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Two small mediums at large, beef that cuts itself, and why a python will spend the next four months compiling: some of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 3/2 - 3/8
Posted by Unfreakable at 2014-03-11 2:33:07 PM (0 comments) | Permalink
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1614 clicks; posted to Main » on 11 Mar 2014 at 2:42 PM (2 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Headlines of the Week, everybody. Hope one of yours is in there this week.

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2014-03-02 to Sat 2014-03-08:

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Mother, 53, arrested for battering daughter, 25, with used diaper, complains it's a bum wrap  

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Sixteen dead horses found on Georgia farm. Man facing charges, rental requests from U.S. House of Representatives  

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Police launch statewide investigation of pictures of naked teen girls, promise to continue a full and thorough investigation until they're either completely exhausted or the chafing prevents them from continuing  

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  The headline that defines Australia: Man lost on own property after drinking beers, following dingo  

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  A pair of female hypnotists in Germany are putting victims into a trance before robbing them. Local police report there are two small mediums at large  

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Al Gore hired Lord of the Rings director Peter Jackson to direct this winter's weather. How else do you explain why it's had five logical endings, yet it just keeps going  

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Chimpanzees and children show different expressions when faced with impossible problems, suggesting that either determination is a uniquely human trait, or monkeys have just gotten used to scientists screwing with them  

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Blind man robbery suspect arrested. He would have gotten away with it if it hadn't been for that wall, the stairs, a couple of trees  

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Legoland receives threats, most likely plastic explosives  

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  British man gets suspended sentence after being caught trying to have sex with a cow and a sheep in front of a couple having a romantic picnic. Did that couple ever think maybe they were disturbing this poor man's romantic evening?  

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Book returned to Kansas library after 21 years...Dewey prosecute him?  


Sports:

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Jacksonville Jaguars start up a new fan initiative "Jags365", under the failed premise that anyone wants to think about the Jaguars more than they have to  

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Aaron Hernandez charged after beating defenseless opponent. Surprisingly the victim wasn't the Buffalo Bills  

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  ʇǝǝɹƃ puɐ ʇǝǝɯ ɐ puɐ sʇǝʞɔᴉʇ ƃuᴉɹǝɟɟo ʎq suɐɟ ɹᴉǝɥʇ oʇ dn ʇᴉ sǝʞɐɯ ɯɐǝʇ ɹǝɔɔos ɐ 'soƃol uʍop ǝpᴉsdn ɥʇᴉʍ sʇɹᴉɥs ƃuᴉʇuᴉɹd ʎllɐʇuǝpᴉɔɔɐ ɹǝʇɟ∀  


Geek:

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Research involving two strains of rats, cans of vanilla frosting, and a theory have helped to find a cure for binge eating, because apparently the best way to put someone off snacking is to give them a vanilla frosted rat  

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Python swallows crocodile whole, will spend next four months compiling  

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Researchers find that cows who survive an encounter with wolves can suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder-like symptoms. But, hey, at least you get beef that cuts itself  


Entertainment:

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Man who claims to be Michael Jackson's long lost son is going public with DNA evidence to back up his claim. Though to be fair, this isn't the first time a young man has reported he was filled with Michael Jackson's DNA  

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  The bike from "Pee Wee's Big Adventure" is for sale. Asking price is currently $25,000, but maybe they'll whack off a little for you  

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  A tornado, an elderly driver, a Johnny Carson sex tape. *opens envelope* What are three frightening things that have hit the market?  


Politics:

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  There's an ancient Vulcan proverb: Only Kerry could go to Kiev  

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Garry Kasparov blasts Obama's response to the Russian military presence in the Ukraine, says the troops should start with the Ruy Lopez, followed by the Queen's Gambit and end with the Sicilian Defense  

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  California gubernatorial candidate compares Obama to Hitler, Stalin, Mao, Kim Jong Il, King George III, Klingons, Vader, Attila the Hun, Genghis Khan, Pol Pot, Ma Kettle, Hugo Black, Caligula, Nero, the Borg, and...Methodists  


Business:

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Home Depot's new president is being groomed as CEO. It's nice to see that there is still a chance to make it to the top from being just below the top  

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Cerberus to buy Safeway, says it will develop plan to allow customers through the door  

[image from img.fark.net too old to be available]  Once again, Sbarro files for sbankruptcy
· · ·


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