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A world without ant sex, layoff greeting cards and a crotch glove for sale: Headlines of the Week 4/12 to 4/18
Posted by Drew at 2009-04-20 1:50:39 PM, edited 2009-04-20 3:07:03 PM (41 comments) | Permalink
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7309 clicks; posted to Main » on 20 Apr 2009 at 3:07 PM (8 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Anyone else tired of pirates? Me too

Here's what happened: media ran the initial pirates capture Alabama story (which no doubt scared some residents of Mobile into nearby grocery stores to stock up on milk and eggs). They were shocked at the extra traffic it got. To keep the momentum going, they ran even more stories about pirates. Pirates are cool! Here's hoping it's beaten to death by now. It's already April and we haven't gotten to the shark stories yet. And don't get me started on the The Pirate Bay verdict...

Fark was at Notacon this weekend, and it was terrific. Great talks, great tech, good times all around. Thanks to everyone who came to the Fark Party on Friday night - who knew there was an actual drink called a Blue Screen of Death?

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2009-04-12 to Sat 2009-04-18:

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  Amazon.com unlists books by or about gay people from sales ranking and searches, provoking massive Amazonfail protest on Twitter, blogs. Out of the bookstores and into the Tweets    
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  Ariana Russell describes herself as the "human etch-a-sketch." Clearly her parents shook her a lot as a child    
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  Wild Turkey crashes family's Easter dinner, marking just the latest time that Wild Turkey has played a role in destroying a family get-together    
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  ♫ I'm. An. Ang. Ry. Di. Vor. Cee. ♫ BURNIN' DOWN THE HOUSE ♫  

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  Silver canisters on Washington beaches may contain poison. The most dangerous ones are labeled "Coors"    
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  Exclusive photos of the three pirates who have kicked the bucket, shuffled off this mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisibile. THIS IS AN EX-PIRATE    
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  Seattle Children's Theater seeks IT professional to fill job opening. Must love children, though not as much as the last IT guy    
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  Actress who played Mickey Spillane's secretary dies at 84. But there was something about this case that didn't add up. I couldn't quite figure it out. This dame had class. Who would ice her? I decided to start poking around    
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  Man bites off end of own penis. Police found him after receiving an anonymous tip    
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  Man at Panda Express eats shoots and leaves    
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  Saplings from Anne Frank's tree to be planted in 10 US cities. Arbor macht tree    
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Sports:

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  Seattle Sounders player won't be charged for sexual assault. Prosecutors refused to believe any soccer player would actually try to score    
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  Thabeet does not go on    
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  Reports: Celtics' GM has heart attack - or it could just be Aingeina    
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Geek:

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  Praying to God is like "talking to a friend." A friend who will kill you and curse your descendents if you make any other friends    
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  Ants inhabit a "world without sex," thus demonstrating that marriage is not an entirely human construct    
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  Eerily beautiful Hubble pic of colliding clusters. If only there were some sort of term for clusters engaging in this sort of intercourse. Cluster    
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Showbiz:

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  Porn legend Marilyn Chambers found dead. Old sweat socks lowered to half-staff    
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  Doing what hundreds of robots could not, Fox terminates Sarah Connor    
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  Mickey Rourke, Kim Basinger get together for first time in years. Friends give it 9 1/2 weeks    
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Politics:

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  Vatican rejects Obama's choices for ambassador because all of them are pro-choice. STAINED GLASS PARKING LOT    
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  Obama appoints new official to protect our borders, while leaving our Barnes & Nobles scandalously open to attack    
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  Obama says the US tax code is too complicated and he'll rewrite it. Because if there's something the federal government excels at, it's making things simple    
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Music:

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  FOR SALE: One glove. Only used on crotch. $100,000    
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  Hungry Eyes will be on Eric Carmen as he is sentenced to be All By Himself in jail cell for at least 30 days stemming from his DUI arrest    
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  Moby hires David Lynch for video. Hard to tell which is worse, the animation which looks done by a 12-year-old playing with a black marker or the song itself, which is a long, drawn-out Radiohead computer fart  


Business:

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  Marriott hotels will no longer automatically give out free USA Today newspapers in the morning. Spokesman says that the move will save money, trees, brain cells    
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  PepsiCo sues Coca-Cola over KO's false advertising claim that Gatorade lacks the electrolytes that plants crave    
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  Roses are red, violets are blue. Seven hundred and forty-nine of your co-workers are laid off and so are you. Love, Hallmark    
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· · ·

41 Comments     (+0 »)
 
 
2009-04-20 01:58:38 PM  
I'll be filling in for Drew today.
 
2009-04-20 01:59:06 PM  
Drew's not in this week, but here are some of our favorite headlines from last week. My personal favorite:

Vatican rejects Obama's choices for ambassador because all of them are pro-choice. STAINED GLASS PARKING LOT
 
2009-04-20 02:00:59 PM  

Unfreakable: Drew's not in this week, but here are some of our favorite headlines from last week


All one of them? Man, you guys are getting tougher.
 
2009-04-20 02:05:19 PM  

Unfreakable: Drew's not in this week, but here are some of our favorite headlines from last week.


I hear anonymity is becoming a thing of the past.
 
2009-04-20 02:05:21 PM  

Whamdangler: I'll be filling in for Drew today


Did you get my Anon-thingie about what I should buy for lunch? I haven't seen it in the queue yet.
 
2009-04-20 02:07:34 PM  

40below: Whamdangler: I'll be filling in for Drew today

Did you get my Anon-thingie about what I should buy for lunch? I haven't seen it in the queue yet.


This certainly should win "comment of the week"
 
2009-04-20 02:10:10 PM  
No headline was better than any of mine, so Drew just gave up and went home.

The Admins decided, "you know what? his is just so spectacular, amazing, and sensational we are giving up early for HoTY and giving it to him."

/in reality.....none of that happened.
 
2009-04-20 02:15:26 PM  

40below: Did you get my Anon-thingie about what I should buy for lunch?


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2009-04-20 03:36:37 PM  
fixed now. Bad bot, no biscuit.
 
2009-04-20 03:39:00 PM  
Ant sex?

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"Oh yeah baby, let me pull your farking antennae. Oh yeah."
 
2009-04-20 03:42:02 PM  
Does anyone else link to the classifieds?

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2009-04-20 03:46:41 PM  

dj_bigbird: www.andyandnoreen.com


Is that what that picture looks like without strobe effect?
 
2009-04-20 03:51:17 PM  
How did I miss this one?

/the first one
//the headlined one
///the Alabama one...
 
2009-04-20 03:56:33 PM  
Only cuteness can save this thread now!

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2009-04-20 04:02:22 PM  
Aww, no love for "Jerly Lyngdoh is a 26-year old trapped inside a two-year old's body. He should probably have used more lube" ?
 
2009-04-20 04:05:34 PM  

DammitIForgotMyLogin: Aww, no love for "Jerly Lyngdoh is a 26-year old trapped inside a two-year old's body. He should probably have used more lube" ?


Was looking for that one. By far the best this week, come on guys...
 
2009-04-20 04:07:23 PM  

DammitIForgotMyLogin: Aww, no love for "Jerly Lyngdoh is a 26-year old trapped inside a two-year old's body. He should probably have used more lube kept his foreskin" ?


that's better...
 
2009-04-20 04:15:21 PM  
Came for the ant sex.

Leaving a tiny bit satisfied.
 
2009-04-20 04:36:35 PM  
This thread is boring now.
 
2009-04-20 04:55:50 PM  
the david lynch/moby headline isn't funny, regardless of what the video looks like or the track sounds like.
 
2009-04-20 05:00:54 PM  
Is it me, or did someone else read the headline, "A world without anal sex...."

/in a world....
//without anal sex....
///one man.....
 
2009-04-20 05:02:25 PM  
yes, I got one. My life is now complete
 
2009-04-20 05:03:48 PM  
Damn...didn't make the list this week.

Although, to be fair, my submissions this week sucked more than usual.
 
2009-04-20 05:04:43 PM  

The NaSkAr: yes, I got one. My life is now complete


Great. Don't get any blood on the carpet :D
 
2009-04-20 05:08:15 PM  
You know, I was thinking (always a bad idea to let me do that, folks):

Is there anyway to re-open commenting for these when the HotW comes around? Seems many people get to miss the headlines and might want to comment on them, but a lot of them are past the five days and closed to commenting.

Perhaps a 24-hour special unlock for the threads in these posts?

Just a thought.
 
2009-04-20 05:13:46 PM  
I keep on reading "A world without anal sex"
 
2009-04-20 05:18:20 PM  
img1.fark.net Man at Panda Express eats shoots and leaves img.fark.net

I don't care what anyone says this is HOTY worthy.

Bravo.
 
2009-04-20 05:20:47 PM  
jibern

I keep on reading "A world without anal sex"

Me too.
 
2009-04-20 05:27:41 PM  

The English Major: jibern

I keep on reading "A world without anal sex"

Me too.


Know how I know you're ghey?
 
2009-04-20 05:37:31 PM  

tuna fingers: Does anyone else link to the classifieds?


Nice screen shot.

/yiff
 
2009-04-20 05:42:51 PM  
Roses are red, violets are blue. Seven hundred and forty-nine of your co-workers are laid off and so are you. Love, Hallmark

Great work Subby
 
2009-04-20 05:57:21 PM  
El Robbo

The English Major: jibern

I keep on reading "A world without anal sex"

Me too.

Know how I know you're ghey?


Well, I dislike Coldplay but I do make a mean sourdough bread bowl...
 
2009-04-20 06:03:59 PM  
Hey, Mike's back. Hi Mike!
 
2009-04-20 06:19:47 PM  

El Robbo: The English Major: jibern

I keep on reading "A world without anal sex"

Me too.

Know how I know you're ghey?


you know how i know you're gay?
you care about another dude's sexuality and you spelt it kinda gay
 
2009-04-20 06:55:56 PM  
time for unrelated pictures

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2009-04-20 07:40:46 PM  
Arbor macht tree FTW.
 
2009-04-20 07:41:33 PM  
I like Drew.
 
2009-04-21 12:07:29 AM  
So what's the recipe for a Blue Screen of Death?
 
2009-04-21 12:12:58 AM  
I don't know if I can face a world without ant sex.
 
2009-04-21 02:06:17 AM  
kinkybluefairy.netView Full Size


Wait, what?
 
2009-04-21 06:02:45 PM  
I kept reading "In a world without any sex". I feel like I'm being stalked now, as someone obviously knows me far too well
 
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