Mojo In The Morning)		The six hottest women you didn't realize were in "Saved by the Bell" (ohh but for Mr. Belding... Mr. Belding never forgets)	(74)
		Scarlett Johansson says giving the tongue to Penelope Cruz wasn't sexy. "There were 60 crewmen eating salami sandwiches"	(103)
		Doctors warn Posh Spice that having another child could damage her body. Demonstrate the possible trauma with the old, "eggplant through a wet penne pasta noodle" trick	(18)
		Britney Spears to play a killer lesbian stripper in the Quentin Tarantino's next movie	(159)
		Governor Schwarzenegger confused by "Terminator 4" footage, inquires into whereabouts of Sarah Connor	(28)
		"Tropic Thunder" angers disability groups -- the mentally handicapped are not taking kindly at being compared to Ben Stiller	(40)
		First official cast member of Quentin Tarantino's new movie announced: "Hostel" director Eli Roth. Inglorious bastards, indeed	(49)
		George Lucas reassures fans that Indy 5 would still be about Jones, not some no-talent with a broken hand: "Harrison Ford IS Indiana Jones. If it was Mutt Williams it would be 'Mutt Williams and the Search for Elvis'"	(68)

		Gary Cole, the guy best known for playing Lumbergh, has worked with almost every major actor of the last 60 years, including nearly the entire cast of On the Waterfront	(57)
		Lisa Marie Presley borrowed Kirstie Alley's tent dress to announce she's expecting twins. Is she ever	(18)
		To gracefully commemorate the day of the Katrina disaster, the people who brought you "Date Movie", "Epic Movie" and "Meet the Spartans" proudly bring you: "Disaster movie"	(56)
		Shia LaBeouf Tarzan swings right out of lead role in next Indy film	(51)
		Anderson Cooper rips into the Lohan family while co-hosting Regis & Kelly today (with video goodness)	(23)
(Some Guy)		First look at Marvel Comics' adaptation of Stephen King's "The Stand." Don't fear the reaper	(145)
		Sir Paul McCartney writes new song about ex-wife, tentatively called "All you need is $50 million dollars you stumpskank"	(49)
		Carmine Gotti's hip hop publicity photos are released. Clearly his rap name should be DJ Massengil	(88)
(IDLYITW)		And the role of Sylvester Stallone's torso will be played by a Honeybaked Ham	(31)
		From the "Problems I'd love to have" file: Jennifer Aniston tells John Mayer "get serious about our relationship and move into my house, or GTFO"	(56)
		Whatever happened to that guy from fake reality "Joe Schmo Show?" "I was so embarrassed about the whole premise of the show...I holed up in an apartment in Santa Monica, and spent a lot of the money on marijuana and alcohol"	(36)
		Exclusive new details on next Grand Theft Auto game: CHINATOWN WARS	(67)
(Zap2It)		The universally loathed Margaret Cho gets not just one, but two TV shows to showcase her unbearable awfulness	(103)
		Dave Stewart, of Eurythmics fame, releases new album and tours as bandleader. The Other Guy From Wham unavailable for comment	(39)
(Some Guy)		Seven people we wish had gotten into a car accident instead of Morgan Freeman	(245)
		Grab those tin foil hats and let the conspiracy theories begin: Batman is picking us off, one by one	(59)
		"That was the moment I stopped eating burgers and started washing my hair"	(24)
		"Able Danger," a fictional thriller in which a 9/11 Truther proves that 9/11 really was an inside job, to premiere in New York City on 9/11/08. Be sure to drop in for the after-film Q&A	(174)
		If you want a clear and unambiguous sign of how screwed our economy is, look no further than Charlie Sheen's salary for "Two and a Half Men"	(65)
		Sources say Paula Abdul keeps canceling a singing appearance on the "Today" show because her voice needs more mixers than her breakfast cocktails	(18)
		After 100 years, the film industry finally realizes that cuss words and drugs are funny	(33)
		The best and worst sci-fi American accents from foreign actors	(78)

		Not news: Charlie Sheen pays an outstanding medical bill. Fark: with $380 in loose change	(26)
		Miley Cyrus is hanging out with Fergie, her new BFF. What does this mean to us? More pics that Disney won't approve of	(75)
(Some Guy)		J.J. Abrams screens first cut of "Star Trek XI" to Paramount executives. All studio sources agree reaction was "far above expectations." Farkers will still complain, of course	(58)
		Neil Patrick Harris: The Straight Guy's Gay Guy	(96)
		"The Love Guru" is so awful, it is creating irreparable moral damage in India, which demands an immediate apology from Mike myers to "heal the wounds somewhat of a disturbed Hindu populace"	(42)
		"American Idol" producer claims he's quitting the show to spend more time on "So You Think You Can Dance." Which is sort of like quitting the NFL to play Boggle	(39)
		NBC unveils highly creative new "Heroes" marketing tagline: "Good Will Battle Evil" ... marketing department then laughed and left work early to go watch "Dark Knight" again	(60)
(celebrityrush.com)		Lindsay Lohan is going to marry girlfriend Samantha Ronson, after realizing that there's another way to get free publicity that doesn't involve driving under the influence	(88)
		Exploding rocket scatters Scotty's ashes all over the Pacific Ocean	(30)
		That tasty henbane green that Anthony Worrall Thompson suggested using in salads? It's actually poisonous. Awkward	(78)
		Tabloid ponders Britney's recent weight-loss secret, presumably Marlboro Reds & Valtrex	(19)
		Stone Temple Pilots tour going as well as predicted: Scott Weiland stumbles around and forgets his lyrics, breaks into a cappella rendition of "Redemption Song" and eventually falls backward into the drum kit (with video)	(66)
		Balthazar Getty drops Sienna Miller after realising there's only room for one wild irresponsible hedonist in any relationship	(12)
		David Beckham named top athlete at Teen Choice award after receiving millions of call-in votes from employees of the Anschutz Entertainment Group, er, I mean, from kids	(47)
(AllYourTV.com)		Morgan Freeman seriously injured in rollover crash. In a related story, the CEO of Wayne Enterprises drives a 1997 Nissan Maxima	(533)
		First it was Fannie Mae, then it was Freddie Mac -- now, it is Bernie Mac	(76)
(Some Guy)		Gillian Anderson blaming "The Dark Knight" for the failure of "The X-Files" movie. Well, it is easier than admitting that the movie sucks	(126)
		Mary-Kate Olsen not joking when she says she wants immunity before testifying on The Joker's death	(261)
		Jake Gyllenhaal is not engaged to Reese Witherspoon. Apparently, he doesn't think there's room for her square jaw in the relationship	(27)
(Some Guy)		The Teen Choice Awards -- it's not just for pedophiles anymore	(29)
		Jessica Simpson strips for Tony Romo over the Internet to keep things hot while they're apart	(44)
		Japanese critics blast atomic bomb scene in latest Indiana Jones film, saying it symbolizes lack of prudence in USA when thinking about wars. "In a sense, Spielberg symbolizes America"	(80)
		Caption Kim Kardashian eating her ice cream	(115)
		David Duchovny takes time away from promoting his new "X-Files" movie to self-aggrandize about his love life with wife Tea Leoni	(39)

		Madonna inflicts her new documentary upon her home state of Michigan	(32)
		Yahoo asks a hard-hitting question about "The Dark Knight" that no one wants to ask: "Why does Batman talk like the offspring of Clint Eastwood and a grizzly bear?"	(132)
		Anna Friel was told by "Pushing Daisies" bosses to eat fewer doughnuts in a bid to lose weight. Were they freaking crazy? She's super-hot as she is	(44)
		George Clooney's former girlfriend says she doesn't need George Clooney to be famous, is never going to mention George Clooney's name again. George Clooney	(28)
		Twelve highly overated movies you probably like	(236)
		Simon Pegg wants to write for new "Star Wars" TV series, if he can convince George Lucas to forgive him for what he said about "Phantom Menace"	(46)
		Soccer star Wayne Rooney's wife Coleen "Dream On" McLoughlin reckons she's earned $16 million through her own talent and that her husband's global status has nothing to do with the deals she's been offered	(45)
		M*A*S*H star Loretta Swit battling mystery illness. Alan Alda to deliver a hilarious yet poignant wisecrack	(36)
		Christina Applegate diagnosed with breast cancer; caught early, expects full recovery	(74)
		Bernie Mac's people would like to clarify that it's only their client's career that's dead	(11)
		Triumph The Insult Comic Dog visits Comic Con	(37)
		"The Price is Right" rigged its "Plinko" game...to benefit the contestant. You're doing it wrong	(30)
		Shots fired at party attended by Usher, Jermaine Dupri, Sean Combs and Nelly. Pray for Omarion	(44)

(Some Harvard Guy)		Could Dr. Horrible give Hollywood an entirely new business model in which to reveal its lack of new ideas?	(49)
		"It's when I'm nervous and my neck gets really, really tense and then that pressure sort of squeezes to my xxxx and they push out" - can you guess what body part Keira Knightley is talking about?	(39)
		Shia LeBeouf's devastating hand injury to be written into plot of "Transformers 2" movie	(49)
(Some Guy)		A message from James Franco's mom. Not safe for work language	(28)
		Fonsi thrilled to have his music used during Olympics. Still inconsolable that jumping sharks not a medal event	(9)
		Ghostbusters video game delayed until 2009. Everything was fine until the power grid was shut off by dickless here	(62)
		Desperate to milk her 14-year old daughter Ali, Dinah Lohan books her a casting call for horror movie "Troll", failing to notice that producer Peter Davy's background is porn	(59)
		Spending the day with giant anthropomorphic rodents, pantsless waterfowl and other vermin will cost you more starting tomorrow	(40)
		Happy birthday to Kevin "Silent Bob" Smith, who turns 38 today. Love him or hate him, LGT the essence of his last film (not safe for work text)	(63)
		Victoria Beckham would love to appear in a "High School Musical" movie, if only she could sing	(26)
		Mean, nasty, tight-fisted, arrogant and extremely unpleasant Salman Rushdie threatens to sue bodyguard for calling him mean, nasty, tight-fisted, arrogant and extremely unpleasant	(44)
		Keira Knightley says missing university makes her feel stupid. With photo proof that she doesn't even know how to dress for public	(65)
		Madonna's brother Chris doesn't reckon that calling her a self-centered humourless sexual predator will sour their relationship in any way	(19)
		Looks like that Sirius-XM merger got approved just in time for the combined entity to go bankrupt. Why so Sirius?	(60)
(Some Guy)		The Church of Oprah. And don't say you didn't see it coming	(165)
(Debonair)		Debonair Magazine's Best Dressed Superheroes. Bonus: Not a slide show	(28)
		Gary Glitter to be released from Vietnamese prison later this month, says he feels like a kid again	(48)

		The guy who created the "Garfield Minus Garfield" blog has been given approval to turn it into a book with the blessing of Jim Davis	(187)
		Gears of War 2 "Rendezvous" Trailer from E3. Gentlemen, start your chainsaws	(31)
		Youth charged with posing online as the star of teen rock band Tokio Hotel to trick young girls into sending him BIE	(34)
(Some Guy)		Chicks with swords are scary. And hot	(53)
		Charles Durning gets a star on the Hollywood 'Walk of Fame.' Seriously? Now they're just giving them away	(50)
		Rhys Ifans' idea of a romantic night out involves taking a girl to strip club Spearmint Rhino. Classy	(15)
(Some Guy)		7 Things contemporary film-makers could learn from Road House	(56)
(Techdirt)		Not News: Band's song leaked to bittorrent. News: Band's manager writes scathing retort to bittorrent community. FARK: Leaker determined to be band's manager	(14)
		Who proposes when lesbians get engaged? It was a dilemma for actress Heather Matarazzo and her partner. They hadn't yet worked out life roles so they each took a stab at the proposal	(31)
		Walt Disney Co beats earnings forecast despite market slowdown due to sports revenue, surplus 'BORT' novelty license plates	(12)
		Queen guitarist Brian May completes his doctoral thesis in astrophysics, proving link between rotation of the Earth and human females with ample gluteal regions	(108)
(TV Squad)		Either by popular demand or sheer exhaustion of creativity, CBS greenlights "Streets of San Francisco: The Next Generation"	(10)
(Roberto Flack)		"DragonBall" promo pic surfaces from the upcoming feature film	(119)
		In an outpour of sympathy, Australian teens are baring their bosoms in a show of support to lead singer of The Veronicas, who had unfortunate topless pictures of hers "leaked" on the net earlier this week	(79)
		Full-size cardboard version of James Bond's Aston Martin DB5 comes complete with cardboard machine guns, ejector seat and is SO moneypenny	(14)
(Some Guy)		Michael Douglas likes to get drunk, smooch Catherine Zeta-Jones and then pass out on her breasts. And who wouldn't?	(49)
		After learning that Neil Young has a spider named after him, Stephen Colbert will get his request granted and have a species named after him, with silent "t"	(31)
		Theather marquee changover from "Hancock" to "The Dark Knight" goes horribly wrong	(76)
		They're weird, vulgar and men don't even like them. So why do so many women still get breast enlargements?	(455)
		New Arthur C. Clarke novel to be published August 5, 2008. Bowman complains all these worlds are yours except this	(23)
		Verne Troyer accuses his ex of beating him. "When you pick up a 2'8" human being and throw him to the floor, it hurts"	(59)
(FanBolt)		New Robin Hood film is postponed because Sherwood Forest isn't green enough	(42)