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Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2017-09-17 to Sat 2017-09-23. Just like healthcare.gov, Headline of the Week will need to be down for a little maintenance. For 12 hours, once a week, every week. Like any web site
Posted by Blythe at 2017-09-25 10:52:21 AM (3 comments) | Permalink

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990 clicks; posted to Main » on 25 Sep 2017 at 10:52 AM (16 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Here are your top-voted Headlines of the Week!  Thanks to TotalFarkers for voting and thanks as always to our fantastic submitters.  Fark loves all kinds of headlines, but to be truly Fark-worthy and Headline of the Week, we're looking for funny, creative, and unique twists.  Something you can tell your friends, family, co-workers, that 'hey, this is the story and this headline is what makes it Fark'.


Top-voted funny headlines make it to Headline of the Week, but we always have more each week that make us laugh or have a take on the story that is awesome and unique but don't always get the votes - News: Maria destroys Caribbean islands, strips them of vegetation. CNN: "US mainland not out of the woods yet" is one of the best this week that stands out.  So read on for the top-voted Headlines of the Week, and head over to the NotNewsletter for highlights of some extra headlines that deserve recognition.

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2017-09-17 to Sat 2017-09-23:

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  Man dies in fake haunted house. On the bright side, it should be legitimately haunted now

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  Donald Trump says he thinks it's gonna be a long, long time til touch down brings Kim Jong Un around to find he's not the man they think he is at home, oh no

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  Now I know why; they're faster than I. I guess we'll die

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  Burglar jerks off after breaking in. In burglar circles this is known as a whack job

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  Couple driving through northern Maine forced to stop in middle of road. (Lynx go nowhere)

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  Come here, Maria. Here, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty

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  Guy who climbed mountain only in his underwear develops hypothermia - which is French for "don't climb a farkin' mountain only in your underwear"

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  Mars research crew emerges after eight months in isolation; reads news, asks to be returned to isolation

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  Guy smuggling balloons full of meth into prison by swallowing them doesn't succeed, tries again

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  4-year-old boy not seriously hurt after being ejected from a car. He was soon heard saying "do it again"

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  Equifax hangs up the "Gone Phishing" sign

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  Activists want a large ocean garbage patch to be named as a new country. Others say it's unnecessary to make a statement about trashy land masses because we already have New Jersey

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  SEC hacked. Big Ten and ACC unavailable for comment

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  "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your pilot speaking. We'll be cruising at an altitude of five thousand feet, dropping bits of our exploding engine all over people's yards, and then landing again in short order"

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  Lake Placid student brings loaded gun and knife to school. Placid, my ass

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  And you may tell yourself, this is not my beautiful house. And you may tell yourself, this is not my beautiful wife. And you may ask yourself, why is that strange woman rifling through my refrigerator while wearing my wife's clothes?

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  7UP should not be the number of days you are awake after drinking it

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  Court bans police from deploying stingrays without a warrant. CRIKEY

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  Lost Rubens found after 400 years, though I'm pretty sure 400-year-old sandwiches aren't good anymore


Sports:

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  Marshawn Lynch's sideline dancing "demoralized" Jets. As if the fact that they play for the Jets wasn't demoralizing enough already

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  The Ohio State University & Oklahoma State University come to agreement over trademark for "OSU". Oregon State University, you're on your on

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  Squirrel Touchdown


Geek:

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  It's a good start, but if they can get it to stop Tweeting at 3 in the morning, then they'll really be onto something

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  Cat like typing detected

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  Very interesting scientific explanation. Link to the right. Discussion to the left


Entertainment:

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  Yoko sues company over John Lemon lemonade. I hope nobody cares about my new coffee shop, Ringo Starbucks

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  Clerks star died after taking 37 painkillers. In a row?

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  The folks at IO9 are trying to settle an unsettleable argument: which Batman is the best Batman? Somehow, subby's vote for George Clooney keeps getting soundly ridiculed


Politics:

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  It's as if thirty-million Americans suddenly cried out in panic and then coughed themselves to death. Christ, I'm surrounded by assholes. I also may have mixed my movie quotes

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  Whoa. RussiaGate just got real. Like Morgan-Freeman-narrates-it real

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  UN Ambassador Samantha Power went on such an unmasking spree during the Obama administration that the Scooby Doo gang even told her to chill out

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  There is an old Vulcan proverb: Only Bannon could go to China

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  Fox News complains Jimmy Kimmel isn't qualified to talk about politics. Would prefer to talk to experts like Gene Simmons, Chick Norris, Tim Allen and Ted Nugent

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  The Trump presidency in news cycles. Take a look at the Mueller news cycle and notice all the insanity of Trump filling in those dips in Mueller coverage. Almost like we have Trump's distraction plan in graph form

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  "The priapism is not tit cockmedians are asspiring to wad into crotch pubely. The pubis is tit our polidicks have becum so slutty and sexualizing that condoms can't do their climax penisly without humping about sex"

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  Hillary Clinton just sold more copies of her book in one week than Trump has sold in two years. Then again, why would Trump sell copies of Hillary's book?

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  McCain: Oh f*ck no, Lindsey. Just no

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  The healthcare.gov web site will need to be down for a little maintenance. For 12 hours, once a week, every week. Like any web site


Business:

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  California: we're gonna restore Obama-era privacy protections the FCC recently took away. Google, Facebook: whoa whoa WHOA there, we've got a business model to protect

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  Australia threatens to make Takata airbag recall compulsory, noting that nation is already full of things jonesing to kill you, and that defective airbags need not be one of those things

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  Domino's Pizza stock has gone from $14 a share in 2010 to its present $197. That should put to rest any arguments that the economy wouldn't be helped by legalizing pot


Discussion:

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  Guy finds unopened WWII C-ration container, produced in 1942, opens it, eats the contents, and doesn't immediately die

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  Caning makes a comeback. Oh, 'canning'. Nevermind

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  He can split an infinitive with his steely gaze. He writes limericks . . . in haiku. His Oxford Comma is revered by Cambridge. He is the most interesting writer on Fark, and this is the weekly writer's thread

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  ♫One day Zecora came down with swamp fever - Fluttershy swore she'd be the one to save her - no cure exists and the zebra is not immune - but they wouldn't kill off a character on a kid's cartoon♫ My Little Pony Saturday Discovery Family 11:30 am EST
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3 Comments     (+0 »)
 
 
2017-09-25 11:00:54 AM  
Voting works!

I'll have to remember that in 2020.
 
2017-09-25 11:17:18 AM  
who the hell votes for discussion tab headlines?
 
2017-09-25 12:01:55 PM  
Just like healthcare.gov, Headline of the Week will need to be down for a little maintenance. For 12 hours, once a week, every week.


Maybe you'll find the missing HOTW from Aug.13 to Aug. 19.

http://www.fark.com/hotw/
 
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