With Drew still out traveling, there's no insightful look into the news, just some of the better headlines from last week from Sunday 2/1 through Saturday 2/7.

Enjoy.

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2009-02-01 to Sat 2009-02-07:

  Man goes after his brother with a hatchet because he was playing the stereo too loud. Tries to turn him into a half-brother    

  Earliest chocolate has been now dated to between A.D. 1000 and 1125, still on sale at Walgreens    

  Fark: Masked man robs convenience store with Klingon sword. UltraFark: both clerks recognize sword as a "Batleth"    

  How to win friends and influenza people    

  People who use both hands have a harder time conceiving children, go blind faster    

  Man driving a Kia leads police on a chase exceeding 100 mph, everyone's expectations of the Kia    

  Man plays electric guitar so loud that neighbor's fish jumps. It must have been a bass guitar    

  Horse drawn carriage business hurt by economy, invention of the automobile    

  60 year old woman gives birth to twins. Babies said to be doing fine, except for going cross eyed after focusing on her navel while breastfeeding    

  Poison kills 84 Nigerian children. Damn you Bret Michaels, damn you    

  Sky Walker charged with murdering his mother, assault on a police officer, inappropriate use of The Force    


Sports:

  Kelloggs is dropping Phelps for pot incident, because no one gets high and eats Pop Tarts, Keebler cookies, Eggos, or Special K    

  Irish ultramarathoner sets world record for endurance running, completing seven marathons on seven continents in seven days to eclipse the record previously held by the last virgin in Belfast    

  Cleveland Cavszcz' Wally Szczerbiak to play with a protective maszczk after breaking hiszcz nosczce Wedneszczday night versczcusczc the New York Knickerbockersczc    


Geek:

  Pregnant smokers "fear criticism," jackhammers    

  Scientists create compound out of single element Boron. Finally, a correct use of the Ionic tag    

  New Emoti-Chair allows deaf people to "hear" music through their asses. Nickelback seeks cross-promotion deal    


Showbiz:

  Visual effects studio to open in downtown Detroit. FX wizards say it makes it a lot cheaper to step outside and shoot scenes for the new "Terminator" movie, set in a post-apocalyptic future    

  Behind the scenes with the doctor that consults for "House." About four-fifths of the way through the article, you'll stop and stare into space with a moment of epiphany    

  Back Street Boy Nick Carter says booze and drugs almost killed him. Better luck next time, booze and drugs    


Politics:

  The stimulus is a sham. Wow    

  Tom Daschle: Tax Cheat. Sarah Palin: Tax misunderstanderer    

  Val Kilmer ponders run for NM Governor in 2010, pie for breakfast every day    


Business:

  Google wants out of AOL investment. AOL responds by offering Google another free month    

  DELETE FROM employees WHERE COMPANY = 'Sun Microsystems' AND POSITION = 'MySQL founder';    

  Economic recession leads to crying in De Beers    
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