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Drew calls the betting line on swine flu, oil prices and other items that will be in the news this week. Also, some of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 8/23 - 8/29
Posted by Drew at 2009-08-31 2:05:31 PM (47 comments) | Permalink
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4747 clicks; posted to Main » on 31 Aug 2009 at 2:07 PM (6 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Well, things are settling into the Fall routine. Baseball season is winding down, football season is winding up, and sportswriters can talk about all of that and hockey and basketball, too. You'll soon be getting your fill of the terms "wildcard," "pre-season favorite," and the newly added "What the hell ever happened to Notre Dame, anyway?" Hurricane season has been quiet so far, so expect the hype to return to swine flu, with at least some of the tinfoil-hatters eventually making it the nefarious plot of some shadow group or aliens.

As we like to do every other week or so, here are the stories for Fark's betting line with the odds. Feel free to add your own odds to your own stories in the thread, if you like.

• Oil rises to $75/barrel on news that next weekend is a three-day weekend (3:1)
• Favre injures shoulder (22:1)
• While cashing a check from the Vikings (2:1)
• Following Jaycee Dugard story, media wonders if someone in your neighborhood might be a similar freak, raises suspicions about neighbors who have sheds (8:1)
• Following story, SWAT team kicks in local man's shed, arrests suspicious-looking lawnmower, rake (7:1)
• Media announces officially that the Kennedy dynasty is over, asks "Who is the next political family dynasty?" (5:1)
• Limbaugh, Beck and Hannity race to their microphones to call it for the Bush family, totally dissing the Udalls (2:1)
• School closes on swine flu fears (16:1)
• Turns out it was just the common cold (2:1)
• School stays closed the remainder of the week anyway, "just in case" (5:1)
• Television characters start twittering in-show (7:1)
• Japan announces moon mission (32:1)
• Astronaut outfits become latest Japanese fetish craze (4:1)

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2009-08-23 to Sat 2009-08-29:

[image from img1.fark.net too old to be available]  Greece fire still burning out of control    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img1.fark.net too old to be available]  If you're a veteran who recently received a letter stating that you have Lou Gehrig's disease, raise your hand. If you can do that, the letter was a mistake    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img1.fark.net too old to be available]  Police in London solve 1 crime for every 1000 CCTV cameras. Or about 2 for every 1984    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img1.fark.net too old to be available]  "Man Accused Of Having Sex With Underage Teen In Court." Next time, try a hotel room    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img1.fark.net too old to be available]  An unknown species of an eyeless crustacean was discovered lurking inside a lava tube beneath the seafloor, spends its time greenlighting repeat articles    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img1.fark.net too old to be available]  BBC does hard-hitting exposé of Chinglish. Submitter need lift heavy heart for when Fark mod no gift green happy light on much importance submitted link    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img1.fark.net too old to be available]  "What's Wrong With Washington." Sorry, but an 800-word article can't even summarize a draft of an outline of the table of contents of a glossary of a card catalog of a book collection about what's wrong with Washington    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img1.fark.net too old to be available]  Ancient burial site discovered in Greece. No sign of nine-headed monsters; the land was de-hydrated    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img1.fark.net too old to be available]  Toddler who wandered away from daycare caught by two state police officers; boy may be charged with resisting a rest    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img1.fark.net too old to be available]  India loses contact with an unmanned spacecraft conducting its first moon mission. Support techs ask Mission Control to confirm that the spacecraft is turned on and that it is currently plugged in    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img1.fark.net too old to be available]  51% of American adults say alcohol more dangerous than marijuana, 25% say they're equal, 24% want some pizza    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]


Sports:

[image from img1.fark.net too old to be available]  England retakes The Ashes by defeating Australia 2-1 with 332 to 1+E0.03 squared, in 90.5 overs, two platapii, and a slightly damp sandwich    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img1.fark.net too old to be available]  Kenny Chesney commissioned to write theme song for ESPN's college football broadcasts. Contract reportedly includes unlimited supply of mesh half-shirts, male cheerleaders    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img1.fark.net too old to be available]  Angels request Stairway To Heaven, settle for Kazmir    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]


Geek:

[image from img1.fark.net too old to be available]  Paleontologist plans to manipulate chicken embryos to create a dinosaur. Worst case scenario, we all get killed by dinosaurs. Best case scenario, Dino McNuggets for everyone    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img1.fark.net too old to be available]  Nitrous oxide is destroying the Earth. Stop laughing, dammit    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img1.fark.net too old to be available]  Hold me closer, Tianyuraptor    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]


Showbiz:

[image from img1.fark.net too old to be available]  Eddie Izzard's running 40 marathons in 47 days for Comic Relief. His recipe? Cake now, death later    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img1.fark.net too old to be available]  Gerard Butler seen holding hands with Jennifer Aniston, fueling rumors that he's the next person in line to eventually flee from Jennifer Aniston running and screaming    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img1.fark.net too old to be available]  Anne Heche complains on national TV about having to pay $3700 a month child support to her good-for-nothing ex-husband. Life's a biatch and then you bi    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]


Politics:

[image from img1.fark.net too old to be available]  Rudy Giuliani to consider running for New York Governor's office, says he'll be sure in 9 to 11 days    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img1.fark.net too old to be available]  Big-city mayor resigns, petitions to run in special election to replace himself, then drops out. Voices in head finally reach consensus on running for Congress    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img1.fark.net too old to be available]  Cheney accuses Obama of politicizing the Justice Department. Cheney. Accuses Obama. Of politicizing the Justice Department    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]


Music:

[image from img1.fark.net too old to be available]  Zakk Wylde undergoes emergency procedure to remove blood clot. Ozzy Osbourne unintelligible for comment    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img1.fark.net too old to be available]  Pyromaniac causes hysteria at Def Leppard show leaving the fire department high and dry, Yeah    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img1.fark.net too old to be available]  Tim McGraw won't put up with abuse at his concerts, unlike the audience    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]


Business:

[image from img1.fark.net too old to be available]  The top U.S. beer brewers say they are raising prices this fall because they can barley make ends meet    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img1.fark.net too old to be available]  Ikea is actually owned by a non-profit corporation, part of a tax avoidance scheme so complicated it's like putting together a Leksvik three-door wardrobe ($349 at your local Ikea)    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img1.fark.net too old to be available]  FCC begins wireless probe, which should be slightly more comfortable    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]
· · ·


47 Comments   (+0 »)
   
 
2009-08-31 02:09:19 PM  
Boobies are my favorite!
 
2009-08-31 02:09:39 PM  
HOG FLU! OH NOES!
 
2009-08-31 02:10:19 PM  
I really love the Chinglish one.
 
2009-08-31 02:12:20 PM  
I wouldn't be so sure about the hurricane thing. Baja California is going to get the smackdown from Hurricane Jimena tomorrow night.
 
2009-08-31 02:12:23 PM  
"If you're a veteran who recently received a letter stating that you have Lou Gehrig's disease, raise your hand. If you can do that, the letter was a mistake"

So much win
 
2009-08-31 02:13:06 PM  
Media announces officially that the Kennedy dynasty is over, asks "Who is the next political family dynasty?" (5:1)

Correlary: In depth look at which Kennedy will replace Ted, and the "next generation".
 
2009-08-31 02:15:35 PM  
Hmm... Good odds this week... I'll take you up on that sheds one.
 
2009-08-31 02:16:03 PM  
Please let it be the Udalls.
 
2009-08-31 02:18:41 PM  
School closes on swine flu fears (16:1)
• Turns out it was just the common cold (2:1)
• School stays closed the remainder of the week anyway, "just in case" (5:1)


Ill put a ten spot on those odds.
 
2009-08-31 02:19:03 PM  
Woohoo! 3 cases of swine flu just confirmed in my county!
 
2009-08-31 02:19:32 PM  
Television characters start twittering in-show (7:1)

You could do something like that Larry David show, but instead of ad-lib, everything's twattered in.
 
2009-08-31 02:24:10 PM  
Man, I'm gonna laugh if Drew comes down with the swine flu.

/I'll laugh hysterically if he dies from it
 
2009-08-31 02:25:44 PM  
Price of oil is going down.
 
2009-08-31 02:26:31 PM  
Pyromaniac causes hysteria at Def Leppard show leaving the fire department high and dry, Yeah

C&P headlines shouldn't count.

/I have a case of the Mondays
 
2009-08-31 02:27:19 PM  

SeeBabylon: Ill put a ten spot on those odds.


I think the odds are too high.
 
2009-08-31 02:28:13 PM  
Hey! One of those is mine!

Yay me!
 
2009-08-31 02:29:22 PM  

BalugaJoe: Price of oil is going down.


Yet gas prices continue to rise

/Supply and demand. Its the only way to be sure.
 
2009-08-31 02:32:36 PM  
It's perfectly legitimate to criticize the media's gross misrepresentation of Swine Flu, but wholly dangerous to dismiss the legitimate science that proves its threat to populations.
 
2009-08-31 02:34:51 PM  
I'm going to DragonCon again this year.

1) there'll be people from all over the world there. If I do get swine flu, at least I'll have an enjoyable weekend first. Complete with alcohol. and there are a couple of restaurants that make great barbecue pork

2) While I wouldn't look stupid wearing a gas mask all weekend to keep the "swine fwu" out, I'm not going to. There are enough stupid people in costumes as is.

3) *wipes monitor* oddly, allergy season complete with sneezes which has always been at its height every single year, is coming in at the same time as the new level of swine flu panic.
 
2009-08-31 02:35:57 PM  

sorhed: It's perfectly legitimate to criticize the media's gross misrepresentation of Swine Flu, but wholly dangerous to dismiss the legitimate science that proves its threat to populations.


Precisely. You don't wait until a tornado has wiped out five towns before issuing a tornado watch. You issue it when conditions are favorable for a tornado. The storm might never spawn one, but you weren't dumb for telling people to keep an eye out just because the local weather guy loses all perspective and tells you to stock up on baked beans, ammo, and American flags to rebuild the country in the aftermath.
 
2009-08-31 02:36:47 PM  
Also, it hasn't been a quiet hurricane season so far. We've had more massive storms (H3 or higher) already than historically happen in a year. The rate is up, but none have hit populated areas at full force, thankfully.
 
2009-08-31 02:38:50 PM  

sorhed: but wholly dangerous to dismiss the legitimate science that proves its threat to populations.


Ask any virolgist who's not on the WHO payroll and they'll say everything is being blown way out of proportion.
 
2009-08-31 02:39:49 PM  

J. Frank Parnell: sorhed: but wholly dangerous to dismiss the legitimate science that proves its threat to populations.

Ask any virolgist who's not on the WHO payroll and they'll say everything is being blown way out of proportion.


[Citation needed]
 
2009-08-31 02:40:40 PM  
Nitrous oxide is destroying the Earth. Stop laughing, dammit

Gold
 
2009-08-31 02:45:20 PM  
Sorry to interrupt these interesting and relevant comments but, THIS JUST IN:

i2.cdn.turner.com
 
2009-08-31 02:45:44 PM  
img193.imageshack.us
 
2009-08-31 02:49:25 PM  
Hold me closer, Tianyuraptor

I really love this headline. OTOH, the fact that I haven't been able to get that song out of my head makes me really hate subby.
 
2009-08-31 02:53:40 PM  

J. Frank Parnell: sorhed: but wholly dangerous to dismiss the legitimate science that proves its threat to populations.

Ask any virolgist who's not on the WHO payroll and they'll say everything is being blown way out of proportion.


Yeah, because everyone knows that you get rich by working for WHO and ruining its credibility by issuing over-hyped warnings.
 
2009-08-31 02:55:35 PM  

tedbundee: J. Frank Parnell: sorhed: but wholly dangerous to dismiss the legitimate science that proves its threat to populations.

Ask any virolgist who's not on the WHO payroll and they'll say everything is being blown way out of proportion.

[Citation needed]


"Let's not lose track of the fact that the normal seasonal influenza is a huge public health problem that kills tens of thousands of people in the U.S. alone and hundreds of thousands around the world," Dr. Christopher Olsen, a molecular virologist who studies swine flu at the University of Wisconsin School of Veterinary Medicine, told the Los Angeles Times. He added that any death is "heartbreaking," but that we "do need to keep this in perspective."
 
2009-08-31 03:20:11 PM  
My sister-in-law had swine flu last week. She also got pneumonia (sp?). Her school said there were not that many out at this time with sickness, but the doctors offices around here are packed.

It is extremely simple to test for the H1N1 strain, and it feels nothing like a normal cold.

The flu, but none of the OTC flu meds help.

This winter I foresee a pork filled death panel for the old.
 
2009-08-31 03:22:27 PM  

J. Frank Parnell: sorhed: but wholly dangerous to dismiss the legitimate science that proves its threat to populations.

Ask any virolgist who's not on the WHO payroll and they'll say everything is being blown way out of proportion.


The black plague it's not, but H1N1 almost certainly will kill 1-2 million people. In fairness, it's mostly going to be due to lack of access to basic medical necessities, but it's still a lot of bodies on the butcher's bill.

/Happy robot China headline brings much honor to its family.
 
2009-08-31 03:31:18 PM  

Stile4aly: The black plague it's not, but H1N1 almost certainly will kill 1-2 million people. In fairness, it's mostly going to be due to lack of access to basic medical necessities, but it's still a lot of bodies on the butcher's bill.


1-2 million out of 7 billion isn't really worth my time. They can tell me my city or town is in the grip of a deadly flu epidemic all they want, but as long as it's business as usual everywhere i look i'm not going to lose any sleep.
 
2009-08-31 03:33:21 PM  

Stile4aly: The black plague it's not, but H1N1 almost certainly will kill 1-2 million people.


couple things.

Current swine flu death total: ~3,000 people

The difference between 1 and 2 million is, in fact, very large, but I guess depending on whether you're talking about the next year or the next century, it could still be a valid estimate

I sat next to a swine flu victim for several hours on Saturday

and you don't know what you're talking about.
 
2009-08-31 03:40:12 PM  
I actually ponied up and bought 2 t-shirts just now (Ozzy unintelligible and hydrate). Nice job this week, subbies!

/Slashies are fortified with vitamins and minerals.
 
2009-08-31 04:08:12 PM  

hockeyfarker:

I sat next to a swine flu victim for several hours on Saturday

and you don't know what you're talking about.


My mother in law had it, she was sick but not a ton worse than the regular flu... everybody dont panic.
 
2009-08-31 04:18:18 PM  

hockeyfarker: I sat next to a swine flu victim for several hours on Saturday

and you don't know what you're talking about.


Sounds like a quote from 1985 telling me that AIDS will only infect gays and concern over it spreading to the heterosexual population is entirely unfounded.

Data is not the plural of anecdote.
 
2009-08-31 04:41:34 PM  

hockeyfarker: Stile4aly: The black plague it's not, but H1N1 almost certainly will kill 1-2 million people.

couple things.

Current swine flu death total: ~3,000 people


Considering we have yet to enter flu season, I'd say we're not out of the woods yet.

The difference between 1 and 2 million is, in fact, very large, but I guess depending on whether you're talking about the next year or the next century, it could still be a valid estimate

I believe within the next 12 - 18 months we will see 1 - 2 million deaths resulting from H1N1.

I sat next to a swine flu victim for several hours on Saturday

and you don't know what you're talking about.


Congrats, you sat next to a single individual for a few hours and probably had an extremely low exposure. If you contract it, it will be very mild. Now, imagine you're in a subway train with 2 dozen people coughing and you're going to get a much greater initial exposure resulting in a higher viral load.

As far as knowing what I'm talking about, my degree focus was virology and microbiology. Even though I'm not a biologist today, I'm not just pulling guesses out of my ass.
 
2009-08-31 04:42:13 PM  
School closes on swine flu fears
Too late. (new window)
 
2009-08-31 05:10:39 PM  
• Favre injures shoulder (22:1)

Too late, shoulda bet on blue:Link (new window)
 
2009-08-31 05:42:11 PM  

FredaDeStilleto: Hold me closer, Tianyuraptor

I really love this headline. OTOH, the fact that I haven't been able to get that song out of my head makes me really hate subby.


Oh, good. I was afraid I was the only one.
 
2009-08-31 05:51:47 PM  

walkerhound: • Favre injures shoulder (22:1)

Too late, shoulda bet on blue:Link (new window)


Maybe it's cancer

or lupus.
 
2009-08-31 08:26:46 PM  
I got my very cool news item bumped by Jaycee Dugard today. I'm buying the line on that one down to 7:2.
 
2009-08-31 09:24:47 PM  

Stile4aly: hockeyfarker: Stile4aly: The black plague it's not, but H1N1 almost certainly will kill 1-2 million people.

couple things.

Current swine flu death total: ~3,000 people

Considering we have yet to enter flu season, I'd say we're not out of the woods yet.

The difference between 1 and 2 million is, in fact, very large, but I guess depending on whether you're talking about the next year or the next century, it could still be a valid estimate

I believe within the next 12 - 18 months we will see 1 - 2 million deaths resulting from H1N1.

I sat next to a swine flu victim for several hours on Saturday

and you don't know what you're talking about.

Congrats, you sat next to a single individual for a few hours and probably had an extremely low exposure. If you contract it, it will be very mild. Now, imagine you're in a subway train with 2 dozen people coughing and you're going to get a much greater initial exposure resulting in a higher viral load.

As far as knowing what I'm talking about, my degree focus was virology and microbiology. Even though I'm not a biologist today, I'm not just pulling guesses out of my ass.


I had it this past week, and it wasn't bad at all. I had a runny nose, a headache, and felt kind of blah for a few days, but that was about it.

Of course, I'm 31, in good shape and I have access to top-notch medical care, which does make a difference. You can bet that I stayed way the hell away from my mom (who is 65 and in the hospital for an infection) and from my two coworkers who both have very young babies at home.
 
2009-08-31 11:12:17 PM  
Nearly a third of all cocaine is tainted with veterinary de-worming agents. ....severely weakens the body's immune system , leaving patients vulnerable to fatal infections. (AP)
---
A zero tolerance school principal or helicopter parent somewhere will report a teacher to the police as a likely drug user because of taking suspiciously too many sick days.

Within next 30 days: (10:1).
 
2009-08-31 11:27:44 PM  

J. Frank Parnell: sorhed: but wholly dangerous to dismiss the legitimate science that proves its threat to populations.

Ask any virolgist who's not on the WHO payroll and they'll say everything is being blown way out of proportion.


I did, and they said that it's definitely worth watching and kind of worrying. It's not a guarantee to kill us, as the media likes to pretend, but it's not completely overblown either.

Media's only job is to sell papers, which is why they'll take scientific findings that are built with a fair amount of uncertainty, and turn them into stone-cold fact. Because it comes from scientists!
 
2009-09-01 03:34:21 PM  
This is one of the better batches of headlines - thanks submittists!
 
2009-09-01 05:43:44 PM  

whistleridge: You can bet that I stayed way the hell away from my mom (who is 65 and in the hospital for an infection)


You probably didn't have to worry too much. Normally, 90% of seasonal flu deaths are from people 65 and over. For H1N1, however, only 18% of deaths come from that age group.
 
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