Earthquakes, Bacon Lung and Twitter navelgazing: this week's Media Hype Power Rankings (and a couple of our favorite Headlines of the Week 5/10 - 5/16)
Posted by Drew at 2009-05-18 12:39:04 PM, edited 2009-05-18 1:37:00 PM (15 comments) | Permalink
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In the tradition of ESPN's MLB Power Rankings, where the rankings are fairly arbitrary but they still get read, here are this week's Media Hype Power Rankings.
1. LA Earthquake
Do quakes in California even rate as news? Everyone I've ever met there ignores them unless something tips over. This one will be out of the rankings tomorrow unless it causes a swine flu outbreak somehow.
2. Swine Flu
Any time the words Swine Flu gets mentioned in a headline, people click the hell out of it. Combine this with MSM's desire to make their nonstop coverage of this overblown non-event look like it wasn't a horrendous mistake and we've got a resurgence of a story that was at the bottom of the rankings up until today. Some poor guy died of it over the weekend, EVERYBODY PANIC. Expect this one to drop way down tomorrow unless someone else dies of it. By the way, a daily average of 100 people died from the regular flu yesterday...
3. Tamil Tigers leader killed
OMG some actual real news. This'll be gone tomorrow unless some topless photos of the rebel leader appear. God help us if that happens.
4. Bad economy
Hey the economy sucks, didn't know if you noticed. Variations on people losing houses, jobs, etc. abound.
5. Space Shuttle Disaster?
Anytime media covers the space shuttle, it's in anticipation of a disaster. Kind of like NASCAR and wrecks. Anyhow, media's keeping an eye on this one as the Hubble Telescope gets repaired. Don't expect massive coverage unless someone drops a bag of tools like last time. Speaking of which, there's an iPhone app that tracks the orbiting toolbag. Nifty.
6. Death of newspapers
This story's not going anywhere. The only area of expertise MSM has is all about journalism and news media. They love talking about it. Variations of this include "hey let's charge for content" and "you'll miss us when we're gone!"
7. Twitter navelgazing
Media is fascinated with Twitter. It's a combination of how Twitter breaks news (assuming you can spot it in the vast mass of mundane twattings) and "wow look at me I'm a media person and I have a thousand Twitter followers." This may have come full circle now that there's been an article on how Sockington the Cat amassed 500,000+ followers. I would say it's the Jump the Shark moment for Twitter, except that if Ashton Kutcher hitting a million didn't do it, I don't know what will.
8. Miss California
She's got BOOBS, man, and anytime she opens her mouth she says something dumb. She's a walking, taking media soundbite generator. With BOOBS, man. She dropped down the list this weekend due to a lack of new topless photos. Here's hoping, though.
9. Slumdog stars living in poverty
Yes it's a tragedy but for some reason this keeps getting flogged in MSM about once a week. It started when slumdog kid's dad attempted to sell her to an undercover London tabloid reporter. Latest update: they're still living in poverty, but now they don't even have a house--that got knocked down by bulldozers.
Pirates? No idea what you're talking about. This is so two weeks ago. But they're still really cool. ARRRR.
Up and coming
11. Obama's a racist
At the White House Correspondent's Association Dinner, President Obama made a joke about permanently fake-tanned GOP leader John Boehner saying he was a "person of color". Conservative media ought to get a day or two of traction out of this one. It'll go the entire week if Obama apologizes for it.
12. Pakistan's adding more nukes
EVERYBODY PANIC. Expect this to jump into the top 10 shortly if nothing else happens, it's a good panic button issue.
13. Maureen Dowd plagiarism
Maureen Dowd admitted to copying from another blogger - actually she admitted to hearing a friend repeat a paragraph that she didn't know was from another blogger and somehow managed to remember it word for word with only one subtle change. I call bullshiat. Nonetheless, no one gives a shiat about plagiarism but media does. Media loves taking about bad media, it's like blood in the water, And she's liberal, so slamming her should be a good way to appear to be impartial.
Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2009-05-10 to Sat 2009-05-16:
Giant translucent blobs appearing on British beaches. But enough about the English holidaymakers, this is a story about a four-foot jellyfish
New Detroit mayor turns down mansion offer, even though no official rule prohibits accepting gifts under $25
Sweet potato spill causes massive traffic yam
Woman busted for having sex with underage boys, with mugshot equivalent of being dealt 15 in blackjack
75-year-old granny has "designer vagina" operation to improve her sex life. The sun hasn't been there in years
The rain in Spain shows traces of cocaine
South Dakota's hispanic population has doubled since 2000. Miguel reportedly happy to finally have some company
Actual headline: "Recession Drives Moms to Drink, Do Drugs and Gamble." So...silver lining
City wants to build a shelter for chronically jobless people which will have no restrictions on alcohol use. Don't most universities already have these?
World's tallest dog has leg amputated. Sounds like he'll need a Great Cane
Bristol Palin graduates from high school, despite failing Trig
Streaker charged with interrupting a professional sporting event. Defense lawyer asks for charge to be dropped because it was a Mets game
Brett Favre visits renowned surgeon Dr. James Andrews regarding his partially torn biceps tendon because it's really, really important that he doesn't have arm pain when driving his tractor on his farm
NASCAR allows Jeremy Mayfield to drive because he did not test positive for performance-enhancing drugs... which should have been obvious to anybody who has seen him race the past few years
Oldest human hairs ever found were located in hyena dung. Apparently, early man was delicious
Intelligent women enjoy sex more, probably because they're smart enough not to be having it with you
Scientists create nuclear fuel more dense than the core of the sun; half as dense as Glenn Beck
"Cheers" star John Ratzenberger files restraining order against girlfriend, goes into long-winded explanation that country music often leads to cars getting set on fire
Today in 1944, George Lucas was born. The birth was filmed in 8mm, re-released in 1965 in Super-8 with updated placenta effects, and remastered on Blu-Ray in 2008 with Hayden Christiansen's face superimposed over Dad's
Charges dropped against man accused of shooting at Dog the Bounty Hunter. Dog says he hasn't filed civil suit, still needs to mullet over
High Court Derby field is set and five of the six are fillies; however, Old White Guy is still the odds-on favorite to win
Although they represent only a fraction of Americans, public-sector labor unions have become the most powerful political force in US government. Submitter would write more, but it's time for his break
Obama performs first miracle, resurrects military tribunals for terror suspects
Chris Brown says those naked pics of Rihanna are fake because her whole body is exposed and not one bruise can be seen
If you're a guitarist having to choose between two bands and the better choice is the band with Fred Durst in it, you're really in a bad spot in life
Britney Spears spent $450,000 on security on her last tour. That's a lot of money to protect the general public from chlamydia and hepatitis B
General Motors bankruptcy inevitable. GM shares set to fall like a rock. OOOOOOHHHHH like a rock
Seagate shows 1,100 employees to the other side of the partition
GM tells 2,000 dealers they can no longer sell GM cars. Dealers reply, "Duh, that's pretty much the problem"
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