It's Not Fark It's News: geopolitically, we're in a holding pattern as India continues to build its case for invading Pakistan by making demands that the Pakistanis can't possibly make good on. Of course this gives India the excuse it's looking for to invade. Case in point: Stratfor reports that all major Indian military officials have canceled all activities in January. Perhaps they have something else to do that month?

So while we wait for that subcontinent to go to hell, I'd like to take a moment to talk about the weather. First off, I highly recommend everyone watch the video submitted by farker El Dangeroso (who is Ben Bowman himself) today. His commentary on local news weather coverage is hilariously dead on. Saturday morning, central Kentucky was hit by nearly a quarter inch of snow. Over 100 accidents were reported in the next couple hours. Canadians no doubt find that hilarious. It did remind me though to make a quick point about how Fark does weather coverage, in particular our gags regarding Global Warming. I've always found it amusing that people will use recent weather occurrences to either prove or disprove global warming. "See it was cold last week, global warming is a myth!" "See it was hot last week, global warming will kill us all!" I'm no climatologist so I don't know one way or the other if global warming is happening or not. I am however a fan of Pascal's Wager, and I've made my decision based on that. At any rate, I'm a huge fan of the snap-judgment global warming call, so expect to see that one recur pretty much from now til forever.

Also, Duke sucks.

Headlines of the Week, December 1 - December 7, 2008

Pollution causes smaller penises. Vicious cycle for Hummer drivers

Man shot dead in Grapevine, at least that's what I heard

Conservative members of Episcopal Church try to beat off pro-gay faction, end up with schism on their hands

Man arranges to meet 15-year-old girl for sex :-( But the "girl" was a police officer. :-O Man claims he was entrapped by officer's use of emoticons in email. :- | Man now has to guard his (_|_)

Fire damages famous Hollywood strip club. Engines still responding from as far away as Maine

Six people arrested for smuggling ivory, now facing up to 99.44 years in prison

You are what your mother eats. So, if you turn out to be a bit of a dick, you know why

Indian authorities had warnings of Mumbai terrorist operations nine days prior to attacks but "it got lost in the computer system". If only there was a country that offered tech support

White teacher binds two black students to teach the class about slavery. Jewish students seen changing classes before the Holocaust chapter

Man accused of assaulting his girlfriend multiple times with a McDonald's cheeseburger. I hope he fries

Titusville man gets four years for sexually assaulting dog. He thanks the judge, but says he really only needs 20 minutes, tops

Top Headline for each tab:

Sports:
Barber a game-time decision for Dallas Cowboys. Manicurist doubtful, gynecologist probable

The "new" formation that's all the rage in the NFL was actually invented 102 years ago by Pop Warner, that's right, Kurt Warner's dad

Jets DE Shaun Ellis says he's ready to "face the music" after his pot arrest, as long as it's something mellow, like maybe some Marley or Mingus

Geek:
Car maker unveils a vehicle powered by household garbage. However, it can only reach 88 mph

US military's megawatt-class airborne laser passes another test, will soon demonstrate its destructive powers against Alderaan

Robotic device could help stroke patients. Giggity

Showbiz:
Guitarist suing Coldplay for plagiarism. Authorities baffled as to why he'd want credit

Jessica Simpson watches a Discovery Channel special on the Da Vinci Code and is now interested in Theology. Which is like watching Schoolhouse Rock and wanting to become a Senator

Bond's underwater Lotus sold at auction. New owner struggling to get the smell of fish from back seat

Politics:
Minnesota recount still in progress, officially surpassing Stuart Saves His Family as the longest, most tedious thing Al Franken is responsible for

Iraqi officials have finished debating what to do with Saddam Hussein's cousin "Chemical Ali", and the solution is they're going to barium

"India demands action from Pakistan." Pakistan hints that maybe India should try to be a bit more romantic from time to time. A shower couldn't hurt either

Business:
Ryanair boss circles and swirls, pokes and probes, contemplates taking another lick at Aer Lingus

Danish CEO wanted for fraud turns self in to Los Angeles police, escapes death when officers figure out he doesn't have a cream cheese center

While North America is shedding jobs, more people than ever required in the Yukon. Canadian government recommends you bring your driver's license so you can remember what sex you are when stuff freezes off
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