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Headlines Of The Week and Drew's latest It's Not Fark It's News summary. Now with less Loretabs
Posted by Drew at 2009-01-19 12:44:43 PM, edited 2009-01-19 2:04:18 PM (57 comments) | Permalink
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7804 clicks; posted to Main » on 19 Jan 2009 at 2:47 PM (7 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



It's not Fark it's News: so what happened last week that didn't get much press? Russia decided to finally turn the gas back on to Central Europe. They got into a dispute with Ukraine over billing and cut them off, turns out Europe is connected to the same pipe. This all came during the coldest weather this winter. Massive disaster almost ensued. I think I saw it mentioned on CNN exactly once, buried behind missing white chicks and the dangers of kitchen countertops. Israel pushed the rubble around in Gaza then left. And a plane crashed in the Hudson, which is kinda unique. Bus crashes just don't get the same kind of coverage though, unless beheadings are involved. I think it's because our primitive monkey brains refused to believe that planes can actually fly.

Next week: all available media bandwidth is gonna be eaten up by the inauguration so if you're a PR firm don't bother to send anything out til Wednesday. It's a great two day period to dump bad news though so if you want to do a bunch of layoff announcements or whatever, fire away. Don't expect anything useful out of the media til Thursday at the soonest (if then).

Also keep an eye out for the How Much Money Is Lost Due to The Superbowl annual BS ad-as-news article. The totals for the last three years were $780M, $800M, and $820M. I suspect that they'll round up and go for $850M this year, since it's a BS number anyhow. Expect to see that one next Monday.

On to the good stuff

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2009-01-11 to Sat 2009-01-17:

[image from img1.fark.net too old to be available]  Woman arrested for having dead baby in carry-on luggage. Everyone knows that carrion needs to be checked in    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img1.fark.net too old to be available]  Plane crashes in Florida panhandle, no pilot found. Well there's your problem    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img1.fark.net too old to be available]  One out of 100 Americans are being stalked. If you don't believe it, just come by your front door; I have the article    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img1.fark.net too old to be available]  Marilyn Monroe hormone discovered. Or should it be called Norma Gene?    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img1.fark.net too old to be available]  Sheriff pushes girl out of path of gunfire during standoff with armed man, gets his ear blown off. He might be in line for a medal, but hasn't heard anything so far    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img1.fark.net too old to be available]  Woman impales man with meat thermometer. Well done    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img1.fark.net too old to be available]  Ricardo Montalban dead at 88. Will be buried in casket of rich Corinthian leather    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img1.fark.net too old to be available]  Toothbrushes to be removed from prison, prompting concerns of increased cavity searches    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img1.fark.net too old to be available]  There once was a man named Starks / Who decided to steal some sharks / His plan he soon rued / When jailarity enused / Hey, it's not news - it's FARK    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img1.fark.net too old to be available]  Man hurls brake fluid at suspected child molester - guess he wanted him to stop    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img1.fark.net too old to be available]  India bans elephants from traditional military parade, citing excessive emissions, lack of trunk space    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]


Sports:

[image from img1.fark.net too old to be available]  NFC Championship goes through Arizona. This is not a repeat from... well, this is not a repeat    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img1.fark.net too old to be available]  Vince Carter watches flight 1549 land in Hudson from his bedroom window; suffers only serious injury    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img1.fark.net too old to be available]  Seven reasons to hate Steeler fans, according to a Ravens fan. Steelers would give a high five, but their hands are weighted down by all those rings    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]


Geek:

[image from img1.fark.net too old to be available]  Scientists using false memories to help people lose weight. Get your fat ass to Mars    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img1.fark.net too old to be available]  IBM invents MRI machine with 100 million times higher resolution than current MRIs, making it possible for the first time to see things as tiny as Cheney's heart, Hugo Chavez' brain    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img1.fark.net too old to be available]  Earliest dinosaur feathers were only for display, mostly to frighten the other animals on The Ark    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]


Showbiz:

[image from img1.fark.net too old to be available]  Vanessa Hudgens may play werewolf in "Twilight" sequel. Sounds like somebody saw those pictures and decided she's hairy enough    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img1.fark.net too old to be available]  Much like its namesake, Parishiaton.com invaded by trojans over the weekend    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img1.fark.net too old to be available]  Madonna undergoes therapy, trying to repair her "tikkun," a Kabbalah term which, contrary to popular beliefs, does not mean "gristly man-arms"    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]


Politics:

[image from img1.fark.net too old to be available]  North Korea wants to send envoy to Obama's inauguration, presumably to use the code word that activates him    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img1.fark.net too old to be available]  Gay Episcopal bishop to offer prayer at inauguration event. Activist groups immediately complain that left-handed redheaded transsexual Jewish Kwaanza pastors are being excluded    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img1.fark.net too old to be available]  Hamas rejects Israeli cease-fire terms. Reasons given include "Our shrapnel collection is not complete" and "We have some rockets left"    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]


Business:

[image from img1.fark.net too old to be available]  Dominos to close and reopen 7 shops. It's like they're knocking them down then setting them up again    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img1.fark.net too old to be available]  Oracle cuts 500 jobs, if only there was someone who could have foreseen this    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img1.fark.net too old to be available]  Schindler Elevator cuts 25% of its workforce. List not released yet    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]
· · ·

57 Comments     (+0 »)
 


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2009-01-19 08:24:50 PM  

Drew: For those who missed it, I had knee surgery last week. Quit taking pills Wednesday, sobered up Friday. Good times


Let me know if you kneed anything.

/Working my knees back into shape too
//No surgery, just messed up
 
2009-01-19 08:56:02 PM  
hope you are back on your feet w/o pain soon.
 
2009-01-19 11:35:18 PM  

Sarah Jessica Farker: fewer


I came here to say this. Thanks for beating me to it. :-)

/heal quickly!! :-)
 
2009-01-20 12:57:43 AM  

Excen: By the way Drew, it's spelled Lortab, and it's basically a kinder, gentler Vicodin with a better time-release formula. Less "Whoo hoo I'm loaded" with a softer comedown.

/Could hold my own against Gregory House regarding the subject of opiate-based analgesics


//Dr. House is God... (not literally, he just rocks that much...)
 
2009-01-20 02:50:39 AM  
Boobies
 
2009-01-20 10:06:54 AM  

Trielli: When I was in the US on october I found out how different CNN US and CNN International is. The International CNN - the one I watch down here in Brazil - is much more contained and sensible. CNN US looked a lot like Fox News to me.


I had the reverse experience, sorta - I'm from Canada and saw a lot of CNN Int'l when I was in Europe this summer. I referred to it as CNN for Rich People - the advertising was all 'Come travel to this resort!' 'Invest your money in this tax shelter/gated community in Dubai!' 'Drive this expensive car!'. Not to mention the articles on yacht races and golf events and that insane tallest-bldg-in-the-world hotel/condo/mall/wtf development.

The news was much more restrained and sensible, though, you're right. Which was kind of refreshing.

/feel better Drew
 
2009-01-21 12:04:40 AM  
Every time I tune in to CNN Int'l they're talking about Cricket.

Still better than Mr. Blitzer.
 
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