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Optical Aleutians, Funxsutawney Steele and Kirstie Alley rolling over in her gravy: Headlines of the Week 3/22 - 3/28 
Posted by Drew at 2009-03-30 1:07:13 PM (22 comments) | Permalink
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4608 clicks; posted to Main » on 30 Mar 2009 at 2:00 PM (5 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



No posting from Drew, so let's just cut to the chase this week with some favorite headlines.

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2009-03-22 to Sat 2009-03-28:

img1.fark.net  Truck spills 8,000 gallons of milk after crashing into a drainage ditch. Emergency responders were emotionally detached    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  US pondering move to cheaper Chinese-made condoms. Expect this to go over like a lead balloon    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Suicide bomber strikes Iraqi funeral. At least two dead    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  U.S. Navy teams fly in to provide medical and dental care to residents of remote Alaskan villages. Some reports say an optometrist was part of the medical team, but Navy dismisses that as an optical Aleutian    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Truck carrying soy sauce overturns on I-5. Driver might be reprimanded later; no need to Kikkoman while he's down    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Study finds that a man looks into a woman's eyes for 8.2 seconds if he is attracted to her, 4.5 seconds if he is not, and 0.0 seconds if she's a C-cup or above    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  British primary school children to be taught how to use Twitter, because if there's one thing 7 year olds don't know how to do it's tell people they're pooping    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Somewhere, Kirstie Alley is rolling over in her gravy    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Chemist positively charged with economic espionage after stealing paint formula from employer. FBI had an ion him the whole time, but still don't know alchemy did it    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Lawyer Chiquita Tate stabbed 38 times by husband, who apparently just went bananas    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Denver police looking for a missing adult female "wearing very little and with a diminished mental capacity" which describes 1.8 million women in Denver    img.fark.net


Sports:

img1.fark.net  Lance Armstrong has fallen during a race and is in a Spanish hospital, worrying America's bike racing fan    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  BoSox pitcher John Smoltz imitates Clay Aiken; says his first mound session was "awkward"    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  John McEnroe duped in art scam. WHAT ARE YOU, BLIND???    img.fark.net


Geek:

img1.fark.net  Emotiv Systems uses your thoughts to power gaming. Sorry Princess Peach, but your panties are now in another castle    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Yes, crabs do feel pain when you boil them alive. So, pouring boiling water on your crotch is still not a recommended option for removal    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Scientists discover bacteria with the ability to consume and detoxify toxic metal. Still no cure for cancer, but at least now there's a cure for Slipknot    img.fark.net


Showbiz:

img1.fark.net  Jurors in the Phil Spector murder retrial have the option of a manslaughter conviction, are advised not to post one more farking NewsFlash about the story    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Dolly Parton denies rumor that she's a lesbian or has ever even owned a Subaru Outback    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  "American Idol" producers finally admit that the group performances on the show are lip-synced, blame it on the rain    img.fark.net


Politics:

img1.fark.net  Funxsutawney Steele pops out of his burrow, says the GOP has lost their minds, and then crawls back in for another six weeks of media exile    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Glenn Beck explains the current economic crisis with the help of a dead fish. In case you're not sure, Glenn is the one with gloves on    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  U.S. Seventh Fleet moves in to get a good view of North Korea's latest failure at model rocketry    img.fark.net


Music:

img1.fark.net  Michael Jackson compared to the IRA; both want apologies    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Lars Ulrich insists that Metallica will never "sell out," goes back to playing "Enter Sandman" on Rock Band while watching Metallica's music video for "Mission: Impossible 2"    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Madonna splits with Jesus. Rome breathes sigh of relief    img.fark.net


Business:

img1.fark.net  Tiffany 4Q profit drops 75%. I think they're not alone, now    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  10 Johnson Controls factories to go flaccid    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  News Corp to hire former AOL CEO as digital chief. Soon to hire former AIG exec as ethics chief, former McCain campain manager as head of PR    img.fark.net
· · ·
(view entire blog)


22 Comments   (+0 »)
   
 
2009-03-30 01:12:44 PM
My favorite headline this week:

Madonna splits with Jesus. Rome breathes sigh of relief

Good work, submitter.
 
2009-03-30 01:20:02 PM
Lawyer Chiquita Tate stabbed 38 times by husband, who apparently just went bananas

My favourite.
 
2009-03-30 01:32:45 PM
My personal favorites after the Kirstie Alley one:

U.S. Seventh Fleet moves in to get a good view of North Korea's latest failure at model rocketry

John McEnroe duped in art scam. WHAT ARE YOU, BLIND???
 
2009-03-30 01:41:57 PM
I got a good laugh out of...

Truck carrying soy sauce overturns on I-5. Driver might be reprimanded later; no need to Kikkoman while he's down
 
2009-03-30 02:04:16 PM
Well, hell...I thought I had one this week. Guess not eh?
 
2009-03-30 02:10:27 PM
Kikkoman was definitely the best one this week.
 
2009-03-30 02:11:14 PM
Dancin_In_Anson: Guess not eh?

Redhead headlines rarely make the cut.

/unfortunately.
 
2009-03-30 02:16:30 PM
I think my headline in the Sports Tab should have been nominated.

img1.fark.netDouble amputee will make his MMA debut in April. It's like a no-legged man in an ass-kicking contest (new window)
 
2009-03-30 02:22:46 PM
Flab: Redhead headlines rarely make the cut.

/unfortunately.


I've wondered why they don't include fOObies submissions. (I have a few) But I really thought I had one with the Miami Airport bit.

Oh well.
 
2009-03-30 02:24:26 PM
Epiphany: I think my headline

Umm... no.

The suicide bomber one worked for me.
 
2009-03-30 02:35:24 PM
At least mine resulted in a sweet eye-candy thread.

Study finds that a man looks into a woman's eyes for...
 
2009-03-30 02:35:57 PM
Somewhere, Kirstie Alley is rolling over in her gravy

I'm sorry, but that headline can't be topped. It's pure win.

My 2nd runner up fav didn't make the list:
Student warns teacher: 'I would hit you in the gator' Teacher doesn't know if she should flunk him in English or biology
 
2009-03-30 02:38:22 PM
Suicide bomber strikes Iraqi funeral. At least two dead wins my vote, hands down.
Bonus points for being clever, sounding like a real headline, and not resorting to the use of a pun.

That said, that Kikkoman one definitely had me laughing as well.
 
2009-03-30 03:02:25 PM
Suicide bomber strikes Iraqi funeral. At least two dead

I think this is an all-time great. At first I was all serioused, but then I LOL'ed
 
2009-03-30 03:15:25 PM
lobotomy survivor: Epiphany: I think my headline

Umm... no.

The suicide bomber one worked for me.


I thought it was pretty good for a SPORTS headline.
 
2009-03-30 03:19:34 PM
Demetrius: I got a good laugh out of...

Truck carrying soy sauce overturns on I-5. Driver might be reprimanded later; no need to Kikkoman while he's down


My nominee so far for HOTL
 
2009-03-30 03:27:00 PM
Kikkoman is HOTY material.

/why wasn't knotsies on this week's list? That one is also a potential HOTY
 
2009-03-30 04:26:39 PM
King Something: Kikkoman is HOTY material.

/why wasn't knotsies on this week's list? That one is also a potential HOTY


Any headline that has more people talking about it than TFA is a winner in my book.

/likes puns
 
2009-03-30 04:31:12 PM
I have to admit that the Kirstie Alley headline cracked me up pretty good.

Almost as much as "Sarah Jessica Parker's saddle falls off" did.
 
2009-03-30 05:41:53 PM
Stoj: At least mine resulted in a sweet eye-candy thread.

Study finds that a man looks into a woman's eyes for...


i44.photobucket.com
 
2009-03-31 12:19:31 AM
Put me down for another "Kikkoman as a HOTY contender" vote.
 
2009-03-31 10:17:52 AM
Didn't we have the 'optical Aleutian' last year in a headline about a submarine in the Bering Sea?

/Kikkoman is awesome
 
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