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Fark headlines of the week, November 10 - November 17. Come for the bungee headline; stay for the dig at the Maple Leafs 
Posted by Drew at 2008-11-17 2:22:36 PM, edited 2009-01-19 4:09:43 AM (69 comments) | Permalink
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7865 clicks; posted to Main » on 17 Nov 2008 at 2:50 PM (5 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Here's this week's top headlines. Great stuff as usual.

I wanted to take a quick opportunity to thank just a few of the MSM outlets that quoted Fark taglines recently. We really appreciate it. Everyone feel free to do the same, we don't mind a bit. Publicity is good.

Both the Seattle Times and the Las Vegas Review used our headline about the Detroit Lions moving to the 3-and-out offense. The LA Times loved our little ditty about Hendrix, while The Star-Tribune took note of the Domo-Kun sellout at Target and referenced the original Fark photoshop that started the craze. The Baltimore Sun enjoyed our headline about rugby players being inconvenienced during a match when a dead player was removed from the field. And of course, ABCNews is finally agreeing with what Fark has been preaching all along: Florida is stupid.

And we love the mentions and the use of our material, we encourage it. Please link back to us though (we're lookin' at you, MSN).

And for a little It's not Fark, It's News: here's the most important obscure thing that happened last week in case you missed it (and most people did, it's complicated). "Bretton Woods II". Material and research on this is scattershot on the web, for instance Wikipedia redirects "Bretton Woods System" to "2008 G-20 Washington Summit" but that's not exactly right, per se. So read up on that.

Okay, so here's the headlines:

Headlines of the Week, November 10 - November 16, 2008

20 facts about bungee jumping. 20 facts about bungee. 20 facts about. 20 facts. 20

Restraining order issued against Las Vegas' Valley Eye Center. To be written in the smallest font possible

German brothel offers free entry to anyone who gets its logo tattooed on his arm. Gives a whole new meaning to 'tramp stamps'

Doe, my deer, fell from my truck. Hey, just where the hell'd it go? See, anyone see my deer? Far, how far could it have gone?

Zoo janitor decides to give himself a promotion to animal feeder. He was delicious

Study shows same-sex heart transplants to be better. Hordes of people immediately begin attempts to disprove this finding in order to "preserve the sanctity of surgery"

Two arrested after trying to burn down the "Bottoms Up" strip club, charged with attempted arsen

Bag of bones found in Caylee Anthony case; authorites trying to rule out Calista Flockhart sighting

Iran test-fires surface-to-air photoshops

The economic crisis is so deep that bewildered administrators at Harvard are googling terms like "spending cut" and "budget" and "perrier-drinking twatwaffle"


Top Headline for each tab:

Sports:
Pair of Stanley Cup rings stolen in Toronto. Police still trying to determine what two Stanley Cup rings were doing in Toronto

Oakland Raiders offensive coordinator Greg Knapp stripped of play-calling duties. Raiders fans stunned to learn that plays were actually called and not just made up in the huddle, sandlot-style

Culpepper: "Tell me a play that usually works well for you guys and we'll do that." Smith: "... we punt pretty well?" Culpepper: "OK. Let's run up the middle three times and run that"

Business:
QVC to lay off 6 percent of workers. But if you call in now, they'll cut another 10 percent

Steve Jobs can fix American automakers, but the new cars will cost twice as much as Japanese ones, and come only in white

Best Buy cuts profit forecast, warns worst is yet to come, announces plans to change name to "Good Buy"

Geek:
Scientists believe 90 year old Lonesome George's new-found libido could save his species. Hope springs a turtle

Clown control to Mao Tse Tung (T-5)

Politicians want to "name and shame" ISPs who fail to remove offensive material, fail to realize ISPs know no shame

Showbiz:
Witness reports Rod Stewart and Robbie Williams nearly came to blows over Rachel Hunter. It is unclear who tried to blow who

Fox News Channel expected to thrive in Obama presidency as its legions of viewers band together for support against The Enemy, much like goths at the mall food court

Debbie Matenopoulos's husband files for divorce, custody of all remaining vowels

Politics:
Clinton aides say she learned as first lady how to be effective as a "backdoor diplomat", or at least that's what Bill called it

Bishops moving quickly, diagonally, to try to put the Freedom of Choice act into check

Putting his prison training to good use, former Rep. Mark Foley backs out of Today show interview


(Music and Video headlines are not included)
· · ·
(view entire blog)


69 Comments   (+0 »)
   
 
2008-11-17 02:37:40 PM
My personal favorite is that Leafs headline. I'm sorry, Toronto.
 
2008-11-17 02:42:29 PM
I like the clown one
 
2008-11-17 02:52:23 PM
Bungee Headline was awesome!
Bungee Headline was
Bungee Headline
Bungee
 
2008-11-17 02:52:40 PM
I like the one about the thing, and the other thing.
 
2008-11-17 02:53:26 PM
Unfreakable: I'm sorry, Toronto.

No you're not.
 
2008-11-17 02:53:38 PM
Unfreakable: My personal favorite is that Leafs headline. I'm sorry, Toronto.

Seconded. There were some Grade-A Prime headlines this time around, but that Leafs headline was pure kobe. I actually LOL'ed on that one.
 
2008-11-17 02:53:48 PM
Plane collides with small luggage vehicle at Detroit airport; driver avoids becoming carrion

http://forums.fark.com/cgi/fark/comments.pl?IDLink=4016253
 
2008-11-17 02:54:42 PM
Dr. Albert Schweitzer, Mother Teresa of Calcutta annd Dr. Leo Marvin!
 
2008-11-17 02:56:23 PM
HAH - Love the Toronto one ^_^
 
2008-11-17 02:59:37 PM
Zoo janitor decides to give himself a promotion to animal feeder. He was delicious.

Yeah, bad for the janitor, but I laughed like hell.
 
2008-11-17 02:59:44 PM
Twatwaffle.

/still giggling
 
2008-11-17 02:59:46 PM
Some good ones this week all round.
 
2008-11-17 03:00:23 PM
Ha ha! Leafs suck!
 
2008-11-17 03:00:53 PM
idrow: Zoo janitor decides to give himself a promotion to animal feeder. He was delicious.

Yeah, bad for the janitor, but I laughed like hell.


I second that. I have a feeling I'm gonna get fire over this site one day.

Maybe drew will give me a job.....
 
2008-11-17 03:02:30 PM
I know my headline sucks compared to the rest, I'm just happy to have mine listed with great company.
 
2008-11-17 03:02:33 PM
Until one of my headlines goes green, there will never be justice in this world.
 
2008-11-17 03:02:38 PM
40below: Some good ones this week all round.


How about you start a 40Below's Headlines of the Week? 10 seconds copying and pasting should work. Get to it.
 
2008-11-17 03:02:59 PM
Sorry, I'm going to say I'm slanted in favor of the Bishop one.

/Piece out.
 
2008-11-17 03:03:22 PM
Poppa Boner: Ha ha! Leafs suck!

The canadians should stick to french. I don't think they have the grammer thing down. That should be leaves.

How to spell canada in canadian.

C, eigh, n, eigh, d, eigh
 
2008-11-17 03:05:02 PM
pattonx: Unfreakable: My personal favorite is that Leafs headline. I'm sorry, Toronto.

Seconded. There were some Grade-A Prime headlines this time around, but that Leafs headline was pure kobe. I actually LOL'ed on that one.


He worked it in
Worked it in to look like that...
 
2008-11-17 03:09:11 PM
LessO2: I know my headline sucks compared to the rest, I'm just happy to have mine listed with great company.

Me too. My first time listed in headlines of the week!
 
2008-11-17 03:09:24 PM
 
2008-11-17 03:12:36 PM
TheJowens: That should be leaves.

If this was TF I'd know you were joking but out here I can't be sure so just to be safe...

*FACEPALM*

Take off eh?!
 
2008-11-17 03:13:20 PM
Trickinosis: Dr. Albert Schweitzer, Mother Teresa of Calcutta annd Dr. Leo Marvin!

Who are three people that have never been in my kitchen before?
 
2008-11-17 03:14:10 PM
What I thought of the Toronto headline:

i31.photobucket.com

/lives in Toronto
//all about the Raptors for me, tbh
 
2008-11-17 03:16:36 PM
cdn.faniq.com

/fan forever
 
2008-11-17 03:18:02 PM
Poppa Boner: TheJowens: That should be leaves.

If this was TF I'd know you were joking but out here I can't be sure so just to be safe...

*FACEPALM*

Take off eh?!


I'm sorry I don't play Team Fortress.
 
2008-11-17 03:18:43 PM
rotatingpies: Where's the Paul Simon-esque headline from the Politics tab?

"If you be my Climate Czar, I can be your long lost pal." "I say no thanks Barry, but Barry when you call me you can callllll meeeee Al. Call me Al"


yeah, this.
 
2008-11-17 03:19:18 PM
snake_beater: What I thought of the Toronto headline:



/lives in Toronto
//all about the Raptors for me, tbh


If you're a hot chick we should grab a beer. Especially if you live up to your user name. If you're a dude uh... the bulge in my pants is gout. Yeah that's the ticket.
 
2008-11-17 03:22:23 PM
sorry, but still gut laughing over the Bishops moving quickly, diagonally headline... farking brilliant I tells ya!!!
 
2008-11-17 03:22:29 PM
TheJowens: I'm sorry I don't play Team Fortress.

SUCK IT LITER!

I won't get to say that much longer...

suck it!
 
2008-11-17 03:26:22 PM
Strange that these don't have shirt icons next to them.
 
2008-11-17 03:27:01 PM
I really thought that my "TF Tech gurus: Wireless question DIT LGN" headline was a sure thing this week.

That shiat was comedy gold!
 
2008-11-17 03:27:40 PM
Eight days a week....
I loooooooooove fark
Eight days a week....
Is not enough, GBTW
 
2008-11-17 03:33:08 PM
Where is: "Obama is already sitting down with an unpopular, aggressive world leader without preconditions."
 
2008-11-17 03:34:52 PM
HAHA, yeah! Leaf headlines! Easiest freaking headlines to write ever! Instant green!!!

/I hate you all
 
2008-11-17 03:38:20 PM
Doran: /I hate you all

Don't out yourself as a Leafs fan dude. Not here, not anywhere. I'll leave you alone this once. Crap did I just make a stupid pun?!

*shoots self*
 
2008-11-17 03:46:40 PM
Stile4aly: Where is: "Obama is already sitting down with an unpopular, aggressive world leader without preconditions."

hmm, I was going to say, "that was last week," but it wasn't in last week's list either. it was posted on the 10th, so I guess it got missed in the cut-off. that might be a bug in the algorithm!
 
2008-11-17 03:46:40 PM
Poppa Boner: Doran: /I hate you all

Don't out yourself as a Leafs fan dude. Not here, not anywhere. I'll leave you alone this once. Crap did I just make a stupid pun?!

*shoots self*


I'm not a pussy. I'll face the haters. My profile clearly states my allegiance.
 
2008-11-17 03:46:54 PM
Stile4aly: Where is: "Obama is already sitting down with an unpopular, aggressive world leader without preconditions."

This.

I did lol at Doe, my deer, fell from my truck. Hey, just where the hell'd it go? See, anyone see my deer? Far, how far could it have gone?
 
2008-11-17 03:48:24 PM
rag819: LessO2: I know my headline sucks compared to the rest, I'm just happy to have mine listed with great company.

Me too. My first time listed in headlines of the week!


Same here!

Have the total farkers always had the Headlines of the Week or is this new for everyone?
 
2008-11-17 03:55:03 PM
Poppa Boner: If you're a hot chick we should grab a beer. Especially if you live up to your user name. If you're a dude uh... the bulge in my pants is gout. Yeah that's the ticket.

And you're certainly living up to yours.

/I am a dude, for the record
//god, this is awkward
 
2008-11-17 03:56:11 PM
Incredible Edible Tomatoman: Have the total farkers always had the Headlines of the Week or is this new for everyone?

We are not at liberty to discuss this.
 
2008-11-17 04:00:51 PM
ArbitraryConstant: No you're not.

Not entirely. But my issue is with myopic team fans more than the city they come from. There are plenty in Denver, and in addition to them I like to rag on teams like the Leafs, Raiders, Cubs, Dolphins, etc.

Choo-Choo Bear: Plane collides with small luggage vehicle at Detroit airport; driver avoids becoming carrion

A great headline, just couldn't compete with a number of better headlines this week. Lots and lots of puns and plays on words this week.

LessO2: I know my headline sucks compared to the rest, I'm just happy to have mine listed with great company.

Looking at your greenlights, you really have the knack. Damn good work, there.

40below: Some good ones this week all round.

Quite right.

rotatingpies: Where's the Paul Simon-esque headline from the Politics tab?

Quite strong, just not quite strong enough. Good headline, though.
 
2008-11-17 04:03:42 PM
Stile4aly: Where is: "Obama is already sitting down with an unpopular, aggressive world leader without preconditions."

It's not funny standing alone. It's only funny in context with the article it was linked to.
 
2008-11-17 04:07:47 PM
Everything about Toronto is laughable so why should the headline be any different.
 
2008-11-17 04:10:13 PM
rag819: LessO2: I know my headline sucks compared to the rest, I'm just happy to have mine listed with great company.

Me too. My first time listed in headlines of the week!



Me too, too. My first green, as well. Never thought that would happen. Hope springs a turtle, I guess.
 
2008-11-17 04:11:04 PM
Unfreakable: rotatingpies: Where's the Paul Simon-esque headline from the Politics tab?

Quite strong, just not quite strong enough. Good headline, though.


Boo!

;)
 
2008-11-17 04:12:04 PM
Incredible Edible Tomatoman: Have the total farkers always had the Headlines of the Week or is this new for everyone?

New feature.
 
2008-11-17 04:19:29 PM
www.guesthouse.ca

/obligatory
//twatwaffle!
 
2008-11-17 04:24:25 PM
Day_Old_Dutchie: pattonx: Unfreakable: My personal favorite is that Leafs headline. I'm sorry, Toronto.

Seconded. There were some Grade-A Prime headlines this time around, but that Leafs headline was pure kobe. I actually LOL'ed on that one.

He worked it in
Worked it in to look like that...


Was it in his 50 Mission cap?

/89x + The Hip = Awesome music to grow up to
 
2008-11-17 04:30:33 PM
Unfreakable: Looking at your greenlights, you really have the knack. Damn good work, there.

Can TFers can see all of the greenlights by an individual, or are you going by approved number?

/too poor to be a TFer right now to find out
 
2008-11-17 04:31:17 PM
LessO2: Can TFers can see all of the greenlights by an individual, or are you going by approved number?

TFers can't, but admins can.
 
2008-11-17 04:44:28 PM
snake_beater: //god, this is awkward

DUDE I SWEAR IT'S GOUT!!
 
2008-11-17 04:50:39 PM
Poppa Boner: snake_beater: //god, this is awkward

DUDE I SWEAR IT'S GOUT!!


You do realize you could've saved us the embarrassment just by checking my profile, right? :p

/remember: there are no girls on the internet
//...still wanna grab that beer?
 
2008-11-17 05:05:07 PM
question: is there any way to find out what the headline i submitted and was accepted was? it was so long ago, and i have o idea any more.
 
2008-11-17 05:05:31 PM
snake_beater: //...still wanna grab that beer?

You're not gonna talk about sports all night are ya?

/wants to have a fark party at the Cloak and Dagger
 
2008-11-17 05:13:16 PM
TheJowens:

The canadians should stick to french. I don't think they have the grammer thing down. That should be leaves.

How to spell canada in canadian.



Grammar. GrammAr. Grammer is a television actor. And capitalize the first letter of Canada and Canadian, while you're at it.

/oh never mind...*facepalm*
 
TSD [TotalFark]
2008-11-17 05:31:33 PM
Less02, check ur profile
 
2008-11-17 05:35:51 PM
shlabotnik: Twatwaffle.

/still giggling


That makes it a twatrofl
 
2008-11-17 05:37:43 PM
Poppa Boner: the Cloak and Dagger

I cloaked her alrighty, I cloaked her good, but I never did dagger.
 
2008-11-17 05:56:40 PM
thoughtpol: question: is there any way to find out what the headline i submitted and was accepted was? it was so long ago, and i have o idea any more.

If you shoot an email to Farkback, they should be able to help you.
 
2008-11-17 05:57:32 PM
Poppa Boner: You're not gonna talk about sports all night are ya?

/wants to have a fark party at the Cloak and Dagger


Well, that depends on whatever the topic is.

/just looking for a chance to get out, that's all
//and maybe score (natch)
 
2008-11-17 06:09:13 PM
snake_beater: /just looking for a chance to get out, that's all

I usually head up there on sat nights for last call. Harass me in one of the threads if you plan on coming out. I'm usually in the more retarded threads. It's more or less College and Bathurst area on College st if you don't know where it is. I also play there with my Celtic band the last friday of every month. I'll be the 6'5" dude in black drunk off his ass. Cheers!
 
2008-11-17 06:35:05 PM
i live in toronto and HATE the leafs - that jab was certainly well deserved.

/Go Habs
 
2008-11-17 06:37:17 PM
Does it matter that one of the headlines of the week is a verbatim joke from the actual article?

The Culpepper/Lions "We punt really well" one.
 
2008-11-17 07:00:54 PM
TSD THANKS! You da man!

Seriously...thanks.
 
2008-11-17 08:39:22 PM
Unfreakable: Stile4aly: Where is: "Obama is already sitting down with an unpopular, aggressive world leader without preconditions."

It's not funny standing alone. It's only funny in context with the article it was linked to.


oi! which one of you farkers did this?

punditkitchen.files.wordpress.com
 
2008-11-18 03:19:19 AM
Okay, I LOLed at the headlines, but I also wanted to thank Fark (Drew?) for posting the article about Breton Woods II. Interesting stuff.
 
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