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Congratulations to the winners of Fark's 2008 Headline of the Year contest 
Posted by Drew at 2009-01-01 10:31:24 AM (156 comments) | Permalink
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by Unfreakable

Welcome to Fark's Headline of the Year contest for 2008. We began putting this together a few years ago to give special recognition to the funny submitters that have given us all so many laughs over the course of the year, and also as a way to recap some of our favorites. Although there are a lot of funny headlines here, there are a lot more that were great but ultimately didn't get enough votes to make this contest. We listed those quarterfinals threads after the winning threads below if you want to check them out. Below are the results of the Headline of the Year contest based on your votes.



The Top Twenty Headlines of 2008:

20: PETA activist changes her name from Rachel Feather to Rachel FishingHurts. One letter off from a new career in porn img.fark.net

19: A Cambridgeshire church has lost its "Spitting Vicar". The English language, however, has gained another euphemism for "Penis" img.fark.net

18: Explosion at winery leaves workers weak bodied with a rich red hue, containing discernible hints of charred debris and strong character best described as dead img.fark.net

17: Last German WWI veteran dies at age 107. WE WIN img.fark.net

16: Woman who had phone sex with a man claims he raped her... over the phone. Man says that is impossible, he doesn't even work for Verizon img.fark.net

15: Teacher found guilty of cramming 13 people at once into his Volvo. Paris Hilton congratulates him on breaking her record before realizing she misunderstood the statement img.fark.net

14: 2 charged in stabbing of 3. In related news, 6 in hiding over fears that 7 8 9 img.fark.net

13: Gerbil causes 3-car accident; article doesn't say which gere he was in at the time img.fark.net

12: Father of two crushed to death after falling into printing press. This story is continued on Pages 3, 4, 9 and 10 img.fark.net

11: MILFish math teacher learns that 17 does not go into 35 without a serious remainder img.fark.net

10: Now that certain words -- like the other word for donkey -- must be filtered on the Internet: President Abraham Lincoln was buttbuttinated by an armed buttailant after a life devoted to the reform of the U.S. consbreastution img.fark.net

9: Disagreements shake Djibouti. Shake, shake, shake. Shake, shake, shake. Shake Djibouti img.fark.net

8: Oral sex study finds that people only read the first two words of web headlines img.fark.net

7: Two swimmers dead, Juan Moore missing img.fark.net

6: Smoking named 'the most offensive thing you can do in someone else's house', narrowly edging out "their wife" img.fark.net

5: Baptist minister calls birth control "murder." Your mom's face now a crime scene img.fark.net

4: One armed girl swims circles around competition img.fark.net

3: You are what your mother eats. So, if you turn out to be a bit of a dick, you know why img.fark.net

2: "Spam King" sentenced to 47 months of having his inbox filled with unsolicited male img.fark.net

And the #1 Headline of 2008 is:

1: Five killed and dozens injured in perfume factory fire. EAU DE HUMANITY img.fark.net


Headline candidates for each quarter:

January - March

April - June

July - September

October - December


· · ·
(view entire blog)


156 Comments   (+0 »)
   

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2009-01-01 11:00:37 AM
Tuesday 12/30 was Fark's 2008 Headline of the Year contest. We also had our annual Headline of the Year contests for the main subtabs (Sports, Geek, Showbiz, Politics and Business) yesterday. For those of you who missed those contests, they can be found here (all links pop):

Headline of the Year: http://forums.fark.com/cgi/fark/comments.pl?IDLink=4112940

Headline of the Year - Sports: http://forums.fark.com/cgi/fark/comments.pl?IDLink=4115090
Headline of the Year - Geek: http://forums.fark.com/cgi/fark/comments.pl?IDLink=4115234
Headline of the Year - Showbiz: http://forums.fark.com/cgi/fark/comments.pl?IDLink=4115390
Headline of the Year - Politics: http://forums.fark.com/cgi/fark/comments.pl?IDLink=4115491
Headline of the Year - Business: http://forums.fark.com/cgi/fark/comments.pl?IDLink=4115715
Headline of the Year - Wordplay/Puns: http://forums.fark.com/cgi/fark/comments.pl?IDLink=4115996

Sadly, the voting is now closed, but you can still go back through those if you'd like a good laugh, and-if you missed them-which ones you'd have picked.

Now, based on your votes, here are the winners of Fark's 2008 Headline of the Year contest:
 
2009-01-01 12:18:57 PM
Headline of the Year: Five killed and dozens injured in perfume factory fire. EAU DE HUMANITY
(submitter: Toshiro Mifune's Letter Opener)

Runner-up: "Spam King" sentenced to 47 months of having his inbox filled with unsolicited male
(submitter: slim pickens)


Sports tab Headline of the Year: After hours of squealing and grunting, a sweaty Maria Sharapova finally licks Ana Ivanovic Down Under
(submitter: I_Approve_Of_This_Message)

Runner-up: One armed swimmer nearly completes swimming the English Channel until someone waves at him
(submitter: daveinaz)


Geek tab Headline of the Year: Scientists create rubber that repairs itself. Your parents wish they had had this
(submitter: GoGoGo)

Runner-up: Three steps to get drugs out of your drinking water. Cool, but what do we do with all the leftover water?
(submitter: time2sow)


Showbiz tab Headline of the Year: George Takei to marry long term partner. Wedding planner sets phasers to stunning
(submitter: Taleya)

Runner-up: Queen guitarist Brian May completes his doctoral thesis in astrophysics, proving link between rotation of the Earth and human females with ample gluteal regions
(submitter: Cordwainer Deathbird)


Politics tab Headline of the Year: "Obama tax plan will retard growth, job creation" as opposed to Palin's plan of job growth and retard creation
(submitter: Schadenfreude ist die schoenste Freude)

Runner-up: Alaska's black population says he has felt ignored by Palin
(submitter: cfffffgagffacfacfacfacfacccccfcaaffff)


Business tab Headline of the Year: Toyota recalls 90,000 of 90,001 Highlanders for obvious reason
(submitter: NetOwl)

Runner-up: Blind CEO first to lead blind organization. The only things he can't do are A) drive a car, B) fly an airplane and C)
(submitter: Sique)

Pun/Wordplay Headline of the Year: Harsh winters drive away all but heartiest birds. Won't somebody please think of the chilled wren?
(submitter: wegro froestu)

Runner-up: Man dies in monkey attack as primates tear him into rhesus pieces
(submitter: 40below)


Congratulations and kudos to the winners!
 
2009-01-01 12:44:38 PM
Good jorb, people. I'm keeping my eye on all of you.
 
2009-01-01 12:44:40 PM
Great stuff here gang!
 
2009-01-01 12:45:38 PM
Thief! Thief, TMLO! We hates it, we hates it, we hates it forever!
 
2009-01-01 01:02:26 PM
Congratulations, submitters! An excellent year for headlines, an excellent year.
 
2009-01-01 01:06:20 PM
40below: Good jorb, people. I'm keeping my eye on all of you.

You are the Mother Ginger of all headline writer wannabees, honey. I wish I could be 1/10th as good as you.

and congrats to TMLO. It's theatre time.
 
2009-01-01 01:09:06 PM
And you all thought TMLO was a one trick pony.
 
2009-01-01 01:09:25 PM
I knew the politics winner would take it as soon as I read it when it was submitted. funny stuff
 
2009-01-01 01:20:24 PM
Good jeorb, submitters. So, are you all in morning radio?
 
2009-01-01 01:35:49 PM
Good job TMLO! Didn't even know that you had submitted that one. Congrats to all.
 
2009-01-01 01:56:14 PM
farm4.static.flickr.com

/This is as it should be, good job TMLO
 
2009-01-01 02:05:22 PM
I submitted those with a better headline.
 
2009-01-01 02:06:01 PM
Holy hand grenade, TMLO, I knew you had a great sense of humor dude, but I didn't even know you submitted articles. Congrats!
 
2009-01-01 02:06:12 PM
Those were good, but the best ones didn't make the cut.

I still think "Two swimmers dead, Juan Moore missing" was robbed.
 
2009-01-01 02:06:21 PM
WTH? I submitted the same headline that won for Business. Well congratulations to NetOwl for winning.
 
2009-01-01 02:07:14 PM
Wow, I haven't submitted anything is so long. I can't even get a chance to say that i submitted something with a better headline.

Congrats to all.
 
2009-01-01 02:08:15 PM
Unfreakable: Headline of the Year: Five killed and dozens injured in perfume factory fire. EAU DE HUMANITY
(submitter: Toshiro Mifune's Letter Opener)


Hooray, TMLO!!!!
 
2009-01-01 02:08:31 PM
BTW, congratulations everyone. Especially Toshiro Mifune's Letter Opener.

Any chance we can has another edition of TMLO Theater, plz?
 
2009-01-01 02:09:23 PM
EchoMike: Those were good, but the best ones didn't make the cut.

I still think "Two swimmers dead, Juan Moore missing" was robbed.


Agreed. People had to read the article to realized the beauty of that headline.

Congrats all.
 
2009-01-01 02:12:49 PM
Do they win any fabulous prizes?
 
2009-01-01 02:12:53 PM
Just dropped by to offer kudos the smitty of the year, despite the headline being a cliche. Of course, the entire voting just goes to show that farkers love old cliches, poking fun at retards and "Yo momma!" jokes.
 
2009-01-01 02:13:05 PM
Did they ever find Juan Moore?
 
2009-01-01 02:13:30 PM
Repeats.
 
2009-01-01 02:14:31 PM
I just want to throw an honorable mention out there for the headline to the story about the music group Yes canceling their tour:

"No".

Still chuckle over that one. But all of the about are great, thanks for the laughs.
 
2009-01-01 02:17:26 PM
So what is the prize for the winners? Free year of Total Fark?
 
2009-01-01 02:22:00 PM
EchoMike: BTW, congratulations everyone. Especially Toshiro Mifune's Letter Opener.

Any chance we can has another edition of TMLO Theater, plz?


Did we end up getting a Christmas edition? If we did, I missed it....

\the DO NOT WANT dog in There Will Be Blood is still my all-time favorite
 
2009-01-01 02:24:32 PM
MIguy: So what is the prize for the winners? Free year of Total Fark?

The runner up gets two free years of TF.
 
2009-01-01 02:25:18 PM
BTW, congrats all!
 
2009-01-01 02:29:57 PM
...rhesus pieces

I peed a little.
 
2009-01-01 02:30:35 PM
Congratulations TMLO, well deserved, that's a really great headline, and was my favorite of the year.
 
2009-01-01 02:31:31 PM
To be truthful, I found pretty much every other headline funnier than the one that won.
 
2009-01-01 02:34:52 PM
Marley: The runner up gets two free years of TF.

I see what you did there.
 
2009-01-01 02:36:28 PM
outback_rebel: To be truthful, I found pretty much every other headline funnier than the one that won.

Agreed. The winner was certainly clever, but in the "oh that's kinda cool I guess" way, not the "omg that is a genius headline!!" way.

Best was definitely the Juan Moore one!
 
2009-01-01 02:36:48 PM
What year did the ever-famous "Clown Car/Vagina" headline occur?
 
2009-01-01 02:37:02 PM
Boooooo...Juan Moore still missing.

Congrats, all.
 
2009-01-01 02:37:19 PM
Congrats to TMLO and all the rest of the winners. Fantastic jobs all around.

...Pun and wordplay are my favorites. Well done, wegro froestu and of course, 40below.
 
2009-01-01 02:42:00 PM
For those unfamiliar with TMLO brand of insanity, I offer this:

i26.photobucket.com

and this:

i26.photobucket.com

/props to all the winners...you are far more clever than I'll ever be
 
2009-01-01 02:47:24 PM
All excellent, but more accurate if #20 was best, on down from there.
 
2009-01-01 02:50:39 PM
darkhorse23: 40below: Good jorb, people. I'm keeping my eye on all of you.

You are the Mother Ginger of all headline writer wannabees, honey. I wish I could be 1/10th as good as you.

and congrats to TMLO. It's theatre time.


for the record, your Butthole Surfers headline won headline of the year in my book


but yeah, good job 40below keep cranking like,10 headlines a day
 
2009-01-01 02:50:51 PM
congrats TMLO!

/cue your Sally Field acceptance speech...
 
2009-01-01 02:52:14 PM
Cornwell: Of course, the entire voting just goes to show that farkers love old cliches, poking fun at retards and "Yo momma!" jokes.

And each other.

TMLO, congrats.


I think Cordwainer Deathbird's was great!
 
2009-01-01 02:53:57 PM
TMLO wins the final countdown!

Congrats man!
 
2009-01-01 02:53:58 PM
They should all be given a free copy of their headline on a t-shirt.
 
2009-01-01 02:57:58 PM
I REALLY wish the t-shirts looked more identical to the layout from the front page (complete with a comment count, moebius strip or checkmark or something). I would totally buy 2 of the shirts if the layouts were the same.

Showbiz HOTY and TMFO's HOTY are pure gold!

and a multiple headline ability ONLY for the ones that had 'followups' would also be awesome.
 
2009-01-01 03:00:38 PM
Happy to have even gotten to the quarterfinals once and the finals once for the first time. Thanks to one and all for helping me raise my comedic game.

/the "hello muddah / hello faddah" subby from August
//the politics peace-sign/hammer-and-sickle subby also
 
2009-01-01 03:01:25 PM
outback_rebel: To be truthful, I found pretty much every other headline funnier than the one that won.

I must say, this
 
2009-01-01 03:03:30 PM
#18 deserved to win. You people have no class.
 
2009-01-01 03:04:33 PM
Another +1 to TMLO. Had no idea that brilliant headline was his.
 
2009-01-01 03:04:55 PM
oregoncat: I submitted those with a better headline.

I submitted that thought with a better comment.
 
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