John Mayer broke up with Jennifer Aniston by text message, drove her straight into the arms of Kevin Federline	(28)
		After cancelling Stargate, Atlantis, Farscape and BSG, Sci-Fi reassures fans that the pomised Mansquito sequel is forthcomming	(110)
		Jean Reno, aka "Leon: The Professional," suffers serious heart attack and is rushed to hospital. No word on his condition yet	(72)
		Even Oprah is getting sick and tired of Oprah	(10)
		George Clooney buys female fan a $28k car after he bashes into the back of her vehicle. If that was just for a little bump then Shia LaBeouf must owe his car crash victim at least 3 cars	(63)
		How far has Winona Ryder fallen? Well, for one, she's dating Tom Green	(53)
(celebrityrush.com)		Adam Sandler: "My wife would put things in (my butt) crack and say, 'Hold on to this and walk around the room' "	(120)
		A group of celebs, including Jack Osbourne, have been locked up in a tough jail for a new TV show. Let's hope someone loses the key	(17)
		Shout Factory to release "The Gonzo Tapes": Hunter S. Thompson's personal recordings between 65-75. The box to include the Hell's Angels and Fear & Loathing period, 5 whole disks of incomprehensible mutterings and gibberish	(48)
(ETonline)		So far Tony Bennett, James Taylor, Black Eyed Peas, Sheryl Crow, Melissa Etheridge, Scarlett Johansson, Kanye West and Wyclef Jean are slated to perform at the DNC next week	(52)
		She was f*cking Matt Damon	(27)
		"Dark Knight" script answers highly debated question: Did Harvey 'Two-Face' Dent live or die?	(146)
		Mike Judge is set to direct new movie starring Ben Affleck and Jason Bateman	(36)
		Georgia schools superintendent to appear on "Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?" Questions will cover popular Georgia school subjects of hunting, fishing, roadkill identification	(19)

(Some Guy)		Warner Bros. CEO writes apology to Harry Potter fans for postponing new movie, begs them to stop with the Cruciatus curses	(42)
		Another one of VH1's has-been's escapes the has-been house and begins filming his own reality show. Soon, you too will know what life is like being a dwarf in Hollywood, courtesy of Verne Troyer	(14)
(Some Blog)		Cool: Photos reveal the hot women behind the voices of Kim Possible, Lois Griffin and the Powerpuff Girls. Scary: And Bobby from King of the Hill	(128)
		Writer tries to put the brakes on "Death Race," claiming that they stole ideas from a film he wrote called "Joust." Which is strange, considering there are no dueling ostriches whatsoever in "Death Race"	(40)
(iF Magazine)		Top-10 superhero movies Marvel Comics has YET to make ... And five hopefully we will never see	(87)
(Kiss My Converse)		"The Last Dragon" fans, hang your heads: Julius Carry aka SHO NUFF now the deadest mofo low down around this town	(51)
		John Cusack's Chicago memories aren't as concise as when he killed the President of Paraguay with a fork	(30)
(Some Guy)		Jon Voight declares war with Rosanne Barr stating, "My allegiance to Senator McCain becomes stronger with any assault that tries to deter my loyalty to him"	(177)
		Ricky Martin puts those lingering rumors about his sexuality to rest by fathering twins, via artificial insemmination of a surrogate mother	(14)
		According to Roger Moore, Spielberg wanted to direct Bond film, but didn't as Bond directors received no box office takings. Also, producers didn't like his proposed title: You Only Live Twice...If You Hide in a Fridge	(23)
		The plastic guitar: savior of rock?	(54)
		Justin Timberlake admits working with Madonna was "tedious"	(17)
		14 Down: Writer who pens 2500-word essay asking why crossword addicts don't spend their time doing something more worthwhile. Seven letters, starts with D	(26)
(Some Guy)		Cancel the plans, turn off the phone, get the kids and grandma. It's must see TV as Charles Barkley gets televised colonoscopy	(16)
		Believe it or not, Greatest American Hero coming to the big screen	(59)
(Some Guy)		Jessica Simpson signs on to become spokesperson for Texas beer compa...OMG WTF happened to her face	(63)
		Ellen says her wedding "was all a blur." Which explains why her new wife still married her after lifting the veil	(62)
		Alex Proyas to adapt obscure Heinlein novella--which sounds suspiciously like a Philip K. Dick story--for the big screen. Proyas said he chose Heinlein because he doesn't know Dick	(91)
(Some Guy)		If you're a highly visible TV reporter, maybe you shouldn't be including your photo when soliciting dudes for threesomes on Craigslist	(310)
		Eva Longoria is obviously taking a page out of the J-Lo playbook - deny being pregnant until the baby is crowning	(26)
(Some Guy)		The characters who were brought in to save ailing TV shows. Or: how Star Trek sent for a Borg with tits	(83)
		Danny Glover says Hollywood studio bosses are racist, and he's too old for this shiat. Partner Riggs agrees, blames Jews	(58)
		"I want an IVF baby with my fifth husband after I've posed for Playboy", says surgically remodelled Brigitte Nielsen. Hopefully this won't be shown live on German TV	(29)
		Ellen was very quick to put Portia in her place	(90)
		Cut Gary Glitter some slack - after three years in a Vietnamese jail for abusing young girls, wouldn't YOU want a few days layover in Thailand?	(43)
		Peter Jackson and Del Toro finally decide on the writers for the "Hobbit" movies. They decided that nobody in Hollywood is capable of writing the screenplay, so they are writing it themselves. Cool beats out Obvious tag for the win	(108)
		In memory of LeRoi Moore, what was your favorite DMB song which featured him? LGT to LeRoi on flute	(172)
		Kristen Bell talks big-screen "Veronica Mars" movie with series creator. Fanboys in their bunk	(75)
		Hollywood refuses to go into the light as MGM greenlights "Poltergeist" remake	(31)
		Japan weighs in on the Indiana Jones nuclear blast, and they're not too happy. After all, they are experts	(58)

		LeRoi Moore, Saxophonist of The Dave Matthews Band dead at 46	(103)
		Jennifer Love Hewitt wishes she would have spent her youth nude, before it was too late: "I wish I had been nude from the time I was 12 until I was 28. I looked great I so wish I had listened to my mom"	(76)
(WHAM)		"Pineapple Express" star arrested on possession of controlled substances	(45)
(US Magazine)		Not doing so well in convincing us he's not gayer than Ryan Seacrest on an antiquing weekend in Provincetown, Chris Kattan splits from his wife of eight weeks	(58)
		In a perplexing display of cross-promotion, Henry Winkler agrees to pose next to a bronze statue of Michael Myers from the Halloween horror movies	(32)
		Reality television finally lives up to its name: Big Brother contestant told on-air that she has cancer	(62)
		Russell Crowe may play Bill Hicks in upcoming film	(130)
(Some Guy)		The 10 worst... ugh, those toes look bad... the 10 worst female... those lips are hideous... the 10 worst female celebrity body par -- kill it with fire	(145)
		Handicapping the odds of success for the new science fiction TV shows this fall. "Fringe" looks good and "Knight Rider" has a shot, but "True Blood" probably sucks like its vampires	(52)
		"Dear Michael Phelps' mother, please tell your son he's @#$%^@ amazing and I want to meet him. Sincerely, Lindsey Lohan"	(93)
(Some Guy)		People often wonder what they see when they die. Looks like Matt Lauer and Al Roker have answered that question	(33)
		Darth Vader: Sith lord, murderous imperialist, deadbeat dad... dirty old man?	(72)
		EW's 25 best sci-fi TV shows and movies in last 25 years	(184)
		Roger Ebert explains in evolutionary terms why 3D movies suck. Two opposable thumbs adapt to pointing way down	(78)
		There is a crater at the top of Tori Spelling's cleavage deeper than the one left behind by the meteorite that wiped out the dinosaurs	(67)
		The Scientology world comes out to lay Isaac Hayes to rest. Reports that Tom Cruise wanted to cremate him in The Dianetics Volcano yet to be confirmed	(47)
		Hugh Hefner slams reports he's retiring from his hard-partying ways, wants the world to know that his arteries are not yet the only thing hardening these days	(21)
		Ain't It Cool News reviewer has a complete Star Wars meltdown	(92)
		Ah, the movie-studio ban on early reviewer pre-screenings... the tell-tale sign of a movie-turd the studio wishes would quietly go away. Today's crap-fest: 90210, the movie	(12)
		Christina Applegate says she is "absolutely 100 percent clear and clean" of breast cancer. Spiffy tag chosen only because there aren't any Awesome or Whew, That Was Close tags	(70)

(Some guy)		Kate Beckinsale is talking about her vagina. Again	(91)
		David Byrne & Brian Eno release new album "Everything That Happens Will Happen Today" except of course, any sales of a new David Byrne/Brian Eno album	(65)
		Dennis Hopper was so angry after a disagreement with his former teacher as a teen, he tried to light his school on fire: "It was just for effect. But it was very effective - I got kicked out of school"	(15)
(Rorschach)		Who watches the Watchmen? Nobody if Fox gets their way	(53)
		GM, a long time sponsor of the Academy awards will be fashionably late this year, and by "fashionably late" I mean revoking its sponsorship	(28)
		Jermaine, Tito, Marlon and Jackie have still not weaned themselves from Michael's teat	(13)
		Entertainment Weekly's readers choose the 20 worst cover songs. Everyone's favorite "Final Countdown" cover band escapes unscathed	(164)
(NME.com)		Avril Lavigne concert in Malaysia may be cancelled because she is "too sexy". Right Said Fred concert to go ahead as planned, however	(140)
		Morpheus joins CSI cast, will now say whether victim died from Red or Blue pill	(31)
		If yelling "you suck" to the band isn't enough for you, try calling the lead singer a "farking ignorant n-word" and see how well that works out for you	(84)
		Food Network is developing a competitive eating show: Competitors will have to eat Rachel Ray's cooking, and the one who doesn't vomit wins	(42)
		Yep, it is like walking on sunshine: The twisted appeal of "Intervention"	(82)
		If you're looking for the celebrities next week, you will have to check Denver because it looks like they are all going to the DNC	(207)
(BLOCKBUSTER BUZZ)		Watchmen creator Dave Gibbons on the new "very sexy, very violent" movie	(146)
		Manchester United's Cristiano Ronaldo beats Judy Garland to top spot as ultimate gay icon. Bound to be delighted about that	(23)
(Jossip)		Pic from wedding of Ellen DeGeneres to Portia De Rossi. From their choice of outfits, now we know who wears the strap-on in the family	(72)
		John Mayer wants you to know he didn't break up with Jennifer Aniston because of cheating or lying. It was because she's too old and smells like cigarettes and desperation	(66)
		Bono to blame for unreleased U2 songs on internet. And no, that's not an Onion headline	(19)
(WREG)		Asshat Westboro Baptist Church to protest at Issac Hayes and Bernic Mac memorials	(331)
		Bruce Campbell on "Evil Dead 4": "When [Sam Raimi's] ready, I'm ready"	(82)
		The first rule of Edward Norton's 39th birthday is - you do not talk about Edward Norton's 39th birthday. The second rule of Edward Norton's 39th birthday is - you do NOT talk about Edward Norton's 39th birthday. LGT penis	(26)
		Hayden Panettiere had to tell her own mom not to auction off her panties online. Penis	(50)
		Old and busted: I don't care too much for money, money can't buy me love. The new hotness: I care very much for money, money can pay for cheap hotel rooms	(21)
		Even if you pay $149 for William Shatner to read a personalized videotaped greeting, don't expect he'll say exactly what you wrote	(30)
		Kelly Osbourne says Peaches Geldof's marriage to Max Drummey is just a PR stunt, kicks herself for not thinking of it first	(22)
		Spike Lee says Hollywood has made America the most dominant country in the world. "Has anyone seen exactly where a nuclear arm influenced how other people dress, the way they talk, the way they think?"	(84)

		Harry Potter can make himself invisible...but can't tie his own shoelaces	(34)
		Robert Downey Jr. on "The Dark Knight": "This is so high brow and so f-----g smart, I clearly need a college education to understand this movie. You know what? F--k DC comics"	(132)
(Some Guy)		Lionsgate wants "Punisher: War Zone" to score a PG-13 rating. Judging by the trailer, they'll be reshooting the entire movie	(72)
		Sarah Jessica Parker says shoes are better than sex. No wonder Matthew went walkies	(42)
		"Dark Knight" is dethroned by "Tropic Thunder", which dethroned "Dark Knight". So "Dark Knight" is no longer the biggest movie of all time ("Dark Knight")	(81)
		Entertainment Weekly's fall preview issue has a picture of the stars of the next "Harry Potter" movie on the cover. Slight problem there	(22)
		Internet radio nears its end as record companies continue to insist that 100-300% of revenue is a fair price	(108)
(Box Office Mojo)		The new Star Wars movie is an epic. EPIC FAIL, that is	(153)
		Scarlet Johansson looks at herself in the mirror and says, "yeah, I look hot." Thanks for the news flash, toots	(108)
		David Carradine found the secret to eternal youth: younger women. "My oldest daughter said, 'Dad, how come you don't hang around with women your own age?' I said, 'Listen, women my age are usually a lot older than me"	(49)
		Amy Winehouse in "My Left Foot - The Musical". Dear God, there's a pic	(78)
		Madonna divorce now so certain that only confirmation needed now is publicist's denial of the exact date	(10)
		Robert Wagner admits in new book he went a little dinghy the night wife Natalie Wood drowned, and was jealous over Christopher Walken. Had also once planned to bust a cap in Warren Beatty's ass (alcohol was involved)	(22)
		Happy 48th birthday to Sean Penn - all you need are some tasty waves, a cool buzz, and you're fine (clip contains some profanity)	(27)
		A comedian reading "fake" news is now the most trusted man in America?	(90)
		Two teenagers charged with conspiracy to commit an act of terrorism after defacing playing cards and leaving them at various stores. The cards had "Joker" written on them and "police considered them threatening"	(112)
		Johnny Depp, Jude Law and Colin Farrell donate their fees from the film they are in, which is Heath Ledger's last role, to Heath's 2 year old daughter	(76)

		Dick Van Dyke drops paparazzis like Rob Petrie trippin' over ottomans	(33)
(Some Guy)		Just because you've nailed Megan Fox doesn't mean you're talented enough to be in the next Batman movie	(74)
		IMDB's 100 worst films of all time	(134)
		Hi, I'm Troy McClure. You might remember me from such celebrity cautionary tales as "Shia LeBeouf's Adventures Through the Windshield Glass" and "Mommy, Why Do I Have Nine Fingers?"	(60)
		Was Minnie Pearl the first Hip Hop artist?	(40)
(Straight.com)		In "Clone Wars", Ahsoka now replaces Jar Jar Binks as the Poochie of Star Wars	(80)
		When you are fabulously rich, amazingly attractive, and guys keep breaking up with you... there may be something wrong. With you. Just saying	(79)
(Some Guy)		Don't hassle the Hoff, or he will list your divorce settlement house for $2 million less than what it is worth	(6)
		Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi will be married today in an "intimate" ceremony. Giggity	(49)
		Jonathan Rhys Meyes didn't like the way his "Velvet Goldmine" co-star Ewan McGregor slipped him the tongue	(30)
		Madge turns 50 today. The racy phenom just keeps churning it out. Amazing	(73)
(Some Guy)		The 7 deadly sins of horror movies. Clue: always, always, always kill the bad guy	(67)
		Back off man. I'm a parachutist	(10)
		Rorschach's Journal. August 15th, 2008.: Today, Warner Brothers released four new images from Zack Snyder's upcoming "Watchmen" movie, including a cool new still of the Owl Ship	(85)

		Hasbro updates "Clue" - and gets rid of the revolver, wrench, and lead pipe. "Kasandra Scarlet in the Spa with the Trophy" just doesn't sound as cool	(97)
(Some Guy)		20 things porn believes (none of which are true)	(93)
		Working with everyone from Bob Dylan to Zeppelin, Jerry Weler has passed. Good night music dude, as Bob would said;"Not the end, not the end Just remember that death is not the end"	(24)
		Sylvester Stallone plans to advertise Russian brand vodka "Russian Ice", which explains what he's been drinking to make him talk like that	(15)
(ToplessRobot)		Terrible villains, awful plotlines and that invisible plane: 10 reasons no one cares about a Wonder Woman movie	(115)
(Some Guy)		Old and busted: Your childhood memories of "The Karate Kid". New Hotness: A remake of "The Karate Kid" directed by Will Smith starring Will Smith's son	(133)
		Russell Brand wants Brad Pitt to adopt ugly babies. "I think the adoption policy is probably better because when their genes come together, it creates a storm of attractiveness so potent that it could one day bring down the planet"	(23)
		Pamela Anderson is dating a member of the Abu Dhabi's royal family, a prince she has nicknamed "Milk Sheik"	(48)
		New Canadian cable porn channel will feature 50% domestic content, including the show "Hosers 'n Beavers in Yarmouth"	(52)
(Some Guy)		It's bad enough that Star Trek geeks have spent years learning to speak Klingon; now they've invented a whole new language for Romulans. K'pekt	(42)
		George Lucas hired one of the top three living directors of animation and gave him full creative control, and the result was a masterpiece. Then he fired him and made a crappy kids movie on the cheap	(112)
		"The last thing this movie needs is a Jabba the Hutt sex scene." Gotta love when Roger Ebert pans a movie	(79)
		Anna Faris' observations of Playboy mansion: "There were randomly placed jars of baby oil but no babies that I knew of."	(37)